AITAH because I (25F) want to leave my boyfriend (28M) for choking me?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. In the beginning, things were great… But as time progressed, our relationship took a different turn.

He started being verbally abusive, and saying hurtful things, that I would later apologize because I provoked him to say that.

We would have good spells, and I thought things would be good again, and then another episode would happen that would start this vicious cycle of verbally abusing me.

Somehow, someway, it was always my fault and to this day, it’s still my fault for his actions.

Last night, I was trying to have a conversation about something he did that hurt me and he turned his back on me mid conversation and I said, “This is why I believe you don’t care.” He, then, jumped up out of his chair, punched the wall, and ran full speed towards me.

He has never laid hands on me, so I wasn’t expecting him to do what he did.

After he ran full speed towards me, he shoved me up against the wall and put his hands around my neck. While he didn’t choke me hard, he started screaming in my face and I could feel the sting of his hands around my neck after he let me go.

I walked into our bedroom and grabbed clothes to leave. He tried to stop me before walking out the door saying that “I provoked him to put his hands on me. And that he has had enough of my bitching.”

I left and went to a friends house. He started blowing my phone up calling me a liar (I told him I was going to get food because I knew if I said I was going to my friends house he wouldn’t let me leave), and that he doesn’t remember what happened because he was so mad. I came back home this morning (after he left from work), and I’m so confused whether to pack my things up or just stay.

What is weird about all this is the fact that earlier that day, I was at therapy and my therapist said, “It’s only a matter of time before he put his hands on you.” And that night he put his hands on me.

Yes, I started going to therapy because I thought I was the issue in our relationship.

Also, PLEASE… If you have never been in an abusive relationship, you don’t understand how hard it is to leave. They have a hold on you, and you don’t know how to make them release it.

My heart is telling me to leave, but my mind is playing tricks on me right now.

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