Inspired by Spengler’s penchant for spores, molds and fungus.
Edit: all things taxidermy is the clear winner here
Your first date is going terribly. Your date then asks you to describe your hobbies. To make sure there isn’t a second date, you say ___
upvoted for creepy non-sequitur
Great reference. But it was size 14 😉
I was going to say size 22, to account for the thirty year shift in BMI’s.
Good point. I'm probably good for a 18-20 myself 👍
22 is probably right once you account for shrinkage, stitching, etc.
Lotion helps with the shrinkage.
IDK why, but they always fight the lotion...
Maybe you could try a little rhyme?
🤔
Good idea! How about:
The lotion makes its skin feel good,
So that when I wear it I'll get wood
Sold!!! Are there franchising options?
Everyone remembers it rhyming, but the actual line is, "it rubs the lotion on its skin, it does this whenever it's told."
Then, "or else it gets the hose."
You can yell whatever you want to your girl. This is a welcoming community and we encourage all members to yell whatever they like to their own particular women in their own particular wells.
They don’t like being moist
PIVOT
I walk around at Walmart. I don't buy anything. Just spend hours there. I find it soothing.
I hate to admit that this is a legit hobby of mine.....
But not just Walmart, I do it in other stores too. I tend to have very good knowledge of things available at what times of the year or month.
I do the same on my lunch breaks.
The employee backroom at Walmart is so lifeless, and I don't have a car to go anywhere.
So I just browse the Isles.
Just read. Or do you not have comfy chairs in your break room? You know we had a full on couch before Covid.
No, we have some comfy ass chairs. Almost like the couches, just in a chair form.
I'm not a big reader.
I'll do one of 3 things:
1.scroll reddit while listening to music.
Just listen to music while mindlessly staring down the TV.
Roam the store.
When it's the dog days of summer I walk in stores to get my steps in because it's just too hot for parks or nature trails.
There's nothing wrong with that. It's gotta be better for you than sitting on your ass in front of a TV for 6 hours.
What if aliens come to earth and demand Jenny McNeal and you have to make the last episode for them? Your walmart hobby won't help you then, HA!
I'll get Orsen wells' head and a cheese log
I'll throw a hippie at them. That should do it.
Oof, I'm also a film nerd, so I've got to balance out mindlessly sitting on my ass and mindlessly wandering around the mall. It's a tough job, but who else is going to see a great deal on a handbag and go, "That's my purse, I don't know you." to themselves in the back of Urban Planet if it's not me?
In your pajamas of course
A friend of mine does that with her family every week. I used to do it with them. Very boring when you don't want to be there yourself. I'm just not as entertained as they are.
"My hobbies? I like to collect road kill and Frankenstein different species together. Yesterday I tried to bring a racoon-possum-deer back to life, but it didn't work so I fed the corpse to my cockroach civilization..... I can see you are confused. I've been playing Civilization play throughs Youtube videos to all the roaches I find in my home in the hope that they will organize enough to begin agriculture and government. What are your hobbies?"
So...roaches as in pot heads?!? I could see that.. I didn't know you would celebrate 420.
Hitler’s birthday? I celebrate every year!
The Fuhrer hasn’t been too popular recently, so I tell people I’m celebrating the anniversary of Columbine instead.
No, cockroaches. The little bugs, like in Wall-E.
Why would we be showing Civ V videos to pot heads?
Why not...? Anything these days must be acceptable. Any other view would be a high level of intolerance...if not a hate crime.
"Me? Well I was inspired by that line in a poem, "rage against the dying of the light." So, around sunset, I find a nice place and scream at the sun for abandoning us to the darkness of night. Yup, I don't turn lights off in my house at night. During the day, sure. The sun's out and watching us. At night he hides like a coward."
Do not go gentle.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night
I’ve really gotten into Scientology lately.
I count the number of times people say hippo. I’ve got a list. Want to see it?
"What? Why 'hippo'?"
*pulls out a notepad and makes a mark on it*
"I go to dentist offices to steal removed teeth to use as bait for the traps I build all to capture the Tooth Fairy. Why does she need our baby teeth? Where is she getting the money? Something sinister is going on and I mean to expose the truth."
I spend most of my time browsing reddit.
Yep. That oughta do it.
I collect sexually transmitted diseases. Want to trade?
Skin. I like skin a lot. Mmmmm, skin.
Here. Have some lotion.
goodbye horses, I'm flying over you…
I’ve recently become enamoured of edgy taxidermy. You should see my furry Führer collection.
Now I want to know what animal you prefer for him.
My first thought was obviously squirrel, but you should see the coyote.
Goose would be more appropriate.
Let’s not go too crazy
I hate to admit it man, and for clarity am Jew, but I really wanna see a taxidermy mouse dressed up like Hitler. Maybe it's cause they compared the Jews to Rats during the Holocaust, but I just feel it'd be so vindicating.
I like to knit sweaters from hair culled from vagrants and give them as gifts to my dates. You look like a size 6, am I right?
"So, I have to ask, how quickly do your toenails grow? I'm making a collage."
I have a Russian pen pal. He always asks for pictures of the local military base. I think his name is Poutine.
I love to maintain a spreadsheet comparing the characteristics of all the women I date. What size are you again?
😂😂
I love soap carving, it's so fun and soothing to see the forms come into shape. I just wish I wasn't so compelled to eat them all the time. I was making one of my most recent ex and once I got the boob shape outlined I just couldn't help myself.
“Taxidermy, but for people, not animals. I source the bodies from a friend at the mortuary. When there’s an unclaimed one, like someone homeless without a family, he fakes the paperwork, smuggles it out and brings it over. I’ve stuffed 9 of them now. I keep them in my bedroom. I dress them up and put them in amusing poses. There’s a Superman one, a Wonder Woman, an Elvis. You can come over if you want and I’ll show you. There’s nothing weird about it. It’s just a hobby. Let’s go. Come on. You have a good body.”
Ever play a game called Mad Father?
“You have a good body” fucking sent me 🤣
I collect eyes.
My, yours are pretty.
Lying and gaslighting. Just kidding. See what you made me do! (Insert crazy bug eye expression here.)
Revenge porn
"My hobbies? Well it's really more of a side gig. I sneak into homes with children while the kids are asleep and wait for the Boogeyman. I'm going to kill him you see."
or Slenderman, if he doesn’t believe in the Boogeyman
It's odd. No one tells kids about the Boogeyman, but they fear something under their bed or in the closet. Parents are not going to tell them. You don't hear them discuss it in playgrounds, tea parties or play dates. They just know.
I think it's just survival instinct. Fear of being left alone with predators and able to recognize where potential predators could hide in wait, but unable to recognize where you're safe from predators
many many years ago my aunt was dating a guy who out of nowhere started talking about how much he enjoyed being a pyromaniac. after we left that day i never saw the guy again.
and now he’s just an old flame
I stuff squirrels and mice and pose them in historical dioramas. I'm currently working on the Charge of the Light Brigade. I use my kitchen as my workshop. Do you want to see it?
That'd be a dinner for schmucks
I break g strings fingering minors.
Hobbies? Well, I’m pretty broke, so I can’t afford much fun. Heck, I’m not even going to be able to pay for this meal…
I belong to an amateur autopsy club.
"I like to watch high school girls volleyball, I hope you have a teenage daughter of my own some day"
I collect exotic animal scat. I've got Kmodo Dragon, Bengal Tiger, Poler Bear...you wanna come over and check it out?
I like moonlit walks in cemeteries, and poking dead things with a stick.
I’m something of a scientist myself.
Ahh..A fellow man of culture
I’m working on a Lego version of Kirstie Allie. Want to help?
I've got this table saw, ya know? Like it cuts stuff and I like to see it cut different stuff, ya know? And I've got these other tools too, and they can do more stuff than it says on the box, ya know? Wanna go to my house and play tool time with me?
I like to collect hair from barber shops and I keep it in a box under my bed to smell when I can't sleep.
I like to call in 911 calls on my burner cell about people in my neighborhood needing swat to see how the police react. Wanna see my collection of vhs tapes of the footage?
VHS tapes? Are you also still running Windows 95?
My hobbies? Oh, the usual, pulling wings off butterflies, strangling small furry animals, and most exciting, selling extended car warranties!
I collect freshly harvested pelvic bones from the city morg. You know those unwanted homeless of society.
"I write about psychology. The current one is on cults. Couldn't find a cult practicing pedophilia, so I had to start one. Just putting the finishing touches on it- the paper that is; I intend to continue with the kids."
i strip washing machines of copper. the tough part is now i have 17 washingmachines minus the copper in my backyard that i dont know what to do with
Taxidermy. I like to mix animals together to make my own unique zoo.
" I collect mug shots of rapists, ya wanna see 'em? "
Come on dude I asked you to remove my photo, it was one time
Pulls out phone and takes a selfie....
(As per a coworker of mine):
What kind of lotion do you use? Your soft skin would make some great furniture.
(My answer):
I like to take my time in bed. I am a very slow and gentle lover…I have yet to wake a woman up during sex…
Sorting out my earwax collection from creamiest to hairiest.
thought everyone did that
My only hobby is ghosting people
“I’m so glad you asked! There’s an exciting program I’m involved in, and it’s totally not multi-level marketing! How do you purchase things, by the way, and did you ever look at your friends and wonder if you’re missing a valuable opportunity to realize revenue through them?”
Compulsive masturbation to the point I am not able to have sex.
I work at the centers for disease control with sexually transmitted diseases.... The safety there isn't what it should be but the people are pretty nice.... We all had a get together the other day to share stories and valtrex coupons.
I'm REALLY into scat play and furries
I am the dungeon master for a semi regular D&D campaign how are you at role play and would you like to try playing a cleric?
Collecting eyeballs from people who ask me about my hobbies.
Good to know in case I’m ever one of your patients
That's reserved for the coworkers 🤣, the patients can keep their eyeballs.
So does that mean that whomever punched the straw on your cup has had to learn braille?
Damn, someone did their homework! What are you, a PI?
Not yet, I'm still biding my time. And trying to figure out who it was.
It’s always wise to cyberstalk your dates before you meet them 😙
I like to collect people's used bandaids. 😬
i collect fly wings
Human taxidermy
I’ve been getting into taxidermy lately. It’s amazing how lifelike you can make dead things look!
“My sixth wife really loved this restaurant, maybe I should call her”.
(Ghostbusters line) I collect spores, molds, and fungus.
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28d
I was going to have the player sing a cover of Weird Al's "White and Nerdy", but your entry works at least as well. :)
I like to call missing child posters, demand ransom, and once I get the money, I disappear faster than those kids did.
Would you like to see my collection of children’s shoes?
"I help blind kids at the orphanage. And I mean that as a verb, not an adjective"
I collect human vomit.
Instant conversation killer
I like to make egg salad...
And then I put it up my ass.
Had me in the first half, lost me in the second 😅
I like to collect underwear. Not mine, other people's. I spend my days off hanging out at laundromats hoping to grab some dirty undies. But I'm not particular. men's, women's children's, as long as they're dirty.
I make realistic women suits. What kind of lotion do you like?
Wanna see my glass jar of morning eye goop I’ve be collecting since I was 10?
"Oh, you know, the usual. Reading Mein Kampf, plotting the ascension of the master race, and I've been getting really into Crypto Currency lately"
I also am the jack off champion in my circle of friends.
Stamp collecting
i have not showered in 8 months
What are the odds that BOTH of us are serial Killers?
...well i tell ya what...my LEAST favorite part of my hobbies is cleaning the blood off the clown suit...
“I hide the bodies”
Collecting the little buttons from between the boobies on bras.
I run a podcast about how difficult it is to be an alpha male in today's woke world
"Just standing there. MENACINGLY!"
I do animal fellatio on Only Fans
Well I'm not a nazi, I just like the uniforms. Those guys dressed sharp don't you think?
Want to see my toenail collection?
“I like going to blood banks. I… like blood.” licks lips
I like to document the drying duration of paint samples that my mum orders for me
I collect toenail clippings. I have two full mayonnaise jars. Yours will complete jar three.
I’m into. Fecal art
So when I like to relax I pull out a video from last date. She had no idea I was taping us. And if I want to get crazy, your into b&d right? Anyways.....
I got inspired by fight club and have a hobby of selling human made soaps
Organ trafficking. Skin is $10 per square inch... You have very lovely eyes by the way... They're worth a good $1,000...
I collect boogers and eat them
I'll go with my buddies best one : "I like boobs... I find them... Soothing..."
(Delivered with a thick Russian accent)
I can't wait to show my collection of Intestinal Parasites.
Long walks, in the woods, at night, the shovel is just in case I find some mushrooms
Reading 📚
Tell him honestly that You are not compatible and would not make a good couple, but be complimentary, friendly, say nice things and offer to pay the check. Perhaps, his friend could be, Your next best friend/soulmate?
Id say ,"Well one of my favorite things to do is go to furry conventions. My fursona is a furry dolphin with legs and an anatomically correct penis. I made it myself."
I love the Duke Blue Devils (UNC Tar Heel fan here)
" what do you think of the color red?" I thought the bridesmaids dresses coukd be red and your groomsmen can wear red ties too. How about some of those cute cocktail weinies at the reception"
I dabble in cannibalism from time to time.
licks lips suggestively
I’m a stamp collector. Then proceed to stamp hard on her foot. Another one for the collection!
Yo mama has been a long time hobby of mine but don't tell her. 😅
"I got to the gym to film fat people then post it online". If they still want to see you after that.....run.
That can backfire. See Seinfeld when George told this girl he didn't want to see again that he was a porn star, and it made her more interested.
Anal dilation. My goal is to entirely wear out the ok leather Cheerio until it hangs like a rubber hose on a hot July day…
Port-a-potty scavenging. People drop loads of treasure down there. Smell my watch.
knowing abour warhammer or magic the gathering is good otherwise talk about chess or catan as if its med school
caressing a dinner knife
"You look like just my type. Do you bleed easily?"
I collect stifling perfumes that remind me of my grandparents
Hookers & Videogames
"I really don't see how that's any of your business."
Have you heard of crypto?
Can I taste your nuts
Incest and keeping the family going
Booger art. I usually outsource the boogers by looking under restaurant tables. Can you peek under this one and check for fresh supplies?
DIY Flesh covered books
Professional hot carl giver.
Real first date. He says he has land one state over where he vacations every year with friends. Cool, I love the outdoors! You guys hunt, fish, hike? No. They hunt for Bigfoot (calls them "ground apes.") Dead serious. Rest of the date is him telling me all about it. No second date.
I collect cats. I have 10 of them but I want at least 30.
Hobbies? I like Dating Sims.
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28d
"I program computers." (It worked in real life, unintentionally)
It's a bit more than a hobby, but I do spend time on truth and transparency. I like to audit post offices and welfare offices, I know they are hiding something, just waiting for them to slip up. When I get out of work, I watch SciManDan to debunk his heliocentric views, the earth is flat, and one day I will prove it! Oh on our second date, I'll bring my homemade replica of what the flat earth may look like, as we will never see it because of the dome.
I organize pro-life conventions
I collect the skulls of little girls... And put em on my wall! I WANT YOUR SKULLL I NEED YOUR SKULL !
Why haven’t you left yet? If the dates that bad just leave.
Drinking
Taxidermy!
Going to an abbitiour yo get hot dogs
Not trying to gate keep or anything, I'm genuinely curious. Is the word you want "abatoir", meaning a butchery, or place of killing?
I take candid pictures. I brought a portfolio of the best shots I have of you over the last month.
I paint little plastic toy soldiers. I have a lot of them and they will be everywhere.
I like watching Dexter and collecting slides. Wanna see my knife collection?
Brushing and styling Mother's hair.
She's gonna love you!
Taxidermy
“It was nice meeting you.”
Leave
“Collecting farts in a jar.”
Just talk about conspiracies. Woman hate men who like conspiracies theories lol
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28d
So, what's your mother look like?
You look like a size 16. Can you help me move a couch?