My loved one (M/24) doesn't care for my feelings(F-22) because they are my responsibility because it is not intelligent to be hurt. What are your thoughts?

THIS MAN IS TRASH. What kind of sociopath says that??

OP every comment you posted made this story worse, LEAVE please! I know it's hard. You can heal and understand much better away from him. He is not a good person

Apparently an ambitous sociopath who wants me to wake up from my stagnant life and change. He always tells me that his opinions are about what is happy and what will make me happy but after some time and that kind of emotional phrases I kinda forget it and feel like I need to be intelligent and ambitious or I else I'm too lame to exists. I believe he just doesn't like people like me but when i ask him he says that I don't understand him and create my own world. This was long time ago tho. Last summer he told me I should be ashamed that I've lost all my summers not achieving anything and spending time with my family. I am so confused at times because his words kinda make sense to me most of the times. I do want to achive things and not lose my time and do something meaningful it's just his ways of telling me is not the right way. He says eye opening things most of the time but I'm too emotional to hear them and he points this out. I don't know. I'm just confused. I do agree that I'm taking things emotionally and not seeing what matters. But there is something inside me that I can't solve - something about me not wanting to be treated this way. But maybe it isn't important.. I don't know

Of course not.

But if he tells you that he can change but you have to talk about it with him and give him your arguments and he belives that everything can be resolved and modified in his character would you want to stay and make the effort?

The only thing you should do is stay and inititate it. Would you do this?

That is what is conflicting me. I want him to have a big desire to change so that i don't have to beg him or make him do on his own.

On the other hand if a person lacks understanding you shouldn't blame him for this. Maybe it is my job to make this kind of principle in him.

It is just that I don't know if I can argument my principles in front of him. Becuase he is like a robot. He seeks the optimal and most successful option. He thinks I shouldn't feel bad ever by anything and in reallity it is my responsibility.

What I struggle with is the logic. I am afraid he will say things to me which will make me reach a conclusion that my own principles are wrong and for some reasons I do not want him to get to my mind in such ways. Because I think he is missing something and I don't know what it is.

Confusinggg!

he's feeding you a load of bs. just break up with him and don't listen to him. he's making s*** up

If the emotional aspect isn't bad and it's only about truth, then why does he bother bringing up people being emotional? Since he's admitted it's not inherently wrong.

What would intiating that change in him look like? I'm sure he can better himself for the sole sake of self improvement

Right, everyone can change for the better, but why does he like you NOW if he thinks you're a stupid pathetic baby? It seems like he's interested in who he can turn you into, not who you actually are.

He's thought a lot about the happiest way to live and is an apparent authority on both the correct way to live and being rational, but he calls his partner a pathetic stupid baby and that's ok because it's true? If you hadn't listed his age I'd assume he was a teenager

He's been negging you since the beginning, a gross control technique. He's not trying to help you become a better person. He wants you to feel like you're below him so he can manipulate you. This guy is not it. Someone who loves you would not treat you like that.

OP, you keep asking for a "logical" argument so here you go...

Someone being smarter* than you isn't a good enough reason alone to listen to them. They must also have your best interests at heart.

Example: parents are smarter than their children, and almost always have their children's best interests at heart. But if a parent is selfish, injured or immoral; the relationship can be very damaging to the child. By virtue of being smarter, someone can manipulate and harm their loved ones, if they desire.

*Smart people can still have massive gaps in knowledge, empathy and yes logic. Your BF is about 35 years behind on human psychology research.

The Gottman Institute has been studying human relationships since the early 1990s. By now, they have well known and well supported model of how and why relationships fail:

• Criticism (!) Attacking a partner's personality or character instead of their behavior, such as blaming or name-calling
• Contempt (!) Treating someone with disrespect, mocking them, or making them feel worthless
• Defensiveness - A natural response to criticism, such as making excuses or playing the victim
• Stonewalling - Withdrawing from the interaction, shutting down, and not responding to a partner

Called the Four Horsemen, behavioral predictors of divorce or break-up, are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Their destructive nature earned them the name and reference to the biblical apocalypse

HE is the one with the problematic behavior here, not you! This is not your fault and you deserve better!!

😡 YouTube: https://youtu.be/1o30Ps-_8is?si=nTpo6Mh7PvcXf-fI

🤬Article: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Listen. I am SURROUNDED by people who are objectively more successful than me. High six figures and PhDs. Smarter, more skilled, more talented, more driven to succeed.  

They NEVER feel the need to tell me they're intelligent. They never talk down to me. We're all friends/family because we like each other and share common interest. No one uses elementary school name calling to "help" anyone else "improve themselves." Advice is offered and asked for. KINDLY.

Your boyfriend is an egotistical idiot who has repeated the line "I'm intelligent" so often that he's fooled you (and himself) into believing it.

He does! At least a million times XD

Oh, I was not making a joke.

There are 8 billion people on this planet, half of which are male. So that's 4 billion people. You can find a better one. He's not actually unique or special or even original.

He won't change. He's said it himself over and over and over: YOU are the one who has to change.

edited because I forgot to add: Please believe that you can do better and be happy.

Imagine a world where your partner loves, respects, and cherishes you. It is possible.

Please stop idolizing and making excuses for this asshole.

I have been in a very similar situation but my ex was less rude about it for a very very long time. Little things and backhanded compliments and unsolicited advice, saying how smart they were and how experienced and how they will stay with you even through your flaws. I can tell you right now it is bullshit. I was in it for 5 years, I was cheated on the entire last year of it, I was never enough and I never could have been. At one point my ex told me “I would never expect someone like you to understand me your brain is too small” or something along those lines and I think he realized he crossed a line he couldn’t take back. You are not stupid, you are not a child or too emotional and this is not love. I thought my world would be over without him and I’m doing better than I ever thought possible. After leaving him I couldn’t tell you how many people, not even very close friends, told me how much happier I looked. He is breaking you down on purpose and you deserve better. He is not that smart he is a con-man and you can and will do better