Negative is less than 1. If the people in question are negatives in your life and in the lives of your children, then they count as less than 1 in the family column. I understand that your wife wants a family support system for the kids, but this isn't that. Sometimes you have to go out and make your own family if the biological one isn't adding up. Seriously, stop exposing your children to toxic people who have a history of child abuse. This should be a no brainer.

There's a lot more to being a bridesmaid than standing in front on the day of. There's wedding prep, bach party, dress shopping, etc. all moments OP opted out of with her friend when suggesting to be a guest instead. And a wedding is absolutely not the right place to test what OP thinks is her new found ability not to have a panic attack. If OP had said she'd been okay in similar circumstances post her own wedding catastrophe, then yeah give her a chance, but that wasn't the case here. It's completely selfish to put someone else's once in a lifetime event at risk because you THINK you'll be okay.

The bride tried to still include OP as a bridesmaid, with some extra accomodations. Then she accepted it when OP suggested just coming as a guest. I don't think the bride gets AH status here at all. OPs reaction, being too sick and hurt to even attend, makes it obvious to me that the bride's initial stance, that OP wouldn't be able to handle standing at the front, a reasonable assumption on the bride's part.

Original text:

AITA for not attending my best friend's wedding?

My friend [27/f] asked me [28/f] to be one of her bridesmaids for her wedding. She was my maid of honor two years ago, and before that, we'd always say we'd be each other's maid of honor (we've been friends for 20 years). When she asked me to be a bridesmaid, it stung a bit, to be honest, but seeing as she has a twin sister that she is close to, it made sense that she should be her maid of honor.

The issue I really had with this is that at one point, before I did barely anything as a bridesmaid, she told me, "You don't have to stand with the other bridesmaid's during the wedding."  I found it weird that she was saying that, but I replied, "no, I want to be there with all of you". After a bit of back and forth, she admitted she doesn't want me standing there with everyone because of my fear of being the center of attention and my social anxiety.

She was worried that I would have a panic attack just like I did standing there at my own wedding. Honestly, it was bad during my wedding because I was shaking and couldn't breathe, and everyone's terrified reaction made it even worse for me. I had to leave and come back to just me, my husband, and my mother to continue our vows and such while everyone else moved on to the reception. I couldn't even go join them until I was drunk enough to not feel embarrassed.

I've been to therapy since then and have made huge progress regarding my social anxiety and my best friend knows this. I felt hurt that she didn't trust me enough to let me stand with the others. I told her I was so much calmer and less anxious now, and I won't even be the center of attention like I was when I was the bride. She said she acknowledged my improvement but just doesn't want to take chances.

She said she doesn't want to embarrass me again and that she would just feel worried about me the whole time, and was also worried that I would ruin the mood of the wedding if I did happen to have a panic attack. I eventually told her that I'd just rather be a guest if I can't do all the bridesmaid stuff. On the day of her wedding, I was just so sick to my stomach with hurt and sadness that I was merely going as a guest to her wedding that I just decided not to go because I felt so left out.

Now she is very mad at me for making her feel bad at her wedding. She thinks I was trying to hurt her and make her feel guilty because of what she thinks was a reasonable request. I didn't mean to hurt her but I just couldn't go because I was overwhelmed with hurt. The people I've talked to are all divided on who is the asshole in this situation. I feel bad for ruining her mood on her wedding day but I still feel what she asked of me was hurtful. AITA in this situation?

Original post:

AITA for “performing” in front of the camera my mom forced me to have in my room?

I'm a 17-year-old guy, and my mom has always been a bit overprotective. Recently, she took it to the next level by insisting on putting a surveillance camera in my room "for my safety." I found it super invasive and uncomfortable, but she wouldn't take no for an answer.

So, in an act of defiance, I decided to jerk off right in front of the camera every day for a week. I figured if she wanted to invade my privacy, she'd have to deal with the consequences. I made sure to look directly into the camera, making it clear that I knew it was there and I didn't care.

After a week, my mom came to me, furious. She had finally watched the footage and saw what I'd been doing. She said she was absolutely disgusted, and yelled at me for being disrespectful and said I was acting like a child. I told her that if she wanted to invade my privacy, she had to be prepared for what she might see. She took the camera down immediately, but now she's giving me the silent treatment and acting like I'm the bad guy.

My dad thinks I went too far, and I think he secretly finds it funny, but he also agrees that having a camera in my room was too much. My sister won’t even talk to me anymore after my mom told her what I had done, but my friends think it's hilarious and say my mom got what she deserved. I'm not sure how to feel. AITA?

The OP mentions therapy, which should be a place they can all learn better options, but I have to wonder if they are actually following through with the therapists' suggestions.

I'm not a therapist, but I can tell you from dog training, there are situations where I share advice, give instruction, and everything is going great when I'm there. Then I leave and the pet parents do what they do until I return for their next appointment.

Sometimes I see amazing progress. Sometimes I see an escalation in the bad behaviors we were working on. There was one family who had a dog who was destructive and had resource guarding tendencies. We worked extensively on "drop it" and trading the dog for whatever inappropriate item she had. The dog absolutely understood that if I let go of the item I have, I'm going to get something awesome instead. And the family knew to always have high value treats available to trade - I helped them put a little dish in every room.

When I returned one week, the family said the dog had snapped at the adult (25ish) daughter.

Absolutely awful! Bad dog, right? Well yes, and no. The daughter had caught dog chewing on her shoe, chased her and pulled it from her. The exact thing the family was told NOT to do because that INCREASES guarding behavior and can lead to a biting situation until the behavior is trained out. Previously this dog had always growled and tried to move away when someone tried to take things from her, but in this case, she snapped at the daughter. Thankfully the dog did not actually bite her, but it was a huge escalation from the dog.

There were other factors here as well, of course, but generally advice and techniques that would have improved the situation were ignored while behaviors that made the situation escalate were continued. The point is, we can give people all of the advice and instruction and tools in the world, but sometimes they choose to do things in a way that causes further harm regardless. This may be one of those situations where there's a professional trying to help and that help is not being applied.

Observational learning is a valid way of gaining experience, but if your child was still struggling as this child is, I'd expect you to pick up a book, attend a class, and find other ways to educate yourself as well. These parents are stuck in their "I want" and "my way" and are absolutely failing this child. Neither of them show remorse or concern for the child. They're both displaying awful conflict resolution and modeling terrible behaviors to their kid.

Just in this story kid has seen: - if someone disagrees with me I can just do what I want anyway - if I ignore problems or leave the problems will go away - if I'm bigger and stronger I can be mean to people weaker than me - if I cry and manipulate I might get my way

Both parents model the first two, so those are especially reinforced.

We can agree to disagree on what is the main issue here. Honestly OPs wife isn't here for me to comment to her on the absolute stupidity of permissive parenting, but OP is here for me to tell that hitting your kids is never beneficial and spanking IS hitting.

Also, your last statement goes both ways. OP could have actively tried that tactic and spoken to his wife about it from a young age. Unfortunately, it seems neither of them has actually learned about HOW to parent in order to discuss good parenting techniques, and they don't seem to communicate effectively on top of their lack of knowledge. Neither of them are doing anything to help this kid and they both suck equally in my opinion.

We require people to pass a test on their knowledge and skills to drive, but there's no test to raise a whole human being 😅

The conversation I was replying to had nothing to do with the child's behavior, but rather the father's, so allow me to clarify...

The child NEEDS to be taught right from wrong. The child absolutely COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEONE by throwing rocks. The child absolutely DID cause physical harm to both an animal and another person. None of this is acceptable or representative of normal early childhood development for their age.

The mom is absolutely using permissive parenting or rather no parenting which is not helping this child whatsoever. On the other hand the dad is displaying violent parenting which will also not help the child whatsoever. The person I was actually replying to suggested that beating a child's ass is the solution that is needed in this case, which is unequivocally wrong. There are literally hundreds of studies now that show ZERO positive developmental outcomes from hitting a child. A suggestion for permissive parenting would have also been unequivocally wrong, and there are studies to back that up as well.

This child needs a parent! Right now they have two equally but opposite disasters, neither of which are doing anything to actually help their child who is clearly in need of help.

Nope, but you seem to think that's an excuse to be physically violent with a child instead of correcting and teaching them...

I hope that you don't have children because you have no concept of what repercussions hitting a child actually has on their mental and physical development. Nor are you willing to actually read, study, or learn from people who have far more knowledge of the subject than you do. What other things do you refuse to learn about when it comes to parenting? I bet there's a lot. The scientific research is beyond clear on this topic. Your opinion is worthless here.

You can keep reposting this same comment a thousand times; it's still not going to make hitting children acceptable. No child needs to get their ass beat. Hitting is never the right way to get your point across. If the dad can't figure out how to discipline without violence and intimidation he clearly isn't any better equipped to handle this situation than the mother is. They have BOTH failed in parenting.

This is the only instance OP admitted to. That doesn't mean it's the only time he's expressed violence. How many things has he thrown, how many walls has he hit? We don't know. What we do know is that he thought putting his hands on a 7 year old and using his size and strength to intimidate him was an appropriate response....

Except just skip all of that, then send him back to his mommy.

How would he function on a 50/50 custody plan when he had the kids and work in the same week? He needs to act like a dad and figure it out. The incompetent routine is inexcusable.

Sorry, but unlike you I'm not a sad virgin troll who needs to fuck off into a dirty sock because he can't get any real attention. Enjoy your down votes 🤣

But it's the advice you actually need.

You should definitely be less of a troll.

Do whatever is best for you. And let your boss know that if the schedule changes you won't be staying. I had a boss do something similar to me because I had a split shift when I returned to school and others were jealous. Jealousy is not your problem. If your manager can't manage the situation, that's on them.

Yeah, I noticed the opinions on the original post were super sketchy

I'm NTA on this one. Someone's parent just died and this guy has the nerve to make snarky remarks about their loss? No. Just no. It would have been nice if wife had called or texted to let him know she'd be late, but the fact that she didn't doesn't even come close to matching his disgusting behavior.

NTA. You found yourself in situation where shit hit the fan and you had to clean it up. In the professional world that happens sometimes. Would it have been cool if you had called or at least texted your husband, yea...but I can't imagine a world where my husband would be upset with me for not calling him when someone literally died and I was trying to cover the fallout for the coworker who just lost a parent. Unless there's a history of infidelity or something major you left out, his reaction is complete garbage.

Your interactions with people, especially those you love should be intentional and overall enjoyable. People are not books or weights that have no feelings, they are other beings with thoughts and emotions. They should be far more than habits in your life and if they aren't, you're doing it wrong.