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My MIL went along with my husbands plan to have her pick my daughter up behind my back just to spite me
Yes he has. One month ago he bruised my ribs and gave me a hematoma on my lower spine, then claimed the next morning it was self defense after I took his laptop. He threw me to the ground to retrieve it and proceeded to injure me then said “I wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t take my laptop,” it’s really bad.
Get out now. Go stay with a friend and call an attorney tomorrow. If you don't care about yourself, ask if you want your baby to witness this abuse? Because your child will watch and learn some very fucked up lessons from watching Daddy abuse Mommy. And it will escalate.
I watched my parents fight all the time and my dad was abusive to my mom and my siblings and I 😓 I just don’t know where to go. I am on disability and my entire family is over 2,000 miles away. I fear that with his false claims he’s going to win full custody of her and end up hurting her.
Get out now before your daughter sees this behavior and thinks it's acceptable, or worse he hurts her. A domestic violence shelter can help with everything. Please grab important documents and go while he is at work.
Call this number, it's the national domestic violence hotline: 800-799-7233. Maybe they can direct you to a women's shelter and provide other assistance.
Tell your doctor. Show them your injuries. They will know what resources are available to you.
It is not your fault. You did absolutely nothing to deserve being physically abused. Contact a woman’s shelter, take your child, and get out when he isn’t in the house. Take only what you need. Important documents, bath supplies, and clothes for yourself and baby. Pack up the diaper bag with baby bottles and formula/pump nursing bags. Take a few blankets and pillows. Leave everything else. Don’t tell ANYONE who associates with your husband what you’re doing or where you’re going. They will help you file for divorce and custody. Put in an emergency custody order. If you have anything in texts that show that he has taken your child without telling you or incidents of where he has laid hands on you and blamed you, take screenshots and save it for the lawyers. If he is willing to hurt you to that extent because you took a laptop, just think of what he’d do in the future to your child if he feels like your child isn’t falling in line. Do not settle for anything less than full custody and him getting supervised visits with a professional (not his parents or family or friends) and that he has to have a court appointed psychiatrist/psychologist in order to revisit custody terms. You and your child are not safe with him.
Leaving an abuser ,never mind one you’re married to, is hard. Everyone says to leave him and I don’t disagree. Maybe it is easier if it’s something that you’re doing for your daughter and not yourself. Abuse has a way of lowering one’s self value, and makes it hard to feel like you’re worthy or capable of escaping to a better life. Leaving an abuser can take many tries - this is normal, but it is also super dangerous. Leaving is when he’s most likely to be violent and some may even try to kill you. I personally know someone who died of a murder suicide this way. Basically I say all of that to say DO NOT UNDERVALUE some of the advice I’ve seen here when/if you do leave. Maybe you won’t leave him right now, but store the knowledge, it could be a life saver later on. Also, this is not a mother in law issue, it’s a husband problem. And with the way your husband is, I fear that you seeking an apology from MIL may become a tool he can use to put you down and use his emotional abuse tactics.
Can you call family to help you in some way? Either come get you, or visit in order to help you leave? Please also contact police & a lawyer.
None of his abuse is your fault!! Remember that! And taking your baby the way he did is also abuse. Please seek out some support. Domestic violence centers offer things like counseling and help if you decide to leave.
The spineless man is an abuser and mummy is an accessory to crime, no doubt she knows what he is doing and playing her part, you need to pack and get out today you have many option at tip of your fingers their are domestic violence hotlines and shelters that will help.
Oh that's easy, he's building a case with witnesses (his mom) so that if you try to leave he can make you seem like the crazy abusive one.
The way to combat this, is to go to the police station and show them your bruises when you make a police report.
Did you go to the hospital for this?
I went to urgent care
Good, so there are records to prove the abuse then. Pictures? You told them it was your husband?
You need a restraining order and a divorce!
This is classic make the wife have the anger problem so you can justify thay you had to hold her back from attacking you. This is control, and if you don't get out, he will set you to be arrested. This is how he can keep you from calling the police.
Start recording every interaction with him. Hide cameras until you can leave! This is going to get to the point that he has you trapped. Please see my other post! You need help, or he will figuratively and literally beat you into submission.
He will use your baby against you. Makeup things to make you look neglectful and incapable of being alone with your daughter.
If you have family, go to them. If not, fund a domestic violence shelter to go.
Girl you need to leave he was trying to cause you emotional stress about where your baby was….
Staying there for that shit will just tell your precious daughter that that's how men are and that's what she's in for, and it's OK and normal. If you wouldn't want it for your daughter, don't let it be ok for you. She's here because of you so now you have to show her that you are the most important person in the world to you (besides her), that you are worthy (of everything) and expect only the best of the best of things for you (and of course obviously her also) amd she will grow up with that image of herself and won't be the type to entertain a weak ass little boy with aggression and control issues. They won't look at her twice bc she will be the strong lady that mirrors her strong mama. You can do it. We all have faith in your abilities to show your babygirl just what needs to be done to secure both of your futures. Your safe, comfortable, bright and thriving futures without him around. Hit me up if you need to talk or anything....I'll try to help in any way I possibly can. And I mean that. I don't have a job ATM, but hopefully soon and then I could venmo you a bus ticket or something. Serious. You need out. For you. For your daughter. For your lives! Sending all the good juju and supermama strength I have!
Ps. I'm a single mom of a now 21 yo little lady. And let me tell you, there's no way in HELL she'd allow anyone to treat her any sort of way BUT amazing. Partly bc my mom was in your shoes and I had the Wherewithal to decide early on (at like 4 when the cops showed up for the 100th time or my dad put his leg thru a plate glass window cutting the entire thing up from knee to ankle) that I didn't want to be anything like that...or even her tbh. I don't chase men, I'm not money motivated, and if you don't like any of my ways to the poi t of getting physical, you're free to go. Buh-fucking-BYYYYEEEE!!!!
BUT PLEASE. RUN. YOUR LIVES DEPEND ON IT. ❤️❤️❤️
Oh my god,do you realize your in a form of domestic abuse situation,you and your child are not safe,plz start taking oictures of your injuries snd start a diary of the shit he pulls!!!
OP start recording and documenting absolutely everything. Never reveal that card but you need a hard exit plan, and evidence will only help you.
Moderator removed comment
2mo
Your comment violates multiple rules of our sub. I’m removing it and reminding you that this is a support sub. If you can’t be supportive, please refrain from commenting.
No less than 18 days ago she made a post, Read that. And than think about all of this again.
Well it sounds like your so is the problem not his mum!!
No, it's a SO and a MIL problem. They're both disgusting.
I’m mad at him too believe me, but I didn’t expect this to come from her. From my husband it didn’t actually surprise me that he would stoop that low. The worst part of it is HE is the abusive one. I have photos on my phone of the injuries he has caused me. He was trying to manipulate me into believing it’s me who is abusive and getting his mom in on it.
What do you mean ‘was’…?
He still is no? This was act 1. They’re not done. They’re a team.
You’re in so much danger. The longer you stay with him, the longer him and her have to concoct stories and make you out to be a bad/neglectful parent. Don’t risk losing your baby just so you can keep him.
When he did this he made his choice and it wasn’t you. He picked his mother.
Why are you with someone who would do this to you?
Sounds like it’s time to get an attorney and file for divorce. If you can’t afford one your best bet is going to a DV shelter, they will help you through the entire process. You owe it to yourself and your daughter to get out of this situation! My heart breaks for you😞
You need to leave them both. He’s already using the baby to hurt you. Do you know men will unalive their own kids just it hurt the mother.
You need to get out do this mess.
Why are you still with him?
He is abusing you. You need to leave before it gets worse. Can you make a safety plan and get out? Do you have friends or family who will help you?
Read her post history. What she wrote 18dayd ago. Peoples perspective will probably change after that.
This whole story is not a one way he is the Asshole if you look at her posts.
Please tell me how you’re coming back from this because I’d be packing mine and the baby’s belongings so fast he would know what hit him. He kidnapped your child and refused to tell you where she is. He accused you of neglect. Please start creating an escape plan and documenting his behaviour in an FU Binder. Get it in text so you have evidence.
Edit; hold up this guy physically assaulted you and put you in hospital. Get out far and fast. Get your child away from this monster. Why TF are you focused on MIL when you’re living with an abusive pos. The longer you stay the more you enable him.
Because I don’t have anywhere to go and I wasn’t expecting that from her 😔 I’m scared and don’t know what to do I don’t have any family nearby or friends that have room in their homes for me
Please reach for domestic violence support I’m not sure where you are but there will be someone who can help. If you let us know which country you’re in we can share some resources.
Women’s shelter is literally a better choice than staying where you are.
As u/SomethingClever70 wrote, "Call this number, it's the national domestic violence hotline: 800-799-7233"
Call a shelter ffs…
Listen. Start texting. No calling. I'm a police officer and they can't do anything because grandma has permission from dad to have her. But keep calling the non emergency line. Really explain what's happening. Unless his false claims can be proven you have a right to go get your daughter. She can't keep her from you. They know you're in a messed up situation and they're taking advantage of it. If family can't help you, you need to find a domestic violence shelter now. You say he apologized profusely, so why isn't he bringing your daughter back to you?
I think you missed the point. It isn’t kidnapping if the father hands over the child to granny. However, when the other parent (OP) comes to pick up the child, granny has to hand the child over. Granny is not a parent, and she doesn’t have standing to keep the child. She does have choices: (1) release the child to the mother or (2) assuming she believes her a-hole son and thinks the child is in danger, hand the child over to a police officer, child protective services, go to court to see if she can get temporary custody. A short stall might work, but she can’t wait 3+ hours while her a-hole son drives up to his mother’s place.
If OP has plenty of money, she could go to a courthouse and get a judge to order the return of the child — which would result in jail time for granny if the judge rules her delays indicate contempt of court.
A less expensive approach would be to go to a courthouse in her own jurisdiction and file for temporary custody (along with a protective order for herself). If granny is in another jurisdiction, it won’t affect her directly, but hubby will go to jail if the judge deems granny and OP’s husband to be working together.
Oh no lol. You're missing the point, clearly. OP for some reason, is more afraid of the husband using his false claims of her being a danger to her daughter than pursuing her daughter legally. She goes silent with everyone telling her to do this in the comments, so something is definitely wrong there. She keeps saying she has no where to go, but a few things aren't adding up. She said she did go to get her daughter and a police officer met her and told her he couldn't make MIL hand baby over. One cop would not have met her. There is protocol that before any laws are enforced that a single officer is not alone just in case they need to enforce the law and someone lashes out. I personally think the police officer that she was met with at MIL's house was either a friend of the family, or an imposter. Or, she's actually afraid that her partner's claims would hold up. She doesn't want to do what you and 10 other people are saying.
I think the issue is that OP has been brainwashed by her abuser. She thinks his anger means she did something wrong. The only thing that momentarily pulls her out of her daze is fear for her child.
Go on het profile and read the other posts. Go to 18 days back. This story is not what we think it is if we heard the other side.
Get your child and go to a shelter NOW. File abuse charges against him NOW. File kidnapping charges against both NOW. Your child is in extreme danger. Now is the time to get firm and protect her. They may not pursue the kidnapping charges but you need to get all of this in a report. NOW.
I spoke with a police officer and he said neither of them broke any laws and that even if I did report the physical abuse they couldn’t investigate it 😭 My daughter is still at my MIL’s house because she refuses to hand her over. I’m livid. The cops don’t care.
Keep calling because whoever is telling you this is lying. Get over there and take your daughter. She can't stop you.
The only place I have to go with her is back to our house where he is. He would probably rip her from my arms and repeat this whole cycle again. I cant sleep with her in my car because it’s snowing. No money for a hotel because we have a joint account and he would come find me based off the card charge. I’m screwed.
Go to a domestic abuse shelter. They will help you. Nothing will change until you do. I'm not trying to be harsh but you HAVE to face reality. But first step, GO GET YOUR DAUGHTER. Go to a police station, fire station, hospital and tell them you are scared for your life. It's scary but doable. Your baby deserves to be saved.
As u/SomethingClever70 wrote, "Call this number, it's the national domestic violence hotline: 800-799-7233"
Go to the police and get an escort to MIL's house to get your baby.
Once you have your kid, go straight to a domestic violence center/shelter. They will protect you and your baby. Do you have pets at home? Some shelters will take your pets as well.
DV shelters provide many resources. There's bus vouchers, food resources and housing placement, counseling, legal services, job placement, medical referrals, the works. Call them tell them what's up. They will help you and keep you protected.
Get an attorney asap and explain everything! Do all of the while he is at work.
They are trying to shut you out. Don't let them. Grey rock both of them. They are vile.
Good luck to you and please update us with your progress.
You said he came and apologized and all that so why is your daughter still with MIL? Why hasn’t he gotten MIL to bring her back or gone and gotten her? I’m confused by that part.
She lives three hours away and he didn’t get home from work until after midnight. He’s getting her in the morning.
She got there really fast if she got there in the time it took you to shower! My ass would be in the car driving there anyway but I’m guessing you don’t have a vehicle since you didn’t go yourself earlier. Definitely need to get away from him asap! He’s got you secluded from everyone and everything that can help you get away and help yourself. Please do what some have said and reach out to a domestic violence hotline or shelter! They can help get you and your daughter out of the situation and somewhere safe. Please keep us updated also!
He called her the night before to come in the morning and had her wait down the road from our house until the perfect time. It was all extremely calculated and f***ed up. I did try driving there and that’s where I met with the officer in a parking lot who told me she broke no laws and they could not assist me. My husband told me if I went there she would not hand her over to me.
Her refusing to give you your child is against the law. You are the legal and biological parent not MIL. Call again and speak to another officer. Please please reach out to a shelter for domestic violence.
Gotcha. I missed the part where the argument was last night. I guess the rest pissed me off enough I forgot. It was definitely calculated and conniving! I’m so sorry! I’ll be thinking of you. Wish I could actually do something to help!
WTF?????????? They "couldn't investigate it?????????" Did you get that guy's (I hesitate to call him a "police officer") name and badge number??????????
Do you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else and the cops are buddies with all the locals? I can’t believe there would no investigation into the assault at all. Is your husband or his family friends with any of the police there?
You should have called and reported a missing child. Told them the truth - you got out of the shower and your baby was gone! And let them investigate.
Call again and ask for that in writing. Inform the officer that 'this call may be monitored or recorded in the event my husband kills me and a record is needed of police involvement.'
Most police will move heaven and earth for you rather than open the department to a lawsuit. Treat lazy police like lazy doctors. Be that bitch.
I had an ex like that. 5 years ago I talked to someone at a restaurant as I went to the bathroom. She said nice boots and I said $29.99 at DSW. I then spent months learning to walk and talk again after he beat me in front of the entire restaurant. Please contact your local DV hotline. Please.
You and your child are in danger.
Have you contacted an attorney about your husband's despicable actions?
ETA: This is not a MIL problem. It is an abusive husband problem.
As u/SomethingClever70 wrote, "Call this number, it's the national domestic violence hotline: 800-799-7233"
And you should have called 911 and reported a kidnapping. Blow shit the fuck up if they want to play that game.
I did and they told me no laws were broken unfortunately (why am I getting downvoted for stating a fact??) a police officer answered my question here and explained that this is true and why.
I believe you sweetie. But you need to stick up for yourself, contact a lawyer because this is abuse/ domestic violence. Even if you don’t plan to leave your husband right away, you need to document everything! Do you have your child back? If no then do what others said and as soon as you get your child back get your important stuff an run!!! Because if you haven’t gotten baby back husband can be sorry all he want, he doesn’t have your back and that’s dangerous in this case.
Did you ask for a supervisor? Your husband can take your child, not his mother.
Did you call them after you knew where your daughter was?
If it happens again, call them as soon as you notice that your daughter is gone.
Darling, you need to leave this awful man.
I’d divorce him over this.
Who takes an 8 week old from their mother for a whole day ffs?!
Your husband did this, to YOU - the woman he claims to love. If you stay with him he and she will try their utmost to paint you as a bad mother.
He’s already doing it, and you believed his faux apologies…?!
He knew forgiveness would be easier than permission.
I’m confused. You said you share a bank account in one of the comments here so you can’t take your baby and get a hotel because your husband will find you. But in a previous post you say you have separate accounts, want to run away but don’t want to live in government housing, regret your daughter, never wanted her and you hope your ED will take you out of this world. Which is it? You love your daughter and want to protect her or you can’t stand to look at her and regret her? You also said in your previous post that your husband does all the nighttime care for her. I don’t know what to believe at this point.
Edited to add: your previous post was only 17 days ago.
Reading her previous posts definitely changes things. It seems to me that her husband was justified in being concerned for how she cares for baby. However, abuse is never justifiable.
I never said it was. He should never abuse her or that baby. I was simply stating she has conflicting stories.
I was agreeing with you. I apologize if it read otherwise.
I thought you meant it backhanded when you said “however”. Thank you for clarifying. I’m sorry if I came off rude in anyway at all 🫶🏻
Lol nope, not at all. 🫶🏼
I’m sorry lied about the bank accounts. I do have my own account but I’m on disability and barely have enough in there right now to pay my bills so it’s just not an option. I was too embarrassed to tell the truth which is that I’m poor too on top of everything else. A hotel is not an option. As far as not wanting my daughter goes I did say that when I was pregnant with her because my husband was already abusive at that point. I really didn’t think it was a good idea to bring a child into this. I grew up in an abusive household and it was terrifying. It felt wrong to bring an innocent human into that. On top of that I have a family history of postpartum depression. One of my sisters took her own life because hers got so bad. I also have an eating disorder that I’ve been struggling with for over a decade. So yea 😥 I had my reasons, and he never fails to bring them up any chance he gets to make me look bad even though I was just trying to do the right logical thing. I love my daughter so much and my heart sank when I saw that she was missing.
You are now saying you only didn’t want your baby while you were pregnant, however you say she’s 2 months old in this post but the post you made regretting having her and not wanting her was 17 days ago. I think you really need to do some self reflection and inner work. There was zero reason to lie about a bank account or your income. There are plenty of women who are SAHM with zero income at all and they never lie about it. The fact that you felt the need to lie about something so minor is concerning, especially in a post to strangers, and really makes it hard to legitimize anything you say. It’s like the boy who cried wolf. I’m not trying to be mean, but how can we know what you’re being truthful about now. If you’re truly being abused you need to leave. I honestly don’t know if your daughter is better off with you or your husband, at least he wants her. You should really get into therapy, for yourself and for your daughter.
Let’s be careful here. It sounds like OP struggles with mental health, but it also sounds like the husband is abusive and is using the baby as a pawn to further deteriorate her MH. While OP may not be in a good place to parent right now, the husband is incredibly physically and mentally abusive, if these stories are accurate.
He knows that she’s not doing well and he keeps using the baby as a weapon to make her feel even more inadequate and make her question her MH more. It’s sick. It’s like he’s trying to provoke her to full collapse. He’s not a safe parent either, and if his mother is enabling this, she’s just as bad. OP needs to get professional help for her and baby.
I definitely agree she needs professional help.
Man!!! You should be a detective! Who the F cares about any of that besides you!?! Quit being a jerk and overanalyzing what she's saying and just be nice and positive and helpful. She needs a boost, not someone picking apart her every word. She's broke and can't leave, doesnt have any family (or money) amd has nowhere she can go....sooo how about instead, you send her $100 and help her rather than what you ARE doing!? Also, idk if you're a man or woman or a parent, even but feelings can and do change. And for approx 2 years after you give birth, your head is in the clouds. There's nothing you can do to get out of it either. It's the hormone fluctuations. Sleep depravity. Intense and overwhelming feelings of love (or possibly hate) and responsibility (and sometimes regret) for a brand spankin new human that quite literally cannot do a damn thing for themselves. She may feel guilty for bringing a person into this awful world we live in now. Or guilt for the piece of shit she married. Or maybe just plain ol guilt about everything. You don't know. So just be nice. Quit being a turd. If you have nothing nice to say, go away!
You need to get out, I had a friend who stayed and he killed her, her son watched. Move now to your family
Just go pick her back up she has no legal grounds to keep her from you and fuck them both you need to make a plan to leave. He did that shit on purpose to fuck with you.
Call chikd protective services . They have a 24 hour line!!!!!
Why are you mad at her and not your husband?
He took your baby. He told his mum to lie. He knew how upset it would make you. She didnt decide to do this to you - he did.
You need to redirect your anger to the correct person
Your husband is an asshole
Call the domestic violence hotline noted in another reply. There is no excuse not to.
They're are too many on here that jump on the leave him bandwagon but FFS LEAVE THIS MAN!
He's abusing you. Hard to see from where you stand I know, and if he can do it to you he'll do it to your child also at some point. As will his mother. This behaviour will continue and will escalate. Please show your daughter what a strong woman is and get out now, no matter how hard it will be for you to start with.
i don’t know what kind of ish that family does, but you need to pack you and your baby and get to a shelter. that’s kidnapping. the first thing i’m gonna do if my baby is gone, call 911. that’s. bs.
drop the whole lot and leave. a woman’s shelter helps with housing, childcare and job. leave.
That right there would be my final straw. Take your baby and file for divorce. Get out op before they get worse.
Is baby safe at Grandma’s? I’m sorry, I took a look at your previous posts. So many stating you don’t want your baby, you resent her and your husband is her primary caregiver. Neither of you sound stable enough right now to have a baby. If grandma is keeping her safe maybe it’s a good opportunity for you to sort out what you need and what your options are.
I struggled with postpartum depression really badly, and at one point I wanted an abortion because I was scared. He was already abusive when I got pregnant and I didn’t think it was a good idea. That’s it. He uses that against me any chance he gets.
I totally understand and I hope the best for you. But your post was 18 days ago. Maybe you have had a major change of heart but I think you desperately need and deserve more support. I am not saying they should keep your baby but maybe you need to go and get the support you need first so you can support her alone if needed. If he has been doing the majority of the childcare so far when you weren’t up for it I would hope she is safe with him/ his mother.
I notice that OP is non responsive to anyone advising her to call the domestic abuse hotline and get shelter info. Why?
If you read her post history it might explain it for you. She posted 18 days ago how much she regrets her daughter, resents her and wanted an abortion. Her husband does the majority of the care for the baby and she says she wishes she could run away from the baby but doesn’t want to live in “shitty government housing”. I made a comment about it and had 2 people jump on me pointing it out. She’s got some inconsistencies in this post vs previous ones.
Edited to add: my guess is bc since her husband does most of the childcare and she feels that way about her daughter she potentially doesn’t want to leave with the baby and have to take over the care. 🤷🏻♀️ again just guessing.
I know… it’s because I’m scared. I know what I need to do, now it’s just a matter of having the courage to follow through. It’s hard to explain to an outsider why it feels so hard to leave.
My jaw is on the floor. I would have absolutely called the police on this. DOCUMENT THIS.
You need either to get couples therapy or to leave. Because holy Hanna - this is absolutely crazy and this kind of cruel and abusive behavior is gross and unacceptable!!!!
THIS IS NOT AN MIL PROBLEM. THIS IS A DH PROBLEM AND YOU NEED HELP ASAP.
I’d be going scorched earth. Use your rage. Make them bow. And leave
Does your husband work tomorrow? Go with him to get baby. Keep your composure. Once you get your baby, and he goes to work, after he is gone, leave for shelter. File orders of protection for you and baby against him and his mom.
A COLD DAY IN HELL, MY FRIEND. My chest is so tense from reading this, they took and basically hid your baby from you? How that alone doesn’t result in you reevaluating your relationship with your SO is beyond me. MIL is only a fraction of your actual problem.
For me, I couldn't come back from this act of betrayal. I'd divorce a man that did that to me. If he lived through the night. Can you go get her?
THIS IS ABUSE GET OUT NOW
Go get your child. She can't stop you. Once you get her then leave, go get temp emergency custody and go somewhere he won't find you.
Record everything get your child back and move out theyre not going to stop until you break.
Bullshit!
OP Your husband broke your boundaries and enabled his mother... he planned it with his mother. Not only this, but I did so after an argument...
no doubt you teach you a lesson.. he is not sorry ( or he never would have cross this line).
This is cruel, manipulative, controlling, and downright reprehensible behavior.
Your MIL is an issue.. but your husband is the problem.
i would never, ever forgive my partner if they take my baby for a whole day to be with a person who they know i dont trust.
Please OP... you need to look at what you want out of this relationship,whether you can cope with not only a MIL from hell, but a husband who plans and supports her. HE NEEDS to want to change or this will keep on happening
You deserve to have a wonderful time with your child instead of all this drama by this.
You need to take the baby and leave. ASAP. Can you go to your family’s home?
If he is abusing you, CPS can get involved and the baby will be taken from you as well as you have put your child in danger.
Leave. He goes to work, you move out. And don’t give him a second chance. And if you saw a doctor for his last beating of you, take that to the police, file a report and a restraining order.
During the time, start compiling evidence of his abuse, including him taking your newborn baby and hiding her from you.
Call your local domestic violence shelter for help
Your husband is the monster here. Saying he feared fort your daughters safety then took her to his mother's? Then told he's mom whatever to have her ignore your calls is even more fucked up. Sure the MIL is a jerk but a jerk that had her son's input.
This is abuse. Your husband is abusive. Your MIL is enabling him. Please find a way out. You and your baby aren't safe there.
Start recording each and every interaction with him secretly. Your husband is abusive and he will end up hurting your daughter.
You need to run for your life. You and baby should go stay with absolutely anyone you can. File a police report asap
Someone would be 💀
You need to see a lawyer and start divorce proceedings, immediately. Only a profound sadist would separate you from your two month old daughter as a way to punish you, especially without clarifying where she was all day.
You and your baby are in danger.
I'm sure mil sucks but I read this and the amount of rage I felt towards your husband is out of control.
WHAT?! He let his mom take your baby from you. Him and her are the same fuck both of them. Do you have some where to go with your newborn? I would NEVER forgive them for that. Ever. The both of them would be dead to me.
Call and report a kidnapping. Someone has your daughter without your consent. That is fucking kidnapping. If anyone EVER did this with my child they would be lucky if the cops found them first. The officer you spoke to is wrong. Call the emergency line and report a kidnapping. If you don’t, they could accuse you of neglect or abandonment. A grandparent has no legal right to a child.
She wasn’t breaking a law?!? WHAT? She took your child without your consent. That is kidnapping.
Please get your baby and go to a women’s shelter. He is physically assaulting you. That man and his mum don’t deserve you or your baby.
His abuse will only worsen. Eventually, your daughter will be a target.
You should have called the police when you got out of the shower. And your next move should be to speak to an attorney because your your husband's actions were so disgusting toward you and the baby that is that is just way too much to put up with. Is this something you want to be scared of for the next 10 or 15 years? Did he just disappears with your child? Please make a police report and then speak to an attorney to protect yourself and the baby. He sounds a bit unhinged.
I would have called the police and reported a kidnapping if I were you. No fucking way I'd let this slide.
You have a MASSIVE husband problem. He has no respect for you at all. I mean, he went behind your back and told his mother to get the baby. You need to decide if this is how you want to live your life.
I’m not sure where you’re from, but this is considered kidnapping in my state even when it was caused by a biological parent. Your MIL can’t withhold your child from you legally, and your husband can’t just leave her with someone without asking. Especially if she doesn’t answer your calls and refuses to give her back. My dad is a cop and this happens often in my state. I see amber alerts monthly like this. Your MIL doesn’t have custody, so legally she has to return your daughter. I thought this was a universal thing in the states, but the cops may not understand the situation or don’t care unfortunately. You need to run! I would be so worried about this happening again.
Get your baby and get out. I stopped reading once your comments said he put hands on you.
Take your evidence to a lawyer and get them both out of your life.
And i would tell MIL that if she ever takes your child again and doesn't answer your phone calls again, you would make sure the cops are called and she will never see her again. Stand up to your husband that if he pulls this shit again, he will lose you both. He can go live with his mommy.
Why didn't you go over to her house and take your child back? I can't get over that part. If she doesn't answer the phone, then go get her. Call the cops and say your worried about your daughter in your MIL care as she hasn't answered your calls or the door. Take your child back.
I did go to the cops and I was told they couldn’t do anything because no laws were broken. Because we are married and the father gave permission to my MIL to come and get her she broke no laws. It’s fucked up. I sent my mother in law a very straight forward text message letting her know exactly what she did and what I think of her.
I am sorry they wouldn't do anything. Next time, ask for a well check because she hasn't answered her phone or door, and she has a young baby with her, and you are concerned for their safety. They have to check.
I hope you can get away from their crazy.
That is excellent.
If you cannot find your child after a shower and your spouse did not tell you where he was taking her, you are justified in calling the police.
There is no reason not to start a paper trail there. If your MIL is not picking up, police officers are not unreasonable at all. You're a new mother. Your husband didn't tell you where your baby was. You have bruises that he caused. How does that look, to a police officer?
Think about why that wasn't your first choice, and what kind of manipulation this man and his awful mother have already done to you. The narrative he's pushing doesn't work when the police question him and his mother separately.
Why did you not call the cops? If I looked around and didn’t see my 2 month old, I’d immediately call, bc they can’t just wander off at that age.
He did this to punish you, possibly get you in line, and it’s a crappy abusive thing to do. Your MIL should have never taken her, esp without telling you. Start a journal of all these incidents, stating times, what happened etc. it may come in handy later.
MIL is horrid, but she is not the issue here. Your SO is extremely abusive, and I fear for both you and your child. He straight-up set you up to believe your infant daughter had been kidnapped. That is horrifying and unforgivable. Document everything--including the recent injuries he gave you--and start making a plan to get far away from him. DO NOT TELL HIM. The most dangerous time for an abuse victim is when trying to leave, because the abuser reacts violently to losing control.
Recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work on abusive men, changed my life. https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
Okay guys so I have a UFC ring made out of semi tires if anyone is interested in fighting their in laws
Get your child and RUN !!! You don’t have a MIL Problem- it’s the spermdonor. He is a huuuge AH.
He’s not remorseful. He did this to hurt and undermine you. His sorry is totally hollow and I can’t imagine accepting it.
When you saw the baby missing, and they wouldn't call you back, you should have called the police. Jfc... what if she actually was taken by a stranger?
This isn't a mil issue, it's a husband issue. I would let them know you will call the police if your child goes missing again. Then pack up your baby and go stay somewhere else. That shit doesn't fly
Ewww you have bigger problems than your mother in law. All she knew is what she was told. Im not 100% sure she is the problem. Your husband put all of this in motion and I can see this becoming a thing with him. Put some money aside and be prepared.
MIL is not the problem here (although she should not have ignored your calls and texts). Your husband called his mother to take your child away without your knowledge. Your responses describe physical abuse. Go to your MIL's house. Call the police when you get there and inform them that she has your daughter without your consent. Your husband doesn't get to turn over the baby to his mother. Go get her.
Your husband is an abusive P.O.S. Your MIL is an abusive P.OS. You, and your child deserve better. There are women's shelters that will help you organize and execute a strategic exit from this situation. Don't ever let on to ANYONE in the family you are considering this before you leave.
You should have contacted the police and reported your baby as kidnapped.
Tell your husband that if you EVER come out and find your daughter missing like that again, you’re calling the cops to report a kidnapping. Then do it. Go to court to get custody and move out.
Im sorry but where do u live? Because where i live thats kidnapping and is a punishable offense.
"Me and LO will be somewhere else until you get her to understand what a shit she is and grovel. That applies to you too. Divorce is absolutely on the table because of your own actions"
You need to leave him. He is physically and emotionally abusive, and these games he’s playing with YOUR DAUGHTER is abusive to her as well. GET OUT NOW.
Why are you mad at her, 🙇🏻♀️🤷she only did what your husband asked, what would your husband have done, if you had done the same thing he did, it's his mothers, with force, you can't ask her obey you, we live in a patriarchal society where mothers like to serve their sons. 🤳🏼👩🏻🦯Even the police can't do anything, welcome to earth, 💆🏻♂️apparently men and their mothers still have power and rights, you as a woman have freedom, whether you want to exercise this freedom is decided by the husband. Does your husband respect you as a wife? if you call her a witch then why are you complaining about her behavior, she doesn't have to obey you in a patriarchal society.🤷🏼♀️💅🏻
You need to report him. Period. So that when you divorce you get full custody. Period. If he abuses you. He will abuse your child one day.
STOP! Look at your reality at this very moment! You have 2 week old daughter that tour husband basically stole under the cloak of darkness and GAVE to his mother. They have left you frantic! Whay if you had the called the police to report that she had been kidnapped.
They would have put out an Amber Alert immediately. THEY would have wastes valuable police and possibly FBI resources trying to locate her.
The psychological torment that they have put you through is unforgivable. What happens if he does it again and refuses to give her back? You have stayed thay you have pictures where he has abused you. Let me tell you the bruises heal; however, the long-lasting psychological effects will be more.
You won't let your baby out of your sight. You will become exhausted bc you won't sleep in fear, he will do it again. You need to look inside your your home bc that is where she was stolen from. She was only the keeper of his theft.
Your number 1 job is to protect your baby, and if you can't even do thay against your husband, qho can you. Since your MIL has NO custody rights, go to her house and knock on the door. If she refuses to open, call the police and tell them she is keeping your daughter against your wishes.
Get out and file for divorce and emergency custody. Also, use the prior abuse as grounds and then have him removed from the home. OR you can keep letting him do it.
This is divorce worthy. This is controlling and manipulative behavior. He can go stay with his mom and you have the baby. I would be pissed
Please keep us updated. I want a good ending for you and baby.
Let both of them know if anything like this ever happens again you'll report her missing/kidnapped.
Please call the domestic violence hotline number you have been given. They will get you in contact with the people you really need to see to help you and your daughter.
I can tell that your are so fearful of losing your daughter and I suspect that this is how things played out in your own home when you were a child. Please break this cycle - let the experts help you to advocate for yourself. There is something you can do and I know it takes a hell of a lot of guts to do it but we are all behind you here.
Your husband is an abusive snake and he is being encouraged by his vile jackal of a Mother. I suspect she has wanted a do over baby and is encouraging him to behave in this way. You really need expert assistance to get away from this - please call the experts and let them help you and your daughter.
There are women’s shelters and because you are disabled with an infant, you’ll be given priority. Make a police report after you leave.
Why didn’t you call the police? That what I would do if your baby is removed from your home without your Knowledge that’s a crime. Don’t let him tell you how sorry he is that’s bs they are both evil.
Take your baby and leave. Go anywhere. Women's aid can help. Your husband doesn't love you. You were just the surrogate to his and mummy's baby. Do you have your own money or are you a SAHM with just his income? If you have your own money, take it out of any joint account, get your affairs in order and divorce him. Get a court ordered custody arrangement so he can't refuse to give her back. He's hurting you every way he can. Take back your power
So you called her hoping she had your daughter and she didn’t answer and then you did nothing?
I would have called the police! Your baby was .
him asking her to do that is unacceptable. It seems this relationship is in no way healthy
Your anger is REALLY misplaced! You should hate your husband for what he did!! You need to document everything and talk to a lawyer. He is Physically, emotionally and mentally abusing you. His mother is just his side kick. Get out now and take your precious child with you. don’t stop, don’t listen for apologies. Call an abuse hotline and find out how to do this without getting accused of kidnapping your own child (something HE would do).
Omg I'm speechless. Op please listen to those telling you that this is alot darker than you actually see. Your SO is an abusive manipulative ass**** Get yourself and your child away from him and his mother asap. She is a big problem here too but not without your SO bringing her in. They are planning something sinister and you cannot wait any longer. They are setting up the scene to get your child. Be very careful,take your child and get away NOW
Your husband is a complete piece of shit. What the fuck was he thinking?! This BS about him fearing for her life under your care is a chess move to eventually sue for full custody.
I don't care how remorseful he is right now. Has he ever pulled stunts like this before? Not just with the baby, but other things to try to exert control over you, or to punish you for an imaginary infraction? Someone who would do what he just did is not a good person. I'd talk to an attorney about divorcing him. You might think he's sorry now, but I'd consider your long term options, in case he pulls anything else like this.