So I have recently acknowledged what happened to me was physical and emotional abuse but I find that when I talk to my parents on the phone it makes it really easy for me to just deny the issues and be like ‘oh it’s fine’. I may have to live with them in the summer so in a way I think this may serve my mental health. The issue is that the last few months I’ve been feeling a lot of PTSD symptoms (whereas before I was only really dealing with the other aspects of CPTSD) and I feel as though I’ve almost tried to shove it back under the rug and it’s sort of put me back in the state I was prior to acknowledging the abuse where I feel like I’m just being dramatic or overreacting. The guilt and shame is creeping back in aswell. I guess I’m wondering if that is normal and if anyone else experienced this? I’ve also been considering my options for no/low contact however I feel that it’s too soon for me to make that choice. I could do it theoretically however it would be a huge jump at this stage and I think maybe it’s better to make that choice later down the line. I guess I also wondered if there’s a way that I can prepare myself for that.
I know it’s not a competition but part of me feels bad about how it’s affected me because I feel like I’ve betrayed my parents or something. I guess I do feel like I have to justify that it’s bad to myself because I won’t do anything about it otherwise.
As a kid I had quite a few bad experiences with my parents and also at school. The only thing is that I’m not sure that it’s ’bad enough’ to have caused me many issues. 1) I was bullied a lot in school but usually verbally, but I just genuinely really struggled to fit in and I felt like an outcast. 2) My mother used to use me as her therapist and used to ask me ‘do you think I should get a divorce?’ ‘Do you think dad doesn’t love me anymore?’ ‘Do you think he’s cheating on me?’ Etc 3) There was always arguments between my parents and I had to mediate their arguments and then get blamed when it went wrong. 4) My father used to physically punish me. Often just smacking really hard but also pulling me across the floor by my wrist, pushing me off chairs and kicking me (only thing is I’m not sure how hard it was but he would say ‘I only nudged you with my foot’ so idk), pushing me over/into things, chasing me around the house to hurt me (I would try and hide behind a door but he’d always get in) , hitting me with random objects like jackets or something like that, trying to stop me from climbing up my ladder to my high sleeper bed to get away from him by like pulling me off. Etc (like I know it’s not that bad but it was scary as a little kid idk) 5) My father touching my bum despite me not liking it. 6) My mother not being able to deal with my emotions very well like if I’d go to her crying she’d just unload all her shit onto me and I’d have to comfort her or she’d tell me that I was being selfish because she was trying to watch tv or cook or go to bed etc. Or say ‘I can’t deal with you right now’. I would get told I was being dramatic or overreacting or just straight up get ignored. I never even tried to go to my dad cos he was even more dismissive. 7) I was always called selfish, vengeful, spiteful, spoiled brat and just sort of generally told how terrible I was all the time (my mother said it was because I was being naughty). I often felt like I was constantly a problem. 8) My dad would threaten to destroy my toys if I was naughty or he’d threaten to leave me on the side of the road and sometimes start driving off without me in the car. Once my parents even left me at home because I didn’t get ready fast enough but I’d chased after them so I got locked out until they came back.
I guess the thing is that I’m not sure if all this stuff is bad enough for me to need to get help for it. I had a therapist suspect I may have CPTSD but I’m just not convinced my trauma is bad enough to cause that? The thing is that I think my parents could’ve been a lot worse and they sometimes could be kind to me.
Oh it’s just lover lol
I don’t even know what mine is
I used to think call me maybe was her song
Psychology A* Biology A Chemistry A (being generous)
Edit: I got 3As!!!
This is nothing like what you guys are talking about but when I sing her songs in the car I don’t even have to think about what I’m singing it just comes out of my mouth so I think there is a certain point where it becomes muscle memory and you don’t have to think anymore.
It was something to do with a man saying medicine is better practiced with focus on the individual or something (sorry if that’s wrong it’s just the vague idea I have in my head)
I’m glad you had fun!!! It’s great when your friends share your interests! Also the fact you could convince her just reiterates how compelling the evidence is.
Oh wow I didn’t know she did that! I didn’t exist yet to be fair.
Oh right that makes sense I like it!
Idk why but I thought Madonna… I’m probably wrong lol
Can you explain how cos I’m struggling to wrap my head around that line?
I personally think the main subject is Emily and the line ‘i damn sure never would have danced with the devil at 19’ is about how because of Emily ‘trying to erase us’ and because of the religious guilt after that relationship she rebounded onto a man ‘if I was some paint did it splatter onto a promising grown man’. To me it’s like…
If she never looked my way
I would've stayed on my knees (stayed with the ‘righteous’ path-heterosexual relationships)
And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil (never would’ve dated a man out of guilt afterwards)
At nineteen
1)Bejeweled
2)Maroon
3)Hits Different
4)Lavender Haze
5)Mastermind
6)Question…?
7)Snow on the Beach ft. Lana Del Rey
8)Glitch
9)Midnight Rain
10)You're on Your Own Kid
She’s expected by a lot of people to speak up a lot of the time with politics and she doesn’t do it so I’m not sure it’s purely that she’s referring to. Edit:also it’s just after the line about the industry so she probably also referring to the music industry aswell.
Do you guys think I should come out to my extended family? I’m 18 and from England and I’m out to my close family that I live with but not to anyone else in my family. I’m very unsure as to whether I should come out or not as I’m unsure as to whether it will damage the relationship I have with them and also whether it is necessary. On the other hand, I feel as if I’m hiding something from them and that if I were to have a long term partner and that was the first introduction they got to me being gay it would be very hard on my partner. I don’t think they’re terrible but they seem to be slightly homophobic (some more than others). I just wondered whether any of you came out to your extended family and if so why and how? And also if any of you have any advice?
It’s so funny how they’re now saying mastermind is about him and so while she was with Calvin she plotted to get with joe but ended up dating Tom. Like what???
Thank you :) I like to think that. I love our little community!
‘YOU THINK MAROON IS ABOUT A WOMAN? LIKE GOD SHE'S WITH JOE, SHES BEEN WITH JOE FOR OVER 6 YEARS, PLEASE RESPECT THAT. GAYLORS NEED TO SIT DOWN BRO, IT’S LITERALLY SO FAR FETCHED. BYE!!’ Like ummm if it’s about joe then they’ve broken up so ummm wanna explain yourself- I genuinely don’t get how you can hetsplain this one 😭
I just got attacked on Instagram for saying maroon was about a woman lmfao.
I have a rabbit that I talk to as if it’s real aswell and it honestly feels like a real living thing with feelings and I hate it when people tell me it’s not.
Been seeing more posts about plushies, so have a meme dump about my lifeline. She's been with me through everything. Everything thats happened to me, shes seen.
CPTSDmemes