A support community for those affected by C-PTSD

I grew up emotionally and physiologically abused. I went through 8 years of counseling and boundary setting and finally set no contact back in November with my whole family. It has been peaceful but I've been overwhelmed with guilt. Was it really so bad I needed to go no contact? My partner of 8 years confirms that it was but I'm still stuck feeling like the bad guy.

The holidays were hard. My family would always order chinese food(we live in Canada)for new years eve and I couldn’t eat it cause it upset my stomach aside from one dish from one specific restaurant. But they always picked somewhere else cause my aunt didnt want to order from there so I was stuck eating grilled cheese for supper. Someones preference(for no other reason than "didnt want to order from there") was more important than me being able to eat something from a restaurant and being included.

This was one of few examples my brain is able to conjure up because for some reason I cant remember other specific things. My parents had unreasonable expectations and they guilt tripped and compared us siblings. But specifically I struggle to pull up more than a half dozen memories to prove that I was treated badly.

I guess im just weighed down by guilt about it all. I dont even know why Im making this post.

Hey is it possible that I have CPTSD? I have my adhd test in two weeks and have been in and out of therapy for a long time due to emotional regulation problems mostly. I have been quite good over the past few years, but still I sometimes have these intense emotional feelings that bring me back to the emotional state I was in when I was younger. Here are reoccuring life events that make me think that I might have CPTSD: 1. Passive emotional neglect from parents. 2. Experienced moments of bullying 3. Toxic/manipulative close friendship 4. Toxic sexual behavior (more a result, than a cause I think)

My symptoms: 1. Intense emotional flashbacks with focus on emotions, instead of clear specific events. 2. I have positive childhood memories, but I have a lot of negative ones. 3. ADHD symptoms, that might be trauma instead of ADHD (?) 4. Feelings of unworthiness, feeling broken 5. Two relationships that didn't go well. No abuse or anything going on, but me showing anxious attachment style. 6. Extreme avoidance of conflict/uncomfortable situations and if they occur I just cry. I don't have the tools to handle them in a grown up way. 7. Wanting to be alone a lot. Trouble connecting with people, feeling out of place a lot. 8. Insecurity, feeling like I can't achieve things others can.

I also have to say it seems like I am a very depressed person now, but it's not the case. I am actually very happy and tend to see everything in a positive daylight. I am also actively working on self-love and compassion etc. It's just that I feel something in my body or in the back of my mind is not right. Like my concious mind knows I am deserving/safe etc, but its my subconcious that creeps in from time to time and leaves me feeling horrible.

I am doing well and my psychologist has been talking to me about stopping the treatment. I get where she is coming from and I feel a lot more sufficient than I used to and I have a lot more self-knowledge, but it's just that I don't feel like I am there yet. Something is still broken, It's a gut/deep feeling I have.

I am not making this up right?

I always had a rocky relationship with my parents but I figured they were just shitty parents. I was never hit, I had enough food to eat, I never ticked any of the "typical" child abuse boxes. 8 months ago I'd been ranting about a stressful family situation and one of my friends pointed out that it was emotional abuse. Did some reading, got a therapist, and yep, I was emotionally abused for 29 years and never realized it.

So this is my struggle. When I think of PTSD and trauma I think of soldiers, people who've been assaulted, people who grew up in seriously awful homes, and a lot of the stories that are posted here that make me just stop and think "jesus christ that's awful." And then I turn around and I'm like "well my parents sucked." And that's all I've got. I know it's not a contest or a zero-sum game and that I am allowed to have CPTSD without it diminishing anyone else's PTSD, but I can't help thinking that I don't "deserve" to be in the same group as people who've "really" suffered and been traumatized. My therapist pointed out that it's probably a visibility thing, at least partly: emotional abuse is less talked about/documented/obvious than other kinds of abuse, and the usual context for talking about PTSD is military-related.

I guess basically what I'm asking is, does anyone else recognize that their trauma is totally valid but still have trouble accepting that they're allowed to play in the PTSD sandbox?

About an hour ago someone posted about their trauma they didn't feel was bad enough to warrant commenting here. You deleted before I could reply but if you see this I just wanted to say..

I almost gave way to tears reading your story. Your story is valid. Everything you experienced and were subjected to and hurt by is so so valid.

That feeling that it isn't 'bad enough' is the trauma speaking. You deserve love and support just as much as anyone else here.

This applies to anyone who feels their trauma isn't bad enough to warrant being here. You all deserve love and support and as much as I wish no-one had to be here in this sub, you all deserve the unconditional love shown here and to receive help you need to heal.

As a kid I had quite a few bad experiences with my parents and also at school. The only thing is that I’m not sure that it’s ’bad enough’ to have caused me many issues. 1) I was bullied a lot in school but usually verbally, but I just genuinely really struggled to fit in and I felt like an outcast. 2) My mother used to use me as her therapist and used to ask me ‘do you think I should get a divorce?’ ‘Do you think dad doesn’t love me anymore?’ ‘Do you think he’s cheating on me?’ Etc 3) There was always arguments between my parents and I had to mediate their arguments and then get blamed when it went wrong. 4) My father used to physically punish me. Often just smacking really hard but also pulling me across the floor by my wrist, pushing me off chairs and kicking me (only thing is I’m not sure how hard it was but he would say ‘I only nudged you with my foot’ so idk), pushing me over/into things, chasing me around the house to hurt me (I would try and hide behind a door but he’d always get in) , hitting me with random objects like jackets or something like that, trying to stop me from climbing up my ladder to my high sleeper bed to get away from him by like pulling me off. Etc (like I know it’s not that bad but it was scary as a little kid idk) 5) My father touching my bum despite me not liking it. 6) My mother not being able to deal with my emotions very well like if I’d go to her crying she’d just unload all her shit onto me and I’d have to comfort her or she’d tell me that I was being selfish because she was trying to watch tv or cook or go to bed etc. Or say ‘I can’t deal with you right now’. I would get told I was being dramatic or overreacting or just straight up get ignored. I never even tried to go to my dad cos he was even more dismissive. 7) I was always called selfish, vengeful, spiteful, spoiled brat and just sort of generally told how terrible I was all the time (my mother said it was because I was being naughty). I often felt like I was constantly a problem. 8) My dad would threaten to destroy my toys if I was naughty or he’d threaten to leave me on the side of the road and sometimes start driving off without me in the car. Once my parents even left me at home because I didn’t get ready fast enough but I’d chased after them so I got locked out until they came back.

I guess the thing is that I’m not sure if all this stuff is bad enough for me to need to get help for it. I had a therapist suspect I may have CPTSD but I’m just not convinced my trauma is bad enough to cause that? The thing is that I think my parents could’ve been a lot worse and they sometimes could be kind to me.

Do you ever feel like you didn’t go through something bad enough to have trauma?

I often feel like such a poser (?), like a chronic over reaction.

How do you cope? It makes me feel even worse about myself then I already do.

I’m in therapy and when I’m in a session I feel empowered to cut them off, especially since I’ve been doing EMDR and all this stuff has been brought back up and it HURTS. But then a week goes by or I talk to them and I realize they’re kinda trying but it feels too little too late then I feel guilty or like I’m being dramatic.

My husband and friends all think I’m well within my rights to be hurt and to feel what I feel but I’m still conflicted. None of them have CPTSD nor have they cut their parents off.

My parents weren’t physically abusive but they were emotionally neglectful. I raised myself from age 13-now. They didn’t start trying to have a “2nd chance” with me until I was committed to a stress center for a mental break down. My mom seems regretful but I also get the sense her and my sister think I should get over it and that my therapist is causing me to distance myself from them.

My sister and I had different child hoods. She didn’t need as much help as I did so my parents tended to favor her until she would get mad at them for not spending time with her. Then they would talk badly about her to me so I learned at a young age to never have needs and that sent me down awful paths with bullying, SA, SI, etc. she also says having kids and seeing how good our parents are with them helped her and she makes it seem like I need to have kids to get over it.

So how have some of you weathered going no contact?

ETA: I’m 34 and the title I meant go NO contact

When i was 13 i was groomed, i feel like its my fault, at 14 i was raped by this 15 year old boy named trevor. It makes me feel sick that i still love him, i feel bad that i wiped the blood off of his fingers so he wouldn’t feel bad for hurting me and continuing even though i begged him to stop.

people bully me .

they say i fuck dogs and im a pedophile, and none of those things are true, sometimes i just wonder if theyre saying those things so ill kill myself, it all started after i tried to warn a girl that was sitting in the stair well with him that he did those things to me, she blamed me for what happened that i didn’t kick hard enough and i didn’t scream, i just froze and begged for him to stop, i was too sick and weak to fight back, i was raped in one of those stairwells at our school.

He’s dating an ex friend of mine that looks almost exactly like me and guess what? she even has the same name.

It makes me wonder what makes me so different, why he can be so proud of her while he hid me away in stairwells and cornered me to do whatever he wanted to my body. I feel like maybe if i was prettier or more of a prize to be won maybe he wouldn’t have cheated on me and raped me.

Every girl hes dated after me have all had most of my features and it makes me wonder why i was the one who deserved to be raped and assaulted.

this is a little difficult to word, so please bear with me. i was never physically abused or overly neglected as a child, unlike a lot of the people around me. and i started believing that i didn’t have enough trauma to justify my mental illness— that i was just faking it all. whilst i am fully aware that such a mindset is harmful, i can never truly bring myself to believe i’m valid enough, or that i’m even traumatised at all. it’s gotten bad enough to the point i frequently daydream and genuinely hope that i was physically abused, neglected etc etc, and even sought out those wants, despite how inherently twisted that want is.

i understand that this is a relatively common problem, does anyone know how to stop this feeling? any help would be appreciated!

When I was in high school, doing what is equivalent to SAT my mom made such an intense and inhuman study schedule for me, when to go to the bathroom, when to wake up, how many pages to memorize in how many minutes and then be examed by her, it was definitely more than 12 hours of study a day and I wasn't allowed to leave the house during the full summer break, it lasted more than a month, i am guessing two months, I was totally locked in!... I had a bad cold and had a fever (which I normally don't get because I have a good immune system). Even then I wasn't allowed to take breaks, I had to study in bed. The cold didn't get any better because I wasn't allowed to rest, her solution was then to give me strong injections of cortisone or a strong antibiotic and also lots of painkillers... I just had to exert myself like a horse, than not stop When I wanted to go to bed she made me sit by pulling my arms and said I should keep learning, I can do it.. I don't know how I could have described it better.. it was bad, my humanity was taken away and I was treated like a farm animal or a machine. When i got my grades... she told me it was all thanks to her.. without her i wouldn't have make it.. she is the most considered and involved mother and i must for ever be thankful. (Also she hated my score and the day we got the news was such a gloomy day for me even tho i scored what is equivalent to 90 something %) but it wasn't 100% and i wasn't good enough since i wasn't able to study medicine...i was never good enough and it left a bitter taste of shame. Also she said since i am a girl she wouldn't pay for a private uni to let me study medicine, only my male brothers have a future that matters... only they deserve paying for to insure their careers..

Hello a lot of you have probably been abused one way or another i was wondering why doesn’t long term abuse feel like actual trauma? i’ve been physically mentally emotionally abused by parent but in my head all these mental issues and behavioral issues don’t feel validated. when i recount traumas i never think about the long term abuse

It's like I stop thinking about it for one second and immediately decide I'm actually fine and faking everything, y'know as fine people often do.

I try to like act out doing what was done to me to some imaginary child in my brain sometimes which helps me realize that, yah that's actually really bad.

Still don't remember much of the good ole childhood so probably plenty more horrible things that happened but for now it's not bad enough to warrant my current state lol.

long vent post — trigger warnings for abuse and suicide

I haven’t been officially diagnosed since I live in the United States, but my therapist diagnosed me with PTSD officially, and has told me I have complex trauma multiple times. To me that’s as close of a diagnosis I’ll get in this country.

Although I have nearly all the symptoms, multiple chronic illnesses, and know I dealt with trauma, it never feels like it was enough. It feels like I’m just exaggerating it all or faking it, like I want the diagnosis but don’t actually deserve it. I feel so guilty for even thinking my parents didn’t raise me well enough, because they could be so kind and loving. I was in a major car accident but ended up completely fine, it was my mom who was hospitalized for injuries to her skull and neck. The worst part of everything was seeing her unconscious and bloody body and face and being separated from her for the day. After that, she was chronically ill for 2 years before being “miraculously healed”. My parents were evangelical christians and raised me and my brother that way, and we didn’t have any other choice, because that religion “was the only truth”. My entire childhood I was severely anxious, I had severe separation anxiety from my mom and a phobia of throwing up, which made it really hard to go to school, along with my social anxiety. I was pushed to go to school and barely missed any days. My parents were kind to me about it and encouraged me to go, but they also kinda didn’t give me a choice. So even though they were nice and encouraging, I couldn’t stay home even if I was terrified to go. My mom has anger issues and used corporal punishment on us, which terrified me. It was never anything more than some rough slaps on the butt, but I remember how terrified and ashamed I felt in those moments. She’d then be nice and loving afterward but I felt so unnatural around her for a long time after. I always felt like I was disappointing them if I left school earlier from sickness or anxiety. My brother and cousins were pretty harsh with me my entire childhood. I always felt that they thought I was stupid and embarrassing and didn’t want me around. They made fun of me sometimes and my brother would go from loving to mean really quickly. I was afraid to be myself after that, and always wanted to be enough for my brother and cousins, but never was. My dad then died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 12. I bottled up my emotions and became numb shortly after. My mom only cried once and it was as she sang a christian song over his dead body at the funeral. After that, my mom changed. Her anger was the emotion she expressed the most. I was lazy and didn’t do the chores she wanted to do (later found out adhd was the reason why) and she would lash out at me and my brother. I feel like it was deserved, because I was lazy and never helped her, but she got aggressive and violent. She mostly was rough, like slamming doors and being aggressive in a way that never hurt us, but she did hit my brother a lot. He was disrespectful to her and lied to her a lot, and sometimes would steal her money. She would hit him with her hands, sometimes with objects like a broom or belt. I was really scared of her. The only time I remember her hitting me was when she smacked me in the face. There might have been more times she hit me, but I don’t remember. The most I remember is how angry she would get, screaming at the top of her lungs to the point I’d think she was capable of really hurting me. She’d scream that she couldn’t be our mother anymore and wished it was her who died instead of my dad, and that one day she’d die and that I’d regret how I was to her. The worst happened in the first 2-3 years after he died, then I started having health issues (endometriosis). I got depressed after getting a chronic illness and my mom would get really frustrated with my depression. I failed in school, I’d wake up at 2 pm and never left the couch. It wasn’t every day, but she often raised her voice or yelled about how frustrated she was with me. It never felt like she was understanding me, just that she was throwing her emotions at me. She never sat down and talked to me, only bottled it up until it exploded out of her in rage.

My health issues (before being diagnosed) got so bad that I became completely hopeless and turned to religion (thanks to my mom telling me it was the guaranteed way I’d get better) . I’d been what they call a lukewarm christian” ever since my dad died, and I came back because I was desperate for healing. It didn’t help that my mom was “healed by god” one day and didn’t have issues after that. For weeks I prayed, cried (which I fucking hate doing in front of anyone, especially my mom, so that was hard), and believed I would be healed. I suffered during that time, because this was my only hope. As you would guess, I wasn’t healed. I was devastated, and everyone told me I didn’t have enough faith. Some told me healing just wasn’t meant for me, after telling me for weeks that god would NEVER withhold healing from me if I believed he would do it. I became suicidal and very depressed. Around a month later, I suddenly got severe ocd. Specifically about my morality, whether or not I was evil. It was torture. The worst experience I’ve had in my life, and I was hospitalized for being suicidal. I was suicidal the whole time. My moms way of handling it was listening to me ruminate out loud and bottling it up until one day, she’d explode about how she couldn’t handle me anymore, and a bunch of other things I don’t remember, that hurt and made me inch closer and closer to actually taking my life. I felt completely alone, unsupported and trapped. My mom would loudly sing christian songs in the house while crying and I had no choice but to listen even though it was so triggering. I told her this many times, she never stopped.

continued in comments —

I was browsing this forum today as I often do, and couldn't help but notice how incredibly empathetic and validating I feel towards everyone struggling, especially for those that are wondering if their experience was bad enough and feeling like maybe it was nothing, that everyone else on here has a worse or bigger story.

I thought, other people must read my story and feel that way about me. That obviously something big happened and there is no doubt the impact is real and valid.

It's wild how hard it is to step into that perspective about myself. That I could read my story as if I was reading all of yours instead. Because mine really does seem less big, mine really might be some overdramatic thing - mine feels like the one where all the self doubt is actually justified.

If you ever felt this way, I'm with you. But it's nice to think that I could ask anyone on here and they would tell me that it wasn't true and that my story was true and hard and it mattered.

I went no contact with my abuser over a year ago but I am still suffering from the abuse (I even have a full body stress rash right now), but I always feel like I know others have had a much worse experience than I did. Am I truly a "survivor," or am I just too sensitive? He was never overly cruel or vicious to me, but the gaslighting, manipulation, and coercion were bad.

I have a huge amount of guilt that doesn’t make any sense. I have been through a great deal in the past 10 years, more than enough to justify how it has affected me. Yet as I slowly improve, my guilt only worsens because I feel like it is not “bad enough” anymore to justify how I feel. Now I feel overwhelmed by guilt for feeling so lucky. Lucky about my life, and how i’m getting better, and even wishing i felt utterly miserable again so maybe i wouldn’t feel so guilty. I went through ketamine treatment that helped a ton and i feel guilty about still thinking i have problems! i really do, just not as severe anymore.

I still have plenty of issues, but I compare myself to others who have it worse and feel disgusted. The more viscerally empathetic I feel for others, the more i hate myself. I don’t know what to do. I wish I knew how to get over this. It makes everything harder by tinting it with self hatred. I don’t take my pain seriously. Do any of you relate? Is this a common issue? Is it survivor’s guilt?

I got diagnosed with CPTSD by a psychiatrist a couple of months ago. The symptoms resonate with me, but I kinda feel weird about the diagnosis.

I didn't have a great childhood, but the parts I remember weren't THAT bad.

Like we were pretty broke all the time.

Like, my dad was an alcoholic. But he was the absent kind, not the angry/abusive kind. He mostly was just passed out during the times he was home. But he also left when I was around 11.

Mum was really physically sick. I have trouble remembering specifics but she'd be in hospital around every 6 months, and usually for something life threatening. I found that scary. I used to worry a lot about what would happen when she died. She also had a bad trait of disclosing a bit too much information to me, and tended to guilt trip me a lot with the silent treatment which would go on for a week or so. Mum was also a hoarder and had some (undiagnosed) mental health problems.

I remember life was a bit harder from age 11 onwards. But again, the details are sketchy.

I guess it's just that while parts weren't great, it seems like nothing compared to the horrible experiences I've read here.

Am I alone feeling this way?

It eats me up genuinely. I feel so much guilt for it and doubt like "what if i am faking all of it?" every day. What i went through wasnt great at all, but i know friends who have been through worse and didnt end up w cptsd and i constantly compare myself like "why did I end up this way when it wasnt as bad?" I feel such weird guilt about it...like i shouldnt be this badly messed up over what is basically nothing compared to what i have heard from others..a lot of the time i will wish i went through worse to justify it and then that makes me feel more guilty bc "if it was real why would i want it to be worse?" God i am so tired.

Hey, so this will be very triggering for abuse. Sorry if this is written weird/grammar errors. Also I’m on mobile.

I’m 28 years old/female and still feel like barely a person. I also have a hard time giving myself permission to find space in the psychology of CPTSD. It seems like almost exclusive for people who’s parents abused them or neglected them. My parents were good, I love them, they just didn’t pay attention because I didn’t let them.

When I was 13 I got into a “relationship” with a 14/yr old boy who had been my “best friend” for about a year and a half and he did a number on me. Within 6 months I was being physically and sexually abused daily. And I was (and low key still am) entirely convinced that I deserved this. 100%. So I hid it and didn’t tell anyone. My parents let me go to his place or have him come over every day. We did everything together and had all the alone time in the world after school.

He found someone with no sense of identity, a bulkier loner kid, and did what he did to me mentally. I don’t want to like go into too much detail but he thoroughly and successfully convinced me that I deserved this and that nobody else will ever love me and I’m undeserving of everyone’s love. I fucking still believe it and I hate that so much because he won.

When I was 17 my family moved across the country and he moved with us because I fucking didn’t give my poor poor sweet parents a fucking choice. I said either he comes or I stay. And they loved me. I just acted vicious toward them at every turn to make damn sure they never had any clue what was happening and stayed far away enough to not notice.

I feel like when I read the things people say about their parents, it sounds the same as in this relationship very often. It feels like he raised me. He shaped me more than anybody or anything. I barely remember myself before then. There is no before. I don’t know who she is or who she could have been.

Daily, I struggle, I’m in so much pain physically and mentally. I left him when I was 19. I went to treatment for a heroin addiction that he introduced me to when I was 18, got out for a few months, came back to him, got involuntarily committed and into the cycle of institutionalization.

I started self harming before I met him but it got pretty bad. My arms and legs look like butcher blocks. Forever. I got an eating disorder around 15 that I was finally able to get over in the past 2 years. I became an alcoholic that I got over around the same time. I’m not doing any of those extreme coping mechanisms anymore. But I was in and out of inpatient and psych wards a total of 26 times between the ages of 19 and 24.

I’m fine but I’m in so much pain and I hate the person I am and I mourn who I could have been but I also feel like I have no right to complain! I could have left. Lmao. I wasn’t trapped. I had a choice. I wasn’t stuck in a joke with my abusive parents. This was literally my fault.

Anyway I just needed to vent. Sorry.

I’ve known I’ve had ptsd for awhile. I completely accept and know that I have it, however it completely blows my mind that I have the same diagnosis survivors of seriously dangerous events get.

Mine is all from childhood trauma, and I was never physically hurt/sexually abused. It was only emotional, witnessing domestic violence, etc. My ace score is a 6.

It just blows my mind. Like just the fact that it affected my brain this badly. It’s also wild realizing that so many people get to just walk around and live their lives without this.

This is my first time using this so I hope I'm following the rules.

I remember hearing a lot of arguments. They would throw things. I was only ever hit as discipline. But I was often forced into the role of mediator. This continued with my siblings as I got older.

My dad was strict and I loved but feared him. He died when I was 12. After that I was responsible for the majority of house chores and care for my younger siblings. I was shown that my needs came last. Despite this, I was able to remain a high achiever and thought I was relatively well adjusted. All of my physical needs were met.

My mom is manipulative and controlling. She continues to be so and none of my siblings want to spend time with her. But she has latched onto me.

Until I went to medical school. Something about the strict environment where mistakes weren't acceptable really triggered me. I'm constantly afraid of making mistakes or upsetting anyone. Even my therapist.

I'm struggling with depression, panic attacks and poor focus. I'm afraid I won't be able to do my job and I've been in therapy for years. I've been diagnosed with cptsd and done EMDR a few times without improvement.

So I guess I want to know, is it bad enough? Or am I just spoiled and sensitive and that's why I can't get better? Because that's how it feels.

I feel like the csa i went thru wasnt "bad enough " and i constantly crave/seek to be abused. I don't understand it but it fills a hole in my soul that makes me feel so much better, But its never enough. Because its too late now. Its ruining my life and i keep wishing i went thru worse, or nothing at all so i wouldnt feel this way. I feel guilty, ashamed, disgusting. I cant enjoy "healthy sex" because it wont satisfy me. The thoguht if it disgusts me. Im repulsed by sex, but in love with the hurt. And i WISH i could have a normal relationship with sex so badly. I feel like such a bad person for putting myself in danger on purpose. But the only way i can see myself surving living with this is by getting myself so hurt and ruined there is nothing left of me. Torn appart like i deserve. I feel so depressed and every day im plauged by my past. Every night the memories haunt my dreams. i wish i just .. di//ed when i wad a child. Either during or before the abuse. At least then i wouldnt suffer like this anymore. Id be happy. And Id only have good memories of my mom, and not have to live thru her dying only to go back to more SA right after.

Hey everyone, I wanted to see if anyone else feels like this -

I identify with a lot of the symptoms just not some key ones (flash backs etc), and spent my first few years growing up with fear and violence. And then spending the next 15 years of my life in fear looking over my shoulder thinking that would be the day I would be kidnapped.

I heavily see a lot of Avoidant Personality Disorder in myself, which I rightly or wrongly believe can stem from protective behaviours from trauma.

When I talk about my dad, it’s always been like a story that has no emotion, like it didn’t happen to me. It feels like he’s the villan in the story of someone else - so I can relate to a recent post on here too which was useful.

I guess why it’s important for me to know whether I have CPTSD or AvPD or anything else, is in my mind it means that what I’ve been struggling with my whole life is tangilable - other people struggle with it too, it has a name, a community, it can be worked on. Without some kind of criteria validation - it feels like maybe there’s just something inherently wrong with me.

But because I don’t have flashbacks and the immediate danger only lasted 4 years (apart from CSA from other children done to me which does affect me still I think, and bullying), it doesn’t feel like any of it is bad enough.

Does anyone else feel like this? How do you reconcile this feeling, especially for those who are diagnosed with CPTSD?

(Warning, non-descriptive mention of csa) I didn't ever entertain the notion I could have cptsd. I considered myself to have BPD, had for the longest time, because doctors repeatedly said they "suspected it" and I have most of the symptoms. I knew I had trauma - but I thought "yanno, it's just trauma. Everyone has trauma. It's fine. My personality is disordered, I'm the problem, and it's partially due to that trauma, but it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't that bad, and it was my own fault anyway". Then my partner mentioned offhandedly that it appears BPD is being more or less phased out as a diagnosis in favor of cptsd and my first response was "that's so weird, I have bpd, but I don't qualify at all for cptsd", so I pull up the diagnostic criteria and. I meet them. I have the symptoms, specifically relating to CSA. And now I'm just really reeling from this realization, because, I don't know, I think it was kind of a coping mechanism to deny that it had been that bad? I don't know. Is this a common feeling?