(Warning, non-descriptive mention of csa) I didn't ever entertain the notion I could have cptsd. I considered myself to have BPD, had for the longest time, because doctors repeatedly said they "suspected it" and I have most of the symptoms. I knew I had trauma - but I thought "yanno, it's just trauma. Everyone has trauma. It's fine. My personality is disordered, I'm the problem, and it's partially due to that trauma, but it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't that bad, and it was my own fault anyway". Then my partner mentioned offhandedly that it appears BPD is being more or less phased out as a diagnosis in favor of cptsd and my first response was "that's so weird, I have bpd, but I don't qualify at all for cptsd", so I pull up the diagnostic criteria and. I meet them. I have the symptoms, specifically relating to CSA. And now I'm just really reeling from this realization, because, I don't know, I think it was kind of a coping mechanism to deny that it had been that bad? I don't know. Is this a common feeling?
Yes, it's really common. I almost think it should be a symptom at this point.
The thing is, it's not our trauma exactly that causes CPTSD, but rather, the impact that trauma had on us. This may sound weird, but I'm not sure if there's a better way to explain it, because our traumas vary so wildly. No two people with CPTSD has been through the exact same trauma, but we share how that trauma impacted khe lives, the effects it had on us and how it's held us back.
Basically, the impact our trauma had on us is the "stress" in PTSD and CPTSD. That's also why they call it post traumatic stress disorder, if that makes sense.
I hope you find healing. You deserve it ❤️