You're treated like family with three baskets of crack dildos shoved down your throat twenty minutes before the fifteen-dollar plate of papier-mâché covered in white "sauce" finally arrives and you're too high on buttered crack semen to take a bite. Pretty sure we've served the same plate to, like, the last four tables... Love ya!
Chick Fil A - “We’ll Prey For You” (yes, we spelled it correctly).
McDonald’s - “The Only Item Worth Buying is the Apple Pie. Usually, We Have ”Run Out . Oh, and we should be called Jack-in-the-Box, too. Our burgers are... Our mac sauce is... Well, you guessed it.“
Jack in the Box - ”Yeah, We All Jacked in the Box.“
Shake Shack - "If You Order Delivery, They'll Be Waiting a While, So After 25 Minutes, Cancel the Order. The Driver Won't Mind, Maybe Even Laugh."
Burger King - "Burger King? Burger King? We're like Sofa King ridiculously overpriced for shitty food.And don't get the Whopper. I don't even know what's in that burger. If you can even call it that.“
Dairy Queen - We're just as bad as the others.
Five guys, burgers and fries - “Hey ladies, can you take all five guys at once?”
Outback Steakhouse -,“No one in Australia has ever heard of a Bloomin' Onion.”
Every seafood place - “Take that shit out of here because it will stink in the morning.”
Every Mexican place - “You should be sitting in your own home toilet, just saying.”
Starbucks - “Not even the best coffee on this block in Seattle.”
Dunkin' Donuts - “Maybe not the coffee you want, but it's the coffee you deserve. And you can't go wrong with the price. Well, you can, because it's getting more expensive. Sorry.“
“Come to the Abattoir Dumpster Bar & Grill for the cheapest stolen animal remnants ineptly mashed into vaguely steak-like shapes and undercooked by two unhygienic teenage brats.“
Well, the first time I went to White Castle I got food poisoning, but ya know... it's fuckin' White Castle! Heeey! Sliders! I'm fucking druuuuuu--- ::errghh:: gulp
Burger King: Have it our way!