If they fucked up as parents they don't get to enjoy you sharing your passions with them. They can't just fail as parents and expect anything else but cold distance.

29 here and same. And the lonelier I feel the more I see the anxiety creeping up. And the more anxiety the more I see everyone else as enemies that are trying to hurt me, which makes me feel lonely and afraid. And down the spiral goes ad infinitum.

Oh boy can I relate. My parents put no boundaries to what I could do, they just let me be. The internet was my safe haven and I used it to its fullest potential. From innocuous youtube videos to porn, video gaming with people double my age, spending money I shouldn't have, and many more.

What this did to me was that I had the need to start creating my own boundaries, and I went way overboard. I would stop playing video games for a long time because I had to focus on school, even thought I barely studied. I would set up my own bed time even though I could've just stayed awaked for hours at night playing video games. I would feel immense pain if I ever stepped outiside of my own boundaries.

One of parents' most important roles is teach a kid what is acceptable and what isn't. A teens job is to push those boundaries and be corrected from outside. If that doesn't happen, you grow as a maladjusted individual that is lost and acts based on the anxiety that has been created as a result. It is horrible and I struggle with this to this day.

Hell yeah! That's such an inspiring story. Fear makes us small and afraid of losing whatever we have so we end up in a cycle of emotional and physical violence that can only be escaped by doing exactly what you did. Fuck that man, live your life to the fullest far away from him.

If you felt abused, then the abuse was real. Your feelings and experiences are what matter here, so don't try to minimize your pain. It is obvious that reaching out to your abuser serves as a sort of defense mechanism that is malfunctioning. Don't blame yourself for it, it happens to the best of us. Your feelings matter and failing is part of the process. Don't give up.

Your friend is right. We know, by the power of science, that perpetual self loathing thoughts create a spiral that make you rely on them for every situation. If every time you feel like you are about to have negative thoughts you stop them and tell yourself something positive, whether you believe it or not, they will slowly replace the dark thoughts.

I am not saying that this is in any way easy, and you will only be able to do it once you can, and no sooner. And that moment will arrive at different times depending on the person. You can try if you want. For just one day, whenever you have negative self thoughts, go ahead and say "stop" and tell yourself something nice, and see how that goes.

I've struggled with these feelings my whole life. Feeling like a burden has been a basic fact since I have memory. I don't think there is a way to overcome this overnight. Toxic shame is something you work on everyday for years. A very slow process in which you overwrite the shitty thoughts about yourself and slowly create a healthy self talk. I wish you the best, feeling like this is terrible and nobody deserves it.

My parents didn't teach me anything except how to ride a bike and how to swim, funnily enough. I think every immature parent has a couple of things that they think they have the responsability of teaching their kids and never go beyond that. Like a check list they made up in their mind so that they can feel like they're good parents.

If they never taught you how to ride a bike and then gave you shit for not using the bike they got you, they're just being assholes. A good father would have a kind and safe conversation about the reason you're not using it and help you overcome whatever is ailing you. Don't fall for the emotional abuse. They failed you and you deserved better.

If you need to vent do it here, at least at first if you need to. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

I hear you. The panic, the dread, the pain, the intense feeling of wanting to cry until you die, the loneliness. I'm also feeling all of that right now. I don't think there is anything I could say that would be of help, but if you need a soul in a similar situation right now, I'm here for you.

If you need someone to talk to shoot me a message, or just comment here. If I can be of help I really would like to. Sharing might also help me.

Normal people truly don't know what this emotional pain feels like. It's easily one of the worst feelings that someone can go through. I also think often that dying in my sleep would be so ideal.

Happy Birthday! If you want to talk about whatever I'm definitely up for it. I'm in a truly dark place right now and sharing might be a good idea.

Man I feel you so hard. The idea to kill yourself is so appealing but you want to believe that there is something else out there, something that we can cling to. If you want to talk I'm open to sharing whatever. It's not like we have much to lose at this point.

That's a classic symptom, so don't feel like you feel like this because you're broken in a fundamental way. If a kid doesn't get their emotional needs met, they develop the thoughts that you're struggling with. There is nothing anyone can tell you to make you think otherwise right now, but if you keep working on yourself this sense of worthlessness will little by little go away. It takes a lot of time and effort, but it can be done. I hope you the best.

Damn, that's just horrible. You'd think teachers would be trained in how to deal with bullies and kids with problems, but I guess having shitty teachers is more universal than I thought.

Literally a single person that would've noticed and talked to me about it. One of the many teachers who clearly knew to come to me and offer me advice and company during those couple of years. Someone I could rely on and share my sadness and anger. Anyone I could see as safe and connected to. Just one.

Surrounding yourself with "well round people" is just going to make you eat yourself from inside from envy. At the end of the day, jelousy is a symptom, and trying to bash your head trying to repeat to yourself that you're not worse won't work.

"Just be you" seems likes it's going to be impossible at the stage you're at, so don't beat yourself up if you can't climb Everest in your first step. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and go step by step towards your ideal self. You know that the most attractive and charming people are those that understand what you already know deep down: that you are yourself and proud of it, because you strive towards being a good person. Not someone that will attract everyone mind you, but someone you can feel comfortable being.

I hope you the best, you deserve to be yourself.

I think I'm in the part of the journey where jelousy is starting to dissolve, so I think I can offer a bit of insight.

You seem to be at the point where you logically know that the envy you're feeling is just trauma speaking, and that what you feel isn't something that you want or desire. As with everything else to do with these mental disease, it's all about small steps. About possitive reinforcement and stopping harmful thoughts.

Not gonna lie, it's not easy at all. Especially because I know you believe that there are no people better than other, that everyone is unique and that living your best life is the most attractive and fulfiling way to live. Envy makes us worse people, it makes us resentful and ugly, but the emotional response is more powerful than us at this point. I picture the kind of person I want to be and it feels incredible, and as long as I keep working everyday to achieve that state I can consider myself in the good path.

I belive that you can do it, that you can keep pushing forward and reach a point where you value yourself for who you are, striving to be better and making a possitive change in those around you just by being the best version of yourself.

Welcome to the wonderful world of hypervigilance!

I remember my life in two modes: 1) Terrified about having to go in public and 2) safe when I was alone in my room. And at some point I started to feel uneasy at home as well.

If I can offer a bit of insight from my own experience, hypervigilance is the final boss of this game we call trauma. Trying to tackling and failing is perfectly normal, as you are most likely not strong enough to beat it yet. It's similar to Breath of the Wild. You are allowed to go and try your luck with Ganon straight out of the tutorial, but it will most likely be a fool's errand. Exploring the world and acquiring the necessary gear to face him is the most sensible way to approach the issue.

Anxiety is very similar, you have to start very small and make incremental progress. If you need someone to talk to without any judgment, shoot me a message whenever you want.

My favorite is when you have people tell you that their parents taught them so much about everything and that's why they respect them so much. I was taught nothing. Not even to shave, which is the quintessential "father teaches son" moment. I wasn't taught how to cook or even make my bed. Yet I have to feel connected to people who had parents that cared? Impossible.

Welcome to the club. It's never too late to look at your past and see shit that was invisble to you in the moment. Pretty much everyone thinks that they had a normal childhood and that they're to blame for the way they feel.

You see, the fucked up thing is that CPTSD due to emotional neglect starts so early that it completely colors your entire life. I've learned more about myself in the past 3 years that in the previous 26. I hope you the best recovery and discovery possible!

There are definitely people that are just way too ignorant when it comes to mental health to take them seriously. Your experiences are clearly valid and her responses and questions where completely out of line. Keep fighting, you deserve better.