“So, you’re cute! Do you come here often? I’m looking for a boyfriend for my daughter Marla, the third one. She’s a bit shy but she’s a great cook with a good personality! Are you a doctor? Or a lawyer? What do you do that can support her? Well, the kids might be interesting but a grandchild is a grandchild if you get my drift.”
“Ugh, this guy again? It’s like the sixth time we’ve abducted him this month. He’s actually out there trying to get himself abducted. I really think we took that probing thing too far because he keeps coming back for more. I mean, im all about it, but we only have so many of these things and have a lot more probing to do. Forget it I’m done with this guy.”
"sir, this time he brought his own probe....I know , I told him it's not the right cord but now he says he has an adapter and is searching through his bag.... Can you just come out here? I won't be able to stall much longer"
“They said I was “too into it” then they tossed me my clothes and flew away”
“Wow! Although…”
“What?”
“I can kind of see their point. Look once people get to know you, you are great but you can be..a lot. Remember the Johnsons? They almost filed a restraining order and they are from the same planet as you.”
I was just getting into the second hour of telling them about my Dungeons and Dragons character, when I realised they had all just up and left! So anyway, he’s a divination wizard with a bit of artificer on the side…
I was damaged by this comment. Allow me to explain why my spreadsheet is interesting enough to overcome your assumed aversion. You see when I discovered VBA could actually allow…..
Well I care about your spreadsheet. Personally I'm against putting code in it, even though it would allow us to use some really useful tools. I see the appeal for sure but I haven't coded anything since 2006, and also I think it will make our antivirus software go nuts (we need to email it to people). I could be wrong but mostly I just don't know how to code.
There, that should keep us safe from alien kidnappings for at least ten years.
Edit: I mean I'm against putting code in my spreadsheet. You do what you want.
Alien: “Listen dude, I appreciate the enthusiastic cooperation, but we don’t do that anymore. Please pull your pants back up so we can send you home. This is just embarrassing for both of us. And put that damn ‘probe’ away, this is a school field trip for xanthar’s sake!”
“Honestly, they can build rockets that can reach their moon, and collide atoms together at the speed of light. Why do we always get the nuts.”
"Sir, he's got an open bag of Cheetos...yes, I do remember how difficult that was to clean off the upholstery last trip, that's why I stopped him...Ok, I'll tell him."
Or,
"Sir, he said he'd come peacefully, but only if we promise to let him drive, and buzz his neighbor's house....Yes, I know what happened last time and how much out of pocket it was because it wasn't covered, that's why I said no."
It's been 16 hours and my new green hosts are most kind. They set me up with a complete ship console with a bunch of lights. Of course I took advantage immediately. After hitting the biggest button several times and enjoying what only can be described as an upside down roller coaster, they asked me to leave. Something about the inter galactic insurance not covering acts of man.
The aliens scanned the area seeing a young looking human male. It was dark outside and the human was pressed against the wall in bed. He appeared to be sitting on his phone playing a stupid game with a small human running on long transportation cars. Something the humans loved to take, though mechanical dragons were far more favored.
“You really think we should abduct them? I am having second thoughts on this one. They don’t seem worthy. Judging from a quick brain scan I think this one has no value to us.” The alien said to his commander glancing at a fancy high tech screen that flashed all kinds of information about the subject at hand.
“Now that I think about I am looking at it. Yea let’s not take this one. I say we go abduct a cow instead.” The commander replied. Their spaceship that was hidden as a cloud moved over to a nearby pastor and abducted Old Bessy instead.
Ah-hah! So, what kinda drugs are these? Are they gonna erase my memory? Is that what they're for? You wanna do what? Can I probe you guys after you do me? That'd be kinda- no? No, ok... fine then... Ooh, cows! Hey, can I watch you probe them?
The tractor beam couldn’t lift my fat ass. When they got me on board I fucked with the balance of their ship and they couldn’t leave the atmosphere. So they just dumped me back.
“Oh gawd, no just put him back. The last time we had one with that symbol he wouldn’t shut up about something called ‘trump and the third reich’…whatever that means”
EDIT: sorry. Not me obviously. I didn’t see the “your abduction”
I asked them; “Can we start with the probe, or do we have to work up to that?”