Needed to hear this- thank you!

Yes absolutely- do it all the time. Weed is a psychedelic. Have all the fun!

Could be underground pipes vibrating.

All true.

Going directly to the source materials was more helpful for me. I was a teacher at one point in time so I liked the teacher manual format. It also discusses the framework/structure of the real DBT program. None of those exist where I am and it’s hard to get details like that online.

I felt a lot of the self help material I researched and/or used coddled the reader too much. I read Marsha Linehan’s memoir- she is a direct woman. DBT can be very blunt. And that’s the sort of attitude or presentation of information that works best in my case.

r/dbtselfhelp

Here are all the worksheets: DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets https://a.co/d/5TX7Qtb

And the training manual: DBT Skills Training Manual https://a.co/d/e7HQi96

And this YouTube channel goes over all the worksheet: https://youtube.com/@dialecticalbehaviortherapy5003?si=0DGLqcjTgrLziPVx

Same- my favorite purse is my boyfriend's pockets.

Narrating behavior- it’s also a classroom management tool but I totally see how it could work here. Thanks for this tip!

Aunt Carries in Narragansett or Iggys in Warwick

No solutions but I’m right there with you. I’m actually at the point of writing “STOP” (dbt skill) and “I’m Safe” (as a reminder) on my hands.

Check out itsrainingbpd on instagram

You’re getting a lot of hate but I’m sending this to my boyfriend as a suggestion! I’d love this. I’m financially stable, friends, etc but self care… whole other story. It’d be nice to outsource those tasks, get a routine down, and then let go of the reigns a bit. But I also dig the BDSM component. I might even choose not to do something on the list… such a brat 😉

I’m happy you found something that works for you for now. Our lives ebb and flow vastly over our lives and who’s to know for sure what will happen. There’s no “right” or “wrong” choices just different outcomes.

My mother told me I was selfish constantly as a child. It took me till I was 36 to realize I wasn’t.

I also have had issues with this, and this helped me: I use a space heater in my bathroom. I’ll turn that on and the shower water for a few minutes before I go in. Then the whole room is nice and toasty.

I actually sit in the shower. I have a hand held sprayer that’s set at a lower level so I can sit and still have hot water run down my head and hair.

I do a lot of my TikTok watching while sitting in the shower. I try not to use TikTok outside of the shower- it’s a shower thing now. I also sometimes bring a drink or snack into the shower with me. It’s essentially another spot for me to hang out in. I’ll take 90 minute showers as long as there’s hot water.

I got a Green Cheek Conure which is a small bird kind of like a mini parrot. They need to shower so I bring her in the shower with me. Days I couldn’t get myself to shower I’d think of her and how she’d like it and that helped motivate me.

Last thing- if you have long hair and getting it wet/ brushing is an issue I can’t recommend the Unbrush highly enough!

I used to hide in the same spot under the waterbed headboard.

You ARE ascribing blame. You aren’t taking ownership for your feelings. You feel cast aside. Does this ever stop sucking? Yes when you learn distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills. Not when everyone acts exactly how you want them to or think they “should” act. If you’re ever say someone “should” do/be/act a certain way you are taking the focus off of yourself.

Yes losing friends hurts. But it’s not all consuming, or consuming to the point it is for you. This is situation about YOU and your FEELINGS. It’s not a situation about friends leaving you and they not doing it the right way.

You are 31. You are responsible for your emotions. You don't like what she's doing then your options are to care/fix it or to not care and move on. But stop reliving it in your mind. If you care then talk to her and try to resolve the issue- without blame or what she did wrong and instead focusing on your needs that aren't being met. That's deep down what you're actually acting on- your needs. If you don't care then stop waisting your energy on this. Stop mind reading. Stop projecting. Focus on YOU. Everything is about her her her- super convenient way to avoid your feelings by focusing on someone else. Been there.

my office floor is just shredded paper

Hot Club is prob your best bet and you can walk to boombox from there. Between the two places you could stop at Fish Co (used to have great dancing back in the day) or Wild Colonial (another bar). Restaurants with water views in that area id recommend would be plant city and blu violet but maybe out of the price range. You can grab pizza at fellinis though (so so good)! In this area is the pedestrian bridge which is really cute. Weather and time dependent there may be food trucks there.

One neighborhood builders

https://oneneighborhoodbuilders.org/

Just wanted to comment that I actually travel to the west coast because my tattoo artist is there 😂

The worst feelings for me were when I was confronting and owning up to the things I did wrong. Which is a lot! (my current bf and I actually showed each other the balconies of our ex's that we had each scaled at one point in the midst of our craziest days.) We have to do it but it HURTS.

When I get overwhelmed sometimes I try rubbing my chest and saying "Thank you for allowing me to feel this emotion. This is all I can handle for the moment though." I also try to stay "curious" vs "judgmental" about the things I do. It seems like you know the why- you dont also have to judge yourself for it. It's ok. You are ok.

I'm a smoker and I actually started doing "high hot tub therapy sessions" alone. What I'd do is get ridiculously high and go in my hot tub (shower or bath would work too). I'd let thoughts, ideas, memories etc surface from my subconscious. Then I'd create a new narrative around it that wasnt judgemental, or seeing things more clearly now that I'm older/wiser etc. Then once that knot is untangled it goes back into the subconscious and I COMPLETELY forget about it. The emotional/body healing is there though. I actually started voice recording myself to remember.

In my view, tomorrow is not Day 1 for you. We don't need to restart when we're not perfect. It's just the next day on your journey.

If they can't articulate what they mean by "hard" then it shouldn't matter. Its trivial. They don't know how to use their words to communicate so likely aren't using their brains to interpret their own emotions and why they feel they need to put you down with a vague comment. Its the same as "playing games". WTF does that mean? Adults need to use direct, concise, explicit language when communicating their feelings otherwise no one really knows what's going on. And it's not your responsibility to decipher or interpret their feelings or emotions for them.

Im 36 with a 19 yr old in college. I knew my parents were bad when i was a child. Now that my son is in college, older than I was when I had him, I realize how truly abandoned I was. My parents didn't come to the hospital or even know my son was born for over 24 hours. My mother called the police on me the day before I was supposed to go in and get induced, because I had complications, and told them I was beating up my 80 yr old grandfather. I was actually trying to leave the house and she refused to give me my car keys to the car I was paying for on my own at 17...

Anyways, you are not alone. What helped me the most, honestly, was getting diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder last year. The main cause is childhood trauma and neglect (coupled with a naturally emotional personality). Maybe check that out too while you're looking up narcissist moms. Distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills have helped a lot too.

You cant heal in that sort of environment. I have been there.... As another commentor mentioned please research Reactive Abuse, a form of self defense, that you are explaining. Also check out the book (free pdf online) Why Does He Do That.