So, my boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and he recently asked me to sell my horse to help him buy a new car. My horse is my absolute best friend and has been with me through thick and thin. I told him no, and now he's super pissed and says I’m not being supportive. He argues that a car is more practical and that I’m being selfish. I get that cars are useful, but my horse is like family to me. Am I really the asshole here for choosing my horse over his car?
Seriously. He needs to pony up the dough for his own ride.
He doesn’t want to be saddled with the debt.
That should spur him on to save
He needs to accept he can’t afford a Mustang or a Charger on his Pinto budget.
If he were to rein in his expenditure he could save for a car, one with plenty of horse power too.
This relationship may not last furlong
I'm hoarse from all the neighing.
There is something not up to trot with this boyfriend.
This doesn’t sound like a stable relationship.
OP is in for a wild ride
I don't know why she's saddled with him.
I hope she lassos someone better.
Seems like things are already tailing off, so...
She needs to gal up and move on.
This guy can’t be her mane man
Take this. 🏆 That was magnificent!
I canter-magine going through with this.
Hay-ll no!
OP's bf needs to canter off with that horseshit
🥇🏆🥇
Agreed. That is a bunch of horse crap
NTA. Why the hell would you sell your horse to help him buy a car. If he can't afford the car himself then he shouldn't buy a car. You're not being selfish. He is asking for something unreasonable.
Agreed!
NTA
That’s like asking someone to give up their dog or cat so he can buy a car. Just no.
I know too many people who had a spouse or fiance that demanded they get rid of their animals. Every person who did that regretted it. The person was alway jealous of the animal. It's a control issue, just like isolating the person from friends and family.
One of my late mother's biggest regrets was rehoming a dog when my father gave her an ultimatum. She said she'd have been better off keeping the dog. They ended up divorced anyway.
Meanwhile I'm over here convinced that the main reason my husband married me is that his cat (who previously hated / was terrified of anyone but him) actually likes me, lol.
Aww. You are the cat's chosen one.
Don't worry; the cat will never allow him to divorce you.
Now I want a Pixar film of a rocky new relationship and a cat doing it's best in the background to make everything work because they really like the new human hanging around😅
May I introduce you to the 6 minute short “Feast” on Disney+. It’s a dog, not a cat. Similar story, though. :)
Omg yay, Im excited to watch! But also I've never had an original thought ever 😅
Edit: She’s the cat’s chosen spare human.
Sounds like the husband got demote and she got a Promotion.
A cat is a perfectly reasonable barometer for a life partner. Makes total sense.
Yep, my cat loves my partner.
My cat Tiger didn’t like my ex-bf. He would tolerate a few pets but then walk off. Or he’d be sitting with me all happy, bf would sit next to me, Tiger would leave.
First time my now-husband comes to my house and sits down, Tiger jumps in his lap. He knew ex wasn’t a good person but Spouse was.
Everyone my cat hated was out of my life almost immediately. I trusted his opinion a lot more than a persons cause he was always right! Lol
I think I won major kudos with my cat loving friends when I visited and their cat immediately lay down next to me and snuggled (when they don't normally do that with strangers).
He trusted his cat’s opinion… was he wrong?
Well we've added 4 more since we got together so.... Lol
My super shy cat loves my boyfriend more than me now that we live together lol
I like to say "Your son!" When he's acting up
That's what happened with my hubby and my old cat. They developed a super bond in a very short time. I knew I'd found the right one when Miles loved him enough to sit on his lap.
I had a coworker give away her old Labrador that she’d had for like ten years, who helped her get through a tough divorce and several big breakups, all because her new boyfriend preferred the expensive boxer puppy that he bought. She found some random person to give him to by posting a local Facebook ad. I didn’t think I could dislike her more than I already did at that point.
That’s horrible!! I hope she is suffering
You and me both, as petty as that sounds. She casually brought up what she had done in a discussion about how my lab was acting out more (getting into the trash, getting food from the counters) because I was pregnant. She suggested I “give him a new home” too. My solution was baby gates to block access to the kitchen, not getting rid of my pet, whom I had adopted from a rescue shelter.
To be honest, I knew her boyfriend (now husband) was a controlling jerk from the first time I met him. He and I come from the same culture and he fits a horrible pattern that I’ve seen: machismo, got to do whatever while his parents expected his sister of the same age to cook and clean and had limited ability to go out (they were both over 30 and living at home), angry if he didn’t get what he wanted, short guy with a complex. I felt sad for her because her ex had also been abusive and controlling.
But honestly, I still feel worse for her dog.
She had about six years between her divorce and this new guy and she fixed what she thought was wrong on the outside rather than working on herself emotionally. She lost a lot of weight, started boxing, covered herself in tattoos, changed her hair, straightened her teeth (should have gotten veneers; she had like five dead teeth in the front, and we worked for a major tech company with incredible benefits).
I had a friend growing up that got a girl pregnant and married and moved I'm with her. She had a cat. He hated it for some reason. Told her to get rid of it. She refused. The one time we're there drinking and he grabs the cat and starts trying to force a shot of 99 bananas down its throat we all go what the fucknis wrong with you. And he stopped and said the cats an asshole. Months later catndies from liver failure. We all give him shit constantly and call him out for killing cat. He denied it to no end. And would never own up to it. Shit is fucked up and so are people.
I can't even imagine. I'm glad I don't have room in my bed for a man because my dog sleeps on the other half😉🤣
OP would be better rehoming her BF....
Pfft, if my wife asked me to get rid of my fluffy Boi, I'd ask her for a divorce on the spot. Hell, she hates my cat, but she's never asked me to get rid of him either.
My dad once got pissed off at the cat doing what cats do -- he left his dinner on the counter and came back to the cat dragging off a piece of pizza -- and told my mother "Either the cat goes or I go."
Her response? "You're gonna look awful funny sitting in a kennel at the shelter."
A friend of mine had a dog that was very attached to her, and jealous of her boyfriend (later husband). Like if they were sitting together the dog would worm its way between then and then start creating space by pushing him away with all four feet.
So what did her husband (who dislikes dogs) do? Grumbled about the dog, sure, but he cleaned up the messes it left (it was incontinent in its old age) and made certain it had a supply of treats even if the dog would only accept them from his wife — because he loved her and the dog made her happy.
My husband and I argue over who loves the dogs the most/the dogs love the most and that’s the only arguement that you should have concerning pets.
Except at night when the dog is trying to push us off the bed to spread out, then it’s “well it’s your dog” “no it’s your dog before morning” to justify which one of us has to move over for him
Hear, hear!!
I disagree, we don’t argue about getting another pet but sometimes it’s what’s the name, or color of collar types of toys and treats…. You know …the important things.
Someone once asked me if I’d ever give up my dogs for a partner. (Totally hypothetical; they weren’t asking me to do it, just whether I ever would.)
Absolutely not. Never.
If my partner asked me to give up my dogs (or any pet), then they are, by default, the wrong person for me. Why would I abandon my dogs for the wrong person?
“What if they’re the right person? What if they develop severe allergies?”
Then we are no longer compatible.
To sell them for money (I mean, dogs aren’t the same monetary value as a horse, but let’s just lean into the scenario) to buy my partner something because they can’t afford it on their own, so they think I should sacrifice my heart and soul to fund their lifestyle?
They’d be lucky if all I did was end the relationship.
CONTROL. He wants to control you OP.
Give up your horse - Give up your life.
Beyond your time, he wants all of your money. Where is his own f’ing job with his own f’ing money to buy his own f’ing car … that you aren’t gonna be allowed to use even though you bought it. And pay for the repairs and gas.
The choice is yours to make. I hope you choose the right one.
Bingo, absolutely correct.
No one who loves you would ask you to make a sacrifice like this. Sorry OP but I think you need a new boyfriend.
I agree, keep the horse and ditch the boyfriend.
Sounds like the making of a good Country song 🎵
Moderator removed comment
30d
Just push him out. If he's got any decent qualities, slow down to about 20, but the way this is sounding, don't hit the brakes, just open that door and push!
leave the gun, grab the cannoli
🎵 Save the horse, ditch the man boy 🎵
Exactly, this guy is bad news.
Dude's had 3 years to realize how important that horse is to her. If he doesn't get it by now, he fundamentally doesn't understand her
He knows. Knowing and caring are different.
That's kind of the point, he wants to confirm his power over her by demanding she give up something she loves dearly for his benefit alone.
And because he is bad news - and her BF for 3 years - OP had better make certain that the BF has no access to wherever the horse is being stabled, just in case he tries to sell it behind her back (is this possible in the horse world?)…or something worse
Horses get stolen and sold at livestock markets all the time.
Or the paperwork for ownership of the horse.....
'How to lose 180 lb in a day!"
Yeah, it's a pretty extreme situation where that could be considered reasonable, definitely not anything like this.
His point about practicality is absurd. It's not like either of you are riding the horse as your form of daily transportation; they are two different categories even if they were in the same budget. Having a horse is expensive, so even as a pet and a hobby the total it's an expensive choice, but it's your choice and your money/resources.
OP, why are you responsible for paying for his new car anyway? Unless you split finances (completely, not just on his stuff or living expenses), I don't see why you'd have any obligation or duty to pay for it, even if you had the money for it in a bank account. Therefore, in addition to your boyfriend being completely wrong, self-centered, uncaring, unreasonable, and hurtful to you in this demand, he also acting entitled (to something he isn't entitled to).
My guess is that he feels entitled to your money and other resources without contributing much himself. (It doesn't need to be monetary contribution, it just has to be fair in a way you both agree.) I'm also guessing he sees this as an opportunity to get you to spend less of your resources on the horse/riding/anything horse-related and assumes all that will now be for him as well. Both of these are assumptions, though, for you to hopefully think in if they apply or not - nobody can tell from the post alone.
Good luck, OP! I hope you have many beautiful and enjoyable rides with your best friend for years to come!
Just give up the boyfriend.
What's next? Sell your granny so I can buy a boat? Why isn't he checking his assets to see what he can sell to buy himself something? Why isn't he taking on another job? Why does OP have to give up something she loves and possibly something that takes up some of her time, to buy this jealous AH a car?
I'd kill someone before giving up my cat. My boy is always 1st
Yeah and when she said no he started in on the manipulation. Dump the bf, keep the horse.
THIS! I would say dump him. He doesn’t care about and wants you to drop a hobby that brings you joy! Hell no.
This is more than a hobby, it’s a living being that OP made a commitment to care for. Most people who have pets consider them to be members of the family. We do not sell off our family members because somebody else feels like we should buy them something expensive.
The horse isn't the hobby. The horse is the partner who shares the hobby.
Accessory to horsing around.
Well I have a couple of human family members I would gladly sell off for the extra $$$. I would feel bad to the people who bought them though.
Exactly!!!
Horses are not hobby animals. It’s a way of life.
Dump him and buy another horse
I agree with the sentiment I just wanna stress that horses are so much more than a hobby. They are a whole life commitment and can live for a long time.
Owning a horse isn’t a hobby, but riding a horse can be one.
yep. But she clearly said she’s an owner so you know that’s a lifestyle
Living thing
Exactly! OP, why does he think its your responsibility to buy him a car?? Wtf?! I can't believe this is his only insane narcissistic demand. OP find a new bf, hopefully one with his own car! NTA
NTA. I had an appy and when I was going to be married I told my SO that we were a package deal, my horse comes with me, non-negotiable. When I take on the responibility of caring for an animal, it' s for as long as they live. I never give them up
Yep. Anyone—ANYONE—who asked me to give up my cats would be kicked to the curb.
Preferably by the horse.
/s (mostly)
In medicine we refer to an appendectomy as an appy. Your post read so weird to me!
He is displaying an astounding lack of empathy. This would be a deal breaker for me. “Sorry bud, I’m much more attached to the horse than I am to you. Guess you gotta go. Bye.”
Agreed! They are not married, their finances are not intertwined. If they break up he's going to bug out with the car and she'll never see her money again.
I really hope most of these relationship questions are fake because it is pants-on-head insane how many OPs seriously consider these enormously risky, one-sided financial transactions with a BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND.
Or loans exist. Lots of people get them to buy cars.
And they aren’t married.
If she sells the horse and gives him money for a car he can dump her or chest the next day and she has nothing.
At least if they were married the car would be a marital asset. And even then I wouldn’t sell the horse!
Ask him to sell his car to get another horse. His car isn’t practical, he can just use Uber or yours and your horse needs a friend.
Based on what I've heard about horse people and the limited experience I have with my neighbors who have them I'm surprised he'd even ask. People with horses are horse people, it is a huge part of their life.
Besides the horse, I’d like to know what other unreasonable request he’s willing to make from her.
Because once she capitulates on this, 😱
What does your horse have to do with him buying a car? If he can’t afford the car, then he can’t get it.
He basically just asked her to cook her cat for a sandwich for him.
And he's just a boyfriend too! I could see discussing selling the horse to finance a car for the family but this guy is gone once be gets that car.
If he wants a car he can fucking save fucking money for it or finance it.
Lose the cheapskate and keep the horse.
NTA
He probably has shit credit and can't finance it on his own.
OP if he has shitty credit and asks you to cosign DO NOT DO IT. If his credit is bad, then it means he doesn't pay his debts. If he has not paid his own debts, then he sure as hell won't pay yours.
Also, NTA
Been there, done that, lost the t-shirt... NTA and very much do not cosign anything with him.
Or a second job
Does he even have one job?
NTA. If you said yes very soon you'd have no horse and no boyfriend while he would have a new car and possibly a new girlfriend, because manipulative people never stay after they get whatthey want, but never jump ship before it's convenient.
Nailed it!
I’d argue that losing the boyfriend wouldn’t be a bad outcome here.
I'd say it would be the most ideal outcome here.
Better yet, sell your boyfriend to buy your horse a bigger stable, better shoes and quality feed.
NTA. Dump the boyfriend. Keep the horse.
This is the only answer.
Who needs a car when you have a horse?
Who needs the boyfriend. You have a horse that will show you affection. Maybe get rid of the boyfriend and buy your horse something nice.
Your horse is family, not a bargaining chip. Stand your ground.
The horse is probably way more interesting than the bf tbh
My sister has horses, they’re way cooler than her husband lol
lol love it! 😂
They always are. More loyal, too.
Dump the boyfriend. Buy the horse a car.
See, that's what I told the people at NASCAR
this is such a dumb comment but god dammit did it make me laugh 😂
just buy a carriage and call it a day 👍
As the rubber bandits once said, "Fuck your Subaru, I've a horse outside".
Honestly if someone says something like this, its a major red flag. It just shows that they are not capable of empathy of any degree. Lose the bf yesterday OP!
Why is it your responsibility to help him finance a car? Telling people to get rid of their animals never goes over well.
Edit dictation error
No further posts required.
No for real he straight up sees the horse as an item and not a life from the sounds of it.
And even if the horse was just an item, it would be your item. You’re under no obligation to sell it to support him.
🎵save a horse, dump a cowboy 🎶
Seriously, is there putting these questions before you like it's me or____ that's never a good sign. And it's not like it's a reasonable request and this is pretty much a family member you've had before you were even together. If you cave in then what other things is he going to request of you when he needs help with something?
✨🎶 Save a horse, lose the cowboy 🎶✨
"Support" in your boyfriends language means: I see you have some cash and I want my greedy selfish lazy hands on it and here is my emotional blackmail designed to make it sound as if we care about each other when all we both should care about is my selfish jobless loser ass.
I agree with him. "support" is so much shorter and it sounds way nicer.
Support goes both ways. You support him buying a car if he supports you having and keeping your horse. I bet you that in his world, support is not mutual. It only goes from you to him, in the form of cash.
I feel certain there are other things he’s emotionally manipulative about. I bet he turns everything around so it’s all HER fault.
Those are some impressive adjective strings.
Please write poetry.
OK, the whole “horse is a living being thing with emotional connection” thing aside:
he’s just a boyfriend. you do not give him that kind of financial assistance. He’s a taker.
I bet there are lots of other ways he’s using you.
100% this. Even if she had the liquid cash to buy him a car, don’t by your BOYFRIEND a car. That’s marriage level.
Exactly. If they were a married couple that were struggling financially, then it would be acceptable to discuss as a partnership the possibility of selling her horse to make ends meet.
They aren’t married tho…. He’s just a boyfriend. F•ck him.
My GF is also a horse lady, had and has the horse since 15 years, 6 years of that being our relationship. I would never seriously ask her to get rid of the horse. Spend less time than 3h everyday sure, complain that it's expensive sure. But never ever would I want her to seriously lose him in any way
My mom is a horse person. My husband is a car person. The money is roughly the same. The only difference is the horse will be around for about 30 years. He gets bored in 30 days (exaggerating.) I love both. I have a toe in each and support both.
NTA. Save the horse. Dump the cowboy.
Horse is better then bf, drop bf . You should probably keep an eye on him incase he does something behind your back it's better to be safe then sry
What the holy hell. Absolutely NTA
It always blows my mind, the way some people think about horses.... like they are vehicles and not living, breathing, feeling creatures. Your boyfriend is a selfish and obtuse.
Selling your horse, are you kidding me? Does he want you to sell a beloved family dog and your blood from your arm next?
Honey, this fish stinks. Throw him back into the pond and get another one.
Tell your boyfriend the horse is a MUCH better ride than he is.
Tell your boyfriend the horse is a MUCH better ride than he is.
You win the internet today 😂😂😂
He’s you boyfriend, he’s not your husband that his financial issues become your problem too. Even then, I’d say no. But his not a permanent fixture in your life (yet), that horse is.
Yup, and looking down the road, if you ever get to the point of considering marrying this dude, be aware that a divorce could result in a forced sale of your horse. He sounds like just the kind of guy to do so. Better get a prenup.
I suggest no-nup.
Dump this fucker.
Horse is family.
NTA
Girl if you don’t leave him!!! Be careful now he is resentful of your horse and not to scare you but I would be scare of him hurting your horse because he is mad you won’t do as he say. I don’t care how “nice” your bf is make sure to protect your horse.
Ask him to sell his kidney to buy a second horse
NTA. But why are you with this selfish, entitled arsehole?? Keep your horse and dump this loser. The fact that his grown arose can’t afford a car and expects you to finance it (by selling a family member!);should tell you all you need to know.
NTA Get rid of him,he sounds like a loser.
Why don't you date someone who can afford to buy their own car, and anything else for that matter, without relying on you too sell your things.
Edit: typo
“I’ve decided it would be more practical for me to get a different boyfriend.”
Omg this is the best way to dump him🤣 she should date a large animal vet, blacksmith, or just a guy who isn’t a user as a bare minimum instead. This guy is the worst.
Your broke soon-to-be-ex boyfriend can figure out how to buy his own car. NTA.
This is like someone telling me to sell my cats so they can buy a scooter...
Can scoot themselves right off a cliff.. the cats stay
ALSO... he's your BOYFRIEND not husband. You don't share finances and he needs to buy his own damn car with his own damn money. Dude sounds selfish and manipulative as hell
Keep the horse. Get rid of the horse's ass.
Team horse. Get rid of the dude. I have 3 horses and would find that to be a deal breaker
OHHH HELL NO!!!!! He's an asshole for even asking for money for a CAR!! Also he's emotionally manipulating you and gaslighting you. Dump the asshole for even asking this and don't ignore the million of red flags he's sending!
I agree with everything except "gaslighting". Emotional manipulation, yes. But gaslighting is specific to getting someone to believe events happened differently than they remember.
So "You made me do this because you did that" is not gaslighting.
"That didn't happen.". Or "Remember when this happened" even though it didn't happen. That's gaslighting.
My father-in-law grew up on a farm in the Depression. He rode the same horse to school from kindergarten up into high school. 50-60 years later he told me, "As much as I loved anyone, I loved that horse. He was my constant companion. We went everywhere."
That's the standard your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend should be measured against, and your horse is winning. Anyone who dares to ask you to kill a loving relationship for their financial benefit (whether it is your horse, your family, your dog, cat or friends) has got to go.
In 50 years you, too, will recall your horse with love, and maybe some tears. You will be appalled you every gave that boy a minute of your time.
NTA.
Buy the horse a car. Dump the BF
Like so many others have stated, it’s not your responsibility to provide bf with a car. The fact that he asked is bad enough, but now he has the audacity to be angry with you for refusing to part with a family member. Guy is an asshole and a loser.
He’s a boyfriend… not a husband. You shouldn’t be worrying about his car situation. That’s on him and him alone until there’s a wedding. Which I’d recommend you not have with such an immature man child.
NTA … Keep the horse and show the boyfriend the door.
See if you can sell your boyfriend for some hay.
Or a donkey since he's such an ass.
73M here. Your BF is sick with self absorption. It’s a lunatic suggestion. You have a gruesome future ahead of you with this character.
What’s next? Will he ask you to whore yourself out so he can afford a boat? Dump his ass. He’s a loser.
What?! Come again! He want you to get ride of your horse to buy him a car!!
What I would want to qualify this turd would probably ban me from this sub. Lets say I’m out of words, as there so many not so kind ways to express it.
NTA
Does he not have money to buy his own car? Why is he relying on you for his car? You don’t owe him anything. Keep the horse, get rid of bf. This is a big deal for him to even ask you of this, imagine your future with someone who asks you to give up what you love.
NTA, keep the horse and get rid of the boyfriend.
He wants you to sell YOUR horse to buy HIM a car. What the hell? NTA.
NTA. Why is it your responsibility to sell your horse for his car????
As an equestrian - NO. As a woman in a grown up relationship - NO. My partner is so supportive of my involvement with horses.
It would be a different story if you were legally married and facing a crisis like a job loss or medical issue.
You owe this guy nothing and it’s his responsibility to fund his own transportation. Fucking ridiculous.
That is an absolutely UNHINGED ask and expectation on his part, I can’t believe he’s made you doubt yourself so much you would ask! The fact that he sees your horse as a commodity that he can demand you trade away (for HIS benefit, not yours!) is a red flag bigger and heavier than your horse
NTA. Keep the horse. Dump the boyfriend.
If any person told me to get rid of my dogs or horse, they’d be out of my life so fast their head would spin.
As someone that's had my horse for 21 years if my partner asked me to sell him I would drop kick him and all his stuff straight out the door.
I once had a partner tell me I needed to sell my pet because I was spending too much time and money on it. I told him I would do that when he sold his baby sister as he spent wayyy more time and money on her than I did my pet. Broke up with him.
NTA
I'd choose the horse everytime, let him go to the stables and shovel turds to get money for his car.
NTA - Get rid of the boyfriend, it'll be cheaper. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HIM A CAR?
Id leave him. Fuk that. That's like asking to get rid of my dog. Fuk you get out 🤣🤣
NTA. Unsure how it took 3 years for him to reveal himself to be such a self centered AH. Enjoy the horse!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. NTA.
Keep the horse, ditch the sorry loser of a boyfriend. Stat.
NTA. Could you imagine if you broke up? Your horse would be gone and he’d have a new car.
I would dump him for even suggesting
NTA.
On the bright side, it’s actually a huge pain in the ass to sell a horse. At least if you want to make any money at all.
Unless it’s from a known lineage, is a big competition horse or has the specific training/temperament that a buyer or breeder is looking for, most older horses are worth about $0 to anyone but their owner who loves them.
OP didn’t mention if her horse has an uncle in the Kentucky derby, so I’m assuming it’s a basic companion horse and not the west coast barrel racing champion of 2023.
The idea that the boyfriend thinks he can just magically sell this horse for the amount of money it takes to buy a new car says he really doesn’t know shit about horses, and wouldn’t be able to broker a sale anyway.
I say neigh.