FWIW, you really don't get to know someone through text. It kind of is a medium where you can only make small talk until you know someone well.

I think it's a little weird that you're basing the boredom off text check-ins instead of...you know. The quality of the conversation when you two spend time together.

I totally get the disappointment with someone whose conversation doesn't satisfy - if it's really not there, the potential isn't there. But if you want to feel closer and some excitement...what's stopping you from meeting up with this person? Or just chatting on the phone for an hour if your schedules don't align for a date?

This isn't a problem without a solution.

Not quite! That video is showing Curiosity - the previous rover, which landed in 2012. The image posted is Perseverance, which landed in 2021.

Video showing the parachute opening, the heat shield falling away, the rover being lowered to the surface and its jet pack flying away are here.

It was never true friendship.

I learned more in your reply to me than I did trying to sort through his lengthy, detailed response. I'm sure there's good information there, but not presented in a useful format.

People have a tendency to ascribe intent to these kinds of stories, and while this may be true - he could, in fact, be a very self-centered person - I think more likely is he just doesn't know have to offer more depth.

I've met people like this. They just don't have it in them to offer more than a surface experience, whether because they don't know how to share their interior self or they simply don't have much of an interior self.

It doesn't mean he's an ass, in those cases. It does mean he's not someone I'd want to expend energy on in a relationship.

I feel so torn about this kind of content. Redditors frequently post links to Newsweek, The Daily Mail or other sites that are basically click bait mills, so it's not like linking to a traditional press outlet is better.

But I do agree that we shouldn't take a random Reddit comment as truth, even if it's raising some relevant points worth considering. We're not privy to whether the thesis was published, and even if it was, this isn't offered with any context (which you would hope a reputable press outlet would include).

I do think it's generally better to look for more reputable sources. There are subs like Ask Historians that set a consistent, high bar for the information they share, and I would trust posts there in a way that I wouldn't trust a lone Reddit comment.

And separate from the veracity of the post is the fact that we're jumping into the middle of a thread, so it's a little hard to follow exactly what point is being made.

Isn't the answer to this that it's just the normal risk everyone runs when entering into a long-term relationship?

There are no guarantees of anything. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, our partners and our relationships to be an "achievement unlocked." But they're not a milestone that, once reached, you never have to worry about again.

They're a relationship, always evolving and often only meant to last for a specific chapter of life.

I think the answer to "how do we keep this from being disappointing" is to reframe your expectations for what a relationship is.

that dawg

is sleeping

Thank you!!!

Thanks for this. My experience when there isn't a question has made it feel like the conversation is simply dropping off completely. But I'm learning, across the responses here, that some people don't see it the same way. What feels like a dead conversation to me feels perfectly normal to others, and what feels normal to me feels confining to others.

Thank you for sharing this! I'm really glad I posted this; learning a lot about how this communication is received.

I always thought "I'm not going to be one of those people who responds but never asks a question." To me, that seems rude or disinterested. But I can see how I'm totally overdoing it. The questions come naturally to me (it's definitely not an assignment so much as other things I'm also curious about in another person). But they can be overwhelming, too.

Ahh. I see. Thank you for pointing this out.

I really appreciate that. I guess I was surprised by how upset this person got. It's startling to engage with someone in good faith and see them having such a bad time.

I would if we were on a date. But I'm clearly in the minority on that count. I'll give the conversations more room to breathe.

Thank you for sharing this! I see your point. That's a good way to phrase it. And I can certainly let these questions simmer longer before bring them up.

I don't think I've ever shared anything like that in any conversation.

I did ask what this person learned in their past relationship that they want to bring to their next one. This was like our third exchange? Does that seem too soon?

I really appreciate knowing I'm not alone. Thanks. 😊

Helpful for me to think about. To me, leaving out a question is something I took to be a lack of interest in asking about the other person. But I can see I'm taking that very literally.

I think "light and playful" is where I went wrong here. For me, I want something more than light and playful. I did ask about prior relationships: what's something you learned in your last relationship that you want to bring to your next one?

To me, that's trying to get beneath the surface and understand what another person is looking for in a relationship. It seems like a totally normal thing to ask once you're past 40 and looking for a long-term relationship. But I'm also learning it's probably too intense for an initial conversation.

That sounds like a much bigger issue than incompatible communication styles! To me, deeper feelings are the richer stuff I want to hear about (within reason, of course; if a person vents constantly, it's pretty exhausting to listen to).

Thank you for this! It helps me understand where she's coming from. I can see how this could be overwhelming. I think I'm probably comfortable with a lot more information in a virtual conversation. For me, anyone is free to pick something they want to respond to.

I just feel genuinely bad...this person seems so annoyed, and I really was trying to communicate with them!

That's fucking crazy.

Capitalism really doesn't work. This a variety of ways that the productive forces in our society need to be completely rebuilt.

I actually don't know what the you-know-what is.

Is it a tease?

I think we're all learning how to be social in real time. Part of that - and I think this will be generally accepted - is that you can totally have a friendly conversation with someone and it doesn't mean shit. It's not a guarantee for sex or something. It is quite literally a conversation. If you like the conversation enough to have a date, make it clear you're open to meeting them again. Or fuck it, just ask if they want to trade numbers.

And if not, they should be able to handle the fact that it went nowhere like a goddamn adult.

sometimes I feel it’s too much work

I assure you men feel the same way.

I will say based on conversations I've seen here and talking to female friends, it seems like women (understandably) rely on men coming to them, screening a line of suitors rather than searching for and pursuing the exact men they want.

I feel like taking on this passive role means settling for men who are approaching - who are not always (usually?) the best options. Not to say guys who understand boundaries will never approach, but guys who don't understand boundaries are heavily represented.