35m single no kids everyone I know family/friends has kids i am the only one left. And happy about it. Gets annoying every time someone says one of those.
Comeback to “when are you having kids?” Or “it’s your turn”
I have a T-shirt that says "I have met your kids, I prefer your dog"!
OH MY GOD IM DYING 💀 THATS SO GOOD AND SO OFFENSIVE OMG WWWWWW
"Hell nah, I'm good."
"Why have mine when I can borrow yours?"
"Like hell!"
"Stop telling me to have sex, it's getting weird."
That last one. That's the one. Chef's kiss
It really is the perfect answer.
Especially if it's shouted in their faces.
Nobody would ask me to begin with, people know I live a strange life, adventure and entrepreneurship keep me busy
But on the off chance id say
“I’m not a normal person so I’m not suitable for a normal life”
“my destiny is a strange one”
“my projects are my babies”
“sorry I’m too busy with the main quest to start a side quest”
"did you really just ask me when I next plan on getting creampied?"
No, I KNOW how to use birth control, thanks.
"Are you going to pay for them?"
Yeah imagine being in your position…and also a woman haha I’m 33 and since I was like 27, the expectation is out of control and I 100% don’t even want children, like ever 😩😂 you tell people you don’t want them and without fail, they immediately try to convince you that you don’t feel the way you…feel lol it is so bizarre that people feel so entitled to have an opinion on this subject when it is regarding someone else’s choices 😂 like whattt?!
Literally in the last year, I finally got the courage to start responding with “this is not your business.” I won’t even address it or get into it with anyone anymore. I decided at some point that I am literally not obligated to explain myself to a single person beside my life partner ha everyone else can freaking zip it.
As a woman, my favorite response that I read was, "Why are you so interested in if I get creampied or not?"
Woah lmao throw ‘em off with the old shock-and-awe 😂 love it
Depending on how open or shocking you want to be, you could also go with the "I really do prefer and stick with anal"
I’m almost 40, so I’ve been dealing with this for nearly 15 years. What I’ve found most effective is looking the person directly in the eyes and saying, “I’m barren. Thanks for bringing it up.” Telling someone that their question is inappropriate does nothing, but showing them how inappropriate it is gets results. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not or if you’ve undergone surgical sterilization like I have. The eye contact and the word “barren” gets results. There is a moment of intense awkwardness, and then they will never bring it up again.
Unless you meet those stubborn granny that tch and insist "doctors are lying, i'm sure thus herbal remedy /crystals/ essential oils /MLM supplements will get your fertility back! *
Lie.
"That'd be difficult considering I no longer have a uterus."
They're already sticking their nose where it doesn't belong, so I have zero problem lying to them.
Good for you 👏🏻 I’m glad that’s worked for you. I don’t care much about informing them that they’re being inappropriate, they already know and I’m kind of a “live and let live” type of girl and if that’s how they want to live, who am I to try to reform an idiot? I choose to just be direct about it because whether they choose to respect the now-explicitly-clear boundary I’ve just laid for them or not, I have shut it down and I’m so blunt about it, it actually is surprisingly effective. But because I’ve specifically indicated “I am not talking about this with you”, anything they say beyond that is now technically harassment and, let me tell you, bringing that to their attention takes care of whatever my direct approach did not.
I love your response to others ignoring your boundaries. I’m taking notes.
I had a bilateral salpinectomy, and it finally made them all shut the eff up when I would look them right in the eyes and say, "I'm sterile, but thanks for asking about my reproductive status." Let the embarrassment begin!
If you want to be a smartass, an answer could be along the lines of "if it can get to my womb from my stomach, the baby can survive."
Yeah being a smartass never worked for people that have such a high sense of self-entitlement so I just started being more direct ha
Did you know that a pregnancy after the age of 35 is called a geriatric pregnancy? As if it isn’t difficult enough having your body taken over by a fetus- the doctors call you old. They need a different term that isn’t as in your face at a time when the body is being flooded by hormones.
I did know that yes, and though I don’t plan on ever being a pregnant patient, I’m still offended 😂 it was very obviously not a woman who coined the term for that condition. Like wtf?
I’m 55 now. Never wanted kids. I couldn’t even count how many people questioned that decision. I would turn right around and question them why they did want kids. It honestly confounded most people. Like seriously, people don’t put any thought into having kids. Even into my mid 40s I had people reassuring me that there was still time. And I’d be like I don’t need the time! I already decided decades ago! Wtf?!
Omgggg yes! The one I get the most is “oh you’ll change your mind.” Like, the entitlement is beyond me lol and seriously the older I get, the more open I am in saying “I love that I can go grab dinner at 9:30pm if I want because I don’t have to worry about hungry kids. I love that I have financial freedom due in large part to my not having kids. I love that I’m not accountable for anyone beside me. There is no way I would be okay with subjecting a child to the bullshit we have going on in the world, thank goodness I….dont have kids.” I used to worry about offending people that did have kids but like….when has anyone worried about offending the people who choose not to have offspring out of selfishness? Not often ha. I feel such conviction about my decision and I finally feel like that’s okay.
Exactly! Like wtf is wrong with you that you want to bring a child into this mess of a world? When they would say I’d change my mind if be like oh did you change your mind and regret having your kids? I mean if changing one’s mind over something this serious is done so easily then did they?
😩 you just spoon fed me my next comeback, I’m dead 😂💀
So are you telling that you know all about changing your mind over something like this? Give them a piercing look.
Hahahaha that is everything 😩😂 ohhhh dear god, thank you for that 🙌🏻
The worst is "but what if someone else (husband) wants you to have them? You'll cave then, right?" My ex used to respond to that with "then he can have them. With someone else. I'm poly."
Yeah that pisses me off as if the expectation is that my husband would have the final say 😂 like you’d have to be out of your damn mind to actually present that to me as a counterpoint. My grandmother used that one on me most frequently and I finally gave her the time of day and said “if I am with a partner that wants children and that is the make-or-break of my relationship, then that person is simply not a match for me. And guess what?” And she goes “what?!” And I said “that would be totally fine with me. Onto the next!” and walked out of the room 😂 that was 8 months ago and she hasn’t brought up the topic since ha
I remember deliberately drinking alcohol at all family gatherings to ensure there was no speculation.
That pulls at my heart strings, the silent burdens we bear ❤️
This only works as a gay man.
"Not sure, but we keep trying."
With enough Plaps anything is possible
"How is this any of your business?"
Stony silence with "the look"
User deleted comment
29d
"When you chose to have sex on top of the Thanksgiving yams."
"It was just my way of saying thanks."
"Grandma said to bring my favorite gravy."
Grandma said MY gravy is her favorite.
Answer: When the Supreme Court of the United States killed Roe v Wade….
Too triggered sounding
Oh, we’ve had a few. They’re all adopted now.
I'm not allowed within 500 feet of children
I just laugh like what they said is a punch line and say "Oh that's a good one" [chuckle again]
"omg you're never going to believe this but they have birth control now"
Love this!
Alright bend over and let’s get started
🤣😂🤣
I am unable to have children. Why? Because the condom keeps getting in the way
Sorry. Your kids are birth control, for me.
When the family curse has been broken…
I have a good one for “It’s your turn” Next time someone has an er visit or if you are at a funeral, tell them the same thing.
I have white carpet.
"We stopped trying after the 5th miscarriage"
Watch the colour drain from their face, then say "and that's why you keep your opinions about people having kids to yourself"
Excellent!
I offer to fulfill my duty as a woman by getting myself knocked up by a random guy guaranteed to neglect the kid and not pay child support. Suddenly they decide my life is the better alternative. I also ask if they’ll take the kid if I don’t like parenting
"Sorry, I like anal to much."
"You gonna watch them when we need a date night?"
My godmother definitely would 😅 so, unfortunately this clap back won’t work
Shut up unless you're offering to be the mother.
Really got the family to stop asking.
"So when are you gonna have some kids?"
"Do the ones in my freezer count?"
You saw that story headline too?
What’s the one thing you know they hate. Describe all of that in the person you’re holding out for. Talk about how you haven’t been able to find the one that satisfies your kinks. Then every time you see them bring it up before they ask you. Send random text about some crazy fucked up shit. Won’t take long they’ll never ask you again. Pinky promise. Good luck op
“I keep checking the hospitals, haven’t found the one yet.”
Omg
Start saying the same thing at funerals. "Your next"
Tell them you’re infertile and watch them squirm.
Never. I got sterilized.
When are you going to die?
Say “no thanks” and laugh
Never. I am never having kids. Your line ends with me.
It's immoral to reproduce.
I do it every night. Want to see?
Never and no
A million have come before me and none shall come after, sorry my win at life is your personal disaster.
When the condoms bursts?
I'd rather not be a parent than have your parenting skills.
I keep creampieing her (getting creampied) but it's not happening.
Why the fuck do I wanna bring kids around you or the rest of the family?
"I did. When I was 15. We kept it on the DL, but, my P.E. teacher had to take time off from school, and then she put the baby up for adoption and I never got to meet them cos I had to change schools, and there was this BIG scandal and... Oh. TMI? Sorry."
Oh no, I’d have to be some kind of drooling idiot to want kids.
- stare straight at them.
If the person asking is your parent or grandparent, you may want to modify this a bit...
“Well, yeah. It worked out for you, and you won the lottery. What are the chances of that happening again? No thanks.”
Yeah, that's good...that'll work...
Oh, I didn’t know we were taking turns like it’s a board game…. Al Pacino just had another child last year at the age of 82… I’m not even half way to that, so I figure I still have plenty of time… plus it gives me motivation to get my pay up and stay physical and in shape
I'm too busy being awesome.
Ask your mom
At a funeral “you’re next”
I'll stand pat, thank you.
No thanks, I already ate
"I don't even have a boyfriend. What am I supposed to do, get pregnant by parthenogenesis?"
I mean either give them an honest answer, or just idk
"I'll get right on that." Then ignore them and carry on. Repeat as needed.
Basically, just 100% agree with them so there is nothing for them to leverage into more conversation on the topic. Blatantly lie.
This is the equivalent of not feeding the trolls with a side of "I don't give a crap about your opinion."
I don’t want kids stop asking me
NSFW: “look this is an odd way to ask when I’m going to go get some D and swallow it. I’m getting enough protein I’m fine”
It's a baby, not a watermelon
Neighbor asked long ago when I was having kids. I said, well I just had vasectomy so probably not anytime soon.
Not interested
I'm a woman- say I'm a man or vice versa
How embarrassing for you that you said that aloud!
Why are you so interested in my ejaculation? Why are you making such a fuss about where my penis goes?
Is this your way of asking me out?
(Why are you so interested in my uterus? - won’t work for you)
Crotch goblins just aren’t in my future. Want kids, go have more yourself.
I guess misery loves company.
My curse will die with me. But I am curious as to why you would wish such devastation on the world? Whispers Have you been sent from R'yleh?
I'm not hungry. Thanks though.
When are you going to mind your own business?
I can’t - I’m like a Barbie/Action Man down there.
The world has enough assholes in it.
I've got kids they're either on the curtains or in a sock somewhere
Tell them you're infertile and if you can get through the awkwardness, it will never be mentioned again.
I keeps try'n they keeps die'n
"Just cause you lost your freedom doesn't mean I have to"
“I’m quite happy living parasite free at the moment, thanks…”
Begin sobbing and run away.
I started saying “I wasn’t blessed”.
I’ve seen what a disaster your parenting skills are and think it’d be cruel
Sleeping in on weekends is highly recommended. I also prefer to have money and enjoy life.
Haha cool
"No thanks, it seems like you have that covered."
Burst into tears. Start shouting 'why are you so horrible to me? '. Make sure everyone heard then run off shouting. Later, deny ever having even met them that day.
When I become overwhelmed with my free time.
My turn to take a vacation and afford a maid. Or some affluent sounding thing.
I can barely afford to take care of myself. What makes you think I can take care of a kid?
"I'm saving myself for Jesus - you know the guy that didn't have children and was the 'perfect example', he's hanging in your bathroom, y'all try to see him on Sundays, Jesus. Ya know? JESUS?"
UNO REVERSE their entire be fruitful and multiple stance...
I won’t procreate for you. I’ve seen the work you’ve done with your clan and thought nope.
"We can't get pregnant the way we do it."
“Why are you so obsessed with my sex life? It’s a bit weird, don’t you think?”
"When the overseer declares I'm in season."
No thanks, you're making it look real hard.
"If you're gonna stick your nose between my legs every time we meet, they really should keep you on a leash"
When are you going to mind your own business
I told my ultra conservative uncle in law that "I can't bear the thought of bringing any more white people into the world." The look on his face was priceless
Just turn it around. Be all polite and curious and ask. "Tell me ... Is it embarrassing when you say something so completely inappropriate? I'm just curious. Do you find people avoid talking to you? Or sometimes they all stop talking when you enter a room? Do you think your mother is embarrassed that people wonder why she never taught you how to behave in public?"
When I’m good and ready.
I just shut it down with something to the effect of "What a rude and ignorant thing to say" and move on
I refuse to be clever or delicate about it, it is a shitty question so I will not leave them with doubt that they crossed a line.
Edit additional I had an elder woman with 20/20 vision in my life say "but your great with kids, it's a shame you don't want any" I responded with "and you have amazing eyesight, sure was a waste you didn't become a sniper"
“I can’t, thanks for reminding me”. It’s what I say to people.
We've had seven miscarriages but hey thanks for your concern.
A few people have asked when my girlfriend and I are having kids. I respond with "she's miscarried four times".
My usual go to. Is hey, when you passing on? Your turns coming up.
"When are you having kids?"
You mean, like, for dinner? Do you have a recipe?
Just smile and don't worry about it. They're just jealous. And they want you to suffer like them. I say this as a parent.
Why you up in my kool aid? Walk in my house, look in my fridge and ask where the kool aid.
Wait till you seem then at the next funeral and say: “it’s your turn next.” See how they like it.
We've been trying unsuccessfully for years, but thanks for bringing up a subject that causes us so much hurt.
I am more likely to accidentally eat a baby than to have one on purpose.
You can always pull the uno reverse by saying "It's your turn" to them at funerals.
"I've tried, but I keep eating them."
Look super upset, tear up, hid your face, and quickly move away.
People should not be making comments like this at all. It is rude as hell.
I have two boys in my pants 🍒
I truthfully explained that I'm infertile. And then they respond with, "why don't you adopt?"
“Not since the miscarriage a year ago but thanks for reminding me”
People shut up reaaalll quick if you suggest this
I'm a horrible person, and I know enough to not subject someone else to that.
I think I would simply say “ I don’t know “ If they ask why don’t you know ? Say I don’t know .
They will eventually stop asking
We're not sure but we've been wondering when you're going to fall and break a hip?
My local government doesn't allow livestock... And then see how long it takes them to figure out "goat offspring"
It's my turn to wave at the opportunity to have kids as it sails by. Complete with a very enthusiastic wave.
Never because I don't like kids. Does that answer your question??
“I know I wanted kids, but I took a test for some familiar genetic issues and was warned not to have children. But you are so, so lucky!” Moist eyes if you can manage it.
I'm planning on having grandchildren while skipping over the part of having children myself.
My bloodline ends with me
You plan on taking care of them? - this is my go to because seriously who is going to take care of these kids I should have that I don’t want?
And Landers had the best comeback.
She said you should look them in the eye and say, "I can't believe you would ask such a personal question"
Hah! Are YOU paying for college then? Since you're so eager? Or anything at all? No? Hush.
“I’m cooking a 10yo for dinner.”
"When are you having kids?"
"When are you gonna break a hip?"
I celebrate all the ones I've lost on June 9th. My turn didn't work out so well.
“After she gets pregnant.” Enough ambiguity to shut them up, because it doesn’t say you’re not trying, but there could be medical reasons and it’s none of their business to ask.
When are you gonna stop being so pushy, Karen?
Tell them you knocked up a hooker, and you’ll be bringing her to the next gathering
“The subject is not open for discussion” More direct: CLOSED SUBJECT
There are more than enough people in the world.
It all depends on how much of a smart ass you are and how much you actually give a f#$k about what comes out of your mouth and how people feel about it. If it wasn't someone close and I wasn't close to my response would be I can't find a fertile woman for the life of me, can I borrow yours?
“Why? Does it bother you that I have more money and free time than you?”
"I agree that having kids is the most rewarding experience a human can have. I am choosing to forgo that experience. So I am making the most unselfish choice I can make by denying myself the most rewarding experience available."
My favorite was always, "what if I told you I can't have kids?" said with a very serious expression. You aren't lying, you're implying. Because it's none of anyone's business, and this question both lays that fact bare, while also showing how fucking rude it is to ask questions like that.
I haven’t received approval from the 80 year old men in Congress yet.
Last time I had a kid I got put on the register.
When are you going to lose weight? Answer a crappy question involving your body with an escalating one about theirs.
Make sure you use a volume that is not yelling, but loud enough for people nearby to hear.
“Please stop trying to talk to me about my sexual activity. Its making me very uncomfortable. Whether or not I use birth control isn’t any of your business.”
Walk away without a word. Those comments are too ignorant to even acknowledge.
If you want to be unnecessarily kind, reply “never.”
Oh, I'm just waiting for X to die so I can have theirs.
“Well, I’ve had a few scares, but luckily all of those women were fine with abortion.”
"Are you buying me a house?"
"You are giving me your house. Thank you."
My ex used to tell people she likes to swallow too much.
(Horrible medical or physical thing to genitals ) and now I can't have kids.
I told my brother-in-law, "when we decide too". I was tired of my husband's family asking when we were going to have kids. It took a year and a half for me to get pregnant with our daughter. Our son was our happy accident 6 years later.
Sorry, I'm more of an Uncle kinda guy
Depends really , mental health runs pretty rampant in my family (both sides) I have some bad issues and don't want to bring another life into this world who mat have to deal with them as well.
Pissed my mother off as I am her only kid to make grand babies. I eventually told her oh well , only grand babies she will have are any animals I rescue or have.
Talk to them about how Reagan ruined the economy for decades and that they (the person asking you) is why you aren't having kids. Regardless of your desire or lack there of, turning the question into an accusation will get them to not ask again. Make sure to push the point after its become uncomfortable.
I've seen this work just so many times. Its perfect, airtight even.
Some people use this as an icebreaker to get the conversation rolling, being insensitive to the situation. Other people are just busy bodies, keeping a mental scorecard on everyone they know...kids? Check etc...
I'm infertile now due to several miscarriages.
"Oh so you're gonna pay for it and babysit while I'm at work?"
"Nope. That would be stupid FOR ME, & I try to avoid doing stupid things."
The 'for me' is to shut down their attempt to guilt you with outrage.
“Pass”
“What do you mean? Did you forget about <insert made up kids name here>? “
My freezer is full right now
I saw your kids and wanted to go in another direction