Some quick back story… over the summer I did some MDMA while at a concert (first time using the drug in years) and it hit me like a wave out of nowhere when I was sitting in bed at the end of the night. I thought of my uncle and got this horrible sinking sensation of dread and anxiety and for a moment it felt like something “clicked.” I had always wondered if I had been abused and in that moment I had a really heavy intuition it was him but with no accompanied memories.

Since then, I have uncovered SO MANY stuck emotions, freeze responses and started having somatic flashbacks. They’ve steadily grown in intensity over the last 6 months.

I’ve experienced lots of crying, teeth chattering, gagging, coughing, and jaw clenching. The emotions range and cycle from horror, heartbreak, disgust, grief, anxiety, and general feelings of lack safety and being alone. It’s a wild ride.

I have a few intuitions about “where” this might have taken place and hazy pictures in my head that feel more like intrusive thoughts, but I am aware these may be the outline of memories.

I have a therapist and support network that knows what’s going on and still experience moments of joy but i’m just so tired. I know this is the body’s way of clearing out a freeze response and releasing what needs to be let out but it is scary to feel so little control of the body and to have no idea when it will end / if any more traumatizing memories will emerge.

What are other folks experience with this? How long did it take for your body to go through these intense reactions / responses?