just need advice

Yes. It is akin to Toxic Shame. First, I don't feel worthy of affection. Second, I don't know what it looks like when someone actually knows how to express caring towards me.

I know what guarded, half-hearted caring looks like.

If you haven't already, check out Heidi Priebe on YT.

I struggle with this feeling of being disliked by all. It's a core belief from childhood. My family didn't show that they cared about me and how I feel, too.

What helped was doing emdr therapy to help process things and build new positive beliefs.

Another really big part is changing how I treat myself. I disliked myself. I hated myself. I hated how I acted and how I thought. That type of thinking get projected out. If I hate myself it's only logical that others hate me too.

Learn to like yourself first. 

The poem I am Me by Virginia Satir is a great way to start changing how you feel about yourself. 

Reparenting is a huge help. Patrick Teahan on YouTube has videos and community posts about reparenting. It how I got started doing it. 

I've struggled with these feelings my whole life. Feeling like a burden has been a basic fact since I have memory. I don't think there is a way to overcome this overnight. Toxic shame is something you work on everyday for years. A very slow process in which you overwrite the shitty thoughts about yourself and slowly create a healthy self talk. I wish you the best, feeling like this is terrible and nobody deserves it.