So she didn’t buy the trail cameras?
What trail cameras?
Top of the page, my dude.
Alaska see what she says
How do Juneau what she is going to say?
If I remember to, Alaska bout it.
That's what OP's wife said
My wife calls me "my dude" too
That's not what your wives calls me
I'm sure the mention of the stick was a suggestion from the OP and she wrote it on her list for him to see so he would be aware that she really does listen to his ramblings.
damn
Do you need trail cameras to read this list?
The ones attached to the stick
Obviously she did that one already. You aren't supposed to notice them if set up properly.
Found the wife
No, she just had to drag them behind her.
No the grad pics
No it was clearly the lawn.
Clearly she took the trail camera into the woods so she could make a sideshow showing her pushing in and out the stick out her ass
what the actual fuck is this comment
Yeah that's not what I use my trail cameras for. I push a stick in and out of my butt in the privacy of my own web cam.
If she is mowing the grass, burning weeds and spraying blackberry bushes at your house, I would think twice about pissing her off.
Most importantly if she’s doing all that with a stick in her butt.
The list doesn't specify whose butt the stick is in.
Holy shit, you're right. It could be any one of us.
Not me, I just checked. No stick up my butt. And I'm certain, I went really deep in there to check.
Always best to check twice. Or three times if you really want to be sure.
Best to stick their whole head up there to really make sure
Grab a friend to help too, sometimes it takes a different perspective.
Can confirm. No stick.
Mom said it’s my turn with the stick!
You’ve heard of poop knife, now get ready for:
Shitstick
It could be you! It could be me! It could even be...
I feel like the stick is a bad idea. They should invest in a plug that isn’t porous and won’t cause splinters! Life will be better for everyone and wife will be happy. Her spouse is just looking out for her!
right, which makes me think it's a list for him, and she just agreed with the addition
lol That's awesome. Normally I'd be doing everything except the trail cams, but I'm recovering from a surgery, so she's doing them. Honestly, it's killing me. I'm like Hank Hill with this kind of stuff and there's nothing I'd rather be doing.
She is awfully amazing.
Does the surgery involve a stick by any chance?
Was the surgery a rectal one involving an accident with some wood, perhaps?
Yes, the list is actually from before the surgery. ;)
She has fire and tools. Treat her nicely.
Op likes to live dangerously
My late husband used to do this on our shared digital grocery list. I wouldn't notice it until I went to the store and actually looked at the list - would crack me up every time! I miss that crazy man...
I do this kinda thing with my sister when I go to her house. She writes her grocery list on her white board and I'll write things like "hookers and blow" or "plain sauce" and every now and then I'll get a text from her that just says "Leave my goddamn whiteboard alone!" Sorry for your loss though. Hearing these kinds of shenanigans reminds me I need to pay my sister a visit soon.
Other fun things to put onto her list:
99 red balloons
Unsweetened sugar
Cake
Website links (after the 1st time, you can include rickroll too)
Hitman
As a kid I would always add “puppy” to my mom’s lists, even after I got a puppy. It continued into adulthood and I’ll still do it if I notice a list laying around while I visit.
23 water melons for math lesson
every now and then I'll get a text from her that just says "Leave my goddamn whiteboard alone!"
Add 'Guest whiteboard' to her whiteboard shopping list next.
My sister has a whiteboard with their family calendar. I also add things to it. Boob job surgery. Things like that.
Thanks - he did put hookers and blow on our list one time 🤣
I’m sorry for your loss, hope you’re doing ok now.
Thank you - It’s been almost 5 months, most days are good
I do this to my girlfriend too. I couldn't imagine not fucking with her in some silly way. Some times I get lazy though and I just write in something like "Nice butt" or "Bring pizza".
What sort of silly things would he add to your list? Those sort of jokes are so simple, but they crack me up anyway. So good to add a little silliness here and there.
I think I would be more easily tripped up/fooled by a digital list - our handwritings are so different, I think I'd notice immediately if he added something to my written lists!
I've been writing Pizza on my parents shopping lists for about 10 years now if I see one laying around. It has perhaps worked only like 4 times but they laugh every time they see it on the list.
Many gardens in the UK have a water butt, they're used for collecting rainwater from the guttering to water your garden. https://base-prod.rspb-prod.magnolia-platform.com/.imaging/focalpoint/_WIDTH_x_HEIGHT_/dam/jcr:ae4cd471-8507-4daa-8365-bf7bdf25be76/1993635497-People-water-butt-in-garden.jpg
if the lid was open or you have a tree near your house it's possible to get sticks and leaves in your butt. these should be cleaned out.
i know its a joke but from a gardening perspective its not actually an out of place statement.
"people water butt in garden" Risky click of the day.
Speaking of UK and butts, there's a quality porter worth looking into at Christmastide. https://www.sheltonbrothers.com/beers/santas-butt/
I bought one years ago just for the bottle. Excellent decoration for Yuletide after you've enjoyed the contents.
See also https://www.sheltonbrothers.com/beers/a-curious-collection-of-holiday-ales/
She noticed but shes so sick of your sh*t she just sighed and thought about the next time she gets to meet James for "coffee"
James will put that stick right back in her butt.
And take it out
And put it back in
A little further that time
But very slowly and sensually as she exhales all of her problems at home
Marriage Story 2 plot stinks.
Only until they clean up the shit streaks
Forever
And then it just....ends.
And shake it all about
but just gently
Don't forget the tennis lessons.
Fucking brutal
Damn dude, add a fire extinguisher to the list cause this guy needs it!!
Let’s just start with the stick first and work the way up to fire extinguisher
Just say shit.
You can say shit on the Internet, your mom won't find out.
You can say "shit" on the internet lmao why the fuck are you censoring yourself
Why are you getting downvoted what is happening to reddit
Good questions hey?
My dad always writes “poop” on my moms shopping lists lol
I would always write in, "Puppy" on my mom's shopping list but she never came home with one. ☹️
She probably ate it before you could have any 'cause she didn't want to share.
If it's a to-do list I always add "me🙂"
You might want to put your name down instead, she could interpret it as to take care of herself lol
I mean, that works too.
Scribbled “deez” in front of “nuts” on my son’s shopping list and he lost it and had to explain to the store clerk. Really doesn’t take much to amuse him.
My husband has ADHD so I made him a checklist by the front door so he doesn’t forget anything, I added “big booty” randomly and he gets a kick every time 😂
Forgetting your big booty really sets the whole day up for failure
Poop is on the house.
Bet it sucks to clean out those gutters.
"Did you finish the list?"
"I forgot what I was doing after burning some weed"
Well, you never mentioned whose butt
Sometimes a guy needs a hand. lol
I did this exact thing to my bald manager’s to-do list one day at work, and put “grow hair” on it. I think it was later that day or the next day that he had a 1:1 with his manager in his office.
I was in my office down the hall when I heard uproarious laughter from several offices coming from his direction - apparently his manager glanced at his to-do list, saw my note, and asked..”you have ‘grow hair’ on your to-do list…?”.
lol
Do you still have a stick up your butt then?
My wife always writes “whores” on my grocery lists. I ain’t paying Loblaws prices.
Just gotta find a sale
You mean Bob Loblaw, attorney at law?
Don't put that on my dad's shopping list; he'll come back home with the biggest, cheapest one he can find.
Oh she noticed. That's why your toothbrush tastes funny
She noticed. She's just choosing to ignore it
“Don’t fuck husband”
married men: why doesn't my wife want to have sex with me anymore?!
also married men:
It would be funnier if it were something silly instead of a hurtful jab.
She thought it funny. We've been laughing together for over 30 years. :)
Based on your other comments, it sounds like it’s actually a joke between you. Cause if you’re both pulling your weight and maybe one is a bit more picky, something like this can be funny.
If the wife is carrying the whole mental load and in the middle of a busy moment she asks her husband watching football on the couch if he needs anything and he says “for you to pull that stick out of your ass”, that’s… less funny.
Bless her, she's patient.
she's waiting for him to die first.
is that mean? feels pretty mean. i still stand by it
Redditors are sure they know more about the dynamics of your marriage though!
lol I know. Everyone is Sherlock Holmes.
Riiight...
after awhile trying to correct your husband of 30 years behavior is out of the question, so you just shut up and laugh then cry after he goes to bed
Dang. Ppl really hate their spouses huh
People tend to grow to dislike spouses who continuously degrade them by insinuating that they constantly have a stick up their ass when they’re just trying to take care of the home and get necessary tasks done.
I can't imagine the level of arrogance one must have to be so confident in assuming they know everything about this dude's 30 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
Guy's been married longer than you've been alive lmao
Its reddit.
The levels are always off the charts
Thank you, I always laugh when I see folks talking about long marriages like this and how XYZ is "so horrific" for the relationship.
There is a reason it got to last that long and it didn't happen by everyone pretending to be happy with each other.
Hey I see you found her stick.
Don't be judgy about a sense of humor shared between a husband and wife. They know what works for them.
or that was on her to-do list and she appreciates having it written down
Haha! I always add the word butthole to all the lists I make for my husband, or the shopping list I make for myself. That way, if I ever lose it and someone happens to pick it up and read it, they'll be like ??? Butthole?
We have a shared shopping list, one time I added an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
She didn't buy it for me.
The Earth remains unconquered.
She'll be calmer after she burns some weed. Just wait.
I always slip BJ for Matt into my wife’s grocery list and she never notices until in the store getting groceries. Had to stop because my daughter is old enough to read now and I don’t want to answer that question about what it is.
I do this sometimes with groceries lists. I'll just throw in something like "the severed heads of my enemies" or "bones of dead gods x2."
My husband used to do this all the time. I miss him 🥲
Did....did you murder him?
He wrote one addition too many…
Lol he walked too close to that line. I'm glad you took my statement the right way. After I posted it I kind of worried someone would take it seriously 🙂
Widow humor. I joke about my dead husband all the time 😬.
Burning some weed should help with that action item
Burn ?
I'm sure this'll go over very well for you
I added “wipe ur butt” to my dad’s to-do list when I was visiting, and I know he isn’t getting anything from the list done, because he hasn’t noticed it yet.
Oh she left a space between the last 2 for no reason ?
Maybe she’ll laugh, maybe you’ll die.
Edit: /s from a wife of a fellow man-child who’s been torturing me with “Dad Jokes” for 12 years now..
When I was living with my friend and his wife, I found the Christmas lists they'd written for each other on the dining room table. I added "dildo, black, 12 inches" to hers in my best approximation of her handwriting.
They totally knew I did it.
Contact funeral director, is coming up
So you have chosen… death.
My husband used to add random ingredients to recipes I'd written down. Meatballs in banana bread, chocolate chips in lasagne...
Is your couch comfortable?
She probably saw and was like “yea, you need to do that as well”
Her list? Brother, those are man jobs, no wonder she has a stick in her dot.
I wouldn’t get much done after burning the weeds
Some people in this comment section are so weird have you lot never been in a relationship? .. Anyways I completely missed it too and was trying to decipher the last sentence on the list then I saw it...
The problem is the people saying stuff like "that's hurtful, she should leave him, etc" have been with guys that do this but it's not a joke, it's to hurt and wear you down. It does happen, but this one is a freaking joke lol.
My husband and I do stuff like this for kicks too. Lots of deez nuts jokes and weird things added to lists like this, but we giggle and then try to one up each other.
Jesus, some of you people need the sticks removed from your respective butts. Some people are actually fun to tease, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that his wife teases him the same.
She has every day for over 30 years. Cheers.
Wow that seems like a toxic relationship, I'm surprised you haven't said anything to her and I'm sure your life is miserable. /s
In all honesty, cheers on a relationship that long!
I have seen a pretty stark decline in people's ability to recognize sarcasm and nuance in relationships and humor. I have no idea why it's happening, but people are becoming far more black and white in behavior. The nuance here is that it's definitely just light banter among people who clearly have a sincere relationship, but that seems totally lost on folks.
The problem is a lot of women have been with guys that do this specifically to hurt them. It happens.
But then they think it's proof that every single guy that does it means it that way. They just can't see that some people can tease and joke and still love each other.
Certain types of teasing wind me up bad, I'll admit, because as a child I was mentally abused by my family. I can't stand people pretending they can't hear me, for instance. My stepfather would play that one all day until I started sobbing that no one would listen to me.
But it's easy, as an adult, I just told my husband "nahhh, don't do that one" and he didn't. XD
I always sneak in "Condoms" and "40s" on the grocery list. She never gives me a reaction...
I find it funny, not everyone especially on reddit share a same type of sense of humor.
Spouses don't see a lot. I literally slapped a suction dildo to our bathroom mirror before bed last night and it was inches from his face as he took night meds and he didn't notice a thing.
You wrote it, so it's a task for you
I used to put whips, chains, condoms, lube etc on the grocery list all the time.
I can guess where that stick was promptly inserted.
My wife and I will often add “your mother” when sending each other lists.
First thing I saw was " gratuitous slideshow pics"
Good luck on the blackberries.
- Another PNW resident
100% wrote that, took picture, immediately took sticky note and hid it in pocket and proceeded to go mow the lawn. Haha well at least that would have been what I did.
Spraying blackberries is a fruitless task. If you want them gone, you have to dig them up by the roots.
She noticed. She’s going to insert it into yours
Why you gotta be kink shamin'?
She’s got to put it in first. Wait for tonight you’re getting moist blackberries and a surprise.
OP is a family of doctors cuz I can't read shit
I do this to people's lists when I'm at their house. I add random stuff, mostly dildos or stuff like that unless that would be offensive then it's just bizarre stuff. One time I added "buy chicken pellets" and my friends husband did. They don't own any chickens, he never questioned it, bought it, brought it home and put it in the pantry with the other stuff. His excuse was "well why was it on the list". Felt guilty and bought it off them even though I don't have chickens. Turns out that shits not cheap.
Someone's gonna sleep on the couch tonight.
What the hell is that supposed to mean, JEREMY‽
Oh she did. Pool boy put it in then took it out.
I was gonna complete the list, but then I burnt weeds
Jesus Christ, people in this thread are so fucking dumb.
For 20 yrs I’ve added ‘fellatio’ on my wife’s shopping list without her knowing prior to being in the store…
That's a lot of happy men you've made during her shopping trips.
You may be right! lol
OP must have a very comfy couch.
Danger Will Robinson!
Now reassign the things she can do on her own.
Do you really cross two consecutive lower case T's individually?
ha
I hope the couch is comfy for sleeping on.
She was making a list of things she needed YOU to do lol
eeek wonder what your list looks like.
I must be very slow today. I stopped at the first line item MOW.
I read it in my head as MAUW and couldn’t understand what that meant. Yikes.
I always hit mine with "a better attitude", she never seems to pick it up though.
What were you spraying the blackberries with?
She’s asking for her Graduations slideshow. She saw it alright. She’s looking back at her past after u said that. Lmfao
what do you use on your blackberries?
I added double stuff oreos to a friend's grocery list that was hanging on the fridge when we were kids. His mom bought them and I got my oreos!
Why should she be responsible for your butt sticks
I also burn weed when I mow the lawn, spray on some ‘Burberry’ cause why not! Trail cameras, not paths!
She probably just thought it wasn’t worth mentioning.
That's the easiest task on the list. If I had to choose one chore here I'd go with that one
What do you guys spray your blackberries with?
He's getting his breakfast blackberries sprayed with arsenic after this.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.