Falling apart due to minor inconveniences is driving me nuts. How do you cope?

EDIT: Thank you to all the wonderful people who commented to give both advice and to tell me I'm not alone. Watching myself ripping at the seams is scary and shameful for me, so to know I'm not alone and to hear there is hope to get better, I really, truly appreciate it!

When I grew up, minor inconveniences were world shattering. My mom was an absolute wreck and taught me that I couldn't handle life's many challenges. Dad wasn't emotionally available, so, no help there.

Here I am feeling suicidal and on the verge of tears because I couldn't immedietly understand the homework question. And when I'm already triggered, my brain doesn't work, so I can't figure it out! I have no idea how to regulate in a way that's healthy. Nothing ever worked for me other than letting it pass with time, but, damnit, I don't have time to constantly be putting my life on pause!

What works for you??

in CPTSDby complexordeal

99%

25d

23d

Moderator removed comment

25d

complexordeal

25d

I have self-awareness enough to feed a family of eight, but I haven't found anything that really works. I've tried mindfulness, different grounding techniques, cold showers, talking about it... I'm probably forgetting stuff as my brain isn't really up to the task right now, hah.

The only thing that works for me is distraction and avoidance... which aren't really functional.

No_Effort152

25d

My trauma therapist tells me to notice what is happening in my body in the very instant that I start to become emotionally dysregulated. I can now feel it (sometimes), and I use learned skills to calm myself. I do breathing and mindfulness. I have a "safe" area where I can go to deal with my emotions. I use music or journaling. I use DBT skills. I am not always successful at preventing a meltdown, but it is getting better. I can see that I need to take less time to deal with my emotions when triggered.

complexordeal

25d

That's amasing! It's nice to hear there is hope.

Lanky-Row7315

25d

This used to be a huge problem for me. It only stopped being a huge problem when I removed a lot of my triggers (which were honestly just normal life demands). And in the meantime, I just tried to survive and live. I didn’t even know it, but in doing that I built up a lot of emotional resilience and increased my inner capacity to take on new challenges. It did take a lot of time. I did have to make a lot of sacrifices. I’m still not at that point where I can say “I’m glad this is my life”. But I don’t fall apart and have the same kind of freak outs that I used to.

I really, really, really wish I had someone to validate my freak outs when I was going through the worst of it though. I don’t think you’re validating your own challenges either.

Like, is it really a minor inconvenience that you’re falling apart over? It probably isn’t minor to YOU. Is it minor to other people, who don’t have the same challenges you do? Sure. But why are we even talking about those people. Their abilities shouldn’t be your standard. Your life, your standards.

complexordeal

25d

Damn, I needed to hear this. Thank you, kind soul. :)

Lanky-Row7315

25d

P.s. It may be worth your time to read up on all the self help literature available online, I found some really good stuff related to executive dysfunction, stress addiction, low self worth causing fear of success etc. Really explore what’s going on inside of you, and then decide what kind of adjustments might work best for you.

I grew up in pure chaos and dysfunction too. Books I could download from the internet saved me - I won’t get back the time I lost to my paralysing fear (due to trauma), but it’s nice to understand it better, and I definitely behave differently now. I.e. I healed, so I respond differently.

Mother-Pen

25d

No solutions but I’m right there with you. I’m actually at the point of writing “STOP” (dbt skill) and “I’m Safe” (as a reminder) on my hands.

ventingandcrying

25d

the best i’ve come up with is to stop everything, put both my hands over my eyes (sometimes blocking my ears too) and breathing til it passes

something about cutting out the senses helps

complexordeal

25d

Thanks, I'll try this!

TraumaPerformer

25d

I'm starting to think that my brain is (for some reason) wired to expect that EVERYTHING goes perfectly. Major inconveniences are understandable and explainable, but when I spill a fucking drink and have to stop and clean it up it's just the most pointless fucking roadblock to my day.

One thing that's helped me is not always forcing myself to resolve the minor inconvenience immediately. I had a glass fall out of my cupboard and break, throwing a few shards around. Normally I would've freaked out and cleaned it up right away, but this one time i just kicked it into a safe-enough place and dealt with it later.

complexordeal

22d

I love your username. :')

TraumaPerformer

22d

Lol thank you. I wanted one that rhymed.

Used-Motor-2537

25d

Hi! I was there when I was younger and overcame it. You have to stop yourself in those thoughts and do something to smooth yourself, in a healthy way. A rocking chair, squeezing play dough or putty…quiet music, comfy pillows …breathe deeply. Once you have calmed enough to talk to yourself logically, work the problem out. “Hmm so I’m feeling really awful that I can’t understand this homework question. Logically I know that not understanding homework doesn’t make me bad or all wrong. I am good, and I can get through this. Do I know anyone who can help me understand the homework problem? Maybe I can call or text them”.

Enjolrad

24d

As a teacher for kids with emotional disabilities, I always have them step away from class work that’s stressing them out like that. I know you said you don’t want to keep pausing your life, but you’re not doing your learning any favors by continuing like this. Once you’re ready, do your best to attempt it. It’s okay if it’s not perfect, the point of homework for us is that we can see what students are learning or not learning. I would try to arrange to meet with your teacher before or after school and ask if you can go over some of it together. We love proactive students who are putting in an effort.

Remember, you’re not the first person to have difficulty with schoolwork and you won’t be the last. I always remind my students not to get caught up in the frustration because I’ll continue to support them until they understand. There’s no penalty for needing support

complexordeal

23d

This is a refreshing perspective for me. When I first started school, I struggled a lot, mainly because I was too numb to care or understand that school was important. When I realized that, I became, in a matter of months, one of the top of my class. I found an identity there, as a studious kid. But then my health got worse and worse, and some years later I dropped out completely. I'm an adult now, trying to finish high school subjects to complete and futher my education. There's a lot of triggers in it all for me, surprisingly. There's still something in me that is terrified of failing or realising I'm not good enough after all.

I'm not used to people being supportive while I struggle. Even my old teachers would get angry with me if I didn't understand something. My parents, too. For some reason or another, they thought I just didn't *want* to listen. Sigh.

I've come to accept that academics isn't for everyone, not necessarily because of intellect, but, in my case, I can't study while dyrsegulated. I work as a craftsman, and I can produce while dysregulated to a certain degree.

Enjolrad

20d

I’m really sorry to hear your experience in school was so negative, but honestly it’s so impressive that you’re finishing high school as an adult. I think it’s okay to communicate with your teachers and be open about any questions or concerns with the material, and maybe if they have any modified versions of assignments where it’s broken down into smaller parts.

I had a 504 after I was hospitalized for mental health so I completely empathize with how difficult it can be to focus and complete work when you’re dysregulated. Give yourself credit where it’s due tho, you’re working hard at school after taking an extended time off. That’s gonna be difficult for anyone. This isn’t a reflection of your character or abilities, just human nature. I hope the rest of the school year goes well for you!

complexordeal

18d

Thanks for the kind words. I got through the subjects! I only have two left and I'm done for good. :)

Mental-Ad-4871

25d

omg I have the same issue, haven't discovered anything that helps other than skipping the question lol

AutoModerator

25d

Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local emergency services, or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.