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Struggling to see the point in living with terrible genetics
Mental Health/SupportI have BPD and a handful of genetic conditions.
There have definitely been times where I was convinced I should not exist. But more often than not, it’s my BPD talking. With DBT and some hard work, I’ve been doing so much better. I still have my moments, I’m in a depressive episode now. But I’m so much better able to handle them.
My body and I don’t get along a lot of the time, but I’ve learned a lot about how I can take care of it and prevent it from getting worse. I still have days where I’m in a lot of pain and frustrated, but I also feel much more in control of my situation now.
My brain function has been a bit of a rollercoaster, and I’m still struggling with that one. But I know where to start now.
All this to say, bad genetics do not equal a bad life. It’s taken me years to figure that out, but I genuinely believe that I can improve my life in a way that I never had before. There is hope, as much as it sucks at the moment. With the BPD you’ll have more hurdles to feeling better about life and likely have a warped perception about the reality of the situation, but it’s possible to feel better. And so, so worth it.
Personally, I would stop studying astrophysics not because you're stupid but because that's the kind of field where if you don't excel in it you wont find a job. Nothing wring with that. However, the fact you've even been accepted into taking it means you can at least do basic math, which means you're not stupid. Even if you were stupid that doesn't mean it's genetics, and that doesn't mean you can't live a life of useful, satisfying service.
If being unable to pass your astrophysics degree meant you were stupid and useless, would 99.9% of people be useless and stupid? Nope. Because most people can't pass that and I would wager that the majority of people have average or above intelligence (by definition), and be useful people.
Use mode to determine most common not mean, mean is an average of all the numbers added together in the set divided by the total amount of numbers. Mode is the most common numbers in the set. Conventional use of average is synonymous with mean.
OP may not have research in their future, but if they’re good enough at coding they can always work at a space company doing something like simulation software as an example. In fact, this a better path than just a plain old CS degree in my opinion. There’s more job security for someone who can code but also has a background in some other discipline.
I've even seen this in most games I play, I cannot improve at anything gaming wise no matter how hard I try
What does "trying" look like, when you try to get better at a video game? How do you go about that?
For context im not naturally good at anything, or rather im mostly terrible at everything I try.
This is perfectly normal, everyone is terrible at everything they try until they try again and again to eventually get better at it.
This reads like your BPD talking, that is, you perceiving the world and yourself in an all-black/all-white manner. BPD responds very well to therapy so the way through goes through the therapy room, keep up the work!
Taking aside the fact that it doesn't matter whether you're smart or not, I'd be likelier to think you're smart with anxiety holding you back than you being too dumb to do anything. Simply having the self reflections that you're having in this post shows higher intelligence than most.
Another thing I know is that IQ is actually barely any different when comparing fields . I remember seeing a video where they actually compared IQ levels from one field to the next, only to realize that uni researchers and astrophysicists really aren't any smarter than, say, mechanics (don't remember the exact fields, though). It might just be that asyrophysics aren't your thing, and that's okay. Or maybe you need to do something different with the way you study, or maybe it's something else holding you back.
Absolutely BPD is the major problem and not your genetics, the fact that you can write like that out rule low IQ.
ive been thinking about this subject. do you know about the parable of the talents? in short, God gave 3 of his servants each 10 5 and 1 talent. then He went and came back. The guy with 10 talents double it and gave it back to God, same as guy with 5 talent. the guy with 1 talent hid it and didn't grow it. Stating that he is fearful of God. so God was angry and took his 1 talent and gave it to the guy with 10. and cast out the servant with 1 talent to darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeths.
One interpretation is talents are your genetics. some get great ones, some get ok ones, some get bad ones. but God punishes those who don't grow it. I struggle with this, i find this notion very unfair. but i feel that it has a truth to it. i look at people who aren't born lucky with no arms no legs but still have a girlfriend, is successful, etc. maybe this is what that means. to do the best you can with what you have. and those who don't try is cast out into darkness and be bitter.
I mean that you're already doing an astrophysics degree is impressive and you even having a tiny bit of coding knowledge puts you like in the top 2 percent of most knowledgeable people lol. About the video game thing... Uh same? I don't play many skill based video games so it doeand matter much but considering for how long I've been playing them its very funny how I can't even consistently manage to press shit and always have to look at my keyboard if I want to press f or tab haha. Also the first step at being good at something is to be bad at it... And it can last for years, idk like I've been drawing all my life and only manage to make decent looking drawings now after doing it for years. Also about relationships and you BPD. Dialectical behavioral therapy ( the one developed by Dr Marsha Linehan) has incredible success and recovery rates for people affected by BPD so if you can get access to treatment you can be very hopeful.
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