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Exactly. If I clean one corner of my depression nest then we've moved mountains that day.
Amen
It is so okay. Big hugs.
I am so sorry. They’re wrong. Rest is a non-negotiable part of life and you, like everyone else, are allowed to take the rest you need. Wishing you the best.
I'm sorry. Your body is doing the best it can to take care of you. Give it the rest it needs! Most people are caught in a workaholic nightmare, and are angry when others appear not to conform. It must be a character defect, they assume. I moved far away from my family. I am just now starting to feel acceptance about my anger and lack of communication with them, after five years of living far away from them all. I feel better than I ever thought possible. I'm living a life that makes sense to me, finally. I choose how I use my free time, goddammit!! I need to in order to survive or ... gasp ... maybe even thrive.
(((Hugs)))
You are not lazy. You are a human being that is taking time for yourself because YOU DESERVE it!! Fuck what other people say!! I’m proud of you for taking time for yourself
I'm so sick of hearing people say lazy too. I'm not lazy, I am unwell.
It's not laziness if you get severely stressed over it. Remember to be aware of self-gaslighting and shut it down. In your mind, reject their opinions outright and dethrone them from any influential mental placements.
You're not lazy. Consider the battles you face....it takes hard work to keep going. Rest
...also, hugs...if you have a super fluffy and warm blanket, wrap it around your shoulders like a cape, and cuddle into a warm bed...I think it kinda feels like a hug
Work time = I work hard for my employer
Family time = I spend time engaging family even if I have other things to do.
Me time = I do whatever the heck I want - I lie in bed all day if that's what I want. I couldn't care less what others say or if they disapprove, because this is ME time.
Amen
You never have to do anything again if you don't want to. It's enough that you exist.
i'm sorry, but this is not true, unfortunately... existing means also providing for yourself. with trauma, this is extra hard, but still everyone needs to find a way to pay the bills, get food, clothes, etc. when you are lying in bed for the rest of your life, someone else has to do all this for you. unless you have a rich family who are willing to do that, you can not just check out forever.
you have to find a way to cover this basics, than you can decide to spend your free time in bed and do nothing, or find ways to heal in your own time, it's nobodys business anymore than yours how you spend your time.
You're right. To stay alive, you have to do things. I guess I just meant in a broader sense even perpetuating oneself (staying alive) is something you don't have to do unless you want to.
I dunno, I personally thought it was good advice. Obviously you’re not advocating for rotting in bed with depression forever and ever. But I suspect a lot of us feel the need to do too much and be too much. For everyone else. Rarely for ourselves. My trauma keeps me worrying too much about making sure I’m useful and helpful and needed and that my presence is enjoyable or entertaining and never a burden. A spiritual mentor once told me that purely my presence and existence was enough and is cherished. And that was such a calming thought to someone who never felt deserving to exist or fit in.
i agree with that. when i was young, i felt so much tension always, and the need to be productive, because i knew i didn't have a savety net. i always had the feeling i couldn't afford to feel relaxed, or take my time for recovering from stress or illness. never had anybody to calm me, show me how to do things more efficiently and spare my energy, i wasted ridiculous amounts of time and energy, for nothing.
Sometimes disability is needed to do that. I can’t cover the basics on my own. I was nearly homeless because of my lack of ability to function before disability. It’s not possible for some of us.
true. we are lucky to have this possibility also.
I think he means that all you can do something is just exsist. It’s where I am at the moment
Thanks for this. Self care is important, and some days we just need to be lazy. but staying in bed for the rest of.your life is not good. Not even if you have the money.
I'm not saying that you must be a high achiever, but isolating away forever is really bad.
Find a healthy middle.
(((Big bear hugs)))
Absolutely okay.
And, in case it's helpful.... I have got a "nothing day" list. I keep it on my fridge b/c I always need morning tea. It lists the 5 things I have to do, before I let myself off the hook from the day without guilt/shame OR any thoughts of me being lazy (as much as my emotions allow).
And, if I have made it downstairs to feed my cat (which MUST happen, my cat sees to it) but don't have the spoons to make chai, then I know I'm beyond any list and need to go back to bed. It's a sick day by any measures.
My current five are: 1) have a glass of water, 2) change at least one item of clothing, 3) walk/garden/BE outside for 15 min (no phone) , 4) herbal support and 5) journal 3 pages (this last one doesn't always happen tbh).
(it's a long story, but I call it my "pants list" b/c I got this idea from Sohla El-Waylly <3)
My current five are: 1) have a glass of water, 2) change at least one item of clothing, 3) walk/garden/BE outside for 15 min (no phone) , 4) herbal support and 5) journal 3 pages (this last one doesn't always happen tbh).
I love the idea, although for me even those 5 would be a too big stretch.
I could probably go with just 3 points 1) have a glass of water, 2) change at least two items of clothing, 3) Take some vitamins
With optional stretch goal 4) Go outside for at least 1 min. (Usually turns into more anyway, but it seems less challenging)..
Yeah, these five can sometimes be a stretch! Vitamins and brushing my teeth aren't on there, cuz I can have weird sensation issues with each. Outside is easier for me because I'm lucky to have outdoor living spaces, so it's more sit on my rocking chair and sip chai (which on good days is great... on hard days, ugh).
I get having weird sensation issues! I get them too. There's for example many types of clothing I can't wear because I hate the feeling of them on my skin.
I'm happy for you that you've such easy access to outdoor living spaces. In that situation it would be on my list too! It's one of my dreams to have easy outdoor access like that sometime :-)
Rereading your list I'm now wondering if I can make such a short, easy and comforting list that first comforts me and then has a small chance to propel me out of endless freeze and into action. I'm getting so tired of being frozen, and getting started is often the biggest hurdle. Maybe something like "Do a small task for 30 seconds." It might help as the mental blockades against starting anything in life is immense for me. Something deep inside has entirely given up on almost everything.
“Pants list” is brilliant. I call it my “bare maximum.”
I just learnt the phrase "bare maximum" this weekend!! I'm totally going to incorporate it into my life.
I really like this idea and am going to try implementing it , thank you for sharing. <3
And, in case it's helpful.... I have got a "nothing day" list. I keep it on my fridge b/c I always need morning tea. It lists the 5 things I have to do, before I let myself off the hook from the day without guilt/shame OR any thoughts of me being lazy (as much as my emotions allow).
Great idea!
This is good idea...my only really need is to feed myself...but I often neglect this part...I've been trying to find easy to make foods and keeping them on hand for days like this
It better be cos same.
Yeah I do the same shit you’re good
It is always ok to rest. Sending internet support, virtual friend 💖
Absolutely.
Bed days.
No one to deal with. No this or that to navigate.
Essential.
I love it so much I'm needing to learn when it tips over from self care to utter isolation and a mind so negatively noisy that I'm triggered without even needing to open my eyes.
You have utter permission to be kind to yourself! May your bed day bring the peace you need 💐
May your bed day bring the peace you need
I want to embroider that on a pillow
It's totally okay.
But you might feel better if you went for a walk, time-of-day and weather-permitting, of course.
Yes take the time for yourself ❤️
Oh I do it often. Life is exhausting. End stage capitalism is exhausting. And even more so cPTSD is exhausting. Take care of your body and your mind as much as you need to, and that includes adequate rest and treating burnout.
Absolutely. I got to the point that I was so beyond tired of constantly pushing myself. I decided I was going to get in bed and not move until I was damn good and ready, I didn't care if my whole life fell apart. It kinda did and it was really hard but things are so much better now and I'm glad those things fell apart. That was a few years ago and I still have to prioritize rest more than most but I'm so much more functional than I was
Sometimes things need to die back and decay before new growth emerges. It’s a painful but often necessary process.
Absolutely. I think the universe pushes us into our beds when our inner selves/soul needs our attention and energy more than the outside world does. The trick is to spend your time in bed being kind and loving to yourself and focusing on your healing work, not berating and shaming yourself and spiraling into your fears of the future and ruminating on the past.
Absolutely!
Not to mention it's winter. The universe wants us to stay in bed, capitalism wants us to get up and fucking do things
I had said something nearly identical in another comment and I wish more people acknowledged this. The amount of guilt I hear from friends & family because they just can’t get going after the holidays. Uhhhh maybe we’re not supposed to. I’m pagan and recognize this as mid winter (at least on winter solstice) and not the new year. So not even any of the resolutions stuff resonates with me. It’s a quiet time to reflect and rest. Maybe we wouldn’t be having such a bad outbreak of covid, rsv & flu if we all stayed home a bit more during this time and did less.
Yes. Do Less! Another slogan I want to embroider on a pillow.
I am so grateful that work is slow right now, I'm staying home and crafting a lot, listening to audiobooks, cuddling with the cat.
My friends are all okay with slowing down a bit. Date time has often been cuddles and naps, and it's just lovely. I know I'll venture out again come spring, but right now I'm hibernating, and it's glorious
Exactly. We can emerge when the flowers do.
We all need days like that. Perfectly ok to lay in bed and do nothing.
Not only it's OK, you don't *really* need our validation or anyone's permission.
Your life, your bed, your day, your schedule, your consequences, your rules.
You do you.
:-)
Just try not to beat yourself too much - surely you have enough people around doing that for you, and chances are it's anything but helpful am I right?
Also, let’s be real. For many of us, this is mid winter. A time to hibernate and rest and restore. I celebrate and embrace it knowing that by springtime I’ll naturally feel more energized and will still take days of rest when needed. Proud of you for caring for yourself.
Just existing is okay. Just make sure to eat something and hydrate ❤️
I do that about twice a month. Just can’t handle the world those days and that’s ok.
Absolutely! Self-care is so important. I gather books, snacks, and plan for a cozy day.
Me too! I build a literal nest out of blankets and pillows. Big bottle of water nearby, maybe some 🍃
I’m proud of you for pushing through the day!! Don’t beat yourself up for surviving ❤️ be thankful for those warm sheets a lot of people don’t have that.
Totally fine, that's nothing to feel ashamed about, you do you, x.
It’s totally ok to take a break. And it’s totally ok to rest and what have you.
We do what we have to in order to survive. Today for me that looks like camping out under a heated blanket while watching movies to distract my mind and snuggling with my pups. It's ok, we're not lazy. We're coping in the only way we can right now. Hugs to you
Look at Spoon Theory. It explains it very well. I tend to have forks when I need spoons and end up in bed too. All the hugs.
Bed Rotting is literally a trend on tiktok right now, enjoy it, fuck being productive. It's winter, hibernate like a bear and sleep as much as you can. No Apologies.
A day is necessary. I call them my mental health days. More than one.... not so good.
it absolutely is. Your body needs a lot of rest. Why? Because our nervous system is constantly on “work” mode, “fight, flight, freeze, dawn” mode that it needs a whole day, week, months, years to rest. do what your body needs. your body feels this way because it’s doing it’s best job to protect you🖤
fawn**
Idk but same. I can't even move
Hugs
We all have super computers in our heads that have to sort out our traumatic experiences and as we all know this takes an immense amount of time and personal resources.
This is constantly happening in all our daily interactions in life. Self care helps us to slow down and focus on ourselves. Again an immense task that you in fact are doing no matter where or when. We can all attest to how draining a task this is. We all approach it from our own personal point of view as to what works for us.
IMO self care is our full time job, we are always working towards a goal of homeostasis in ourselves mind and body. There is no lazy, a label others or ourselves put on the idea that we "should understand this state". We are always working in a direction on a path.
"just" laying in bed really is a time when you silence the world, slowing down life, giving that massive hardworking CPU of a brain time to process. The goal if anything would be to try and do this with love and guilt free, to optimise this time. I implore everyone including myself to give yourselves a huge hug and realize you are the hardest working person in your life, for your life. Please believe this balls to bone, my friends and don't let anyone minimise or label YOUR experience. You are the CEO of you, be kind to yourselves for you are the best CEO of your company. Then acknowledged all your achievements and reward yourself.
Health and healing to all, you are my heroes.
It's totally okay! It's basically all I've been doing for 2 years 😅 I'm slowly getting more energy, but I'm still utterly exhausted lol. Big hugs to you!
As someone on their healing journey who finds themselves having more energy now- trust me it’s okay. You’re not lazy. All those days I spent laying in bed I thought I was wasting the day, but you need to rest. It’s hard for others to see because it’s not physical, but at the end of the day no one just sits around for the sake of it. Everyone enjoys having energy and getting outside when they can. Nobody likes being exhausted and not being able to do the things you want to. Laziness is really a myth ❤️
Someone said to me once that people with Complex PTSD were children who scraped their knee. When they scraped it, your parent was supposed to come comfort you and fix it. Instead, they either never showed up or they were abusive. As adults, we are still sitting here with that scraped knee. I was able to start healing when I decided to be the adult who showed up and made it better for me. Some days the adult in me knows the child is me needs to stay in bed, be held while they cry, and feel safe for a moment. Take your time on bad days. Don't make yourself feel guilty about "shoulds". If you had a kid who was feeling the way you are, what would you do? How would you treat them? Then remember that you deserve to be loved and cared for the same way. Do not beat yourself up for taking time when you need it. You wouldn't let anyone beat up your kids or friends for the same reason right? You're worth it babe don't forget it. 😘
My parents call it lazy but I call it "non functional" because that's what it is.
I know me, and lazy is not a thing I am. I want to do things, and when I can manage it lots of stuff gets done, but sometimes it's like all my systems boot down and refuse to function. Like at all, very basic functions stop working. It is not a fun thing to experience.
It's like when you're very sick with flu or something. Brain-organ is sick, needs to lay in bed and rest so it can recover.
Folks understand that drinking too much alcohol can stress a liver, but act like the brain is made of magic instead of organic matter.
Don't neglect your health though.
My love. I am so sorry you are going through this. But unfortunately, from experience, I've learned that the longer you do nothing, the harder it gets to start doing anything. So do what you can, push yourself, every day. It will suck. But nothing worth doing is easy. Work your spirit like a muscle you're trying to build- slowly, steadily, and a little bit more at a time when you can handle it. But don't sell yourself short - you can do things, especially hard things. Even if some days all you can do is make your bed and maybe brush your teeth. Aim to do those things and then also shower and dress yourself the next day. Then work up to dressing yourself every day and cleaning something small. Find little victories in these things. Life will get better. I promise you.
Good reads: Choice Theory by William Glassier 12 Rules For Life by Jordan Peterson (read this even if you don't like him. I didn't like him, but this book has great information)
I also highly recommend the 2 Be Better podcast, on YouTube or wherever. They do relationship/self improvement stuff, and teach extreme accountability. This isn't to say you're not accountable - they just teach it in such a way that really puts you into the right mindset to feel in control of your life & happiness. Start from the beginning, it'll probably change your life like it did for me. They just give you the tools and teach you exactly how to fix your shit. And to be fair I got out of an 8 year long abusive relationship 2 years ago, and over the last year listening to them my whole life is changed. New job, new apartment, new healthy relationship (which is a first for me) and new communication skills. Best of luck.
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It is ok to stay in bed as long as you want and need
If you have to for a day, probably fine. But really it shouldn’t be a habit. My therapist advised not to as laying down too much only increases depressive symptoms. At least sit on the couch all day instead.
Every now and then that's fine. Rest and rejuvenate and get ready to tackle the next day with a positive mindset!
Yes, it’s ok! And please watch something you enjoy while you’re resting if you feel up to it. I like cartoons like Redwall, or the Princess and the Goblin. Brambly Hedge, David the Gnome. All have gentle music and gentle themes.
Totally okay. Here's a book tip too https://www.npr.org/2021/09/24/1039676445/laziness-does-not-exist-devon-price
I've only read the intro so far, but I've already found it helpful
I do this all the time. Do what you need to do. Life is tough
Occasionally yes. But try not to make a habit out of it.
Oh, its more than absolutely OK. Cuddle in and REST. Get that comfort show on or your favourite game and fill your cup, get some treats too. Make it a deliberate, intentional event. You deserve rest!
I don't worry about it if I do it for a few days in a row. At some point I go and do stuff anyway but it's very important to listen to myself when I need to rest.
thanks for making this post. lately i thought i was the only one
I think it’s definitely okay, you just don’t want to make a habit of it. I totally get it though, some days I have to just lay on the couch all day and do nothing because my brain and body just aren’t having it that day.
It is absolutely okay to listen to your body and mind and do whatever you need in the moment.
The urge is real and understandable
This is my daily life. It’s the cause of so many arguments between myself and husband and I. It’s an awful feeling but it’s impossible to do anything else
I hope this message finds you well and in bed or at least comfy on a couch, doing nothing or something you like. It's okay to take care of yourself, even if that something is nothing.
Sure is man, sometimes it just pays to do nothing rather than going through motions, then getting triggered, then you wished you had done nothing.
Honestly staying and laying in bed isn't doing nothing to me. That seems like you are getting some much needed rest. Also I often times stay and lay in bed to just go and deal with a lot of my emotions when they get to be too much and that helps me function the rest of the time.
It's okay
I feel like this is all I can manage these days. I am always so tired. This life really is too much
Have you had your iron and b12 checked? Aside from other things I get low on those. I get treated and I feel better. Feel better🙂
It is okay. Sending love. Take care of yourself. DM me if you need to talk.
My mind was blown last year when I realized rather than beating myself up for those days, I’m going to enjoy them and not be self loathing about it.
This newfound compassion for myself actually made me need less of them. I had the rest actually be restful rather than full of beating myself up distress. Then I felt like I got what I needed a lot faster (less days in bed) than before.
Now sometimes it’s just bed mornings and by noon I’m ready to do something even if I’m still low energy. I’ll sit at a desk and craft or sew on the couch but not stay in bed all day as much.
There’s no shame in it, enjoy it and give yourself the rest your body is craving. See if doing so without self loathing helps 💙 it did for me.
Disclaimer *Trauma therapy, going no contact with abusive family and lots of reading is what sparked the self compassion 😂 it wasn’t just some switch that I easily flipped on one day.
Yeah, it's fine. If you look at wild animals like lions they do this all day when they are satiated and not hungry. You need to recharge, it's impossible to be active 24/7. Biologically speaking, as long as you can meet your basic survival needs then nothing wrong with that. And there is nothing wrong with laziness in and of itself - when you are smart about it, it's called efficiency :).
Hey, every day is a victory. It doesn't matter how you spent it.
I'm doing the same except on the sofa
Absolutely but only if you don’t guilt yourself about it, keep resting this day will pass and it gets better 🤍
Yes. 👍🏻
Its def ok. Our brains need time to form new connections. It doesn't happen overnight.
Yes please do rest yourself for however long you need to! Yesterday I pretty much slept all day and started doing things at about 4pm and it was exactly what I needed! Get rest when your body tells you that you need it!
Yes it’s more than okay literally I’m so mentally exhausted and the only slight peace and recharge is being on my phone in my room and I literally just got shamed for that by my father and I’m literally reissuing the itch to punch this man in the teeth right now (legally a joke)
Yes. I just did.
Perfectly acceptable!! After everything we have been through and some of us still going through it we deserve to nothing as much as we want!!
I’m doing it right now! It’s okay
It is ok. And if you never felt safe enough to do that when you were a child, you might not feel like it’s safe to do so now. But assuming you are in a safe place, it is more than okay, it can be restorative rest for your nervous system.
If that’s what you need of course it is. As long as your kids are safe and looked after, if you have any.
Focus on small daily improvement, tomorrow is a new day and make it your objective just to get out of bed, you got this! 🫡
It's okay to lay in bed and do nothing. I hope you can regain some of your energy from resting 💜
I call them my low energy days 😊 I need to re charge.
It's ok, sometimes we need to take a mental health day where if you're able to, just relax, make a cup of coffee or tea, watch something laying in bed, make low effort meals and just chill, sometimes for us after what we've been through daily life is a lot more taxing and exhausting and it takes more to recharge those batteries and truly rest, you deserve to rest.
It's ok.. it's wintertime..if you've been coping for yrs without stopping to heal or regroup..it explains the exhaustion. I was recently diagnosed and had no idea for years, i thought i was really depressed- no energy even if i slept alot. I was traumatized stuck in shut down/ freeze and had no idea. When your in survival mode you eventually can burn out- adrenal fatigue is also common. It happens..your not lazy, your body is tired. Be kind to yourself. Walk in the sunshine, eat as healthy as you can, pick the people around you who are kind. It is takes time to heal.
I really like this illustration; https://youtube.com/shorts/wOt2cFPQpV0?si=sp_cTFwpsdgedi0T
Also you can check some nice music here.. https://youtu.be/xsfyb1pStdw?si=7eqzZk0EJB3nd7i3
Sending love🫶
Absolutely, personally it’s how I reset and actually relax. People say they relax by reading or going outside but my energy is so drained at times I literally don’t have anything in the tank to do that stuff. Doing nothing at all reenergizes me.
Yes it is fine, anyone to say something different needs to get bent. It's like what they say It's ok to just breath for the day if that's all you can do.
It’s absolutely okay. There are days where keeping on breathing is just enough. You kept your body alive. No need to invalidate your effort.
Sometime we're just tired and need to rest. Its as simple as that. When you'll have the energy to do so, you will be able to look at why you reached this point of exhaustion and what you could do so I doesn't happen again. But don't put too much pressure on you.
The priority should be to get back some energy. Try to eat as well as you can too and do very simple things that help you relax (music ? shower ?) as soon as you can.
Oh, and you're not "lazy". Labelling someone as "lazy" is just a lazy excuse of an explanation. It doesn't explain anything. You are _tired_. Maybe tired of not having proper support and love also. Who knows ? I send you a nice virual hug :)
Please tell me it's ok to break commitments so I can lie in bed all day? I'm burnt out from giving so much of myself but I've said yes to so many things coming up that I need to follow through on 😖
Yes.
And have a hot chocolate, read a good book, or watch a favorite movie, nap, drink enough water. Gentle hugs.
We are human beings, not human doings. Society demands impossible levels of engagement. Give your body and brain the rest it needs and you deserve. I still struggle with resting, but when someone else struggles with it, I try to shut that shit down.
A major chunk of the last three years of my life has been that… I have a job now and everything. Sometimes you need seasons of rest 💙
I've done this, too. It's okay, but not too often. It becomes too easy to stagnate. In the meantime, rest yourself.
It definitely is. Some days you just need to become one with your bed.
It's OK to lie in bed all day and do nothing 💯❣️
I love this so much. Thank you. I am so encouraged.
I encountered this on my road to healing and stuff. Radical acceptance.
Take all the time you need <3 heck take a few days haha
😍😍😍
It is fine. If you feel up to it sunlight from a small walk is huge for the feel good chems in the brain.
It's fine to lie flat. Burnout is an oppressive thing. Engage the world at your own time as much as possible.
It's definitely okay - honor yourself and what you feel like doing. What you feel is valid. Embrace your emotions as an experience and sit with it without doing anything - don't judge it. The more you judge or question, the longer you hold on to it. Emotions are biological, it's not weak to feel emotions or to express them.
Cptsd is an illness. You need rest. It’s okay.
Add some ice cream to the mix why tf not
It’s absolutely ok
I am afraid I will never get out. I am single, blocked myself from most. If I not do it no one will. While it is not perfect I manage work, a dog and am in therapy. Somedays my body feels like an anvil is on head. My T wants me out on compensation. Omg am I afraid after being homeless. How can I possibly not work and continue to have way of being financially stable. I have 18 months to retire at 62. Work is stressful and my psychologist calls it toxic and juvenile. Primary care appointment Zonda and T wants to ask how to make it happen. My stomach turned just writing it. I am totally open to ideas and hope if you have a day in the covers to take good care.
It's okay, babs. Sometimes, waking up is all you can do, and that is okay. You just need a break.
Get up and do something you lazy little peep! 🫣 just joking 🙃 lol 😂 lay away in bed 🛌
YES!!!
When I have vacation from work, I usually spend anywhere from 1 to 3 days like this. It's okay, your body needs this rest, or whatever it is that you gain from it.
But...I will say this....make sure to eat ....please
I tend to struggle to do this and it makes me sick...it really affects my mental state as well, so even if it is crackers, cereal, cheese, whatever...make sure to eat something
It’s absolutely okay! It’s all I did today :)
Comment #143 to reassure you, it's ok. Sometimes that's exactly what we need. Permission to exist and permission to hobbit up. More internet stranger hugs.
I was just feeling this all day today... So glad to know I'm not alone and I realized I would tell you it's ok, so I can work on telling myself it's ok. Cause it is totally ok!
you’re allowed to have feelings, you’re not being lazy. you need to focus on your mental health before anything. praying for you <3
It definitely is okay. Take the time you need. I hope you can get some rest today!
As long as you don't do it every day, it's definitely okay. When I have days like that, I tell myself "as long as I can do one thing, I'll be okay" and that one thing can be.. brushing my teeth after taking a pee.
Hush child
It’s definitely ok. Sometimes just existing is all we can manage.