So this is actually a good thing because I’m able to see the beauty of life kind of. But I decided to try dating and it was actually going okay and I was meeting guys I never thought would even bat an eye at me. Not even that but guys who are genuinely amazing people and smart, well traveled, interested in me too (for the most part). But I realised I don’t know how I could actually date them and I couldn’t figure out why I’m so insistent on not pursuing anything even if there’s no actual reason or “red flags”, but it’s because I’m jealous. So now I feel kind of icky and weird and I realise this is prevalent in all my relationships with people I think will never know what it’s like to suffer with this condition. Because I wish I could just say it’s a mental thing but it’s ingrained in my cells. I would literally be a blank sheet of paper without it, so I know it’s going to take a long time to deal with. Anyways it’s just how in the world am I supposed to date someone untraumatised?? I had to stop pursuing anything because I’m honestly just going to turn into a negative nancy. I would not want to be with someone like that but how do I not turn into that? If the plan is to surround yourself with well rounded people so it rubs off on you, but you’re jealous of those people how do would that help you heal?
How do you deal with being jealous over well rounded people?
QuestionI think the people who grew up with a level of healthy family relationships are a bit like aliens to me - I can't really relate, and it's not that I'm jealous, but know how much childhood adversity set me on a difficult path and it's natural to want the things you don't have. Coming to terms with the toxicity of my family has helped me heal. What I'm trying to do is see things realistically and find joy where it is and stop chasing some normal healthy 2 person nuclear family dream - it's not going to happen for me because of my trauma, so perhaps an intentional community in the meantime and continue healing is what works. I don't plan to surround myself with well rounded people to learn from them - what will help me heal is being around people who share my values and interests, and yes, that involves prioritizing the voices of women who have been traumatized in relationships because community heals me.
Surrounding yourself with "well round people" is just going to make you eat yourself from inside from envy. At the end of the day, jelousy is a symptom, and trying to bash your head trying to repeat to yourself that you're not worse won't work.
"Just be you" seems likes it's going to be impossible at the stage you're at, so don't beat yourself up if you can't climb Everest in your first step. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and go step by step towards your ideal self. You know that the most attractive and charming people are those that understand what you already know deep down: that you are yourself and proud of it, because you strive towards being a good person. Not someone that will attract everyone mind you, but someone you can feel comfortable being.
I hope you the best, you deserve to be yourself.
well tank you , perhaps i should invite you on a coffee date .
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I struggle to connect with “well rounded people”. I feel like they don’t understand me and it wouldn’t work. My friend has a boyfriend who is “well rounded” and she just tries to take the same sort of joy he does in the little things in life. I suppose to overcome jealousy, it’s about seeing how we can learn from those people, and maybe how they can learn from us too.