A friend of mine introduced a work buddy and we all hit it off. Total unit of a guy. Some time later we go pick him up from his mom’s house and meet his mom for the first time. She’s friendly, leaves, buddy goes “godamned Jake no wonder youre a giant”. Im a fairly reserved person but that had me rolling - that woman must have suffered back problems or i dont know what gravity is
"What's up with you're daughter? I've tried getting into her pants and I keep getting denied. Any helpful hints would be appreciated, since you've known her longer than I have".
Oh, Mr Smith, I remember you! You're the guy at the drug store where I was buying lube but never condoms!
OR
Oh, Mr Smith, I remember you! You're the guy at the drug store when you were buying condoms! (Mrs Smith has already gone through menopause and can't get pregnant)
My wife's parents took us out to dinner for a first meet-up. Back in the Neolithic Age, when this happened, restaurants still had smoking sections. So, when the hostess asked, "Smoking or non-smoking?", her mother turned to me and asked, "Do you smoke?" And, before I could even form a conscious thought, I blurted, "Um, smoke what?"
Look Sally’s dad, I know you’re going to say whatever I do to her, you’re going to do to me. Let me drop my pants and bend over for you, it’s already happened.
This might be bullshit. A guy I worked with, late 50s with bad teeth, a big beard and speech impediment, white guy. Full of tall tales. Told us he was seeing a hot, 26 year old black chick. Said he went uptown to meet her parents. The father takes one look at him and says to the daughter, " Is this the best you could do ? ".
Not exactly the question posed but you had to be there. Fuckin hilarious.
Hi. I'm User_34 and I've been down with the clown for q0 years now. Can I crash on your couch this month? I'm a juggalo sound cloud rapper and youtuber/social media influencer. And I have my baby this weekend too, can you watch it while your daughter and I go out? Thanks.
I play A LOT of Dungeons and Dragons.
So when I met my wife we dated for a while, around the 2year mark she had a college course assignment to have people fill out this questionnaire. It's asked things like, what do I like about you, what do I think she is good at, what do I like to do with her. I filled it out honestly and with some spicy sexually explicit answers. I thought I emailed it back to her but she has the same initials as her dad and the only difference is the last 2 numbers in thier email. So I sent the answers to her dad. It was instant sweating when he responded with this is not funny email. We're married with kids now so it ok, but yeah you're daughters tits are great and felecio while driving rules, J.
“Woah! Your younger daughter is way hotter than the one I’ve got! Is she 16 yet? I mean, if she’s close, I can keep seeing this one and switch later. I’m patient like that.“
Now I know where I heard your unique last name before. You were the guy who hid on the closet and watched me and four other guys fuck your wife all night. What a blast that was. Plus, thanks for the payment. It covered a semester at school.
"Nice to meet you folks! I apologize for the way my fingers smell. We just came from the drive-in movie."