I've been doing inner child work with my therapist lately and during a session I was asked what child-me needed to hear at the time. Like soothing words or advice. But I can't come up with anything, all I hear from my inner child is "get me out of here". I will talk about this with my therapist in my next session, but I still wonder what can you tell a child that's being bullied in school? Nothing seems to feel right. Is there anyting your parents or a caregiver could've said that might've helped you?
To those who have been bullied, what would've helped you during that time?
No one came to me :( I still remember on the day the bullying started and I realized things would never be alright, crying in front of the class while the teacher was explaining stuff, trying to keep it down but I couldn't, and everyone just looking at me weird, and the teacher just kept talking and never addressed it. I was 9 and it was the most defining moment of my whole life. I just broke
What kind of person ignores this? But why do I ask? Nobody noticed it in my case either. My heart hurts for little-you. And yes - that makes total sense. Just one person you would've noticed and given it a name would've helped so much.
Damn, that's just horrible. You'd think teachers would be trained in how to deal with bullies and kids with problems, but I guess having shitty teachers is more universal than I thought.
If my family would have held the bullies accountable.
Mine lived in my home, but this is right on. Knowing that there was an adult who actually gave a shit enough to do something to help you. Instead of just getting mad at you, because they didn’t want to hear about it, & expected you to take it on “for the family”.
I consider my family more responsible for not holding the bullies accountable. Part of reason why I am estranged for my family.
I definitely understand that. I have absolutely no contact with my abusive sibling, since she threatened to physically hurt my child (6 yrs old at the time). It’s been over a decade. I’m very happy with my decision, I will not change it.
she threatened to physically hurt my child (6 yrs old at the time).
She sounds evil.
She was only a 20 minute drive away, at the time. It’s because of our history that I know how dangerous she really is. I’ve seen her do some really messed up and scary shit to other people, too. Over the years, people we’ve grown up with have told me some really weird and cruel things that she did to them. It’s just who she is. I agree, there’s something extra messed up about threatening a small child.
Eh. If someone explained to me why I was different (autistic), what that meant and why I did some things that made me look bad to the othet kids, why people were so cruel about my difference, then hook me up with some other kids, just someone that treated me like a human being would have made all the difference in the world. Instead I had no one. No one at home, no one outside of home, I got everyone's insults and that was too much for me.
You know what. Also someone who would have taken interest in my world and the things I liked. Or how I felt. Like someone that listened without looking at me like I'm an alien. And remind me that one day I will meet people who appreciate me (I still don't know why anyone would appreciate me, but I found them).
I never thought about this, but this really resonates with me. Someone who would've just listened to me without judging. I'm happy you found your people!
Not that I could think of at all. They were very nice to me and felt horrible about how bad the bullying was - but ultimately they weren’t at all the source of the bullying and I can’t think of anything they could’ve said that might have helped.
I might ask my therapist what they would have told me as a child going through that, coming to see them for help. I always wonder if my parents had brought me to a professional if I may have had better tools to cope.
But I have no clue what they could’ve said that might have made it better.
If my parents and teachers didn't punish me for self defence, or everyone involved with the same measures but stop and ask what really happened.
Yes, when you put it bluntly on the table, I was hit in school and then beaten at home because I defended myself.
Ok yes, I falsified signature and lied to protect myself from parents anger 'because it happened again'. But neither first time nor later they asked me what's going on. I mean they did but didn't take it seriously, just told me to ignore bullies, and then I ended being bad kid who needs more punishment because I kept getting in fights which were always self defence only.
Insane. They're incapable of protecting you AND they punish and beat you when you're trying to protect yourself.
And bullies kept at it for years. Unscathed.
So I guess - justice would be my answer. Determining victims from abusers, taking measures that work.
Expelling bullies from school. Protecting victims. Teaching non violent conflict resolution. Teaching not to insult and harm people so they have to defend themselves.
Irony? I told them many of that ideas, but I was just a kid and easy to ignore. I was 7/8 back then. And saw how system is broken and that I'm on my own and no one there is willing to help me.
That's sad. I can't say anything to little me that she doesn't know already, I can't soothe her for that pain. I can only praise her how she fought back and that I'm proud of her and will always be and how I'll never stop fighting for us.
I'll try non violent methods, but if they don't work, I have no problem with any type of violence for self defence. They shouldn't attack us in first place.
Idk. I internalized really young nor to ask foe help so they never knew the full extent. I brought it up only when impossible to hide (broken bones, burns, stolen items). And when I did they switched schools, only for it to happen again.
Maybe if they weren't so against me getting diagnosed for autism I could've had a shield of some kind. Some people feel bad bullying special needs kids
"You're not worthless. Other people might not understand you or see that you're a good person, but you are."
When I was being aggressively spiritually bullied at my Evangelical school, at home, my parents constantly reinforced what my tormentors told me: that I was wicked, evil, sinful, and bad. That my life would be a constant battle to control my badness.
It made everything a lot worse.
That sounds terrible. I hope you're out of this environment now.
Heh - thanks..this was almost thirty years ago, when I was in junior high school.
I wrote a story about this once, named "CODA".
.
Once the final school bell reverberated through the halls, Jimmy, a skinny, anxious kid, hurriedly navigated his way outside.
He trod a familiar path – a gravel-strewn road, sandwiched between a high, menacing fence on one side, and a row of white, soulless garages on the other.
The path, though uninviting, led toward home, the refuge from the school's preying grounds, making his backpack feel lighter.
.
Suddenly, Kyle appeared at his side. His breath reeked of alcohol, his cheerfulness eerily unsettling. Kyle did Tae Kwon Do, and he used it on Jimmy before. Not good.
Shortly, Jed and Buck, Kyle's friends, joined them. He clenched his teeth to stop them from clacking, each step bringing him closer to home, closer to safety. He was halfway there.
As the fence ended, Billy and Earl materialized, blocking his path, their faces reflecting a reluctant resolve.
.
Jimmy felt his stomach churn; a confrontation was imminent. He turned to Kyle, who seemed marginally friendlier, about to plea for mercy, when he instinctively blocked Kyle's hook, aimed at his jaw.
The group closed in around him, muting daylight. Fists cocked back, someone grabbed his shirt-
.
What's that? An unfamiliar hissing sound drew everyone's attention. From an egg-shaped black hole radiating blue light, a man stumbled out.
Kyle murmured, "I must be wasted," eyes wide as he took in the disheveled middle-aged man. The man, regaining balance, chuckled at the stunned faces.
.
Before Billy got his hands up, he was crumbled by a powerful shot to his jaw.
Earl’s punch glanced off the man's MMA block and a hit to diaphragm bent him over, wheezing.
Jed's kick was caught and he was spun, thudding into a garage door.
Buck drew his knife, but as the man unsheathed a sword, he took off running.
.
Kyle froze, staring at the man in disbelief. "You... are him..." he stammered.
Jimmy's vision focused. It was his face on the man, only older, marked with the wrinkles of age.
.
Old Jimmy smirked, passing Young Jimmy a small device. "Here's a force field. For school. Love you."
The man stepped back into the portal, vanishing into the blue glow.
.
...
.
"What a sweet daydream," wistfully reflected Jimmy, as blood sprayed from his shattered nose and Jed's kick dislocated his knee.
.
With Buck's knife glimmering in cheerfully indifferent sunlight, Jimmy swore to himself that, if he survives tonight, he will for sure invent a time machine.
If I am honest I feel like TRT would have helped a lot.
Assertiveness and not backing down.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local emergency services, or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
This is something that I did for myself. I made friends with a big strong guy. It helped!
friends, someone who would've noticed
Child-me needed someone to protect with me or give me moral support.
In one of the schools I was in they had a private area for kids who struggle, I wish they put me there away from regular classes, because being in classes of 25-30 students was just stupid. They had animals there too like rabbits etc.
I wish they sooner gave me the pass to leave 10mins early before school ends to avoid being followed and harassed. And one at lunch too so I could get there before the massive crowd.
I also wish they actually fucking dealt with the bullies. The teachers didn’t do anything at all.
I wish I was taken out of school sooner and did online learning sooner, because there was nothing good about it at all. Ever.
Out of the 4 schools I went to just bullying after bullying. I had nobody. I didn’t learn anything, I failed exams, couldn’t even handle college because the bullies went there too.
The overall experience has left me worse off.
I can relate. It feels like the only thing that would've really helped would've been somebody noticing and preventing it. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
Literally a single person that would've noticed and talked to me about it. One of the many teachers who clearly knew to come to me and offer me advice and company during those couple of years. Someone I could rely on and share my sadness and anger. Anyone I could see as safe and connected to. Just one.