Me (37F) und my husband (35M) have been together for 15 years, married for 9. We have two kids in primary school. We both work with a flexible schedule so we take turns working "shifts" - each day one of us will go to work super early and leave after lunch to pick up the kids after school and the other one will get the kids to school before work and stay longer. We decide who does which based on our daily meeting schedules and end up approximately with a 50:50 split. Now there is one rule we have: The one of us who works late has to be home at 6.30 for dinner unless there are special circumstances like a client dinner (which is then discussed in advance). On Monday, I had the late shift. Around 3PM, my boss got a call that his father had just died. Understandably, he was no longer able to concentrate so I sent him home and took over his duties for the rest of the day. Because there were some urgent tasks both on my own as well as my boss's desk, I didn't make it home until 7.15 - too late for dinner, but still early enough to do the kids' bedtime routine (which is the hard part of our evenings). My husband asked me quite angrily why I was late and I told him. Now, my husband knows that my boss and I get along very well and directly work together a lot. We're not friends outside of work, but have a close professional relationship. So naturally I felt sad and worried for my boss and wanted to help him out by covering his most urgent stuff. My Husband also knows him personally from company events and has never said anything bad about him. But when I told him I was late because my boss's dad died his answer was "So what, you had to go to the funeral with him immediately and hold his hand?" At first, I calmly tried to explain how I had to get my sobbing boss out of the office and then pick up all the urgent tasks but he remained angry. I also apologized because I'll admit that I did forget to call that I'd be late. Yes, I know that I should have but I was pretty much overwhelmed with the sudden situation and didn't even check the time. Plus, I was less than an hour late and he didn't call me either to ask where I was. Now I can't really get this out of my head, how my husband could say something so rude. I kind of want to confront him and tell him that was really an awful thing to say. So, am I in the wrong? AITAH for being late against our dinner rule and now overreacting because my husband was angry and rude about it?
To be honest, their scheduling sounds very stressful. I assume it is slowly getting to them.
Nta. And the only reason you could remotely be TA is because you didn’t call. If you would have called nobody could say anything remotely close to some of the responses I’m seeing here.
If this is out of the ordinary, I think your husband might have had something come up? Is something causing stress? Not that his behavior is acceptable but we’ve all been assholes to our loved ones for one reason or another and had to apologize.
But if it is regular… your husband is an asshat and you need to stand up for yourself
NTA your husband is a spiteful manchild and a brat. He needs to grow up. You really should have called him, but it's perfectly understandable why you didn't. You were overwhelmed at work. Your husband could/should have called you when you weren't home on time. But, no, instead of being concerned that you weren't home, he decided the best thing to do was pout. Your poor baby husband had to do dinner all by himself/s. They're his children, too. Plus you apologized. Does he do this often? If so, you need to rethink this relationship.
NTA. You found yourself in situation where shit hit the fan and you had to clean it up. In the professional world that happens sometimes. Would it have been cool if you had called or at least texted your husband, yea...but I can't imagine a world where my husband would be upset with me for not calling him when someone literally died and I was trying to cover the fallout for the coworker who just lost a parent. Unless there's a history of infidelity or something major you left out, his reaction is complete garbage.
NTA... Your husband is overreacting and rude. I fear he thinks you have a relationship with your boss... perhaps. You should have a conversation with him about this and try to figure out what has gotten into him. In the worst case projecting.
But i really hope he just had a really bad day. However he was an AH for the way he spoke to you.
Good luck
UpdateMe
I can't really imagine he could be concerned about my relationship with my boss. Boss is quite a bit older and... let's say, my husband is aesthetically far more pleasing to the eye. 😀 I've been working with my boss for 5 years and my husband has never voiced any concerns of this sort. He has commented on male friends of mine in the past though, so I don't think he'd hold back if that kind of thing was on his mind.
NTA
I ran this one by my husband. He was appalled. His take would be to ask what adjustments to the schedule would be needed to keep things going while your boss was dealing with this.
NTA. You apologized for this? Yikes.
NTA. His reaction is appalling. If i were him once i found out WHY you were late i would have apologized like crazy. Having your wife a little late to dinner is definitely preferable to having your father die-i just don’t understand why the lack of basic empathy is so prevalent.
You said he's been late without calling you.
His response to you makes me feel he's hiding somthing....
Yuck. Baby girl, you married a dud with a heart the size of the Grinch before it grew.
NTA - Your husband is unreasonable and cruel. His reaction is simply unacceptable. And I’d tell him as much. To get himself in order and think about what he said and did, and talk to you once he grasps how fucked up this is.
NTA. He seems to be over reacting to you being 45 mins late due to an emergency at work.
The cattiness is what gets me. No, clearly OP was going immediately to a funeral. She was spending less than an hour making sure that the business she works at is able to run while its owner is actively grieving, which isn’t somehow less important than having dinner with your kids one night.
Yeah, some of the responses are really weird.
There has ro be something more? That was such an over the top reaction. What’s really going on? It makes me thinks he is not nice to you on a regular basis.
That's what shocked me - this was uncalled for and out of character. He's normally a decent human being.
NTA, personally I would apologize for not calling because he could have been worried that something happened to you, but with his comment it doesn't even seem like it's that he was worried; he's just being an AH.
NTA- things happen and it's very easy to lose track of time while doing work.
I've lost whole hours before, my husband and I were down to 1 car and I get done at 6p, I'm a nursing supervisor, I didn't get done until 745p due to multiple issues that happened and my husband was a little upset I didn't call but understood that sometimes it's not possible and sometimes I forget
NTA
Ffs she was not even that majorly late and she explained what happened. Her husband is a Major AH. For his lack of respect for his wife. Lack of respect and empathy of a heartbreaking situation for her boss. 45 mins late isn’t a huge deal if it’s only a one off and doesn’t usually happen. Yes she could have text to let him know but if she were distressed it’s understandable to be under pressure with everything happening. If he was worried even if he is wrangling the kids which is a normal routine yes he could have called to find out. But he didn’t and ya know why. Because it wasn’t that late for him to be that worried yet. He was irritated.
It wasn’t majorly late for the way he talked to her and about her boss after explaining. Something is wrong with her husband. He sounds very controlling!
Has he ever been late? Wonder what it is like in the reverse.
ESH.
Does it kill you to send a text to let him know you've not been in a car crash?
Sounds like both your scheduals and kids are taking its toll on you. Plan some time away just the two of you (grandparents weekend for the kids?) and have some deep talks and a rest.
ESH. Yes, you were AH for not calling home. You have a rule, you broke it - for a valid reason - and you didn't notify your husband. Husband's reaction was sarcastic and insensitive. But it was not necessarily what he thought, rather and explosive expression of his anger.
You are wrong for not calling him. He is wrong for what he said. Hopefully you can both apologize to each other and move on.
Nope. I didn't establish the dinner rule, we both agreed on it because we both alternate working "late" and neither of us particularly likes to do all the cooking, cleaning and kid-managing alone after getting up at 4.30 to work the "early shift". He's also been 20-30 minutes late himself a few times in the past and not called. For me, first time I didn't communicate in advance.
So ok for him to be late on several occasions without calling but acts like a spoiled B the once you've got in late....
What is he hiding?
BTW no you are not a ah
Do you think something being low priority can be a reaso why someone forgets something? It isn't an either or situation is it?
It has everything to do with the post????
Of course she can forget if a huge an unexpected event occurs that leaves her snowed under at work.
What a truly bizare take you have on this.
The reborn ghost is an incel, evrn if it is a woman.
You put into words what I wanted to. Op is a hypocrite and honestly probably needs to re evaluate her relationship with her boss. Sounds kinda..I’m not sure but it’s weird
It's weird to work with someone 40 h/week for 5 years and... like them enough to care when they lose a parent?
tell me you can’t be friends with anyone of the opposite sex without telling me, loser
ESH
* YTA because you didn't call
* Husband is an AH because he's acting like an AH.
You wrote this in the most self-centered way possible and you are getting the response you hoped for.
I wonder what your reaction would be if he was late and forgot to inform you govennyou have an agreement. YTA
It's happened a handful of times over the last 5 years that we have this agreement / rule, though mostly he was only 20 minutes or less late. For non-catastrophic reasons like "a customer called and I didn't want to tell them I have to leave" btw. When he's not here on time, I call him, mostly to check whether we should start earing dinner without him or wait because he'll be there in a few minutes. And I remind him to please remember to call or text when he's delayed.
He's been late without calling to if you read the responses. He a ah for his behaviour. Things slip in a emergency
Your husband is an AH for what he said, but all this could have been avoided if you picked up the phone and called him about the situation. So, you are a small AH. Simple phone call…you need to do better
He was probably worried about you.
quite clearly not.
YTA
You didin't even send a text to let them know you'd be late. Five seconsd in the three and a half hours between 3 and6:30. Time you spent doing things which don't seem to be your job. They're your boss's job. Then didn't take any time to apologize for it when you got home. You didn't take accountability for it when you got back. Given the tense of your post i'm guessing that he was mad and your apology was more "I'm SORRY that I had to take care of work!" in that angry snap back sarcasm that isn't actally an apology. I could be wrong on that, but given the
"My husband knows him personally..."
No he doesn't. He's just your boss. That doesn't mean he gives a shit about him. It means he needs to smile and be polite to his face to not endanger your job.
"I didn't think to check the time."
Well, you clearly knew the time when things started in your post, so this just seems like its untrue.
So, you broke the rule that you agreed to. You didn't apologize for it or provide any UNPROMPTED apologies or responsibility in it. And now you're mad that he is, rightfully, mad at you.
Did you contact him to tell him you would be late hone? If not then YTAH.
Yta. How hard is it to send a text message to your husband that you would be late. You have a set of ground rules and you ignored them.
You were less than an hour late, one time, and because of a death… and your husband thinks it’s ok to act like a complete AH? There’s gotta be something else he’s pissed about, otherwise he’s a grade A piece of shit!