Lol nope that's not my boy's issue! He's not stupid enough to think he knows everything.

He does know how to stay alive though. Can't spend his paycheck dead of heatstroke.

Look it's been two days of this shit? Can you just pull your nose out of my ass already?

I knew my older boy had issues with authority so taught him the "game" of keeping his head down to stay employed. Specifically apologized that this was a skill he needed to learn to survive here.

Like everything I taught him, he went one better. Once organized a two week work stoppage in his department for reasons of health and safety, but somehow did it so politely and with no challenge that nobody lost their jobs over it. They all called out "sick" until the heat wave ended because management expected them to work outdoors without water.

Some parents just suck. My dad didn't even hang around when I had surgery. I got to wake up with strangers and sit around the waiting room until he got around to picking me up. Had stitches in my face and was high as a kite.

I asked my little cousin if he wanted to go but he didn't want to walk home from the bus stop that long after his bedtime. So I said maybe we can go next year.

I've got one in general that is also my errands/babysitting bag, because goodness knows how little time between when I find out I'm not sleeping at home and when I gotta leave.

But frankly again, the guy I've been chasing is decades deep into weapons practice, makes his own bullets, and the size difference between us makes one wonder if we're even the same species. If he ever wakes in a rage instead of terror, he could snap my neck with his bare hands before blinking the dream out of his head. If he decides he wants me dead, I can't exactly hide from the best sharp shooter in the city.

And he's actually had enough documented brain trauma to understand that brains are squishy and smacking one has weird side effects. Last time his writing flipped upside down for two weeks.

It's really the opposite of keeping people at arm's length, couldn't get more involved if I tried. Nannying cousins, running important errands for elderly relatives, shopping and caretaking for neighbors, messaging friends to keep in touch, trying to plan date nights.

I just know me, woke up swinging for years and sometimes another adult sets off that reaction before I can wake up enough to recalibrate. And once in a blue moon I think I'm in a life or death struggle again so go for a weak spot.

Frankly the concept of me hurting someone I love badly during a bad episode isn't an unfounded fear. Only kids are totally safe with me, anyone bigger might sometimes set off postal version. It's not rational but I can plan for it and work around it.

It's like fire insurance, a thing you hope you'll never need but better safe then sorry. It's not a statement on the flammability of the neighborhood or the competence of the local fire station, just very basic "just in case."

And it really does depend on the level of health and safety concerns, ya know? Crying and screaming and having a breakdown generally doesn't cause any permanent damage. But if I wake up having flashbacks and do something unlikely but possible, like become a danger to others, then yeah I'd rather everybody I love get far away to safety while I work out my inner demons alone. It's safer for everyone, including me, because if I go through my episode alone I won't have as much to apologize for afterwards.

Sure we all wanna be healthy mammals but some of us are a mess. Luckily being a mess doesn't mean I have no redeeming qualities at all. If the guy I've been courting decides to settle down with me, he might get a good two or three decades with me before dementia claims my mind. And I'd probably insist on the reverse of a go bag, I'd pick out which facility he should dump me at whenever I lose enough marbles that I start acting like my dad.

Seriously, backups are great! I've been nannying since like... Wednesday. Technically I've got two backup adults and a backup teenager if for some reason I feel myself failing on the job. Think the only time I've needed the backups was when the toddler kicked me in the bad knee, but it sure was nice to put some alcohol between me and the pain and hobble home knowing someone else would finish feeding that kid and putting it to bed while I called the sky swear words out of earshot.

Unfortunately for them, we're mostly old hat at noticing the increasing levels of shittness and just sliding into the next space over without missing a beat. Ask MySpace how that goes lol.

Like banning me from one corner of the internet will stop me from climbing on my soapbox on the next corner and picking up my lecture where I left off. Hah. Just means I'm repeating "letting the red hats do genocide here won't help anybody getting genocided on the opposite side of the planet" on every other corner I wander past.

I got banned from uh... r/lostgeneration I think? For saying basically what you just said.

Due to my family history, you've literally described every relationship I've ever been in. One must trust me to not suddenly snap and replay episodes of childhood.

And of course by trust me I mean as far as is reasonable. The guy I've been courting met both my parents and only ran away in terror for a few years before coming back around.

He knows who I am, what haunts my dreams, and that once in a blue moon I wake up confused and swinging and it might take a few hours before I calm down enough to realize I'm not 9yo trying to defend myself from adults.

And if he needed a go bag to make him feel better about the odds of me smacking my head and waking up as insanely violent as my father, okey dokey sounds like a good plan.

I just, you know, I don't think I'm special or holy or magic or perfect. Just a human, we get brain tumors or injuries or just catch internet brain rot. Go read around where the friends and family of qanon folks support each other, bet none of them was expecting crazy red hat cult when they said "I do" to marriage.

Believing people change and shit happens is smart. And considering how little OOP's husband talks about his own child and how eager he is to miss out on raising it, I don't know that you're defending a rational father of the year who is honestly deeply hurt mommy doesn't trust him. Sounds like an excuse to get out of helping raise the child he helped create.

Whenever my kids insisted on doing a chore in a way I wouldn't but that would get the same result anyhow, I had to leave the room. Same with anytime they were learning a new skill really. I'd explain it a few times and let them try on their own while I went around the corner.

I can't watch someone struggle with shoe tying or whatever, my hands want to take over the task. So I just didn't look.

Lol should see how I twitch when people count each square on Monopoly. My mother made me learn and use her counting methods for speedier games. Railroad to the corner is 5, so 8 might go 1 6 7 8. Never made my kids learn that, just looked at the ceiling while they counted every space.

I'm nannying for cousins while their mom is out of town. Way too overjoyed whenever the two older trans ones act like typical happy young people. Their next door neighbors are nosey loud bigots so they can't even enjoy the front yard without harassment.

The 14yo came out of the cave of teenage mysteries long enough to get pizza and have a conversation about the wild turkey somewhere nearby! Poor kid is being homeschooled because the harassment at public school involved scissors in her face. They took a chunk of her hair.

If it's for wildfires or whatever, he'd steal some of my clothes from the laundry. And if he's grabbing the bag and running from me, good? Like presumably there's a good reason he's running away right? I'm a human the same as any other, and if I get a brain tumor that gives me a sudden worrying obsession with unsafely playing with his gun collection or whatever, it's good he'd get himself and any kids involved to safety while I'm losing marbles in the rearview mirror.

I really do believe in hope for the best plan for the worst. My bag also contains an umbrella, snacks, drinks, bandaids, a book, a change of clothes, notebook and pen, two glasses cleaning clothes, etc etc. And I gotta carry it up a hill daily, it's not even in the trunk of a car.

I accidentally found my all time favorite author on Quora and turns out she writes for the same reasons as the author of Little Women. She has bills to pay and that morality fluff crap sells well.

Ugh so my diabetic cousin isn't as scary awful as this guy but he's certainly done and said things that indicate he should've spent more time in a cell than he has.

The extended family, including his ex, has an unspoken agreement to not call the cops on him, but only because the cops can't be trusted to lock him up without killing him with medical neglect. And none of us want to be responsible for explaining to his toddler the aftermath of death by diabetic ketoacidosis on a jailhouse floor.

Last time I should've called the cops on him, I called his mother and told on him!

Lol knowing him the bag lives in his vehicle, possibly a second in his closet, and it's less of a "secret" and more that I'm secure enough to not worry about peeking into every little corner of his life. I know who he is, an Eagle Scout, prepared for all manner of unlikely situations.

And knowing him, I'd be in the passenger seat happy that he'd planned ahead for "just in case." And saying something idiotic like "oh that's where those clothes went! I thought the washer ate them!"

There's a saying I use, good for everything. "Hope for the best, plan for the worst." I'm watching cousins in a nice safe neighborhood yet my usual overnight/errands bag contains two weapons, one of which was given to me by the kids' grandmother.

Am I expecting to have to draw blood to protect anybody? Nope. But if survival of children is the plan, I'd do what I gotta, ya know?

My favorite auntie partly raised two of the worst humans I've ever known and also one of my favorite humans ever. She's the best "mom" I've ever had.

In fairness to her "success rate" we're all descendants of a murderer and I think most of us inherited psychopath genes.

Nature vs nurture is wild. You ever known a toddler who understood lying and advanced deceit tactics? Because my 4yo cousin eventually admitted that he deliberately dumped a cup of milk on his lap to get out of drinking it this morning. The clever little shit.

Literally just finished reading about the guy who pushed for kids for years before going full violent Looney Tunes after the kids were born.

Currently nannying three kids whose daddy fell in a booze bottle and decided to live down there.

Not everyone is a saint. Humans are scarily fallible. The guy I've been courting the past few years is exactly the kinda Eagle Scout who probably has a go bag already, and if I ever manage to get a ring on him I hope he keeps up the habit. Because who knows, brain tumors happen, wildfires happen, it's less about trust than understanding the unpredictable nature of reality.

I trust humans to act like humans. And one of the things human fathers sometimes do is act in unpredictable ways that may endanger those around them.

So if it was me, I'd be glad the mother of my child plans to keep my child safe no matter what the situation. Yes even if she's prepping for the unlikely, like a brain tumor or unresolved childhood trauma making the dad a danger.

Nobody gets mad at the guy with a spare tire and car jack, claiming he doesn't trust his tires? Boy Scouts get praised for being prepared for any situation. But a mom should be ready for only what daddy isn't sensitive about?

Feels like I had a cheat code for the answer. Nannying for cousins, woke up to a 4yo clicking toys together like an hour ago. So far it's been all snotty nose, early stages of trying out deliberate lying, and I'm pretty sure he was messing with my glasses while I was asleep. The teenager has been all attitude and sass. Love these kids but we'll all be glad when their mom comes back!

Can't imagine how anyone who doesn't love kids can put up with them.

There's so many things where I'd like to go backwards in tech. Pretty sure my mom's kitchen timer wasn't digital, didn't use electricity or batteries, but worked better than all the beeping things in my kitchen.

Keep seeing tech meant for places that don't have power and wishing I could use it. Like that big slowly flapping ceiling panel that runs on a weight and gravity... Obviously science isn't my best subject, but it clearly works better than the pile of cheap broken plastic electric fans I pulled out of storage recently.

Seriously, why even make household goods out of plastic and designed so delicate they break the first time your kid knocks them over? Not even sure I can take them apart and try to repair them because of how the plastic parts clip together.

I had to scroll all the way back up to confirm they've got a child together. My thinking is kinda old fashioned, was raised on old books, so ditching your young child and the mother of your child because she put some stuff in a bag and put the bag in a closet sounds totally insane to me.

It's gotta be an excuse right? Like he's been wanting to leave but didn't have anything socially appropriate to point at for a reason. I don't see anything about the kid beyond the intro and the reference to mommy blogs, so guessing he's not loving being a dad and wants to get away from the terrible twos.

I raised two stepsons who looked about like that when I met them. Now that they're grown I'm a nanny for cousins, who also look about like that.

Currently on day 2 of their mom going out of town for a week. I took like 7 buses today because the preschool is on the opposite side of the city. Pay is the family "what you can afford" rate, so like $20 a day.

I'm so exhausted, haven't had time to turn my computer on in days, ran errands for elderly auntie three times this week already, and have been doing so much cleaning that the skin on my hands keeps pulling apart. My dad thinks I'm the laziest most useless waste of resources ever.

And you can keep jumping around screeching at me but it seems like a really boring hobby.