I wasn't on bc when I met my partner.

I went on it and felt 0 sexual attraction to him. For almost 2 years. I tried 2 different kinds, and both had the same result. I also generally was less ME on it, and my bf had to sit me down and tell me he missed me, that he didn't even feel like he had a gf anymore.

It was a very difficult time for us. I also had bad health side effects. I will never take hormonal birth control again. (I know plenty of people for whom it is hugely beneficial, but for me personally, it nearly destroyed me and my relationship).

Whoever invites the other person out should expect to pay. It's nice if the other party then offers to split, but if you want to take someone out, take them out without charging them for the privilege.

As a woman, if I ask someone out, I tell them it's on me. If they ask me out, I expect them to pay for it, but will usually offer to pay my own way as a nice gesture. (I find men in general reciprocate this behavior without issue) Everyone I know functions like this. Men definitely have to instigate far more often, so they would pay way more often by this logic, which is a big reason most prefer first dates to be grabbing drinks rather than a full dinner. If you start seeing someone more and they don't ever reciprocate or initiate, it can be an easy way to rule someone out or at least talk to them to clarify expectations.

No need for such catastrophizing.

I don't know why I keep watching it when I just cry harder every time.

Most men and women I know both have a wide variety of hobbies. The women I know, specifically, have hobbies ranging from gardening, cider making, woodworking, jewelery making, going to the gym, video games, etc. My mother has approximately 100 different hobbies she juggles - there's a seasonal rotation. It's madness. I personally sometimes get stressed out if I'm not getting enough hobby time and will have to tell my bf I'm ignoring him for a while to craft/read/game, etc.

But I do think there are some people who do not have a real hobby. Either because they haven't found their specific thing yet or because they're too exhausted by workload/mental load, so they have no creative energy or passion left and can only kill time in front of screens (I think we've all been there).

Personally, being in my 30s and seeing lots of people's parents (particularly fathers) retire, I'd say old men are the ones I see without hobbies most frequently. Their whole life was work, and many struggle to figure out what to do when that part of their identity is gone.

I think this is just tradition.

Remember that giving birth was nearly an inevitability. You couldn't have a bank account or own anything, so you had to marry a man. Spousal rape was legal until the 80s/90s and birth control was not widely accessible until just before that. So you didn't really decide if/when you had sex with that man. It just happened to you. And you either got pregnant or didn't. Even a pregnancy test is only recently something you can do in the privacy of your home - you used to have to go to a doctor or wait until it was really obvious.

And if you didn't want the pregnancy? Terrified to do it an 11th time because you're getting old, you're exhausted, and your family has no money? Maybe you almost died last time? He was your high school sweetheart who lied to get in your pants, and you will be a social pariah if anyone finds out about your pregnancy? Hopefully, your back alley abortion doesn't kill you, cause infection, or render you sterile. Access to abortion was only recently made available in SOME places (and is being taken away again in certain places, as we all know).

A lot of these comments make it sound like women have always chosen despite the downsides. But there was no choice. It's only very recently that we are able to have any say in this - and is why birth control and abortion are directly tied to our freedom.

Men were busy with great marketing to brainwash children that the only joy a woman has is in being a wife and mother. That she must serve everyone else. That every child is a blessing. And she must give and give and give and never complain (not happy with your shit husband and 8 kids? That's biologically impossible. Maybe we'll send you to the sanatorium because you're hysterical).

So WHY would women have highlighted all the downsides, near death experiences, stillborns, miscarriages, bleeding nipples, balding, tooth loss, and long-term suffering? Instead, they'd bolster each other up with the positives and commiserate over their shared suffering. They'd lean in hard to the belief that this was their duty and the only joy they could expect to have. The alternative was to be defeated by it - as many women were, if you look at the rates of self medicating done by housewives back in those "good ol days"

We still see women focus on the positives even now because it's how it's always been done. It's why I think so many men just don't understand all that is at risk and involved with the process. With the information age, with our newfound rights, with the ability to have a say, women are finally able to actually weigh the pros against the cons and opt in or out. Some may still choose to have a child or 2 or 3 (likely not the 10+ children women were having when there was no other choice). But plenty are also saying no thank you. (And society has not really figured out how to handle that rejection of the social programming).

It'll take some time for the knowledge to spread because there are many who benefit from hiding the brutality of pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/child rearing. Unfortunately, those who will take the time to seek out information and weigh all these options are probably not the teenagers, the impoverished, and the people who would benefit most but it's good to see the full picture spreading more and more.

I love that a woman can now say, "Yes, I know what I'm going to put myself through, I know the risks, but I want this, and it is my choice." That is such an incredible gift that our mothers, grandmothers, and many of our sisters alive today never got. I wish it was a gift we could grant more women, instead of trying to sugarcoat and shield them for fear that the downsides might lead them to the "wrong" choice. I'm one of the women who will never carry a child. I looked at that list of cons and said no; another beautiful gift that so so so many women will never have and certainly not one that the women before me had.

I'm going to put my feet up and rest on behalf of the women who came before.

This shit is why I'm childfree.

At least I know I can die fighting and standing my ground without leaving my children defenseless. At least their lives can't be weaponized to control me.

I'll take whatever days of peace I have left but I know it's unlikely I'll be dying peacefully of old age - this world has only gotten more and more fucked. One way or another, sooner or later, war will be at all our doorsteps.

I always say to other women and girls, "Only have as many children as you are willing to raise on your own".

I've always said I really wish more discussion and research would be done on gym bros/body builder types. I've had many admit to me that they definitely have dysmorphia. I've talked to men wider than they are tall who say they look in the mirror and feel like they are small. (Almost a perfect inverse of anorexia).

But the behavior of just getting as big as possible is still widely praised, and young boys look up to these men and aspire to be them. Unlike someone with anorexia dropping to 80lbs or someone with bulimia losing their teeth, I feel like people see muscle gain/strength/fitness as a positive and are missing the underlying issues. We need to get the awareness of muscle dysmorphia way way up. It is increasing, especially in the male population, and I do not doubt social media will speed that up further.

The other students.

Only read subject line: no. You are NTA.

The first half is bad enough. But his response to it all is equally as revealing. We never know how we'd handle a situation like that. Maybe some of us judging him in the comments would've run away, too, and we just don't know. But I think everyone else is doing a great job in the comments of explaining why his response (especially the closing of the gate) is pretty unforgivable.

For me, it's also the fact that he isn't horrified by his own actions, begging for forgiveness. If I was an absolute coward and my partner and niece got seriously injured, I would be shocked and disgusted with myself. I'd be so apologetic and would understand why my partner would need time away from me.

The fact that he's just trying to cover for himself and getting frustrated at YOU is, I think, also very revealing.

When I lived in Japan, lots of places had this. You don't tip in their culture either, so they just go chill in the back unless someone hits a button. The alternative is that you just yell for them (which is hard to get used to).

I vastly preferred it. In my opinion, it was superior in every way with no actual downsides.

CHEST HAAAAIRRR! Big shoulders A nice beard Strong callused hands Adjusting the cuffs or collar on a nice shirt, ooooh doing up a tie. TAKING A TIE OFF! THEM THIGHS IN THEM SHORT SHORTS THAT ARE COMING BACK, OH LORDY WHEN THEY ROLL UP THE SLEEEEEVEEES AND THE FOREARMS. ARE. OUT! WHEN--no, okay, I could keep going. Men are hot. We all gotta appreciate it more.

She cried and ran off because she had a whole fantasy in her head that he would happily cheat on you and keep the secret with her. She was probably fantasizing about the whole affair.

When he pushed her back and it all crumbled around her, she couldn't handle it. She wanted your husband, was willing to destroy your entire family to get him, and EXPECTED that he'd choose her over you and cheat, which is so damn despicable. You just know she was so excited waiting for him, thinking she was finally going to get exactly what she wanted.

I'm happy to hear you tried to kick her ass because, girl, I don't even know you, and I would've helped you. What an absolute psychopath to have been your friend for this long while so evil inside.

Selfish, delusional, despicable behavior.

My MIL lost her brother a couple years back. Everyone else in her family was already gone. Old friends are gone.

When she spoke at the funeral, the part that absolutely broke my heart was when she said, "You were the last one who knew our childhood." And started listing memories of their youth. Happy memories of friends and family at their childhood home.

Everyone in those memories is gone. Her childhood is something only she remembers.

I think about it even years later.

👏👏👏

I'm in a weird place with this one because I so agree that unilaterally making decisions like this and not consulting his wife is a huge problem...but I also think 1 birthday and 1 anniversary are clearly not important in the face of being there for a sibling going through a horrible time. I think OP definitely approached it all wrong, but if OP is like me, the annual celebrations just aren't a huge deal. They happen literally every year and don't actually have to be celebrated day of. His sister was going through some one-time terrifying shit - it DOES seem obvious to me which one matters and does feel selfish to me that a wife would expect her SIL to just be alone so they can celebrate their nth anniversary the exact correct day. (Granted, if he had discussed it with her respectfully, maybe she would've agreed he should go).

I dunno, I almost always agree with Reddit on stuff like this, but the number of people who are making such a big deal out of anniversary/birthday is shocking to me. Yall really care this much every single year??? (I get that a kids birthday matters way more but he'll be there just after, she probably still had fun with friends, and dad probably doesn't normally miss important events - this was an emergency).

I guess the theory that men with big dicks are worse in bed because they're cocky (pardon the pun) could also apply to tall men. Maybe short men try harder because they aren't counting on height to get by.... but my female friends and I have dealt with trash dudes of all heights and also great dudes at all heights.

But maybe your experience is biased because insecure short guys that lack confidence might avoid dating a 6ft tall woman, hence passively granting a filter that selects for the boldest and most secure short guys. It wouldn't be as effective on the tall male population, increasing your chance of compatibility with a shorter guy. (I'm high, so if I make no sense, pay me no mind)

Same happened with me. Early in dating, my bf said "females" and I stopped him to point it out and explained the issue. He had never heard of anyone having a problem with it before. He didn't even know where he picked up saying it. He caught himself doing it a couple times after that and would quickly correct himself. He hasn't done it since.

I agree that the response to being challenged on it is the real indicator of who the person is.

My bf didn't want to get married, and I was unsure.

He told me that if it was important to me, he would be happy to do it.

I wound up deciding I didn't want to, but he 100% would've done it if I went the other way. The unwillingness to do something that's important to you is a problem. Especially if you want the wedding as well - that is something you should not give up. That's a major life milestone that many people really want, and I think you need to find someone who has the same vision.

(I should also note that marriage doesn't give additional protections where I live - if you live in the US, my understanding is that you should definitely get married.)

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" - Isaac Asimov

It's more of a mind game than you think.

Working out as a lot of comments suggest can definitely help, but on top of that, being well put together can do wonders for your confidence and appearance.

Well-fitted clothes, nice shoes, good cologne, good hygiene/grooming, etc. Spend your time, money, and energy on you and pamper yourself. Fake it until you feel it. It can really change how you feel inside and eventually help you project more confidence as well.

It's all self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought I was the ugliest creature to ever crawl out of a swamp until I was about 20 and slowly started to make changes. It took time. Years. People started to treat me differently long before I felt the shift inside. But I'm so so glad I took the time while I was young - I completely altered the course of my life.

Most first dates I went on, the guy had an ugly tee with jeans and bad shoes. I didn't even think negatively about those guys at the time, but not positively either. Just a neutral impact. My current partner showed up to our first date dressed in well-fitting clothes, hair/beard neatly groomed, nice watch/shoes, smelling great - my jaw dropped when I saw him. The effort he had put in made him stand out.

To this day (5 years later), he makes sure to look great on every date we go on, and we get ready together. It has completely changed how I see those other dates. Not meaning to sound harsh, but it feels like the difference between dating a boy and dating a MAN.

I agree with this so much I assumed it'd be a somewhat popular opinion.

From the comments, it looks like OP and I are in the minority.

I can't watch it - it makes me feel ill.

Skyrim.