Hi everyone. I'm 60 years old (M) and am just now realizing that I was horribly neglected emotionally growing up. Ironically, I started to realize these things while connecting with a long lost sister I never knew about. She found us about 3 years ago and, of course, wanted to know everything about our mother who is now deceased. Things I told her about how I was raised, things that I either thought were normal or "not that bad", shocked her and now I'm questioning everything and beginning to realize what a profound affect it had on me. This is mostly just an introductory post but I'm sure I'll be spending a lot of time here. In future posts I'll share the circumstances of my childhood and how I think it's affected me my whole life. Thanks for being here.
Oh yea, the normalization thing. Thank you, to you as well.
I’m 33 and have just come to this realization in the last year. But I can relate to having to be hyper independent/having to navigate life without any support or guidance. It sucks.
Hyper independent indeed! Always have been, even as a child. I was even in the parent role as a teenager. I'm glad you're figuring it out earlier than I did.
Also a recent realisation for me and my dad situation. I'm the 40 side of 35. Sucks doesn't it?
In a way yes but it also explains a lot about how I am.
55 here and only realized it in the last year.
Did you have to figure out life on your own with zero guidance like I did?
50F here and yep, absolutely. I am very grateful for the bravery of little me who has raised us to adulthood safely all on her own, with little adult guidance. She has protected us all this time. No wonder she's so exhausted. Now as the adult I am giving her the love safety and protection we never had growing up.
I have that thought too, I turned out remarkably well for having zero guidance. Granted it could have been a lot better but I give myself a lot of credit.
No, I would say in my case there was at least some guidance.
Welcome. I must say, it’s really touching to see you here. I’m 35 and my parents are a bit older than you; they were surely neglected themselves but i cannot Imagine them ever making such a post due to an incapacity to self-confront. What an opportunity it was to meet your sister. 🌸✨
Thank you for that. My dad was a classic example of what you're talking about. He had a very tragic childhood and life in general and was a kind, gentle man but a complete disaster at life. I was sort of forced into this reflection not only by my new sister but also because my wife suddenly cheated and abandoned me and her kids (my stepkids) three years ago. In the effort to understand how that happened I started asking myself some very hard questions and began to see how my issues had allowed me to be so deceived for so long. I thought my relationship with my wife was wonderful but I eventually realized that it only seemed wonderful relative to the other relationships I'd had my entire life. It's been very enlightening so far and there's a long way to go. Thank you for your kind words.
it’s awesome that you’re able to be there for the kids even after she abandoned yall. I hope you are able to find the support you need to help you continue to take care of your self, grow & learn. 🤍
Thank you. BioDad is only a little better than Mom. I was their dad for most of their lives. They've been through so, it would be devastating for them if I abandoned them too. It's getting better for all of us.
I’m 60, started to realize five years ago
I’m 59 and just woke up to this about 2 years ago.
I’m 43 and the fog lifted about three years ago. I’m grateful that there are so many resources now. It gives me hope for a happier existence.
Welcome aboard. I’m 54 and just recently realized it myself. It’s never too late to heal.
I was 50 before it ever even occurred to me my childhood might have been traumatic, so I can relate. My first book about it was Pete Walker’s CPTSD and it really opened my eyes. I wish you well on this journey. It’s hard and long, but very rewarding.
46 and very hopeful. Had a very eye opening bad experience a year ago. Reddit, online ressources (Jerry Wise, Tim Fletcher, Rhoberta Shaler and a some books), a therapy and a lot of journaling gave me the strenght to open my eyes on that harsh truth. Spent more than 25 years of my life trying to understand what the matter was. I’m very thankful that I finally found out. It is still really hard, the goal for me is to stop neglecting myself, unlearn all the internalized self hate and destruction. One day at a time!
I just realized it in my 50's. Groups like this sub have helped. It was such a sinking feeling realizing how neglected and abused we were as kids & into adulthood. Finding a therapist that specializes in childhood trauma has helped me significantly. It has been an eye opening experience.
It was during the pandemic, reading in these forums, when I had my "Holy Shit!" awakening. When I related memories to my husband, he looked stunned and said " You were abused." He had no idea of the extent of it and I thought my anger at the screaming, hitting and isolation was just me being petty.
I think I'm mostly through the grieving and heading into acceptance, but I still feel flares of anger. Their obvious contempt toward their own children has informed my desire to be childfree; I'm glad I did not mistreat my offspring as they did.
Never too late
Welcome. I am glad your found us. I am looking forward to your posts. I m sorry you went through abuse and neglect
Are you still in contact with your new sister?
Oh yes! We've become very close. We have SO much in common, it's been a wonderful experience for both of us.
Welcome to the club. It's never too late to look at your past and see shit that was invisble to you in the moment. Pretty much everyone thinks that they had a normal childhood and that they're to blame for the way they feel.
You see, the fucked up thing is that CPTSD due to emotional neglect starts so early that it completely colors your entire life. I've learned more about myself in the past 3 years that in the previous 26. I hope you the best recovery and discovery possible!