I didn't realize how much this impacted people till close friends sent their sons off to college. They are thriving on their own but they are out of the nest. It has been hard.

I used to use a daily shampoo from that brand and it was amazing, so I think the money investment will be worth it for me on this.

I have a pixie cut with just straight hair so brushing it through will be possible.

I'm using the last of my dove brand and it's okay when I bleach but not so much if I decide to not do colors that require bleaching.

Thank you so much, this has been very helpful.

I have the same thing happen when I wet but don't wash my hair too. Mine is a short pixie but longer on the top so it just kind of makes a nest on top with sweat 😅

I think pulling it through the ends on the long pieces may be the key here. Someone else mentioned using low heat on the hair dryer to blow it out after the dry shampoo.

My hair color is super high maintenance right now. I love it but dang I forgot that hard water impacts these things so much.

Thank you so much, everyone has been very helpful.

I think we have the same oily spots! This is super great advice thank you so much.

Someone in my Zumba class mentioned dry shampoo before working out, so I think we are onto something here lol. She has different type of hair to me so I didn't really think about it working for me.

We are looking into a water softener for the house, hard water also causes me to have itchy skin so I think the investment is needed.

Really appreciate your help.

Tarkin for sure.

However, OG Thrawn would be a close second, especially if you make a mistake instead of an error lol.

“Do you know the difference between an error and a mistake? Anyone can make an error. But that error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.”― Grand Admiral Thrawn

I don't feel so alone anymore! My neckline in the back will sometimes break out, just at the hair line. It's annoying.

I have hard water and when you have processed hair, it means I need to actually figure out this not washing every day thing hehe.

Aw man, this breaks my heart to read.

I'm going to assume that you help carry the mental load since you didn't mention anything about chores, running the house, or the kids. At least it doesn't sound like when you talk to your wife, that she says this is an issue.

If that isn't the case, maybe it's a case of she put everything into the kids, they were her identify and now she doesn't know who she is. That can be hard to put into words or even embarrassing to say to anyone.

Talk to her again, let her know that you want your partner back, you miss her and you are willing to put the work in. Ask for couples therapy, and make sure it's a sex positive one.

It wouldn't hurt for her to get her hormones checked but that can be sensitive to bring up.

My advice if she doesn't want to work on it is to just go live your life. Find some groups and meet new people, make some new friends. Then get yourself into individual therapy to address yourself, what you want from life and why you stay when you are clearly unhappy.

Sometimes there is no getting back, but it's worth a try.

NTA and I'm so sorry that you have nobody in your life who understand the damage abandonment and neglect can do to anyone, but especially a kid.

Ask them, "why is it so important to forgive people who abandoned and neglected me?".

Honestly OP, I'm really sorry but maybe this is a blessing for you to see her true nature and decide if you want to put up with that. You will likely be ambushed at some point, likely the wedding and expected to put on a happy face. I'm glad your friends have your back. If your fiancée can't have your back, don't marry her. You will be miserable.

I'm estranged from my family as well, I've dumped anyone from my life who tried to say "but they are family" or "they did the best they could" or "you will understand when you're a parent" or any other BS line people love to use when they weren't the ones suffering the abuse.

I hope you've gotten some therapy and if not, please do. It's a lot to process and it can help to have someone there to keep you grounded and validate that you didn't just cut them off, they abandoned you first and you are just keeping to what they wanted.

They only want back in your life now that they don't have to do anything. If they were truly sorry, they would monetarily make up for their abandonment and then leave it up to you if you want a relationship. Without guilt trips.

I'm gonna show this to my therapist lol.

My first session, I was in a very bad place and literally trauma dumped while sobbing. We did our official intake the next session. She let me drive it because she knows I needed it. She adjusted for me and nobody had done that before, it was new to me.

This lady, wow, just proves that people go into these fields when they shouldn't.

So, he started dating you and knew you didn't wear bras but now has an issue with it? This isn't going to work out.

I had a BF like that. Oh he LOVED how I wasn't "like other girls", I was pretty much goth/punk and it was all good till we started to date officially. Then it was small things to change and I thought no big deal, it's just a small thing. WRONG!

That was just the testing ground to see how much of myself he could get me to vanquish. I honestly didn't recognize myself after a few years. It was really tough after I left him because I honestly had no sense of self.

You don't want to wear bras and that's fine, I have sm/med boobs and hate bras, I have some bralettes for when I need one lol.

If he needs to be with someone who wears a bra, then he needs to be honest and go find that person because it's not you.

NTA, don't compromise yourself for anyone.

There was a game that connected to your TV called Socrates, there was a game with words that fell, you typed them in before they went offscreen.

Later it was Mavis Beacon, I will say that is the reason I can type so fast and so accurately lol.

This is partly true. We also had access to the internet, but it wasn't in every facet of our lives. It was the calm before the storm. It felt hopeful.

You discussed salary at 6 months in?!?! People move way too fast these days.

Money makes people into monsters a majority of the time. Don't tell him as it's none of his business.

I had the same and was told it was due to Mr Bubbles by my mom. It was from chronic and repeated sexual abuse.

I don't get them anymore, and yes, I've used Mr. Bubbles.

I still remember being in the quad in school when we got the news of his death. I was always more punk/goth, but grunge was easy as a teen. For many kids I knew who embraced it, it was more about self-expression.

Your hair is my goal!! 😍

So he is a sneaky neighbor on top of that. Oh no! I've had one of those, honestly, it's best to use the system to your advantage. Report to the HOA and stay on them to do something. Work on getting actual footage of the poop in action lol. That felt funny typing out, hope it gives a good chuckle.

I've always known I didn't want kids. Part of it was growing up in an abusive home so I just never wanted to bring a kid into something like that, be like my parents.

In many ways, I'm so glad I stuck to that. I won't lie and say there are never times that I don't wonder what it would have been like but those are fleeting and usually when a friend has a kid lol.

I get to be the fun auntie and I really like that role.

My husband and I have talked about fostering kids who they system is trying to help the parents and kid be reunited after work. I feel like I can understand what they are going through and help them in small ways.

I'm still a few years off from being ready for that. I will make sure my mental health is solid before doing that route though.

I don't want to raise kids, but more just be a positive role model that shows them stability and unconditional love.

My brother, who is gay, fell into a group that was toxic like this. I'm also bi, we grew up in the south, so it wasn't easy. His "friends" convinced him I was abusive and didn't care about him but I was the only one who gave him a place to stay when he needed, money without question.

Their "proof" was I don't call, well it's hard to do that when he changed his number and didn't give it to me. Apparently I was supposed to go all stalker because that's "real love". I had to step back at that point which was tough.

He got into a ring of older men who manipulated and used younger gay men for their selfishness.

My little brother who used to call me mom, and whom I protected as much as I could from our abusive home life, was never the same after that. The hardest thing was to let him go and I didn't even birth him.

My heart is torn for OOP, she seems like a good parent who tries to understand their child.

We can't control our trauma response all the time. I know, I have my own due to CSA. Therapy has helped me be able to control it better, however, if someone I trusted did this when I was unguarded, nope, full on panic for me.

Your safe space should be just that, safe from triggers from loved ones.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. I hope your wife wakes up and starts to back you.

Same, but I thought maybe my past HOAs were more militant lol.

Right!! I don't like German chocolate cake, but I just remove what I don't like or don't eat it.

With an HOA, you should reach out to let them know of the issue. Do you have cameras that are catching the dog and neighbor in the act? If so, include that. Also, keep that for your records.

Motion activated sprinklers and cameras are your best bet here.

Usually I'm a fan of communication but people aren't exactly sane these days. If you feel safe and know this neighbor, then feel free.

Not wrong as all, you said not to touch you and she kept going.

Your wife needs to check herself too, she needs to back her. Ask how she would feel if the roles were reversed and she asked a male friend of yours to not touch her and he just kept doing it. Even without past trauma that would scare anyone, add in past trauma and your response was reasonable and understandable.

Do not beat yourself up over having a scuffle, I would have straight up fought for my life at that point.

This would make me rethink my marriage if my spouse backed someone who kept assaulting me when I said to stop.