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I hope you're doing better and have found a new support system
Your dad wouldn’t forgive you for keeping that a secret
Hey,
can I use this story in my video?
You are obviously a mature young person. Go to school and talk to the psychologist and get some help. You need mental and emotional help to get through this. You don't need insurance or money if it goes through school. Good luck.
These replies are fucking vile. Grown ass men and women telling a 16yo girl to just mind her business ? Wtf is wrong with you guys
So mind your business and don’t worry about it
You don't like the guy cuz he's fat? Cheese sounds like you're a smart one
It's your business. You live there. You're underage. If your parents can't arrange for your safety, it's likely that the state will take custody of you.
Mom is unhappy, and dad is unhappy. Mom and dad get to choose how they live their lives. Perhaps they should wait until she is 18? Either way, none of it is healthy. Cheating isn't healthy. Infidelity in front of your kids is unhealthy. Most importantly, modeling an unhealthy relationship in front of your kids is unhealthy. Perhaps they've tried to work it out, and she feels stuck. I don't know all the circumstances, but I do know that it is not your battle or issue. You said yourself that this as been going on for years, and your life was getting on track. How does this change anything? Do what's best for your life. You can't change your parents or their situation. But, you can show up in your life with your morals, values, and your plans to do differently. Best to you!
Life's going to be tough for you, isn't it?
I get that it’s “normal” and no one can really be committed in relationships
What the fuck?
For what it’s worth, op, they aren’t cheating as a means of hurting you or making your life more difficult. This does not mean they do not love you.
You aren’t the problem.
And no matter what they do, your homework, your responsibilities, are just that - your responsibilities. Don’t let their actions impact your grades or your future.
People who graduate college don’t just make more money and have more fulfilling careers. Statistically- they are less likely to be cheaters and more likely to have happy marriages. Take care of yourself no matter how difficult they make that for you.
Maybe she was just interviewing potential renters for your room before you got the notice to vacate
The parents are grown and their relationship doesn't need their children's approval. I'm sure it hurts to know that parents aren't perfect. But on the other hand, the kid went investigating and then got upset with the findings. To be honest, many parents stay together for the kids thinking it's best, but they are miserable. The kid should find a way to just be concerned about his or her relationship with each one individually.
And the epic levels of blackmail starts
Sorry about your situation. If I were you I’d focus on myself. Get good grades and care about it. Love yourself. One day when you look back you’ll be proud of yourself.
Wishing you best op. I hope you do good in school cause that can open a lot of paths, also start looking into well paying trades . I know a tradesmen who is a multi millionaire from just building shit.
You aren't going to change them. Focus on doing better yourself in your own life and not being like them. That you can control.
hy are parents still seeking to look for some fun when they’re already settled down, i dont get it.
lolol. you're not 16, you're 11.
hy are parents still seeking to look for some fun when they’re already settled down, i dont get it.
bigger fish to fry have made an brief cameo.
study fir my finals
Most people have finals in early september, especially those making up the oddest story ever.
they’re not in an open relationship, they still get mad when they catch each other in the act.
if this were real, then this would be your discovery of the kink. That's the juice sweety. they probably get real mad, then take it out on eachother ... naked... just your parents hatefucking all night.
Your kid shouldn’t have to see what you do
have to see? you described sneaking up on them in some effort. You wanted to see it... so bad.
my space is being invalidated
You shoulda been around in '09. You have no idea.
I’m receiving the damage from it the most
Are you sure? YOu described that obese man as running a pretty serious ground & pound on yer mum. Have you check her for damage?
Could he that for them, sex is just sex. Sex doesn't have to come with an emotional attachment. You can be in an emotionally loving, caring, and nurturing relationship, and have a fun fling on the side, so long as both parties arw OK with it.
Get over yourself little one. This is not about you and if this is tripping you up best of luck in life. Get a grip.
My advice? Stay out of it. You are 16 and have a child's viewpoint on this. You're definitely not privy to what may or may not be happening on that level between your parents. My mom and stepdad would of backhanded tf out of me if I ever had the nerve or audacity to tell them what they can or cannot do inthe home they paid for.
Get a grip. You're a child. Stay in a child's place and stop acting grown.
Our parents generation fucked everything it
It is NOT normal to be committed. That’s an excuse given by cheaters. You need to keep moving on. Your parents will resolve this on their own You are not the cause nor wrong here. They are
This was my parents.. caught my mom in the act when I was 17. It was so disturbing and she gaslit me for so long. I moved away at 18 and have been no contact with her since I was 19. I just have huge trust issues from her being similar to your mom. I am low contact with my dad bc he isn’t much better. As you get older just put your mental health above everything else! Sorry your going through this💕
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I’ve been married 20 years (with hard times), and I couldn’t imagine hurting my children this way. I think it’s better for them to separate, than to create these types of ongoing trust issues in the family. Sending hugs…
the things people type in here are so cringe i dunno where to start. Nice vent OP, your parents fucking suck. dont listen to the fatass polys in here trying to convince you its normal (its not). People suck as you might tell from both your parents and the vile shit people in here are commenting. Just get out asap and cut ties, thats what i did and its better now than it was back then.
It's okay. Your mom is just a cum slut. Prob had that whale of a man shoot um deep.
I really don't want you to think that this is normal behavior.. I've been married 10 years. My parents have been married 45 years. My grandparents were married 70 years. I've never heard of anyone in my immediate family ever cheating on anyone else? Not even when they were just dating.
Girl, I know it hurts 🤕 but you should prioritize yourself. Let them in the backside. Think about yourself, doing well a school 🎓 Be the first President of America...if you want to. Everything is possible, Be fearless. You are only 16 don't let them run your future. 👍Have a goal for yourself and work for that🙌
OP, it sounds like you have one or more narcissists for parents. Nothing you can do to help that. You can only help yourself.
I read like a couple paragraphs of it and was curious to see what kind of person you were and you were just as expected. "Smoked some progressives"? You need to go outside life is more about politics and arguing with people online.
Don’t make the same choices and realize you will be able to grow from this. It just takes time, awareness, surrounding yourself with positive people and making choices.
She’s doing it for money. That’s not fun . That’s desperation
The fact that you believe that it’s “normal” to not be loyal or committed in a relationship saddens me. It is not NORMAL. It may be your parents normal, but it’s NOT NORMAL. It is also SEVERELY damaging to a child or teenagers psyche. I am so sorry you’re going through this.
It's not normal to have an open relationship. You have fallen into a dark hole on Reddit when many people with the same ideas come out at the same time. In another post at a different time you'd find different responses.
That being said, sucks to be in your position. You should tell them, hey that's not cool I don't want see it, don't bring it around me. Parents still have to respect their kid's wishes to an extent and this would be one to respect.
I’m sorry for you, can you talk to a school counselor to get a therapist? Best!
This is where you need to not be involved in “adult issues”. Your parents clearly both understand and know what is being done behind each others back and still choose to stay married. Let them figure their stuff out. You’re a 16 year old. Put your energy into things that bring you joy. Don’t put unnecessary weight on your shoulders. As a mother and married adult myself I can vouch every single marriage has their highs and lows. We do not want our children to ever feel the need to be involved in our marital lows. Please put your focus on school and things that bring you joy honey. Your parents are adults. Ignore their issues because they have nothing to do with you or your siblings. It’s them. Between the two of them. Leave it between them. You carry on loving your parents as individuals and let them make their mistakes amongst themselves.
First off, if people are telling you that this is normal behavior, it isn't. Cheating and being unfaithful is not normal, so don't let them tell you it is. I came from a similar background to you, where my parents both cheated on each other, and it isn't easy, so don't let people tell you it is, or that it shouldn't impact you, because it most certainly does. Nobody can tell you how to feel about something, because they aren't you, and they aren't in your shoes. The best thing I can tell you is to focus on you, don't let yourself fall into the same hole your parents did, and make yourself happy. Trust your gut, and it will get you through it. And possibly seek therapy, because it's always good to have someone to help you.
This is a hard thing to deal with.
I was floored when I was faced with evidence that my wife was cheating. I knew it was true for a while but couldn't accept it. Sometimes, the brain won't let you feel that deep hurt, and you enter into the state of denial. I was there. Took witnessing it to break the facade. Tore my insides out. I definitely do not want my children to know about this. Wife is sick and needs help. Raised in a house where parents constantly fought. It's generational. I want to stop the cycle.
For you, know there's help out there to help you cope with this tragic event. Do not recommend going through this alone. Trust me. There's are roups that may be of some assistance along with mental health professionals.
May want to start with a self check on family addiction or high-risk behaviors, in addition to the random sex that'scommonin your parents. Understanding a core issue gives you a sound way to approach the situation.
It is gross. Your moms gross for bringing that anywhere near you or your family home. If she wants to be an adulterer she should have some decency to be discreet. She’s supposed to be your role model. Sorry you are going through that.
Sounds like it’s not your business
As an adult survivor of abuse at the hands of my mom's "boyfriends," I agree with OP. Do it somewhere else, not in the home where the kid is supposed to feel safe. Also, it's concerning that, at 16, OP thinks it "isn't possible to be faithful." It definitely is possible, we've been married 35 years with no infidelity. That doesn't appeal to everyone, but it appeals to us and our relationship is our safe harbor.
People saying it is normal. Maybe for you, but that isn’t the standard for everyone. I have been with my husband 13 years and have never cheated. Same for him.
I see a lot of degenerates commenting in here basically saying experiencing this is a good thing and natural for them to cheat. It's not. Plain and simple. Is it a hardship you will now need to learn and grow from? Yes. But don't get it twisted, this could have 100% been avoidable and should have been. Cheating is NOT healthy to a family. I've been a husband for 10 years and a father for 8. Never once have I cheated nor would I ever consider doing so. Why? It's not because I don't find women attractive. Lust is a very real challenge. It's because harming my wife and daughter would be the antithesis of what it means to be their man. I'm sorry this has happened to you but I hope you use it to set a much higher standard and expectation for your future husband. Shame on them but remember to love them anyway. They are still family. Good luck.
Sorry you are having these things bothering you. I know how it feels to wish people were faithful, just keep your integrity. All you can control is your own thoughts and actions, your parents are not bad people for what you are learning about them. Sometimes it hard to be an adult. Please try and accept and love them both through your own growth and change but don’t let their weaknesses become your weaknesses. Peace and love to you all
I’m sorry you’re going through this and had to catch her in the act. Life is confusing the more times you make it around the sun. A lot of what I thought I knew when I was in my teens has left me with more questions than answers. One thing I know to be certain is time will make it different, then change your perspective finally it will help you to move on from the trauma most of the way. I don’t think we ever truly heal from traumatic events, we just get stronger which in itself becomes tiring. When those moments come and you feel like you cannot go on, rest, breathe, if you believe in it pray. Ask for guidance healing and peace. If you don’t believe in all of that you can write a letter about how it made you feel any anger sadness resentments you may have and then burn it to signify letting it go from your life. I hope this helps you with this bump in the road. Stay strong
My mom and dad were also cheating at a point behind their backs. they also decided to do it when the other person was sad and stressed and had anxiety or depression. They are now living in different houses. and my dad barely visits (mostly because of work.) I went up to my mom and said: promise me you will never get a different partner. She said yes and she said she loved my dad and still wanted to be married to him. (Btw she ALSO cheated like wtf!?!?) Anyways she said she still wanted to be married with him but that dad didn't want to be married to her so she could make the promise but he couldn't. I promised myself that if they ever had different partners I would hate them no. matter. What. I also made a promise that if I ever found the people they were cheating with I would be at them senseless not torture don't worry just I would fight them probably. My dad said they would still be friends taking care of a couple of kids but I highly doubt that they would even be friends that barely get along with each other. My dad has done some very bad things. Like making me pee in a cup for a job interview a few times. or doing drugs and one of the toddlers doing it by accident and we ended up getting taken away for a few days. out of everything he's done I've always loved him and everyone said it was ok to be mad at him but I didn't. but this time I find it hard to still love him. after having a side chick. And I can't say my mom's out of the woods yet. she literally cheated on my dad WHILE HE WAS IN REHAB TRYING TO CHANGE FOR US. But I still respect my mom more because at least she didn't randomly leave the house for two days and probably got laid and came right back.
Who the hell is calling cheating on a partner normal and saying you can't truly be committed in a relationship because that's straight up just not true and they need a good smack on the forehead with a newspaper.
So is she single now?
Children are definitely affected by parents cheating! And, it is your business because it affects you. Children are supposed to feel safe with their parents and knowing that your parents are liars, robs you of that safety.
My parents both cheated but, my mom's affair with a man I introduced her to, lasted for around 25yrs. He was my mentor. If I'd known she would start cheating with him, they would have never met. I not only caught her but, she used me as an excuse to see him. She brought him to the house and they would disappear to another room for hours and each time he left, their goodbyes would be in the driveway where his truck was well concealed and that would take hours.
I moved out the day I turned 18 and had no clue that she continued to use me for an excuse but, she was telling the rest of the family that she was going to visit me three or four times a week. In actually, I rarely spoke to her on the phone and I only saw her on holidays. My father and sister both told me that they resented the time I spent with mom over the ten years since I moved because I went to them to figure out why they were so distant with me.
When I heard that, I had finally had enough and I contacted his wife and told her everything I knew. I knew a lot! My mother came unglued because he ended the affair. My mom and I barely tolerate each other now but, I truly do not care. The gap she put between me and my father and me and my sister, never healed fully. That damage left me scarred.
My father passed away several years ago and I never did get an opportunity to mend things with him or, even find out why I was still considered at fault. Oh, as I said, both my parents cheated but, he at least, had the decency to not throw it in the faces of my siblings and I and he never used any of us as pawns in his affairs.
When will the polyamorous shut up?
Hey, I know this is confusing. People are extremely complicated, and their motivations are often hidden even from themselves. People don't know why they do the things they do.
I'm so sorry, OP
have you ever watched the show atypical by chance? this is a big theme beginning season 1. might find some comfort or ideas there.
i'm new here... Is this a bot writing this?
Your parents are screwing up. It’s part of being a parent to an extent but use this lesson to take parenting classes yourself before you have children.
It’s your parents job to teach you about healthy relationships and boundaries. There are people that don’t see extramarital sex as cheating any more than they find doing activities of any kind with other people as cheating. As long as you and your partner are on the same page that’s fine.
There are also people that use intimate activities with others to punish their partners. That is toxic. There are also people that don’t think about how their actions affect others and they just want to do what feels good to them. Those are narcissists or emotionally immature people and depending on age and situation that can also be toxic (toddlers aren’t toxic, they’re learning).
Sex is completely natural and as long as it’s not hurting anyone it’s all good.
While you are far too young to be in this position you have to figure out what you can and cannot rely on your family for. Maybe it’s only food and shelter. Maybe you can rely on one parent for some things and the other parent for other things.
See if your parents are willing to let you get therapy and then feel free to outline your boundaries with your therapist (example, if your worried your parents will pull you if they don’t like what you’re discussing, tell them that).
I also recommend taking psych classes when they are available to you. It won’t change your parents but it might help you understand why they do the crap they do.
As someone whose parents cheated on each other for years (and my mom made me live with her cheating partner, a convicted child rapist, for a year) I know what feelings this causes. You’re gonna be fine. You don’t need a 4.0 to get out of there. I had a 3.2 and I got into over 20 colleges and was able to afford them using FAFSA. Just try to go in state if possible to keep the costs low.
Don’t listen to everyone in the comments, this isn’t normal. Not everyone cheats on their spouse. I’m in a very faithful relationship even though no one else in my family is.
You’re also right, they shouldn’t have had children if they weren’t emotionally adjusted enough to care for y’all properly. You aren’t an adult and they shouldn’t have put you in these situations. They failed you. You’re young, so these emotions are going to impact your school life, social life, relationships moving forward, etc. It’s one thing to take accountability but it’s obvious you don’t have the stable home life a lot of other kids get. Don’t beat yourself up over not reaching the goals you think you should. You will have plenty of time to live your life and achieve your goals. You’ll be able to create a stable environment for yourself where you will strive and be better than your parents.
Also, even if this was an open relationship, there is no excuse for exposing your children to your sexual life. Your parents would still be the assholes.
Don't let it ruin your life kid. Most of us have some kind of messed up story about our parents. Some are more tame, like catching your mom smoking a cigarette.
Some are even worse than this. My friends mom was a drug smuggler and no one knew until the cops raided his house.
Hot
They never should do that especially since it’s your family’s home. Didn’t she know you would be there
whats wrong with everyone in the comments ☠️ why are y’all defending the parents
You’re 16. Go to school. Do your work. Graduate. Everyone has some family baggage. When you’re a teenager, your teenage brain structure makes you think everything is the end of the world, but life moves on, and it gets better. Focus on yourself. You parents don’t love you any less because they are sexually open.
Ouch, dont call him a whale. That motherf***er has feelings too.
You mind your own business. That's it. That's everything.
I understand exactly how you feel. It is completely valid to feel the way you do. In my case I know my father cheated on my mom multiple times, but my mom never cheated on him. And I know this because she was always with us. That honestly made me lose respect for both of them, my dad is the type of person who likes to boast on his character saying things like “I’m a very honorable person” “I have a lot of integrity” and I was always like 🙄 suuuure. In my mom’s case I felt like she was very weak for putting up with his cheating and using her children as an excuse for staying, saying things like “if i would have left him, who knows what kind of person i would have re-married” (obviously she doesn’t trust her judgment) Some parents are very selfish and only care about their happiness. Others stay because they don’t want to take their chances and stay with cheating spouses dying inside a little every time.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that and your mother is dismissive and quite honestly and asshole about your feelings. Your feelings aren’t wrong. Cheating isn’t okay and their relationship isn’t healthy. Many people can be in faithful relationships (although I say that knowing my partner cheated in the past). What I want to say really is you need to focus on your studies for you. I know you’re burnt out and life has been really unfair recently. Your life feels out of control from both the outside and inside. The reason you need to focus is for you. So you can leave if you want to leave. So you can build yourself a safe space. Try talking with your school guidance counselor or a teacher you trust. Maybe ask your dad if you can find someone to talk to. If you can’t or there’s no one your trust write out how you feel about everything, and if you’re scared of someone finding it then burn it. Working through your emotions isn’t for anyone but you. I know I’m just some stranger on the internet but if you need someone to just hear you I’m here to listen. You deserve better from the adults in your life and I’m sorry they let you down.
I can sympathize with you as my dad used to be unfaithful to my mom, although I was an adult by the time I figured it out. My advice is to live your life like you choose, apply yourself, and move forward for you. You'll never be able to control others, but you are in control of yourself. Let your mom know how you feel and focus on school. Live isn't easy, and depending on others can be hard.
Most people don’t get married and plan on cheating. Shit happens. It’s upsetting to you, but why bring school and grades into it or that you are going to be ruined? Your family lets you down every time you get on track-how do they keep letting you down and how are you always going off track? You know what they are about so just stay in your own lane and get your education and be better than they are.
One of my parents cheated on the other when I was your age. Your parents actions do not define you and although it is easier said than done, try your best to not let it affect you. I went into a pretty solid depressive episode when i found out. A lot of commenters are bringing valid points about a possible open relationship or that morality is not black and white. But, I feel for you, infidelity is disgusting, I hate it. Good luck with school.
Your parents are for the streets, no better than the common pig
I’m sorry, but having your parents cheating on each other is not ‘normal’. It’s selfish, narcissistic, and is a destructive to your family dynamics. OP, You are part of the equation, and what you think, feel is more important that your parents and their destructive lifestyle. Please don’t let this behavior affect your future relationships, and marriage. This is not a healthy lifestyle.
Here is something you don't want to hear:
This isn't your business. For your own sake, stay out of it as much as you can.
That is not to say it doesn't affect you. Your feelings of distress are valid and your mom was wrong to mock you. When your parents treat each other like shit, it can't help but make you feel bad. It's gross that your mom was doing it so close to you, but please don't try to "sneak" or "catch" your parents either. The more you poke into this, the more likely you are going to wind up becoming a scapegoat for their issues. Its just gonna mess your head up. It sounds like they have a really specific dynamic that works for them, even if its hella toxic. As to why? Only your parents can answer that - but do you really want to know about your parents sexual desires and intimacy issues? I don't think "why" is going to make you feel any better.
The best solution here is the boring one - family counseling. If your parents won't go, try to find one provided by your school for yourself. If things are bad enough that you fear it will affect your schoolwork, you owe it to YOURSELF to get help.
Finally, try not to muddle how your parents feel about each other with how the feel about YOU. They probably still love you - flawed and stupid as they are. My parents had their own share of drama, but with time I forgave them and moved on with my life. Hopefully, learning from their mistakes as well lol
Best of luck to you! I know this was a boring post but I hope it helps
pull a 180 and message your mom pretending like you're talking to your dad and then be like "oh shit, that was meant for dad".
blackmail 100
I feel you and your feelings are valid. I, too, felt this way. I never saw my mom being sweet with another guy but I saw her being sweet with a guy with a mole during video chat. She was so open about it. We fought many times. She always said that my papa was cheating too and so she deserved to be happy. But I never saw my dad with anyone. Even if it’s true, it still hurts.
I tried to focus on my studies, I became successful in my career, and now I’m working overseas. I did this not just to be successful but also to escape that reality.
It hurts coz no one can ever get my feelings and it felt so shameful talking about my parents infidelity esp my mom’s actual infidelity.
That is messed up for a kid to have to see. I’m sorry. We don’t get to pick our parents and sometimes they suck. When you are old enough to pick a spouse pick a good one. You can’t pick your parents but you can do what you know is right when it’s your turn.
Just so ya know, it is not "normal" to not be committed to a relationship, a lot of redditors are just idiots that think porn applies to real life. You're 100% right that they should be doing as much as they possibly can to make sure their kids don't get involved in their cheating but instead it seems like your parents (or your mom I guess) is just thinking about themselves and that's it.
It's definitely normal for it to make you feel uncomfortable, it was uncomfortable for me after my parents divorced and started dating other people and that's a completely normal thing, I can't imagine how uncomfortable it'd be with a stranger that you know won't become your step-dad/mom. Even then my parents waited until they were seeing the other person for atleast a few months and slowly introduced me to them, that would be the proper way of doing it regardless of the situation.
Realistically she's not gonna stop doing it, I would for sure talk to her about it making you uncomfortable but don't be surprised if it doesn't stop or if she starts caring even less, if you're really very disgusted with it then talk to your dad about it since it seems to be mutual cheating, he may be able to convince your mom better or atleast help to make sure you don't see it.
If your mom does end up caring less, I would definitely make sure you have some emergency contacts on your phone in case any of her "boyfriends" are pedos, you can never be too careful with that kinda stuff and it can be dangerous with careless parents.
I am so sorry to here you were put in that situation. There are plenty of marriages that are successful. You have seen what not to do. When you finally find that person you want to start a life with you will be a great wife and your partner will reciprocate. The best you can do is find a partner that try’s to outdo your kindness and affections. You have a good head on your shoulders.
I witnessed my friends mom cheating at her birthday party. I sat with it over night and it really ate at me. I told my friend what I saw bright and early the next morning. I can only imagine finding it to be your own parents. Don’t let anyone down play this for you. You’re allowed to feel that way.
That woman was trash for bringing a man into the home with you there. You're an underage child. If you don't talk to a therapist, this could end up damaging your perceptions of personal relationships if it hasn't already. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. This is why I support divorce if it comes down to it.
It’s not normal. It’s completely fucked up. And you are right, you’re their child , and shouldn’t have to deal with their bullshit which they are, either directly or indirectly, putting you in the middle of.
They may think that they are staying together for you, but it seems to me that they’re doing more harm than good. They either need to commit to each other or get the fuck out and do what’s right for you and your brother.
Alright folks. I'm saying something that's already been said but let's try to support this young one... my condolences for your struggles, Sounds like this has been going on for a while, as an older person who has been through parental troubles( not too specific but substance control, body shaming, mental and physical trauma) please remember the feelings you have now are more important. I hope you have some support i.e. other family, friends, or even some friends of your parents... strange I know but sometimes your parents friends know them well and may be willing to help if you open up and explain. Anyways peace and well wishes from one to another
Just stopping by to say that cheating is in NO WAY 'normal' ... Sadly your parents are in a shitty relationship & it's obviously damaging everyone around them.
They need to resolve (or end) their relationship with each other. They also need to realize the harm their actions are causing to their family.
I really just wanted to pop in to tell OP that THIS IS IN NO WAY NORMAL or HEALTHY. Millions of people around the world have healthy committed relationships. Marriage is about combining two separate lives into one cohesive unit, which is better than their two halves alone.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I caught my mom cheating on my dad when I was in 6th or 7th grade. My dad didn't know. I'm over 40 now and I still don't know if my dad knows that I knew. I tried to hide it from my younger sisters and my dad. I wrote my mom a letter telling her what I saw (them kissing because I rode the bus to her work instead of the after-school program that day). She made up some BS reason that I didn't believe even then. I kept it bottled up. I suffered from lots of anger and depression afterwards. Eventually my parents divorced, but it sucked. Parents shouldn't do this to kids. It made me have lots of trust issues my whole life. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Be strong. Reach out if you want.
Hang in there. When you get a job you can move out. We're supposed to be able to look up to our parents, but as I get older and more mature it seems like my parents become less and less mature. I know what it's like to catch parents doing things they're not supposed to be doing. I think to myself... Why do I have to be more of a father to myself than my Father is? Or why do I have to treat my Mother like I'm her Father? It doesn't make sense, but at least it shows you how to be a good parent in the future.
Blackmailing her to not tell your dad is always an option. (It’s an illegal option and will irreparably damage your already pretty ruined relationship with her but, hey, you could get a car and a PS5)
For legal reasons I do not endorse blackmail and this is a joke meant to make light of a shitty situation
Sounds like your daddy has a little dingaling
So clearly this isn’t the type of relationship you want when you are older. You know this. They clearly aren’t a match for each other. Probably could use some therapy but their mess doesn’t have to be yours. Do well in school, get to college, get a nice career and build your life. When you have relationships be the person you want to find. Be honest and direct. Know that when you don’t find your match you will see red flags like this. I got cheated on in several relationships and couldn’t figure out why people would do they. Till I found my match. When you do it seems to just work. I ususally say like “water flowing downhill.” It just flows, it just works and it’s not hard.
Anyway this brings me to my question, why are parents still seeking to look for some fun when they’re already settled down, i dont get it.
"youll understand when you grow up" lol
people like new things, try new and different people
Why did you sneak to where your mom was? Just to be mad about it?
Holy smokes, if your update truly represents the type of comments you’re getting I feel sorry for the people typing those things. You are 100% right in all of your feelings and emotions regarding this matter. Yes, your home should be a safe place for you ALWAYS…period…and it was violated! Unfortunately It happens a lot where parents put their own needs and wants in front of their children. If anyone is saying this is normal, it’s not. At least in any healthy relationship it’s not. It doesn’t matter which one is doing it or if it’s both people, it’s wrong. Get a divorce if you’re that unhappy. After reading your post I hope you know this has nothing to do with you. It’s not a reflection of you. It’s purely about the weaknesses and insecurities of the adults who are supposed to be making good decisions for you and your future. With that said, you have 2 choices. 1.) You can let the immature, selfish, adults in your life get you off track and headed down the wrong paths like them. 2.) You can use this as motivation to do and be better than the example they’re setting. I sincerely hope you choose #2 and focus on creating your own positive future and eventually getting away from this toxicity. It’s not healthy and absolutely doesn’t have to be your life, or impact your future relationships in a negative way.
If the marriage is open it is what it is but that is the question are the in an open marriage and do they swing
I would disagree that is normal. I think it’s incredibly common in today’s culture and I have found it incredibly difficult to find anyone that values a monogamous relationship like me which is why I’m usually alone. It’s easier to not get hurt. It’s not normal to cheat on people it’s awful for many different reasons and I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
It’s not “normal”
My mother did this to me. She left my dad when I was 5 and got with my brothers dad, had my brother and was with him for 10 years, then started spending a lot of time away with us, I was probably 14/15 and my brother was 3/4. Come to find out my pharmacy technician 5 star soccer mom was messing with this skeezy ass dude. He ended up getting her strunge out on drugs and she eventually left him but that didn't stop her for seeing multiple men, bring them around me, me HEARING HER HAVE SEX. and then she went to prison when I was 16 for 3 years. I lost my virginity at 14 but didn't have sex for 3 years after that and after I graduated I started partying and having lots and lots of sex. I ended up contracting a STI from a guy I was having sex with to take me to work.
I was 17/18. Still makes me so sad for myself.. she ended up getting out of prison and doing good for herself. She's a firefighter now and everything. But we have never discussed the effects that had on me. She took my innocence way before I was allowed to develop properly. I thought I could use sex to get what I want and for my advantage instead of going steady and having a cute little bf and taking it slow. I've neever actually ever "dated" anyone... Just having sex until we were a "thing" don't let these strangers on the Internet make you feel less valid. I totally understand why that would hurt you. I could never imagine exposing my 8 y/o daughter to that, teenager or not. Your parents are responsible for setting a good example for you so that as a young adult you can have help learning right from wrong. That's not very mature and adult like your mom to do that to you. She is not setting good examples. If she's unhappy she should leave instead of sneaking and lying and setting an example that this is okay.
Don't live in their life choices. Concentrate on your own. Observe all, Learn lessons what to do and what not to do in your own future life. It's not worth it to interfere in their life choices. Their circumstances are different.
This phase in your life is a learning experience. getting ahead of them all. Family we cannot choose, friends we can.
Surround yourself with nurturing good friends and plan to have a better lifestyle than them, in your future.
I had the same situation, but my mom was at least divorced . She hid some, but some of the guys she brought home “ oh please”.
I would have run away, but I realized the only persons life I was going to screw up was mine. She did a good job of that anyway.
Do you have a real adult you can confide in or get help from?
Thankfully I did.
Go for school. Maybe get a part time job so you can save money, buy some cute clothes and plan for when you can move out. I had a box under my bed that I put stuff I bought to move out. Little stuff. A steak knife every payday till I got enough then I move on to something else.
Good luck. With good grades and no financial support from your parents financial aid is available.
Forget your parents crappy life style. Survive on their platform and graduate from high-school. Go to college and live on campus and go study a skill that makes money. Take a part time job. Pay your housing rent. Graduate on time. Go do whatever you want.
Or go create a Onlyfans at age 18, show them curves, get a sugar daddy, invest your money and live life to the fullest.
...
My mother did the same thing it completely ruined our relationship I stopped talking to her for 7 years and only sort of reconnected when my sister died.
If you were the vindictive sort, you could tell both of them that they are to keep their dalliances discreet and away from the home or you'll call CPS and say that they are bringing strangers into your home. It would be a terrible thing to remind them that a simple "and they are harassing me/taking drugs/ have a weapon/ touching me" would be enough to have their partners locked up for life and their parental rights terminated. It seems reasonable, inexpensive, and discreet to avoid all that ugliness and just agree that no one brings a partner to the house from now on. However, a vindictive sort of person would also have to be fully and completely willing to follow through on all their threats, regardless of the consequences, so only a vindictive person might consider this option.
I hear what you are saying and how you are saying it.
My heart goes out to you.
As we go through life we gave many experiences that we have to learn from. It is one thing to know about the cheatings, it is terribly confusing to actually see it. Please do not make this your life defining moment. Youi have better opportunities that you will create in your future.
Your basic understanding of your parents has been brought into the open. Understand that. This is about them and it can effect you and it is not about you. Even if it seems about you.
Slow down the racing feelings and thinking.
When you are very upset is not the time to make life changing decisions.
All the best to You
Don’t lower your values for anyone and pls DO NOT BOW DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL! Even god speaks against this! Best wishes and god bless. Things will get better you’ll see!
Wow, just wow! To each their own I guess. Would never disrespect my wife or kids like that…. Wow!
Go to any other platform to find advice. You will get so much child hating fringe advice here.
Your parents need help and they are being cruel to you. The only thing you can do is vow to live a better life than they are and work on bettering yourself. It's the only thing you can control.
Lol
Don’t let your parents damaged selves impact who you want to be. Focus on school, get terrific grades and buy yourself the opportunities to get out of there, get a great education that gets you a great job and go life your dream life, far away from their mess.
If it happened before and they stayed together they are idiots. Dont stay with someone you know will cheat on you? Idc if you do it for the kids or whatever your excuse is.
y’all think a 16 year old understands “open relationships”??? i don’t even understand open relationships. like is it really that hard to NOT marry someone if you don’t believe in monogamy? if you’re going to lead a polyamorous life, you gotta communicate with your loved ones. half of us can’t even fathom having a stable monogamous relationship, let alone dating/married numerous people at once and it being stable
I'm sorry your going through this. Have you expressed to your parents how you feel? Or do you know how financially well off either one or both of your parents are? Because if it's not open, divorce is a pretty penny to pay, and your 16 so either party who has custody of you, the other may have to pay child support
Have you considered that maybe they aren't cheating and are in a mutually open relationship?
Parents are people, and people aren't perfect. Relationships change and feelings for each other change. When you were born, I'm guessing it was a great moment for both of them. But as relationships move on, sometimes people grow in different directions.
Im am sure all of this has nothing to do with you. I would ask them separately about your feelings and ask them why this is happening. Listen to them with compassion as you would want someone to listen to you.
If they shut you down, I'd ask them if they will help you get into therapy to help you deal with your feelings.
Please, for the love of God I hope you see this comment.
Cheating in marriages is NOT normal. It is 100% possible to have a happy, healthy relationship without either person cheating. Cheating is for weak, boneless pieces of shit. I'm sorry you had to find out that your parents are like this.
Please don't listen to all these fuckin stupid Redditors saying all these postmodern points about how it's normal and all that. That is legitimately the worst advice I've ever heard. Your main concern should be not letting your parents horrible example of marriage affect your approach to relationships.
Your mom sounds like a selfish bitch, guessing your dad is too. You can always love them, but don't get too involved in their drama.
Not everyone cheats. After you graduate, you can create a family that respects each other. Don't let your parents or Reddit ruin this for you.
I caught my mom cheating when I was 13.
You bet your ass I ratted her out! She’s still a mess to this day. Manipulative, selfish, entitled. I’d cut her off altogether if I could.
A marriage is a lifelong commitment bound by trust and devotion for one another. It is not normal to break this trust just because the majority has agreed that it is normal. I hope you do not listen to society.
So my parents split when I was younger , dad cheated , but more than that my parents hated each other , later in life around 22 years old I found out my dad swings , enraged I told my mother and she said “he used to try to get me to do it all the time” so there is a lot of things your parents will keep from you , open or not . I took what I saw and make my own rules for how I want a relationship and how I’m going to love . Use it as a teaching experience
Can you send me your moms number
I experienced this too growing up. I'm now 27 and they're still "together" even if they're not living together anymore. All I can say is I'm sorry you had to witness this firsthand. I can't really say "you'll understand when you get older" because I still don't understand my patents relationship as well.
This is a huge burden on you and I hate that for you. If you're willing to settle the dust a bit for your own piece of mind, I suggest talking to them both at the same time.
I hate that you're going to have to be the mature one here but let them know it's not okay for you to see those things in your home. You and your brother shouldn't have to be on edge about what you might witness when you turn a corner. If you feel like you can't tell them in person write it up in a text for them or use it as a guide to read through.
Good luck.
Just ask them is it because they don't love each other
This is not normal. Don’t think this is normal please. People do have loving monogamous relationships still. Don’t normalize open or cheating please. You don’t like it so make it a point not to fall into it. If you’re unhappy it is best to just move on.
If this is "Normal" then it begs the question... have you ever had a DNA test done?
Regarding your edit: It is NOT normal. Do not let your parents' warped relationship effect your view on what is healthy, and don't listen to redditors who are chronically online and think cheating is the norm. It isn't. Open relationships are normal, and they are agreed upon and have rules and CONSENT is the MOST important factor.
When you find a partner, do not accept cheating. Do not accept lying. You deserve so much better, and I know that when this is your home life it can severely effect your outlook on romance. I let myself get into cycles of my parents' relationship over and over again, and thought it was okay because "look at my role models, what did you expect?"
But I'm telling you right now, that is not how you have to live and it shouldn't be how you live.
My best advice? They already know they're cheating on each other. Focus on school, focus on your friends, and get out of there to college or trade school or the work force or whatever you want to do asap. Maybe try researching healthy versus unhealthy relationship patterns, think about what you want out of life, and go do it. Your parents do not define you, and you're still their child and should not have to get involved. Let them do what they do and you do what you need to to make you healthy and happy.
I wish you luck hun.
Sorry it’s honestly horrible
Don't let them or anyone else convince you that this is normal. No it isn't and no ots not ok either. You are entitled to the way you feel and they both should be ashamed of themselves. When you create a family you are no longer living for yourself and ALL choices should be made considering the whole family and how it will affect the unit. You don't have to repeat their mistakes
So they've got this situation where they both cheat and know and punish each other for it? That's a really fucked up household to live in.
We can try all we want to pick and choose who were attracted to and how we view love but in the end, it all boils down to what you saw growing up. How are you supposed to know how to handle romantic conflict if your parents are doing this??? You're right to be mad.
This is not normal, it's gross and wrong. When i was 3-7 years old, my dad would take us to hotels and make us wait in his truck while he cheated.
Don't ever cheat and hold your parents to the same morals that they expect you to have.
Take this as a moment to learn what you know to be right for yourself, and never settle for less. There is another lesson here, besides what is right for you, is that some people are just downright shitty to each other, and they will try to make it ok.
Grow up to be a better person... I am 40 years old and I'm not my lying cheating drunk wife-beating dad. I am not my lying cheating drug-dealing mom.
You can do it!
No, this is not normal. This is not an example of a healthy relationship, especially if the two are not consenting to stepping outside on each other. Even more importantly, this isn’t being done discreetly and causing you confusion and hurt. As their child, your feelings should matter too, and if this is the lifestyle they’re choosing to live, then they should have the decency to explain if you have to see this going on. Your feelings are valid here.
Therapy.
Doesn't matter what they are doing, who they are doing, whether its open or closed relationship... it us all going to fuck up your view of a healthy relationship.
Having been dragged through this by my high school sweetheart, it was hard to understand why she was pretty dysfunctional.
Get in therapy.
Stay in therapy.
Go back to therapy.
Try different therapists and types of therapy.
What you described is not normal. There might be some people that see it as normal, but a vast majority of sane, healthy people don't see this as normal. This seems more like they hate each other but won't divorce because there would be zero benefit for either party, but in the end it is detrimental to your mental health and any relationship you may have with your parents or anyone you try to be in a relationship with. Get help for your mental health. And if you are willing, you can talk to me. Sometimes it is easier to work through these sorts of issues by venting, even if to someone that seems to be a stranger. I don't judge people based on the shit that is done to them, but by what they put out into the world.
So this is what I’ll say.
Clearly there’s some things you don’t know about the world yet, and that’s ok, and is completely understandable, I mean you’re 16.
You say you don’t know how she could still want to have fun after settling down, but, settling down doesn’t really mean much. At the end of the day, they’re still human and want to do what they find fun.
Also, you say that it’s “normal” and that no one can be really committed in relationships, but that’s complete bullshit, staying faithful is incredibly easy to do. Don’t buy that bs, it’ll just let you get hurt more.
Obviously you’re very hurt by this, and that’s ok, at this point this is something for you’re mom and dad to figure out, and I would try to desperate yourself from their cheating scandal as much as possible as it’s not good for your mental health
I get that it’s “normal” and no one can be really committed in relationships,
OP I’m so very sad to read this takeaway. Please know that despite the terrible examples around you, people can and people are in healthy committed relationships where one would never cheat on the other. You will have people tell you otherwise. You will have people respond to my comment insulting my intelligence and my experience. As someone who has lived through bad relationships and currently in a healthy long term committed one, I’m here to tell you that people who say otherwise are either cheaters who are trying to justify their bad behavior or people who have been cheated on and now have major trust issues.
I truly hope that you do not take this behavior as normal when you finally start dating and eventually meet someone you want to spend your life with. It is NOT normal to cheat and it is NOT normal to assume your partner is cheating or will cheat on you. This comes from damage done by your parents and I’m sorry you’ve been through it.
if then, you shouldn’t have a kid. Your kid shouldn’t have to see what you do and im confident enough to say im not being selfish here.
You are correct. This should NEVER be a concern for a child of any age still living at home. Your parents are selfish for bringing this junk around you.
I’m really sorry you had to see that. We get grossed out enough by catching our parents in the act, I can’t imagine how much worse it is to catch one parent and a stranger.
Please don’t let this ruin your perspective on healthy adult relationships. My parents strayed a couple times when I was growing up - one time when I was 5-7 years old my mom actually brought me to the other man’s house where they set me in front of a computer and went into his bedroom for some time (I didn’t process what happened there until years later).
Today: I’ll be married 20 years next week. I have never strayed, and I’m 99% certain my wife hasn’t either. We’re both very happy, with kids that are 16 and 14.
Parents don’t always think about how the actions they take can affect their kids, and I’m sorry yours haven’t realized this. I wish I had wiser words of wisdom for you but hopefully you can reframe this in a way that helps you to learn from their mistakes so that you don’t have to repeat them.
Wtf happened to this comment section? Its a damn warzone in here and for simple questions
Sorry to hear this. Must be pretty disappointing and upsetting. Not every family is like this. My parents have been together since high school, now 64 and have never done anything like this. I’ve been with my wife now 20 years and never have come close to do anything with another woman, even though I could have. My older brother cheats non stop so I don’t get what makes one person not and another do it. All you can do is learn from it. Growing up I saw my brother go through girls, cheating etc. I knew that’s not the way I wanted to live my life and I never have or will. I don’t really have any advice for you in this matter but I hope you know you can find someone for yourself that’s not like this.
Don't let it get you down. Be better than your parents. Break the chain. Support your siblings. Be strong. I'm sorry about your parents. You need a positive role model in your life, so try to find one. Be careful and safe about that though, being a 16 year old girl.
I'm so sorry to hear of your suffering. I experienced the same when I was your age. It is devastating to learn that your parent's love is not enough to sustain their relationship. It is so wrong to do that in your home, which should be a safe/sacred space. To your question, why are parents looking for fun...I would consider that many people do not feel fulfilled in their choices, and are looking for something outside themselves to fulfill them. Your mom is looking for more in her life than what her family/work/friends/habits can give her. That shows that she likely made inauthentic choices about how to make a family, what job to do, etc. Thus, it is unlikely anything she's looking for will fulfil her when its so at odds with the life she has built. As a mother, and as a daughter who witnessed cheating, I'm sorry to say there is no coming back from that. Your mother will always have some tawdriness in your heart. So, after taking some time to grieve, give space to your righteous anger and disgust, let her know how hurt you are (writing a letter is a good way to get the message across), and finally let this disappointment inform you of the type of person you want to be. Let your parents' mistakes motivate you to be a better person, a better partner, and a better parent. Eventually you will forgive them, but do it for your peace of mind not theirs. My condolences. I take great satisfaction in the fact that I'm a better person than my parents while still remaining kind to them.
Stay out of it. Parents relationship shouldn't be any of your concern.
Does this qualify as oversharing?
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this! No it’s not normal for people to be cheating in relationships. Yes it does happen to a lot of people but a lot also remain faithful.
Here’s the long story short, you sound more mature than them. I applaud you for that. My recommendation is to write a letter to both parents stating exactly what you said in your last paragraph, that you’re supposed to feel safe at home. They need to sort out their issues and at the very least not bring people home!
People are not perfect no matter the age, but it is their responsibility to set a good example for you and to keep you in a safe environment. Write letters and tell them to read it when you’re not home.
You sound very level headed for someone so young, and I completely agree with everything you’ve said. I don’t know how you’ll get through this emotionally, but I just want you to know that I have complete sympathy for your perspective.
I wish you luck in your studies. Once you get to college, your life and the people around you become who you choose to let into your circle.
It might be common, but it’s not normal. They are not committed to each other and you are justified being confused. There are people out there in loving and committed relationships. Your parents unfortunately are not. Please don’t think this is normal and what you will have to put up with.
You can be mad about your mother fucking someone else, but there’s no need to body shame in the process. Being a piece of shit while you’re complaining about someone else being a piece of shit ain’t a good look.
I don’t believe that ppl cannot be faithful to one another. I think too many ppl give themselves permission to take the easy way. They like to feel desirable. They find working on the relationship too hard. They find adulting to tedious. So they look for a fantasy. They find it in cheating. They can pretend they have this great person who loves them and wants them and is just focused on being with them and making them happy but that is because they are not in a real relationship. Real relationships involve responsibilities and accountability.
As for your parents, they have made a conscious choice to remain married yet continue to cheat. Apparently, they are both ok with that. They are ok with the charade and the hurt and the jealousy. And hurting you.
You might call a family meeting and say how you feel. I think telling them that you have an expectation that they treat each-other with dignity and respect whether they are together or not. It’s the very least they can do.
I’m sorry you are having to deal with this
Fake story
It’s not “normal” to cheat. But they are probably only keeping the marriage together for you. And a lot could be said about that. And that’s quite the sacrifice for both of them in order to make sure you have access to both parents in the same house. But don’t be surprised if that changes in a year or so when you go off to college.
But honestly. I would sit them down and have them explain exactly how this works for them and what it means. So you can have some clarity and focus on what you have going on
I think one of the hardest lessons you are going to learn is that your parents are human beings and they're going to make mistakes. its hard for you as a kid to see it, but nobody is perfect, and everybody ends up being traumatized by their parents. They have their reasons and they probably need therapy. But you and your friends probably make dumb mistakes too. Being in your 40s does not mean you know everything about yourself and your life. You change as you get older and so does the world. If they waited on having you until they knew everything and were completely ready, that day would never come.
At the very least, you've learned that being truthful and sincere is very important to you. I hope you hold those values in your heart and treat others with sincerity and honesty.
ETA: it sounds like you are really needing some help and some attention. Although it's not ideal, your parents are the ones that should be giving you attention and help, you should use this time to take care of yourself. Assess what mistakes your making at school, break the problem down into smaller pieces, and start fixing it yourself. You have access to Google and research. You sound like a smart kid. It sucks but at the same time it can be exciting solving your own problems. I think you can do it!
If this ever happens to me I’d end it
Just too much for me to bare
The amount of weirdos assuming that this is an open relationship is disgusting. Some people on Reddit forget that monogamy is the norm irl.
Is there any way you can live with other relatives? What your parents are doing is unhinged.
It is not normal. Your parents marriage is broken. Figure out how they are broken because you will need to deal with similar brokenness in your relationship.
There are different lifestyles. Could be cheating. Could be open relationship. They could be swingers. I would sit them down and talk to them about what you know and see what they say.
Just figure you are going to have to grow up and take your life into your own hands a bit earlier than you expected and you’ll have to do it without parental guidance. Look for adults at school and in the community that you can trust and be mentored by. Focus on you and put them in the rear view mirror, so far as their parenting is concerned. They will always be your parents, but the less you expect of them and rely on them the less damage to your life will result.
I got that the mom had a large dude over and was cheating but that's about all I got. 😭
Hey: I also caught my parents cheating when I was about your age. I'm sorry-- it's really hard when your family isn't role modeling healthy relationships. My family exploded after I caught my dad and it set off a wild chain reaction that affected me for years after.
It's so exhausting and I'm sorry you're having to witness this. You didn't ask for advice, but as someone in my 30s who went through this, if I was going to give my past self advice, I'd tell them to find positive relationship role models and learn from them, as soon as you can. Friends with parents healthy relationships, TV show characters, even instagram therapists like Therapy Jeff. It took me so long to realize the negative patterns I absorbed because of my family situation and I ended up in toxic, abusive relationships: learn what healthy looks like now so you don't fall into the bad relationships and patterns I did.
That all said: I'm in a much better place now. I moved out, I paid for my own education, I moved countries, I got a great job and I have a loving community. This sucks and is so hard, but you can make it through.
Sending so much love. <3
I get that it’s “normal” and no one can be really committed in relationships
Who says it's "normal"? It's not! Geez... I only know of one couple that was unfaithful in my entire life of nearly 40 years and they weren't married nor with kids.
At least don't want to think it's normal; I'm not going to go pull up statistics. I really hope people at least treat it as something you should never ever do.
It's definitely not "normal", and people certainly can be committed in relationships.
My late wife and I were happily monogamous for 22 years.
Sorry you’re going through that. Don’t let it get to you, as you mentioned you are trying to be a better student, do that. Be really good so you can get a scholarship to dorm in whatever college you choose. While in HS get involved in one or two extra curriculum activities, sports if that’s your thing. Not every marriage is like this and hope you get professional help, perhaps that can help you not be so depressed about this situation
Y'all don't seem to understand what OP is saying here. It's not so much that they are cheating. It's that they aren't being discreet about it and not only is it making OP feel unsafe, but it is making them question the strength of her family's bonds. I can easily see how it would seem extremely manufactured and fake to a kid who is growing up in a society that is still heavily invested in the ideology of the nuclear family. It's obviously cussing this kid some serious distress so if y'all could stop being a bunch of incel assholes for like a single microsecond and maybe touch some grass we could maybe help this child navigate the reality they are being presented with. You all suck. Stop arguing about semantics and fucking listen to what OP is actually saying.
Your space is invalidated? I don't even know what that means.
You're being immature. You've "known" about it but just now upset.
You're not hurt.
I have zero sympathy
Please consider: Non monogamy is not wrong, whether you have children or not.
What IS wrong is exposing the child to obscenity, sex.
My partner didn't have any problem explaining our polyamory to their 6 year old.
For the record! In OPs' parents' case, this is clearly not an ethically nonmonogamous relationship.
When you're young you have an idealized version of your parents. As you get older, at some point, you will see who they truly are and probably be let down because of it. It sucks, but that's life. The good thing about it is that you can now understand who your parents truly are as people. You can take all the bad shit you've seen them do, or that you've experienced in their house and use that to figure out what you want in life and who you want to be. All the negative stuff you set it as a standard that you'll never go to that point or accept that from anyone else. Your parents might be great people, but together they are not. I don't know them. But when you live on your own, you can have your own standards and expectations. The dumb shit they do is setting you up to be better than them. How much or how little you deal with them when you're on your own is up to you and you don't have to feel bad about it. You'll understand why. I know things are tough when you're a teenager, but you'll get through it. Focus on school and doing the best for yourself that you can. That's all you really can do anyway. Good luck and take care.
Don't let your parents' issues affect you in school. How you do in school is for your own good, not them. Yeah, it sucks bc your momma didn't have to take her side piece to your home as it is disrespectful after, but she did. Sometimes grown-ups aren't playing w a full deck. But do not let this discourage you in school for your future NOT there's. Chin up!
One thing my parents taught me is what not to be when I grew up.
I would just stay out of it. What ever they do is private just like what ever you do is private.
Sorry buddy. 100% not your fault. Try and find the lil things you can be grateful for until you can leave.
i’ve never seen so many horrible takes in a comment section of a 16 year old witnessing their parents cheating
Why are you letting your parents define your happiness?
Quit looking for a reason to be an a**hole. 16 years and you cant understand why people need companionship and worth.
My parents divorced when I was @ 4 years old (due to a cheating situation), but continued living together as a "couple" for the next 8 years... I had no idea at the time they were divorced. I also thought my dad having the master bedroom and my mom sleeping on the couch was normal. And I never blinked an eye when my mom's "friend" Bob taught me how to shoot a gun and would ride off with her on the back of his motorcycle, or my dad's "friend" Judy would take me to the movies and buy me birthday presents. I also had no idea why I wasn't allowed to talk about Bob or Judy in front of either of my parents.
I was in my early teens when my parents finally split permanently and I learned that they had divorced 8 years prior. I was in my mid-teens when I found out I had two half-brothers floating around somewhere. I lived primarily with my mother who never avoided an opportunity to bash on my father. I lived with my father in the summers and he never said a single bad word about my mom; he just focused on showing me all the love he had to give.
I'm currently over 40 years old, and have a deeper understanding of their situation now than I did in my teens. It was dad's idea to continue living together for 8 years after the divorce so I could grow up in a 2-parent household, and he wanted to be present while I was growing up. I rarely heard them fight or argue (they mostly ignored each other), but I found out my mom was a serious alcoholic during those years... she told me she drank all throughout the day so she could "handle" being around my dad after he got home from work. My dad was never unpleasant after work... I remember him being funny, kind, thoughtful and very charming. He'd stay up late watching gory, scary movies (Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, etc.), and wouldn't tell my mom when I'd sneak out of my room to curl up in his lap and watch with him. He taught me how to cook (my mother rarely cooked). He supported me when I decided on a career path, whereas my mother resented my choices and tried to convince me I was making a mistake. She never once has told me she's proud of me (having had a very successful career so far), whereas my dad tells me often. My mother's favorite line is, "You're just like your father" and loves to hang up on me when I ask her to stop bashing on him... they've been divorced for over 40 years. Move on, mom.
My parents are in their late-70's now and my mom is still a miserable person who has no friends and most of her family keeps their distance from her, including me. Despite my odd upbringing, I'm a well-adjusted person and I attribute that to my dad's constant and unwavering love. Yes, he cheated on my mom, but in my eyes he's a good person. Good people do bad things or make bad choices sometimes. People make mistakes. And even though my mother didn't make those same bad choices, she's a viscous and miserable person who's never been happy with her life or herself for as long as I've been alive. She blames dad, but I have a feeling she was that way long before he cheated on her.
The point of my story, OP, is that we may never understand why people (parents, or otherwise) make the choices they do... all we can do is make our own choices about the people we want to be. And even though your parents may not love each other anymore, it doesn't mean they don't love you. They could be staying together for the exact same reason my parents did... for you. It's okay to be angry with one or both of them right now, but don't let that anger drive you into becoming an angry-in-general person. It won't do you any good and that anger/misery could have a hold on you for the rest of your life if you don't let it go. Soon you'll be out on your own, making your own choices, living your life, and you won't have to worry about what your parents are doing. They'll make their choices, and you will make yours.
Don't use this as an excuse for your performance at school. Do the best that you can and get out of town and into a school far away on scholarships if you don't like how your family is.
People in this thread are detached from any modern family structures.
It’s very simple to imagine a couple that had a child, no longer want to have sex with each other but care about raising that child in a loving home together.
In practice, it is what OP has discovered under the appearance of “cheating”.
OP, it’s not your responsibility to say anything or even to understand what is going on. It doesn’t really affect your life and you can’t be sure that it would bother your parents. If you really want to know, ask your mom about it but just be nice about it when you do. If you know your mom at all, you should be able to understand why she does what she does. If mom is hiding it from the dad, there are more choices to be made, but you don’t know that yet.
Harvey, is that you !?!?
That’s one of the worst betrayal a child can get. Learn from their actions and do this misdeeds in your life
That sounds traumatic. Your parents sound very selfish. I am sorry you have to deal with all that. Try to focus on school work and use college to get away from that situation.
It isnt normal to cheat and people can be committed and monogomous. The problem is people don't have the same values and morals now a days. They look for happiness easy instant sources... such as materialism, sex, alcahol, drugs. Its not true happiness you get from those things. It is just pleasure and it doesn't last. You end up never satisfied and looking for more.
Couples no longer want to work things out. They feel that if they have been wronged or hurt in someway then they use it to justify their bad actipns as well. Couples need to spend more time together and relationship building and work through the hard times together.
" I get that it’s “normal” and no one can be really committed in relationships."
This is false. It's not normal and people are in committed relationships every single day.
It's not ubiquitous (universal). But it's not impossible or rare.
I'm so sorry to read this. It's so irresponsible of your parents and it is not fair to you. It is not "normal" behaviour, no matter what miserable redditors might tell you. It is very harmful and damaging behaviour. You inherently know it's wrong and you are rightfully uncomfortable about it and I think you should talk to both your parents while they are present and tell them honestly how it makes you feel. If their marriage falls apart, it's not your fault, it will be entirely because of their own actions, but actually them seeing how much it has upset you might be the one thing that motivates them to make a change for the better. What is a marriage other than the means to provide a stable, safe and loving environment for your children? While cheating is sadly common behaviour, it is NOT healthy and it is not something you should expect. Whatever has happened, as hard as it may be, don't take it to heart. Your parents are having some issues and have probably hurt each other from making bad decisions and perhaps got themselves into a harmful cycle. But it has no bearing on how much they love you and it CAN be fixed. They definitely need to consider how this can impact their children though and I think maybe you should talk with your brother about it and see if you can both confront your parents and tell them you want to see a change.
My mum has been cheating on her significant other for a while now and I’ve known for… years. Not sure what to do about it though as i still live at home and it would honestly ruin my life if I was to mention it, quite selfish of me but idk what else to do
I'm an obese whale of a man. I might need your mom's number