My mom and I live on opposite sides of the United States. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer one year ago and recently took a horrible turn for the worse. She told us on Saturday night that her liver was failing and by Sunday, I was by her bedside. On the second night I was here, I was laying next to her in bed before she started vomiting blood and was rushed to the ER. She was admitted to the hospital and is currently sedated until end of life. This could happen any time now - a few hours or a few days. I am a stay at home mom to our three children and my husband has had to step up and care for them. He has been supportive these last few days but today, he called me and told me that I need to have a plan for my flight and I need to figure things out. My flight was scheduled for 10 pm tonight and it’s currently noon. I can’t leave my mom like this and I’m devastated that I feel like I’m not getting kindness and understanding because he’s worried about the cost of the plane ticket. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive. He had a really, really shitty day with the kids today and I know that has contributed to his stress but goddamn.
Am I being too sensitive? We’ve had issues for 5+ years about him not being emotionally supportive, so this behavior isn’t farfetched but I’m in a very vulnerable place right now so I can’t tell.
Today I got a text with the following:
“I don’t know what will be cheaper, rescheduling or just canceling and asking for a refund. You’ll have to figure that out. I don’t have time to help you anymore. If you reschedule shoot for Sunday only assuming she passes by then.
If you are not back before Sunday you will have to schedule child care. I can’t take off 2 weeks in a row with no notice. It doesn’t matter if I have time to use or not, I lead a department and didn’t plan work for all of them. I still need to at least work at least two days to schedule out a plan. I cant use bereavement until an individual has passed, not before.
I can’t just throw the kids in front of an iPad and work. There is so much into caring for the kids. An iPad won’t make their meals, change their diapers, get them snacks, do the dishes, wash their laundry, etc. There are only so many hours in the day, I can’t do this alone. Additionally, we still need to pay our bills because it’s the end of the month. You are asking me to manage an entire household and work full time, that’s not possible.
I am trying to be understanding, but you can’t just ghost us and expect things to be fine. This is why I need to talk to you and have a plan.”