I am in my 40sF, I am quite attractive - I am in great shape - I work out 4 times a week. I get a lot of attention from men, many people at work tell me I’m beautiful, I dress well and I look great- one guy at the bar told me very loudly - wow u r beautiful ( I said ty lol). Here’s the but- I never get asked out, I never get hit on - I do get guys holding the door open for me, being polite and courteous. What am I doing wrong ( and no, I don’t have a RBF, lol) or what should I do to talk to more guys. I do keep my headphones on a lot. I’m also very confident of myself - is that making guys not approach me ? I have never had to do this since I was 18, a recent divorce has me wondering new dating rituals/ approaches . I am trying to meet people the old fashioned way and stay away from dating apps for now. Any suggestions? How are you all, out there, meeting other people conventionally ?
Tell me more about these clear signals
Do you talk to guys, show you're interested in them and in some cases even ask them out?
Yes, no and Yes. Maybe I’m getting too cocky. Plus I need to settle down on who I want to give into. I see a lot of guys I’d like to start chatting up, should I go one at a time? Idk - sometimes I feel it’s too much work
sometimes I feel it’s too much work
I assure you men feel the same way.
I will say based on conversations I've seen here and talking to female friends, it seems like women (understandably) rely on men coming to them, screening a line of suitors rather than searching for and pursuing the exact men they want.
I feel like taking on this passive role means settling for men who are approaching - who are not always (usually?) the best options. Not to say guys who understand boundaries will never approach, but guys who don't understand boundaries are heavily represented.
100% my case.
Good points, but how is it considered if I chose to not pursue after chatting them up? I worry about being rude or hurting someone’s feelings in attempts to try things out for personal gains - sometimes it’s not gonna work out and I will need to drop the ball- I don’t want to come off as a you know what. Thus I hesitate in the whole trial and error
I actually don't know what the you-know-what is.
Is it a tease?
I think we're all learning how to be social in real time. Part of that - and I think this will be generally accepted - is that you can totally have a friendly conversation with someone and it doesn't mean shit. It's not a guarantee for sex or something. It is quite literally a conversation. If you like the conversation enough to have a date, make it clear you're open to meeting them again. Or fuck it, just ask if they want to trade numbers.
And if not, they should be able to handle the fact that it went nowhere like a goddamn adult.
Cool. I’ll start with the conversations . Doesn’t hurt to be friendly