So you're not really getting cold feet. You're just feeling the discomfort of a new situation. "New and unfamiliar" can feel weird. Try to reframe it in your mind as "this feels weird and I like it" (since it seems like you do like it). 

And if you're bored for no reason, despite not feeling bored by him as a person, that's your body wondering where all that adrenaline went from your past fighting and stress.

Yes! He does not owe you a relationship. The silent treatment is abusive when you are in a relationship with someone, not when someone who is related to you by circumstance (i.e. married to your brother) does not want to interact with you. He is exercising "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." You are pressuring him into interacting with you so you can try to change his mind. There's nothing to be discussed. You could have let him have his space (and see over time if your partner actually has changed). Instead you made it a huge issue. And put your brother in the middle.

He's having fun verbally abusing you, then having even more fun making up stories to convince you to stay. It doesn't have a nice meaning to him, he knows what he's doing, and he knows how it makes you feel. I'm sorry. 

This. The term was only ever meant to be used in fanfiction where a new (overly powerful, overly attractive, overly special, overly tragic) character is inserted into the existing story as a new main character. The ACTUAL main character of a story cannot be a Mary Sue. Unless we're going to go around calling the Luke Skywalkers and John Wicks of the world Gary Stus. Which we don't. Because poorly written or exaggerated male main characters are allowed to be just that. But poorly written or exaggerated female main characters (or apparently any new female main characters in existing universes) need to be lumped together so we can hate on them more efficiently without having to actually back it up with actual reasoning.

A shop sign behind Hyunjin says "ice cream" :)

The great part about leaving is that you don't need to convince him of anything. You don't need to explain, argue, fight, or try to make him understand (although he'll certainly try to make you). You can just tell him it's over, pack you stuff, decline to hold up your side of any arguments he tries to start, and leave. He doesn't have to agree.

she will not text or call until I apologize

Am I missing something? Why do you want her to call or text? Let her be mad. She has no leg to stand on, and it sounds (?) like everyone else in the family knows about her bullshit even if they're not willing to confront her. There's nothing to fix here. Just leave her to it.

So, you've told us (and yourself) that you're showing her "kindness" and that you "respect boundaries."  But you're not. 

Kindness does not mean "doing little acts of service," not when those acts are making her uncomfortable and she's asked you to stop. Kindness means being considerate to what YOUR FRIEND wants, not YOURSELF.  

Respecting boundaries means just that: respecting HER boundaries, which she's clearly communicated to you. It doesn't mean respecting what YOU think her boundaries SHOULD be. 

Practice what you preach. Be kind and respect her boundaries—which from what you've said sound completely reasonable—and try to stop thinking about it like an attack on you. Find a new way to express that you value her friendship that doesn't a) mirror boyfriend behavior, and b) turn her into your therapist or minder. Maybe look into a new (non-couple-y) hobby you can both get into.

Edited to add: you are well within your rights to set similar boundaries with her, too. If she's still giving you little gifts but says she doesn't want them from you, and that makes you feel bad (which makes sense!) then tell her. And it doesn't have to be a big conversation, especially if you just want to mirror her boundaries. You can treat the previous convo like it established boundaries for both of you. E.g. If she buys you snacks, you can lightly say "oh, thanks! But I thought we said no little gifts anymore?" 

You are not responsible for managing his emotions for him.

All relationship issues aside, I need you to know that there is NOTHING weird about cleaning your toothbrush after using it, putting a protective cap on it, or not wanting to share it. Like, 10000% completely normal. WTF.

I've never been happier in my entire life. And to me that seems like the whole point, we are extremely happy, 

Love how you're here asking about something that's upsetting your girlfriend, and yet you're still thinking "I'm happy" means "we're happy!" 

Consider that YOU feeling fulfilled and happy in this relationship, as it is right now, does not mean your girlfriend is feeling equally fulfilled and happy. For her, something is lacking. I'm not saying you have to get married—that's your choice. But you need to approach this question with the understanding that the status quo is not as ideal for her as it is for you.

You're here asking Reddit why you should want to get married... Have you asked her why she wants to get married?

he starts telling me how much he loves me and all that, says I’m misunderstand i

Yeah, he's lying. Because it gets him what he wants: you staying so he can continue to abuse you

Don't just talk about feelings, though. You need to talk about the specifics. Who is doing which chores, will you both take parenting classes, how much time will you both take off after you give birth, last names, what happens if the child has special needs, how will this effect your careers, what are your childcare plans, etc etc etc. Does he have any idea what it takes to raise kids? "We'll figure it out" often results in "it'll all default to mom."

Thank you for taking this as a learning experience and not as an attack, and not letting it put a chip on your shoulder. You messed up, but you're doing the right thing.

It's not "she's not worth the work," it's "being with her isn't work."

It sounds like you're a very sweet person in a very frustrating situation. I think you need to let go of the idea that you can "win" an argument against him using logic—not because there's anything wrong with YOU, but because HIS idea of logic is limited to "things he agrees with" and "things that make him seem superior to you."

It doesn't matter WHAT you say—if it makes him seem wrong, then he will call it "stupid" or "illogical." The smartest, most logical thing you can do is to WALK AWAY. Even if everything he says about you is true (it's not!) the very logical, very real truth is that being with him makes you miserable. 

Even if he's really treating you like dirt "for your own good," the fact is that it's NOT doing you any good. You're miserable. If he was actually smart, and actually cared about you, and actually wanted you to have a better life, he would look at the facts and realize the way he's treating you isn't helping. He would change. But he's NEVER going to change, because he isn't interested in actually helping you—he likes making you feel like dirt so he can feel superior. 

You deserve happiness. You deserve to be with someone who protects you from hurt, not someone who hurts you. He is not that person.

Listen. I am SURROUNDED by people who are objectively more successful than me. High six figures and PhDs. Smarter, more skilled, more talented, more driven to succeed.  

They NEVER feel the need to tell me they're intelligent. They never talk down to me. We're all friends/family because we like each other and share common interest. No one uses elementary school name calling to "help" anyone else "improve themselves." Advice is offered and asked for. KINDLY.

Your boyfriend is an egotistical idiot who has repeated the line "I'm intelligent" so often that he's fooled you (and himself) into believing it.

It's really telling that you would feel guilt instead of regret.

Ending a relationship doesn't make you a failure or a bad person. Society really pushes this idea that all relationships can and should last forever, or else they've "failed." It's not true. Let go of that guilt. You DO NOT owe anyone a "fair shot," let alone bending over backwards setting yourself on fire to try to fix someone who isn't putting in any effort himself. (And for what it's worth, you've ALREADY given it a fair shot!)

Not smoking/vaping inside the house is.... a pretty common boundary for people who don't smoke/vape. In many places it's the law in public buildings. It's absolutely not unreasonable. Sure, it might be more upsetting to you because of your issues, but plenty of people set that boundary for the simple reason of "I don't want the smell in my home."

If that wasn't okay with him, it was his responsibility to tell you before you moved in together, or if he changed his mind later, to tell you then. Not to lie to your face. It's a small thing, not some terrible malicious betrayal, but it would absolutely change the way I thought of someone if they lied like that--and I'm not dealing with any sort of personal trauma. Like... that's just kind of mildly distasteful and sketchy. I don't like surrounding myself with people who act this way.  

Long story short, I think you are stressing out about it way more than is necessarily normal, not you're not wrong to be upset that someone is smoking in a non-smoking home and lying about it.

"Ghosting" means "suddenly stopping contact without notice." You told him you're stopping contact, so no, you did not ghost him. You could never talk to him again and it would still not be ghosting. It's very common and often healthy to permanently cut contact with exes. That's not ghosting.

He could've meant anything from "wow, this is so thoughtful, I want to learn more about how your mind works!" to "this was too much, why would you do this?" Please don't try to read his mind, and definitely don't assume strangers can read his mind. Communicate. Answer his question (what you told us is fine: you like to cook for people) and talk to HIM about your concerns ("I hope that was okay?" / "Too much??" / Etc.) It doesn't have to be a whole monologue; just open the door to let him elaborate on what he meant. Ideally not over text.

Most likely, either he doesn't like when his mom does it but it isn't worth the effort of trying to get her to change, or he just doesn't want to associate you with something his mom does (for reasons that are hopefully obvious to you). 

He shouldn't have snapped at you, but he also doesn't need to justify himself or explain beyond "I don't like it." And you are not his therapist and should not be trying to psychoanalyze him or manage his relationships. This is the kind of thing you solve simply by respecting his preferences. (Obviously if this was a bigger issue that impacted you more, find a mutually acceptable compromise or end the relationship, but I assume it's not.)

If this happened to a friend, would you think she was a fool or would you be pissed at the people who hurt your friend?

Don't stand your ground. Leave. People like this don't change.  

What you need to learn how to do is 1) know your own boundaries, what treatment is acceptable and unacceptable, 2) communicate those to your partner, and 3) when someone consistently doesn't respect those boundaries, or just isn't a good match... leave.

I get that it can be hard to label things like this 'assault' or 'rape,' but put those words aside and just ask yourself... does what he did show even a basic amount of care or respect for you? 

Can you imagine yourself ever doing something like this to someone you love, who is clearly not into it, just because they didn't verbally say no?