I had a brother - I hate it break it to you but that did nothing for me except made the trauma worse as he was my mom’s golden child. And honestly these responses here are vile - someone else to absorb trauma with me? Do you really would want to have another human being going through trauma just to make you feel better? Like it was bad but at least someone also had ir bad like me? I’m sorry - downvote me as much as you like, this is not okay. Anyone who have had abusive childhood know how it’s like. I would never ever want anyone go through that, especially my sibling. I have watched my brother getting beaten and humiliated. That only contributed to trauma. It did not ease shit.

I disagree - if silence is triggering for her, that’s on her to deal with it. And saying to client - you need to leave in this scenario is not okay. Yes, your motives were to elicit her emotional response. This is very common in therapy for clients to try to push T’s buttons. I would say in some form or another it happens to all clients. Where they want to elicit some emotional response - whether it’s sadness, anger or caring. It’s totally normal part of therapy. What is not normal that you were able to do this and her response was - you need to leave.

As someone who goes mute in session- 2 things. Yes, it is sometimes as punishment for my therapist. Sometimes it’s be in flashback. Sometimes it’s being angry at myself or T. But… your T’s response does not sit right with me. First of all - it is really her problem that she does not do well with silence. She needs to work on it. Secondly - it’s your paid session and if you wanted to waste it in silence- that’s your choice. She cannot kick you out. Rather that being in silence and curious where does this comes from - and trying to explore ir with empathy and curiosity she kicked you out. She did not respond the way she should and let her frustration on you. While your motives where probably to make her angry her response was not one of professional. Remember that she’s paid professional- while she can be angry, frustrated or just annoyed - she needs to deal with that in supervision. This is not peer to peer relationship where this kind of silence and her response would be okay. If you would do that to your friend, I would understand this response. But she is not a friend. And she should have be in silence and explored with you in next session what happened. Just kicking you out was not okay.

My parents use their upbringing as excuse all the time. But there is a difference in acknowledging that they indeed are product of their own horrible childhood and saying that makes what they do okay. Both things can be simultaneously true - they were abused themselves and they were abusive parents. And one does not justify the other. Usually people have difficulty to see it that way because they feel that makes their suffering lesser - like my I shouldn’t feel as bad about the abuse because they also were victims. The fact is that their abuse in childhood has nothing on me - I can still feel empathy for them as children who were abused and at the same time hold them responsible for their abuse towards me.

I disagree on this notion. I fully understand why my parents were abusive - both coming from severe dysfunctional families. And it has helped me understand why things went that way. Said that - I do agree it does not absolve them from their personal responsibility on what happened. Understanding helped me to know that it was not me. Never me. It was them and their issues. I was just unfortunate by stander that got involved. Said that - I still hold them responsible for their actions and I do not justify their abuse by their own trauma as they had a choice. But that knowledge helped me to make better decisions for my own life - how to break cycle of abuse for generations.

With all respect- you really should work on making your thoughts readable. This text is hard to read and understand. I understand use of all abbreviations but it reads like you are drunk and trying to write. To the point - crying is unique. Some people can do it on the whim. Some - cannot do it under any circumstance. Some believe crying in therapy is a must, some, that it will come. Why it is so important for you to cry? It cannot be forced. It’s would not concentrate on crying part but dig why you want this. Tears are vulnerability mostly, not always. You cannot force this. And why you should? Because she has been sweet and good? I would really think where that pressure to cry comes from.

Crying is not a requirement in therapy. I for one have cried once - on my first visit 3 years ago. So question is - do you want to cry and cannot do it or you feel pressured to cry because your therapist cries? Honestly- I have no issues of therapist crying but I would not want to work with someone who cries almost every session with me. But that’s just me.

Because science does not back repressed memories. I know I know. People will come with pitchforks. Sometimes child did not feel situation traumatic and later in life it was seen as traumatic and in comes back. That can happen. And memory is not a video - it can be accurate but not always accurate to 100%. Memory does not work like a film. That’s why when therapists ask about the most earlier childhood memory they focus on feeling rather then memory it self as it’s very high chance the memory is not accurate but feeling it relies is. Pseudo memories do exist. And they can be implanted by person subconsciously or by therapy. This is scientifically proven fact. Our mind is wonderful and it can create narrative form few scraps which might not be accurate representation of what happened. So a lot of times it’s more important to focus on feelings rather than facts in memory itself. So in general I do not believe focusing on memory itself is very reliable but focusing on your emotions in that memory is. Because those are something that probably was true. Even if memory itself was altered by many different things and cannot be considered as the fact that that happened with 100% accuracy. I have had dreams which later I discover memory as my brain thinking that was true although I for a fact know - that was just very very realistic dream and that never happened and nothing supports irl. Google regarding memory reliableness if you want to get into that topic.

The way I see it - you have learned you have a shitty therapist. I have always found it fascinating that therapists have no issue postponing last minute due to their life issues but do not extend that grace to their clients. Like in this sub there have been cases where person is literally in hospital and they need to pay the fee. Some call it boundaries- I call it lacking tact. Especially when they have no issues themselves canceling due to their issues. Rules for us but not for them. I would not work with T like that.

You seem to be still thinking she should be on your side as your therapist but she is also his. And as his therapist she has also obligation to him - also positive regard and validation to an extent. That’s why it’s such a bad idea to have the same therapist for both of you. You seem to be thinking she’s aligned with you but she does not represent your interests there. She also represents his.

While it’s not illegal therapist who works with couple and individual people in that couple for me is a red flag. That therapist cannot remain objective and they cannot discuss what you told them with your partner! So she was lying. Everything you have told her cannot leave the room and she cannot discuss anything you said in your ex therapy. But overall - ditch the T. She’s unethical and never ever go to the same individual therapist as your ex.

Thank you! I have written about what happened to my T but I cannot even discuss this in session verbally. I just freeze and dissociate. I love hearing your story and how brave you are. I feel pathetic that I cannot overcome my bodies response to past events but this gives me hope I can also find a way to do this.

So my 5 cents. I have DID. It’s not like they portray. Example. I’m very introverted person. But I have a part and I call them parts - which is very extroverted. Once that part activates I make tons on plans with friends, family. After she’s gone I’m mortified that I have all of these obligations that I as this part do not want or need. I do remember them scheduling them but it was not fully me who did that - that was my extroverted part who in that moment was in control. And yes, DID I did not find myself - it was brought up by therapist which I have been seeing for years. He pointed out how different I am presenting and he had noticed that my values, thoughts are very contrasting depending when he sees me. Like different people. I knew I was fragmented and have different parts with very different views on life but I thought it’s just how all people were. It’s my normal. It’s hard a bit to explain but no - I’m not Jimmy with 88 different alters from which 10 are babies who like ponies. It’s still me - just another me. Like I said - it’s hard to explain because it’s normal for me. I do not know any different so I was never aware people function differently normally.

That is not true. I have already established with my T that I’m better at reading people due to growing up in environment where I needed that for survival. And we have discussed he cannot tell what I feel or think unless I tell him because Therapists do not read mind! And in order to read someone from body language, voice, tone of the voice, tempo of speech you need to really know person very well. Otherwise these all are projections. And no god therapist would rely on this.

It’s a change in values. And do not get me wrong, I have nothing against it. In previous generations children were expected and far too many people who should not have kids had them because it was expected. Because that’s what you do - get married and have kids. Nowadays people live more for themselves and not others expectations. And it’s good. Children have right to be loved and welcome in loving home. Not because it happens, not because it’s expected of you. I have 2 kids. I could have more. I do not want to. It’s hard, sometimes draining and not always rewarding. So my advice - have kids only if you really want them. That’s the only reason to have them and they deserve to be loved and not to pump up stats for demographic.

Between nobody cares and I want someone else to rescue and take care of my life is a big gap. Either sides of that spectrum are unhealthy.

I’m gonna write as it I see it - subjective. For you these issues are raw, painful and you are full of emotions. First - it’s very clear that bi-weekly is not the best approach. You need weekly. Secondly - you have unrealistic expectations from your T. Even in notes they will not write down details but general theme you talked about. You want them to remembered details from 2 sessions - 2 hours within one month. That’s not realistic. You saying - it’s a bad sign - he asked what you want to talk about - that’s normal for psyhodynamic therapy! Client leads session. If you want something more structured then this is not approach for you. I somehow have the feeling that if therapist would choose what to talk about you still would say they pushed you in wrong direction. And lastly- you said you do not wanted to deal with childhood but talk about it only as context. Your strong emotions on this topic and reaction seems to indicate that you should talk about it more and dedicate therapy for that. Nothing what you describe is reportable. It’s a bad match for sure but T himself did not do anything unethical.

White knight syndrome. It’s called like that in women - where they wait for someone to rescue them from life and lift them up. Never works. Only in books and movies. In real life - nobody is rescuing you and making you better or life better. That’s not other persons responsibility. They can contribute to it but ultimately it comes within and not from outside.

This is just so bullish comment. There are people in both genders who want children. There are women who would not be with a men who does not want children. And that is okay. You seem to think that if you really like someone you would be okay to put second your dream, values. Would you say the same if gender were reversed? If women stopped talking because guy did not want kids?

Get off of social media and idiots who tell you that all your value comes from looks. They do it not because it’s true but because it benefits them. I’m 36 and it’s true for all people - you will age. But what are lies is that you will be unhappy. It’s a lie that men will not be into you. It’s a lie that what they look for is only looks and that’s what defines you. I’m married and I have looked better but my husband loves me for my humor, because he can be who he is with me. And I love each inch on that men. And he loves each inch of me. That emotional intimacy is what defines relationships and not only looks. Those fade for everyone but what remains is what I would call love. All those who keep shouting that women’s worth is only looks and youth are the ones you should never be with. Those are not the men who want love or give love. So celebrate your 25. Life is just beginning and enjoy it.

I’m maybe old school but there is nothing traditional about your relationship. You barely know the guy, you live with his mom, you are not married and you are pregnant out of wedlock. Sometimes we need to use the rational part of out brain and not only emotional one. You should try it out - will help you when you will be single mom.

Well, I have had therapist tell me he thought about me a lot outside sessions. Actually we have had many conversations where he told me though about me the other day. And he also smiles when he sees me. Damn. Maybe I’m stupid but it does not indicate any romantic interest. But back to you - you are trying desperately to see everywhere he’s into you. It can be true and it also can be a lie. He can be caring, nice professional (which he is by your description) and you see that as interest. Or he can actually be into you. But the last sentence that this is group therapy and not individual so not the same ethical rules apply is your wishful thinking. They do apply. And he cannot date you ot be with you in any capacity.

This cannot be answered in general as therapy depends on individual needs. I have once per week for 3 years now.

I get the feeling you are mixing things - if psychiatric cannot you officially diagnose with F code, they still can say they agree with your self assessment- which seems they did not. Your emotions are not about diagnosis but by the fact that they dismissed your symptoms. They can validate them even without official diagnosis. In order to be diagnosed with CPTSD you also need to meet PTSD criteria. If you do not have them - CPTSD cannot be diagnosed. Secondly - why do you want F code assigned? This code will impact your life as it can be seen my other medical professionals, government authorities and can put limitations on to your life. As there is no medication for DID, I assume it’s validation. In that case the best scenario is to go to therapy (which is the only “medication” assigned to DID) and discuss this there and get validation. As you are already in therapy it seems you are just frustrated (understandable) that they dismissed some of your symptoms and assigned BPD.