Tell your husband breaking her heart is the cost of protecting your child. Your child’s safety and LIFE are at risk and that comes first. She will be said, but she is no longer capable of caring for him or spending time with him unattended.
List all the examples here. Maybe his mother has forgetfulness associated with aging, but whatever the reason, your rules and requests take priority because you’re the child’s parent. Extend the day care to the fifth day. She can come visit but she’s done babysitting.
She will get over it. Or she won’t and she will just miss out on spending time with him.
NTA
Check your school for housing boards. Living with roommates would be way better than your current situation. Even mediocre roommates have a clear understanding that you’re not their slave (some roommates are awful, no doubt, but most are okay).
You can’t move out yet, but you CAN stop being the slave. Your dad parentified you at 10. Ten! That is a form of abuse. If he wants dishes done, he can do them. If he wants dinner, he can cook it- because he’s an adult and the only actual parent in the household. And your siblings aren’t small children. They can do their part too. It’s time for you to go on strike. Everyone should be pitching in. This would have been true if your mother had lived, too! Your dad is a horrible misogynist acting like it’s a woman’s job to cook, clean and wait on the boys. It’s time for them all to learn that is unacceptable. What’s he going to do about it? Kick you out? Then he will still be hungry and dirty. I suggest you make sure your bank accounts are secure and that he doesn’t have access to any of your money. Do not spend any of your money supporting him (don’t buy family groceries with your own money, for example). Find your birth certificates SS card, etc and put them in a safety deposit box in your name only. This way, once you have saved enough, you can move. Roommates would be way better than what you’re living with. Try checking local college areas and see if something like that might work- where you share an apartment with a few others and only pay for your room or an even/fair portion of the rent. Good luck!
As for Mother’s Day- none of them did anything to make Mother’s Day good. They didn’t honor her, because they didnt show any appreciation or respect for the person who was forced to take over her role as a child. Im sure that she didn’t want you to become the home slave for your dad and brothers. Your dad isn’t doing the parenting now, it’ll be no different on Father’s Day, so his analogy is false. NtA
NTA. She was in the store before you. If she really wanted the chair, she could have marked it as sold or bought it and put it in her car or in the back room. Or if that’s not allowed, she could have arranged for a family member or friend to come buy it for her. But she didn’t. You saw it and bought it- which is the purpose of the store. Her behavior was really unprofessional.
It is not your job to help your husband wish his own mother a happy Mother’s Day. He’s an able bodied adult.
It’s also not your job or obligation to spend time with someone go is verbally and emotionally abusing you. Stop spending time with his family if it means seeing her.
Also, time to renegotiate the holidays. There is no reason to spend so much time with them. Being just the two of you for a holiday is okay! It’s great! Switching off between family is fine too. Stop letting him control the decisions
NtA
“sorry I am not good enough for you". Well that’s obnoxious and manipulative. But also correct- he wasn’t good enough for you, by his own selfish choices. It really wouldn’t have been hard to stay. It isn’t hard to give you similar gifts to what he gave your brother. It wouldn’t have been hard for your brother not to scoff and instead give you the same courtesy you gave him. It doesn’t hurt to tell someone you’re proud of them. They were all selfish AHs. You’re NTA for any of this. Furthermore, that woman is your dad’s wife, not your mom or stepmom. You don’t owe her a salutation of “happy Mother’s Day because you don’t have that relationship.
Congratulations and amazing job from this random internet mom! 2 degrees in 3 years is incredible and shows your dedication and hard work. You’re destined for great things.
You have a guest bedroom. You being home sick didn’t need to affect her at all, except that she could attempt to keep her voice down. You didn’t need to be around her or your child. A 6 year old is old enough to understand that daddy is ill and she needs to stay out of that room. But instead your distinctly NOT wonderful wife yelled at you. You’re sick, so you are using your sick days appropriately. What else would you use them for? They are not the same as vacation days.
Don’t be “scared” to not go in tomorrow. Stay home. And if she starts yelling again, tell her to knock it off! “Wife, stop yelling at me! I’m sick, I’m not going to work until I feel better, I get paid even though I am home. I’m not in our shared room or around our kid, so I’m keeping my germs to myself. This is not up to you, so please back off so I can rest and get better!” And then when you are better, scheduled several sessions with a marriage counselor, because your marriage is unhealthy. NTA
I would retract the offer. They will be the way, they will make a mess. They can stay at a hotel.
Especially not two adults who are slobs
Hard HARD no on bringing the dog
You’re the one who is giving birth, you’re the one who will be recovering from a major medical procedure, if you’re breastfeeding, you’ll be the one exposed. You 100% get the majority vote on this.
Sit down with your husband and tell him that he needs to stop assuming. You’re not okay with houseguests, no matter how well intentioned they might be. Tell him you want them to have a chance to get to know the baby but that having them or ANY body staying will NOT be helpful to you- it’ll be stressful to you, which is the opposite of what you need when you’ve just given birth. He needs to respect your boundaries. You’re not blocking them from coming, you’re drawing boundaries about what you NEED not what they WANT. I don’t know anyone who would want their MIL (no matter how lovely) to stay with them for weeks. Point out that you’re not even inviting your own parents to stay with you.
He needs to prioritize your needs first on this one.
NTA
NTA. That all sounds very thoughtful.
If she fully understood, she wouldn’t be asking to sleep in your bed! She has WAY overstepped and her relatives should have reserved a hotel.
NTA. Hold firm.
If he’s not on the birth certificate and not paying child support, he’s not a father. Stop letting him be around your kid. If he wants to see the kid, he can take the paternity test and pay the support.
Then dump him and raise your baby alone! Why would you even consider letting a woman who insists on using an crib unsupervised access to your child? What is wrong with you?
Grow a spine before your baby is born.
Oh for heaven sake, she’s 15. In my city, the city bus is what the high schools use for nearly all the students. There are very few school buses that serve the high schools so all of the students can use their student ids as their city busy pass. Lots of them are her age or younger.
She needed to learn a lesson and you found a safe way to teach it when she refused to learn through discussion.
Your sisters and parents need to butt out. And before you let her get her own pass, she needs to explain to you how she’s going to safely ride and be aware of her surroundings.
NTA
Your mom was unbelievably cruel to your wife. Grief is complicated, but it does not excuse what she said to your wife, especially when your wife was being generous, patient and kind to your horrible mother.
I’d go low contact (and block their messages) for a good long while until your mom gets a grip and offers a huge and sincere apology.
NTA
It really doesn’t matter if she thinks it’s not a big deal. It’s your property and you’re allowed to tell them not to come on it- to do so anyway is trespassing.
Furthermore, you have good reasons.
NTA
Emilia would definitely end up being called Emily or Emilie- which is the same name.
I know a girl named Sophie. Her given name is actually Sophia, but everyone calls her Sophie. If your wife has her heart set on Emily and you name her Emilia or something similar, the “nickname” will be Emily
He called you abusive for asking him if he planned anything for Mother’s Day after you asked him to do so. That is not abusive and him accusing you of abuse is really concerning. Telling you that you “always do that” and scoffing at you apologizing (for what? Being a little disappointed?!) is hurtful and bad communication.
I see you apologizing and giving him lots of excuses, even in your own narrative. Where is his apology for not prioritizing something that mattered to you? It takes almost no time to make a handmade card or plan a trip to the park. He just couldn’t be bothered with your feelings. That is what you should take seriously.
NTA
I assume your name doesn’t start with Em. Mallory seems fine with YOU being left out. Tell her to mind her own business. Naming a child is not the privilege of an aunt.
Time to have a sit down serious conversation with your husband. It sounds like his name preferences extend beyond Ems but he went with the flow in the past. It’s not fair to expect you to just parent in his late wife’s shadow. You haven’t disrespected her choices, and you’re loving and raising her children. But with this baby, it’s your turn.
As a widower, I’m sure his feelings are complicated (not specifically about the name, but about love and sorrow and moving on and honoring the past and all the the things that are complicated and sometimes illogical about grief). I think you should sit down with him when the kids are elsewhere (and when Mallory is nowhere in sight) and have a heart to heart. If he was offended by the comment, apologize. But also remind him that this is your first time giving birth, and experiencing all the things that come with that- you deserve to have your husband engaging on it, and his withdrawal from what was a fun conversation before his sister butt in isn’t fair to you or to the baby. Your come up with a sweet way to include his other kids so nobody feels left out. Let him share his feelings, and share yours.
Neither you nor he are AHs. Mallory definitely is and I would limit contact with her until well after the baby is born.
NTA
NTA at all. You had just given birth! Breastfeeding is not easy, especially at first. It’s awkward and can be painful. She offered to leave and you accepted it. You didn’t kick her out, but you were perfectly entitled to. It was your private activity. Now if you eventually get comfortable to breastfeed in front of others, that is 100% okay too! The point is, it’s your body and your choice.
He belittled you after they looked down their noses at you. You had every right to set the record straight with all of them! You have to know that there is no way he would have admitted to them that he made less than yoh. The LIKE feeling “better” than you.
NTA except for being with someone who is fine with his superiority complex and looking down at you. Yuck
How are you the AH? You didn’t body shame anyone, you simply told your own husband the truth. Your MIL was incredibly rude. Every body is different and carries baby weight differently. I had a friend who are very fit and at healthy. She still gained 70 lbs with each of her two pregnancies. I have another who you couldn’t even tell she was pregnant until she was about 8 months along and she was wearing a bikini again 2 weeks later. Some women lose weight while nursing. For others, their body won’t shed maternity weight until after the baby stops nursing.
The point is that her experience and body is different than yours and shaming you is totally inappropriate. Your SIL and BIL are stupid to take her side on this.
NTA.
AITA for ‘telling’ on my MIL to my husband?
AmItheAsshole