I've been working on upping my cadence and I was next to a really strong runner during the 23 minute run for distance so I was watching her legs to try to keep my cadence up to match hers lol.
God I've been feeling this so hard lately. I'm just so tired of fighting.
I got tested by a school psychologist in the 2nd grade and had an iq of 140 at that time. Def gone down several points since then because of weed haha.
I also struggle a ton with rumination and looping thoughts. I've been in EMDR for multiple cases of CSA and honestly feel like recently it's making me worse. Can you tell me about how internal OCD symptoms showed up for you, I'm wondering if i might have the same?
This is actually really helpful.
My experience 100%. Dealing with CSA trauma as an adult is insanely difficult.
EMDR has been super difficult and painful but it has reduced my flashbacks/intrusive symptoms a ton!
My experience was so similar to this. Unfortunately, mine culminated in an attempt in 2021. Finally, somewhat on the other side now. When I look back I don't know how I survived the constant flashbacks for those years.
Yep, the weed helps calm down my hyperaroused nervous system. I know I need to work on other healthier coping skills too but honestly I haven't had any negative outcomes from smoking weed after. It can make me much more introspective, which can be emotionally hard if I'm ruminating about the trauma. But, I feel like I come to so many good insights and end up with more empathy for myself.
Just wanted to tell you that I've had many sessions just like this..honestly some of the most overwhelming and unbearable reactions I've ever had have been when I have new CSA memories coming up. It does get better with time and your t's support.
OP check out r/adultsurvivors. Everything you are experiencing is so common, and i personally went through the same thing with self doubt and memories not feeling real (this is often a sign of dissociation. I also recommend the book Courage to Heal (big TW), they have a whole chapter titled believing it happened, that's how common it is for us survivors to doubt.
My mom took me to get my belly button pierced on my 13th bday. Looking back.... what in the actual fuck.
This has also been my exact same experience. It's so validating to know how much this is common for people were abused.
My therapist and I have done this too and it's also been helping me.
Hahahaha the accuracy
Omg yes to having to "emotionally support them through my traumatic experiences". So painful, isolating and resentment building.
It feels like they're forcing us to hide a piece of ourselves that we already feel ashamed about.
Oh my gosh I could've written this myself. It hurts so much that what happened to us is traumatizing for people to just hear about... like yeah now imagine having gone through it.
Yes, compulsively at times, also other shows like Intervention which show highly traumatized people. I think it's the combination of trying not to feel so alone (seeing other people going through similar things, struggling with trauma) and enjoying watching bad guys get held accountable in SVU and families come together to support addicted people and admit their own faults in Intervention.
Holy shit I had no idea this was from smoking. This is me every night and it is so frustrating!
My therapist and I recently started working through the Finding Solid Ground workbook. It's excellent if you struggle significantly with dissociation on top of PTSD symptoms. There is also a companion book just called Finding Solid Ground that provides the research and information the program is based on, I found it super interesting and enlightening.
Oooh I love this thanks for sharing.
I used visualization to kick off a tough process
CPTSDNextSteps