You've been very honest, stating that you're on disability due to your mental health issues and Bipolar works just as well as any other diagnosis, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

You don't owe a detailed medical history to your romantic partner. You can go into more detail a couple years down the line if you want to but it shouldn't matter even if you never do.

Self-compassion:

Everybody makes mistakes. It sucks but it's a perfectly normal part of human experience. Just gotta focus on what's after. Accept the blame if you made a mistake or decline it if you're being blamed and not at fault and then focus on finding a solution and putting it to practice.

You don't, you don't need those toxic man groups in your life.

Sarcasm and passive-agressiveness are not acceptable ways to communicate or joke around in ANY kind of relationship.

Was about to say this, definitely read this before. Such bs.

That's a combination of implicit bias around weight and halo effect. It's definitely real but not everyone is affected by it.

Also, normal weight you is still you.

10% of all pwBPD succeed too, it's a sad statistic.

Yes, it does, as you learn to be mindful of it. That is understanding what it is and tolerating it, therefore processing it.

For context im not naturally good at anything, or rather im mostly terrible at everything I try.

This is perfectly normal, everyone is terrible at everything they try until they try again and again to eventually get better at it.

This reads like your BPD talking, that is, you perceiving the world and yourself in an all-black/all-white manner. BPD responds very well to therapy so the way through goes through the therapy room, keep up the work!

Happy Birthday! 🥳🤗🎊🙏

You find yourself a normal and work up to it.

Once you gain the capacity do that, you can then adjust your normal whenever you want.

I knew I was feeling angry for feeling angry, and I kept thinking about the fact that anger's my least favorite emotion.

Anger is a normal human emotion and it's perfectly OK to feel it and express it in a healthy manner, sometimes to other people.

It's a very stigmatized emotion, anger that is, but we have to accept that we're gonna get angry sometimes and that's perfectly OK.

Learning in detail about boundaries and responsibilities in relationships and a good, patient, supportive therapist.

Accepting drinks is flirting. I'm generally OK with my partner casually flirting but if you're not comfortable with it, you gotta talk to her about it.

Fuck that, it's not even revenge, it's just getting even and it'll make you feel better creating that righteous turmoil in someone else's life. She stepped out on him to fuck the boss so this is just facilitating she gets what's coming to her.

When I got cheated on, it never even crossed my mind to take revenge on—sometimes married—third parties and ruin their lives.

This seems to be a YOU problem. It's perfectly OK to inform married parties in a cheating scenario, otherwise, you're just assisting in their cheating by keeping it a secret and ruining the life of the person who's getting cheated on.

Revenge is not power. Power is when you could ruin someone’s life but choose not to.

This isn't choosing not to ruin someone's life, this is just people fucking around and finding out why there are rules and regulations in government institutions.

My boyfriend has put on weight since we started dating.

It's the good old projection. He's getting fat and can't process it in a healthy manner so tells you you're getting fat. Tell him to get therapy about it maybe.

You were a romantic chat-bot for 2 months basically.

Attraction only really, fully happens face to face, or it doesn't. So push for a date after 2 to 7 days and go find someone else if it doesn't happen. If they're reluctant, in my experience, you've likely dodged a bullet.

Same thing goes after first few dates too. If the physical parts doesn't happen, she might just be using you as an ATM.

So she behaves with you just how your mother behaved with her, that happens. Just tell her that maybe, that should do it.

Then it's time to divorce your community too and find a more supportive one.

It's your job as a mother to protect both yourself and your kids. Get a divorce and put some distance between your kids and your husband or all your kids are gonna end up with severe mental health issues when they grow up, some possibly with pwBPD and others will probably end up becoming abusers themselves if they haven't already.

You don't need too many compliments, 1 to 3 very lightweight compliments should suffice. Try to deliver them with strong eye contact in an almost deadpan manner.

You can do casual touching on her front or upper arm when she's in reach while you're saying smth funny or laughing at her jokes. Just reach to her or at her slowly and touch her very gently.

These are all non-intrusive ways to flirt without making your date uncomfortable. They might like it, they might not. Just followup with a text message or at the end of the date that you had a good time(that is if you did) and that you want to meetup again later.

My therapist says I'm a nice good looking guy but seeing all these people say that nice guys are actually evil is really knocking me off balance.

Your therapist is probably right. Lying can cause irreparable damage to therapist-patient relationship so they're highly encouraged to avoid it at all costs.

Nice guys aren't good or evil; there are evil people that use weaponized kindness to manipulate people and there are also nice people who can go a long way in any social circle because they can use compassion and kindness in a healthy manner without invading anyone's boundaries.

It's a good rule of thumb to avoid people without any friends as they tend to lack the capacity to maintain interpersonal relationships but nobody really knows how many friends/close friends other people have so you don't necessarily have to publicize it. Same thing goes for virginity too, it's perfectly OK to hide it as it's extremely off-putting for someone your age.

Speaking with a therapist is similar to socializing so keep doing what you're doing and you'll notice you're improving interpersonally as your interactions with your therapist improves.

One of the main differences between personality disorders and other mental illnesses is that personality disorders are "ego-syntonic", while other illnesses are "ego-dystonic"

No, where did you hear this, this is wrong. It's correct for OCD-OCPD difference but there are tons of self-aware pwBPDs who don't like their own behavior around these parts and that's what ego-dystonic is, that is your behavior is ego-alien, not in-line with how you want to behave and you can't control it.

And there's a chance that your therapist might be gaslighting you or giving you shit advice if they can't bypass their implicit biases around your PD. In that case, get a new therapist.

On another note, sometimes people with PDs will act perfectly normally and people will gaslight them into thinking their behavior is the problem just for selfish reasons(eg. abusive caregivers whom are the cause of your PD), that is why I always suggest people to keep their PD diagnosis hidden and just use more acceptable, less bias creating diagnoses like depression, anxiety, OCD etc.

First off, anyone that said friendliness/enthusiasm/bubbly personality is likely pushing nice people away from their life but I guess that's a perfectly fine response matching subjective experience of people in CPTSD sub so that's not surprising. There are nice people in the world and they'll enjoy any and all human interaction without a hidden agenda AND there are also people that have "weaponized kindness" who'll come off charming on the surface while trying to execute their manipulative bullshit but these behaviors can't really be hidden if you're looking close enough.

Manipulative behaviors tend to be a large umbrella but one thing that unsafe people can't hide is their behavior spread over multiple relationships. If they're an asshole to/manipulative with their family-friends-pets while being extremely friendly to you, that's a huge red flag as it just means they have a vested interest in you; that is, trying to fulfill their needs until it all goes to shit. And these people will marry you and push you to have kids with them while isolating you from your friends&family; that is separating you from your support system or third party voices that can see through their bullshit so they strengthen their bond with you just to manipulate you and fulfill their needs. This process can go on for decades if you don't put a stop to it right then and there, by the way of setting healthy boundaries and enforcing them in all kinds of relationships.

Manipulative behaviors differ a lot but most recognizable ones are:

-Love-bombing(acting drastically more close than you are at the start of a relationship, trying to spend time with you or interact with you way more frequently than they should)

-Future-faking(painting a picture of an unrealistic future together)

-Gaslighting(trying to make you believe something that's not true)

-Boundary testing(all of the above will test your boundaries one way or the other)

-Push&pull / hot&cold (being too interested one day while practically ghosting you the next)

-Overt abuse starting with emotional and then ramping up to physical&sexual.

Have a similar biological father, fuck that guy, just sue him for unpaid child support and go no-contact. He's not a father, he's a sperm donor with legal obligations.

You don't need to be talkative in dates to come off as interesting, you just need good listening skills; that is active listening, mirroring, open/receptive body language etc.

In my experience, I never drink on first dates and never fail to get a second date even if the situationship doesn't turn into a full blown relationship later on.

If you don't want to drink, don't. If they insist, put up a boundary. If they're disrespectful of your boundaries, then it'll be something to think about that person's character as you really don't wanna be with someone like that.

Also, learn to use the silences, just like a therapist. If you know what you're doing and confident enough, the silence will help you come off really self-confident as the person opposite of you will scramble to fill the silence and how they fill it speaks again to their character. Like if they start phubbing, it's really disrespectful, and again, you really don't wanna be with someone like that.

And in case you fuck up or if you feel like you're fucking up, just take a step back and apologize for coming off rude. That's one of the most attractive qualities a person can have, that is being thoughtful, kind and compassionate. You want to be with someone like that instead of someone attracted to machismo, antagonism, rudeness and/or emotional abuse.