Am I dumb for having kids at age 38?Discussion

My wife (34 f) and I (37 m) have suddenly found ourselves having the kid conversation a lot after 12 years together as "childfree".

Being real, I can see us having kids in 18 months or so. I asked her to wait until this year wraps up before we start "trying" for kids.

I turn 38 in October.

I grew up where I got moved around a lot, parents split when I was 5, and then again when I was 16 (step dad and mom split that time). Divorce(s) sucked. I felt like an afterthought as a result of the blended families.

I never felt "stable" enough to have kids prior to this year.

We are not rich, but we are well set up at this point. Lots of equity in a nice house in a nice area. Low-six-figures in cash/GICs, mid-six figures invested in index funds. No debts outside of the mortgage. Two small dogs.

Originally, our plan was to pay off our house when our mortgage renews in December 2026 (hence all the cash/GICs). We have enough in cash/GICs and our TFSAs to pay off the house anytime, and in 2.5 years I imagine we could do it in cash without touching our TFSAs.

Kids change that, obviously.

Now I'm staring down the reality that the youngest I'll be if we have kids is 38. I don't want to be a geriatric dad, but I don't feel like I'm old? I already have back and neck issues, though.

I have friends with a 16 year old FFS!

Do I want to be 56 with an 18 year old?

Anyone have kids late that maybe can shed some perspective?

EDIT: Consensus is that this isn't old, it's more normal than I realized, and to go for it.

EDIT 2: Comments are coming in faster than my ability to respond! :)

EDIT 3: Okay, turned off notifications after the 700th comment. Still reading through them. Plenty on both sides of the fence, and more than one that has had some great insights to think through.

AITA for going out to eat without my husband/kids because they didn't wash the dishes?

Both my husband and I work full time. I work Real Estate and he works at a shipyard. We both collectively work around 50-60hr weeks. We have 4 kids. 13yo twins, 12yo, and 8mo. My husband has every weekend off. I do not.

I implicated a chore system from the time my kids were little. But ever since I had the baby and since the kids are older, ALL of them have slacked off tremendously (including husband). I pick our baby up from daycare around 5pm and when I get home, I usually find my husband on the couch on his phone and the kids in their rooms playing video games/watching make up tutorials. The house is generally a mess and honestly, the only issue I have is the dishes. I couldn't give fuck all about anything else (because the rest of the house generally isn't dirty-dirty, just cluttered). But I have expressed several times that I am tired of having to wash all the dishes in order to cook and have lashed out in some not so nice ways (shut off the Internet entirely and took the chord with me to work so no one could use the wifi/watch tv, canceled family trips, groundation, got in to big arguments with my husband). Things will change for a week to a month and then switch right back to them refusing to help. I'm honestly so tired of it that I don't even have the energy to speak up anymore.

As I said, my husband has weekends off so he and the kids were home yesterday while I worked. Before I took off for the day I told them "you guys chores had better be completed by the time I get home". They said "yes ma'am" and I leave. I text husband around 4:30p asking what they all wanted for dinner because I had to stop off at the grocery store. I pick up what he said they all wanted and walk in to my home, to find that not a single dish had been washed and there was at least 10 more dishes in the sink from when I left that morning. I also noted that only a load of laundry had been washed and was still sitting in the washer and was never switched to the dryer. Husband was on his ass on the couch watching YouTube. Kids off playing video games. Baby in her walker. So, I put the groceries on the table, packed a bag for the baby and told my husband "have at it, I'm going to Applebee's" and left. Maybe 20 minutes later he calls and says "I washed the dishes, sorry. I was super tired today." I told him that's zero excuse at all. There's 3 older kids who have chores and he couldn't even step up and tell his kids to complete anything either. It's pure laziness at this point. He said "I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying to work on it. Can you just come home, I don't know how to make this dish" (it's a pretty difficult dish but google is free). I told him no, I'm sitting at Applebee's and will be enjoying my steak and shrimp with the baby in peace and that him and the older kids can fend for themselves because apology or not, I'm not letting him off the hook here. He had me on speaker phone, so him and all the kids laid right in to me, asking me to please grab them something from Applebee's (it's all of our favorite restaurant). I said absolutely not and hung up the phone. When I returned home the groceries had been put away and apparently they had grilled cheese and cereal for dinner. My husband and kids are still pissed at me. I told them this is how it will be every single time they don't do chores from now on. AITA?

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My GF of 1 year called the cops on me the day before we were going to fly out to Hawaii, AMA.

We both love each other and I (35M) never even dared to lay my hands on her (25F). Yesterday she wanted to try weed chocolate so we went to the dispensary and got some chocolate and I gave her a small piece of it. We both got high but she got extremely paranoid because this was her first time taking it. I tried to keep her calm and make her feel safe but she thought I was going to kill her in the hotel room we were staying in. I told her we should go for a walk at the beach but she insisted that we stayed in the room. Finally I decided to leave the hotel to give her some space because I started to feel really uncomfortable and she ended up calling her mom saying I poisoned her and called the cops on me. The cops showed up and handcuffed me because of whatever my GF and her mom told the cops and almost had a gun pulled on me. The entire situation was a shit show. I ended up leaving the hotel, her mom & her sisters are driving from AZ to pick her up and I got a different hotel room closer to the airport. I thought about going home and ending this trip but instead I have decided to go to Hawaii by myself. I work 7 days a week, I support my parents, and I even supported my gf for the last 6 months as she was living with me and now it all just ended. So ask me anything!

Edit: I’m in Hawaii now by myself. She has apologized. I’m ignoring her for the next few days, gonna enjoy my time here. Gonna focus on the vacation now.

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