My husband (22 M) and I (21 F) got into a fight about McDonald’s and we haven’t talked in days. Any advice?

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Why can't your husband make his own spaghetti when he wants it? Why isn't he cooking for you every day, given that you to so much more work than him?

You appear far more grown up and mature than you husband, who still seems to want a mommy to take care of him. I'm sorry to tell you this, but this will not get any better. You will continue to mature and realize just how much of an immature brat he is. This is who he is.

Why did you chose to get married so young? And why to this guy? How did he show before marriage that he was a capable, caring, empathetic life partner?

Why? WHY do you do all the cooking and chores even though you have a job and school? Why??

I don't understand women who put up with being bangmaids. He doesn't love you. No one who loves you is okay with you doing everything.

My advice is to tell him he has to start being an actual partner. That you're not his mommy, and you're not going to clean and cook for him anymore. That if he doesn't pick up half the load, you and he are done.

If you don't, then this is your life. And when you have kids, you'll be doing all the parenting too.

Let’s start at the beginning: you’re in school FT, work FT, do all the housework, and cook on demand for a fussy eater. He works 30/wk. Even if there was no more to the story, is this how you want your life to be? I don’t see how this is a fair allocation of responsibilities but what matters is what do you think?

Tell him you’re not his mother. His picky af eating habits are now his responsibility. As well as doing his own laundry, cleaning up after himself, and if you have 2 bathrooms, make one his and one yours, and you each clean your own. Again, tell him you’re NOT your mother.

Boxed pasta, jarred sauce. He can make this himself, why are going out of your way for him when he can’t be bothered to do the same for you?

“well I want spaghetti. Wouldn’t it take the same amount of time getting McDonald’s than you cooking spaghetti?” 

That's when you say "No, I don't have time to cook. In no way at all is making spaghetti the same amount of time as getting McDonald's. Either go get some takeout or starve " 

You are 21 years old. That's way too young to act like a 1950's housewife. Except you actually have it worse than a 50's housewife because you're also going to school full time and have a job. He works 25-30 hours a week so he should actually be doing more of the chores than you.  

It's time for a come to Jesus conversation with your husband. Hand him a list of half of the household chores and tell him these are now his responsibility. Then you tell him that he will learn to cook and help out there as well. Finally you tell him that when you need him to deal with dinner or get takeout, he friggin' gets takeout without whining about it. If he can't handle that, then send him back to his mommy.

You're way too young to be putting up with these fossilized gender roles. I suggest that you sit down with the husband and talk about everything that has happened and how you feel about it. I suggest you ask for a more fair division of labour where he learns to cook and cooks half the time and cleans half the time or whatever works for you both.

Why didn’t you just say no to his request for spaghetti

This is why you shouldn't get married before your frontal lobe is done cooking. You're just another overachieving woman whose tied herself to some below-average jackass.

Obviously this isn't about McDonald's, it's about him not respecting your time or efforts. He's treating you like you're his mommy and you're playing right into it by not standing up for yourself. And now he's being obtuse by framing it about the McD's so you'll think YOU'RE being silly and drop it. Do you clean the skidmarks out of his undies too? Like come on

What does this guy even bring to the table? He's ungrateful and lazy. You already resent him for these qualities (as you should). You have your entire life ahead of you and he drags you down. Demand counseling or find a divorce lawyer.

Him suggesting McDonalds after you showed excitement for a new pasta recipe was intentional. Messing with you in retribution from the last time

You don’t have a partner you have a child. Stop being a doormat and leave him - he won’t change.

He's using you and you know it.

Why isn't your husband working full- time? You realize between your studies,your job,and being totally responsible for all things domestic,you are putting in at least 60 hours of work a week. Your husband is putting in half that. And, he seems like a whiny,demanding child. Please consider individual and joint counseling.

I read some of your previous posts and comments. Your marriage is a mess. The ex GF?! Why are you putting up with this disrespectful Neanderthal?

your biggest mistake was marrying him (& this young)

You’ll get divorced. When you’re older you will realize you married an absolute loser and you’ll feel bad about the time you wasted on him.

I think it's fantastic that you're finding out he's like this when you're only 21 years old. Do not spend decades dealing with this bulkshit like I did. Everybody who's newly dealing with this kind of behavior always says "but I love him and it's not enough to divorce over" and I'm telling you right now that what will happen is your respect for him as a partner will diminish little by little until you see him as a great big annoying baby that you have to take care of and your life revolves around his needs and wants. Then you will no longer say "but I love him..." You will say "get this disrespectful, self-centered, adult-child away from me as fast as fucking possible".

Warning: Men will like this will start to see you emotionally detach and realize you've got one foot out the door of the marriage and try to knock you up to get you to stay. Make sure you're on top of your birth control and do not have a child with this man because you'll be doing it on your own, with an extra adult child on the side.

Do you really think this whole situation is okay and that you could possibly in the wrong? I don’t even know what to say honestly. I have no idea why you put up with this, this is crazy. Why are you even in a relationship with him? And why are you already married? In what way does he make your life any better or easier?

I’m not sure if any talking or explaining will make any difference at this point as he sounds absolutely selfish and like he doesn’t care about any of your needs.

He understood. He also knew you were mad. But he got his way. Do you never ask for things from him because you don’t need it or because you know that it won’t matter because he’s not going to do it?

You have not said one single good thing about him and honestly even if you did, he sucks so bad. I can’t imagine it would be good enough to make up for all of this. Why are you doing everything? You should let him be mad. What’s going to do because he didn’t get his spaghetti that he wanted? Who gives a fuck? You have to let him. You are setting yourself on fire and giving in to avoid the consequences of his reactions. On top of that, you’re doing everything. I honestly don’t see what he brings to your life that would be worth any of this.

Are you planning on children? Because it sounds like you already have one and being a single mom with several kids and one big giant fucking baby is really hard.

Not sure what advice you’re looking for here. Pretty sure you know he’s a selfish prick.

All I'm going to say is you are going to burn out. Hard. This is not sustainable

You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of suffering if you don't just end up divorcing early.

You need to know when to have a backbone. You should not have stopped to make spaghetti. In your comments you mention how you didn't want to fight or didn't have time etc. But you had time to make spaghetti?

This will lead to you blowing up at him for other ways too. Unfortunately it seems like you married a man who purely takes you for granted.

He works part time. Yet you do all the cooking all the cleaning?

You are not his partner or wife. You are his bang maid. He also doesn't need to change because you made it clear he can do less than the bare minimum and you'll still marry him.

I menu plan for the week. I put the menu on the fridge whiteboard.

If I have to work late or something, my partner either makes what was planned if he knows how or he comes up with something else or he orders takeout. He doesn’t demand that I drop what I need to do and cook. JFC.

This is insane.

Next time, tell him to cook it himself. And start having him cover dinner 3 days a week. His arms aren’t broken and he’s not busy. And stop doing all the housework. At least leave his laundry to him and stop that.

I am very confused about 1. Why he couldn't make spaghetti if that's what he wanted (he doesn't need homemade sauce) and 2. What he actually brings to the table in the relationship? He works part-time and you do everything else? Girl.

You don’t need him…

McDonald's is the last thing you should be worried about.

My wife works 45 to 50 hrs a week.

A few years ago, I started only working 30 a week.

We each have our own chores.

Since I had more time on my hands, I told her I'd take over some of her chores

What the hell are you doing working, going to school, and doing everything while he works 30 a week?

TL;DR 

Why are you married to this person? 

He is a drain on your life force, good will, and your finances. 

Divorce ASAP

Advice? Don’t get married so young. What was the rush?

Well sounds like you married a chauvinistic game playing controller who uses you for money, food, housekeeping and I assume sex. Why did you marry him?

im confused.. if you want mcdonalds, GO GET MCDONALDS

im going to get pretty harsh here but I'm not trying to be mean to you, I just think you need it spelled out. so sorry in advamced.

Girl stop please. stop eith the people pleasing and being a servant to your husband. tell him to pick up half the work or WALK. What benefit does he give your life?

he doesn't love you. he doesn't care about you. he is selfish.

seriously, give me ONE concrete tangible thing he has done in the last week that has benefitted YOU. NOT HIM... YOU.

You work full time, school full time. and mother your husband full time. bffr, your degree will have you paying all the bills forever too.

either give him the choice and walk when he doesn't hold up his end or just succumb to it because people like you don't leave until you have a kid and they're cheating on you, sometimes not even then.

Why the fuck is a guy who only works 30 hours a week not doing the housework, when you work and go to school full time? Like, seriously, what is he doing with his time while you are doing all the housework?

If I were you, I'd just stop doing housework entirely.

I’m sorry but it sounds like you’re working your ass off and still have to deal with a spoiled brat husband who can’t even handle his own meal. Hell if I had acted like that with my mom I would have starved, you ate what she put on the plate and if you didn’t like it to bad.

His mother needs to slap him back to reality

My advice is that picky eaters should cook for themselves.

This is why you don’t get married at 21.  You’re too young to be dealing with a lazy husband when you’re trying to get your career in order.

Get a divorce. You are a single mom with a 22 year old child, not a husband

If you don't change things now- this won't improve. You just start making changes. Start dinner and tell him to come help you. Tell him he's on washing up duties as you cook. Tell him he needs to do his washing, hang, fold, iron.

Weekends you're sleeping in from now on.

When you're at work or school late tell him he will need to sort his own meal.

I will never understand how women can marry a man that treats them like a servant.

I didn’t realize your ages until after I read the whole thing. Holy moly. Dump this lazy bum. He sounds like middle aged loser, which is even sadder.

How did you get permission to marry a toddler?

For fuck's sake, stop cooking for this giant baby of a man. You're twenty one years old, you're too young to be his mommy. Sit down and show him what your day is versus what his day is. He can learn to cook and pick up the slack in other areas as well. He is not pulling his weight. This is not an equal marriage.

He’s been allowed to take you for granted, and so he does. He’s been allowed to believe your role is to serve him, and so he does.

From his perspective, it takes as much time to make him spaghetti as to go to McDonalds, because he only thinks in terms of time and not labor. Because he takes your labor so for granted he doesn’t see it.

And making his own damn spaghetti, or making YOU spaghetti, would never occur to him.

But he loves you, and he did hear you never ask for anything but you asked for McDonald’s and didn’t get it. He didn’t hear you asked for a break. Because a break from what, being you?

So he thought he was being thoughtful and heroic. He thought you would be so grateful. When instead you said he has ruined the first dinner you have wanted for a long time, he thought but … she wanted McDonald’s! Then he thought I never get credit for anything I do. Try to do something nice and look what I get.

Later he will come on Reddit and moan about how his wife doesn’t appreciate him and it’s so unfair.

First, put a stop to the cooking. Teach him to cook spaghetti. Tell him after the summer’s over you two can reassess, but something has to come off your plate, and it’s cooking.

And since he wants to be heroic, tell him it will make him your hero. Shower him either praise for his spaghetti, and try to suppress the eyeroll.

On some level, this man is jealous of your success and drive and is sabotaging you. He probably won't admit it to you. Maybe he won't even admit it to himself. But he's clearly not lifting you up in life. He's not your partner, your friend, your champion. He's making your life harder and dragging you down. You deserve better. I hope you see your way to leaving him.

I want to punch him. He’s taking advantage of you and working you like a slave. Take him back and get a new one

Just stop omg. Do you need the rent?? Can you not afford it on your own or something? Because all you’re doing is holding yourself back from full potential. WHY are you supporting yourself and a grown man? STOP coming his meals. Get takeout. Let him get his own groceries. go to sleep when you need to. You say it’s a constant cycle, but the cycle is with you. You keep being someone to treat you right. Girl you need to treat yourself right! That’s where the cycle ends. Stop doing everything for him. Today. And if he didn’t step up, then it’s time to start grieving the relationship because he’s not changing.

This is just sad to read. There are plenty of men out there who would completely take care of you financially if you did all the cooking and cleaning. Or men who would support your going to school and pursuing your passion.

Just because you got married doesn't mean you have to stay married. Obviously, that would be ideal, but you're asking for less than the bare minimum and he's acting like you're being difficult. Either your husband is legitimately stupid or openly taking advantage of you. Either way, you're well within your right to consider other options.

Your husband sounds like a dip shit who lacks self awareness. Next time he does that call him veruca salt 😂

You’re 21…. You’re not his mother and honestly you’re too young to be his wife. Well.. I guess he’s too young to be a husband.

Sounds like he wanted (and basically got) a mommy and not a wife. If that’s not the relationship you want, you might have to reconsider ….

Years ago when my now ex girlfriend and I lived together, she liked doing most of the cooking. Now I’m quite the picky eater too and there were some things I just didn’t like. Guess what? If I didn’t like it, I didn’t eat it and made myself something else. Also, I learned to make spaghetti when I was 14-15.

Make the meals you want to eat. You don’t have to cater to what he wants 100% of the time.

Not that you have time, but read the book Fair Play (Eve Rodsky?) and then have a serious talk with your husband about a fair division of labor.

And if your husband refuses to see how generally shitty this all is for you, well, you'll have a good education and be able to support yourself.

Next time don’t give in to his petulant demands. He wants spaghetti - he can make it. Take care of yourself and please don’t make babies until this one is grown

Why wasn't your response to "Wouldn't it take the same amount of time..."

"But not the same amount effort"

or "It would also take the same amount of time for YOU to do the cooking."

Honestly, he knows excalty why you wanted take out that one night and why you didn't the other. He just doesn't give a single fuck about you. Not about your time, you well being or your happyness.

👏Your 👏wife👏is👏your👏partner👏not👏your👏mom👏

Stop paying for all the groceries and stop being this lazy man child's maid/mother. Stop it right now.

Why get married to this person so young? At least give yourself a little bit of time to see what’s out there before settling for garbage.

Why are you this guy sugar-bang-maid?

Girl, bye, you are LITERALLY feeding in his moody attitude. Is your husband physically unable to cook?

You are NOT his mom nor his maid, stop fucking acting like it and pick up your goddammit self respect off the floor where you left it.

Why did you cook the damn spaghetti?

You said you “didn’t want to argue” so you just made spaghetti from scratch?

Look he’s obviously the worst but you’re not communicating enough, or rather, not being firm enough in your boundaries. He’s inconsiderate (obviously) but it also seems like he has no idea what’s going on.

Please understand that I believe he’s 99% in the wrong here but since I’m talking to you I’ll say this: stop martyring yourself. It’s so annoying. My mom did that and then expected us to all feel bad about it. What she should have done is put her foot down. Half the time I didn’t even know what was going on until suddenly she was crying about how overworked she was and then she had to clean my room.

It is so frustrating to read this all the time. A smart, successful, hard working woman letting a man walk all over herself.

Stop treating him like a spoiled brat and stand up for yourself. Know your worth. Imagine one day you have a daughter, and her husband treats her like that. If it happens, you'll know where she learned it from...

There are a few of problems here:
1. He does not appreciate the amount of work you do to prepare meals for him. My SO cooks most of our meals, and our rule is I can eat what they make the way they make it, or I can learn how to cook. The person doing the work gets to decide. You need to impress on him the amount of time and effort it takes to cook meals every night.

1. You're far too accommodating

I didn’t want to argue with him after everything so I just made it.

Stop doing things like this. It's a short-term solution that will create long-term problems. You avoid one fight, but build up resentment, that will become explosive later. This may have been an opportunity to solve two problems at once. Tell him you show him how you make spaghetti and he can do it. This takes some of the burden off you, and shows him the amount of effort it takes.

1. Communication. He didn't understand your excitement about the new recipe and he most likely forgot all about it, and thought he was doing something nice when he suggested McDonald's. He wasn't trying to be a jerk, it was just an unfortunate by-product.

It sounds like you work 100+ hours a week and he works 25-30. This is not sustainable. You don’t have a partner you have a leech. You could spend the next 10+ years arguing about this or you could cut your losses and dump his useless arse.

If you want to try to make it work, sit down and write out your complete schedule, all the time you spend working, studying, cooking, cleaning and get him to do the same. Then sit down together with him and show him the proof that you are doing 4x the work he is doing, ask him how he is going to take half that work off your plate moving forward. Make him come up with the solutions. Write down the new division of labor and put it on the fridge. Stop doing anything on his list, don’t nag, don’t complain, just stop. Leave him to work out the solutions for himself.

This is so sad To read. You’re young, clearly a hard working person, you’re going to school and. Working, and on top of everything you’re managing a household for two adults because one acts like a toddler?

Do you want your life to be like this? It’ll only get worse when you have kids and he helps with nothing.

You are only 21, you deserve much better. 

Why TF you’re with him? You work, study, do all home tasks, pay for groceries, and he’s what? 25-30 hours work a week and done? You’ll be WAY better on your own

My brother has extremely picky eating habits whereas his girlfriend whom he lives with doesn't mind any food.

Guess what? He cooks.

You married a baby. Is there anything attractive about him? He’s not a partner, he barely acts like an adult, and he sounds like an energy drain.

And you’re only 21.

With only this tiny peek into your life I know you could do better.

I had to go back and recheck the ages because I thought BF must be 40 years old by the end.

Girl stop cooking for him.

Your husband hasn’t grown up yet stop doing everything you’re already getting burned out you will snap soon

Picky eaters learn to be cooks. 

That’s the rule. 

If you can’t cook, and someone cooks for you, you do the washing up. 

That’s the rule. 

So you have 3 jobs ( job, school, household) and he has less than one and he cant be bothered to step up and be a responsible adult and a caring husband

He needs to start pulling his weight on ALL chores incl cooking and grocery shopping

Stop acting like a mom to this manbaby right now, you tell, dont ask him what is changing right now, half of the chores, half of the cooking and no whinging he doesnt know how

Dont let him waste your time too long if he wont shape up, divorce is a much better option then a life of this hell

This whole situation and your life in general sounds exhausting. Absolutely exhausting. I'm so sorry for you.

Dang I’d never treat my wife like that and if she treated me like that I’d be gone. He sounds helpless and lazy.

He's not going to change when you just do everything for him.

Why would he? He's not tired, stressed, and doesn't need to do chores!

How do I ask this kindly...is he dumb? Like genuinely, seriously stupid?

Please read this back to yourself. What would you tell a friend if she told you this story?

Leave him so that you can do half the work with none of the drawbacks. He doesn't respect you as a wife.

Can your husband not cook for himself? He only works up to 30hrs a week. Probably need better communication between each other

but also he doesn't work full time why can't he cook for himself, does he do laundry?

GWORL, imagine the amount of energy you could put back Into yourself and studies if you weren’t catering to him

This will happen for another 5 years or so while you mentally check out of the relationship, then when you ask for a divorce he'll say that he's been blindsided by it because "everything was going great".

You didn’t fight about McDonalds. You fought because you are reaching your limit with a selfish unsupportive spouse.

Well when you marry this young, you’re getting a barely formed adult male. Of course you’re his “mom” and he’s training you early to accept how useless a partner he is. He works 25-30 hours, you pay for groceries, do all the housework and cooking and he’s a “picky eater”? Actually, you’re not his “mom”. You’re a mug. Being taken advantage of.

The way to “make him understand” is to attach consequences to his bs behavior and set some boundaries if your marriage is to grow beyond playing house for now.

What an asshole, Dump him, you will find someone who adores everything you do for them, you are not his Mother, or sister, if I wasn't so damn old I would ask you to come live with me lol

I just thanked my boyfriend

I'm confused, what do you gain by being in this marriage? He sounds insufferable and so inconsiderate. Don't know you or your life, but reading yout post it seems you'd be waay less stressed without him.

I don’t understand. What the hell could he possibly have that makes it worth it to not only put up with him but also fucking marry him? Please somebody explain. Does he have a massive schlong? Is he loaded? Incredibly good looking? The funniest dude to ever exist? What the hell did he do to pull you and why are you still with him??

remember how my husband is a picky eater? I never get to make what I want for dinner because he just complains about it.

This are literally words that I said about my toddler twin daughters. Not a grown adult.

I feel like his mom and not his partner or wife.

YOU ARE HIS MOTHER

Your husband sucks. What does he contribute to your household? Doesn't sound like anything. You say you've talked about this many times and he briefly changes and then reverts back. Doesn't sound like this will ever improve. Stop being his Mom.