I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA29329323

Me 25M grew up with parents 48F and 52M who had an open marriage it sort of messed me up and my parents wants to know why I had not spoken to them in almost four years.

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Previous BoRU posted by u/-bonita_applebum**

TRIGGER WARNING:

While this was posted before, it has never been posted with the final update

Original Post  July 31, 2021

I found out when I was around 12 that my parents liked to play around if you can call it that I did not get until I was around 14 what that really meant.

Anyways I kept my mouth shut and focused on myself and moved out when I was 18 and we have barely spoken since.

I ended up becoming very insecure I struggeled when it came to dating and girls and was alone for most of my teens, mom and dad was this perfect couple that was well liked by everyone.

All I can remember is how alone I felt during that time and was too afraid to speak to my parents about how I had it, they were always smiling and seemed to have the perfect marriage while they saw other people while I felt alone and miserable.

They used to go on weekend trips and was alone for many weekends and they rarely brought me along for vacations and I ended up being on my own when they did as well.

I struggle with depression and started seeing a therapist and are on antidepresseants right now, I just felt like I did not matter to my parents at all and see no real reason for why I should talk to them now.

I have not celebrated christmas with them or not been at home since I was 19 because I honestly have nothing but bad memories from living with them I just felt like I was in the way.

Not sure what I should do here my emotions are all over the place I don't think they know I struggle with depression.

Update Aug 4, 2021

I tried posting this earlier but yeah some other things have also happened so wanted to add that as well.

I dedided to write a letter but ended with me using that letter as reference to what I wanted to say to them instead.

I wrote the letter and actually just planned to drop in in their mailbox and just let them read it.

But honestly after so many years I needed to have the conversation with them so I did.

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So I went home and surprise surprise dad and mom had a friend over, the woman who I ran into a few days ago let's call her Claire.

They were just sitting in the living room just talking I asked Claire politely to leave because I need to speak to my parents she said sure and she left, my parents understood I had something discuss and they did not argue.

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Apperantly they were talking about me and Claire actually came over because she was worried about me after I basiclly ignored her the other day when I ran into her.

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I sat down with my parents had the letter I had written and they understood I had a lot to say.

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The whole thing was weird I sounded like a prosecutor trying to convince a jury of all my parents wrongdoings, it ended up being 40 minute indictment of my parents.

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I went through all of it how alone I felt, me struggeling with depression, me seeing a therapist, on anti depresseants, me feeling since I was 11 that was always in the way, that I never mattered to them and that other people were always more important.

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How Claire who was 25 the same age I am now when she started hanging around with you actually gave more of a damn than you did.

How you (dad) yelled at me when I messed up the settings on the dishwasher while you were away,      I was 11 and did not know how it worked and that I offered to wash them by hand which I did.

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I was bullied in school and was socially ackward, had no friends and was always alone both at school and at home.

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I was 11 and had to deal with being alone on the weekends even christmas was weird and ackward I remember seeing families light christmas trees in our street seeing parents and their kids.

But you guys went to your christmas get togethers and only on christmas day were you home and I honestly felt alone then as well.

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I have no such memories or felt any belonging whatsoever and now you keep asking me why I have barely spoken to you for four years ?

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I don't know you and you never bothered to get to know me, other people were always more important.

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When I found out and understood what you guys were into, I was even more mad why was that more important than me ??

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How is it fair that you are happy and I am alone and miserable, it's not fair because you did this to me.

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I have spent my childhood alone, my teens alone and now my twenties alone so far I never had a girlfriend because I struggle to trust people and have no idea how to get close to people.

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You shared a picture of me on FB one of the few of us together from when I was a kid, saw Claire and your other GF comment on it how cute I was and what a great family we were.

Notice anything on those pictures ? I never smiled.

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Why did you even have me to begin with clearly I was just a prop for you to show off to let others know what great parents you were, your FB profiles makes me sick to honest.

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Dad wanted to say something and mom just looked stunned and she had tears, I just got up and left and that was that.

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I never yelled or called them any names I was surprisingly calm I honestly felt numb walking out but also a lot lighter.

I left my sparekey to their place and just walked back to my place.

Mom has been texting and tried callin  me I think they are both struggeling on what to say to me, I just demanded they remove the pictures of me from their FB which they did.

They do not get to pretend to the world like they were great parents anymore I refuse to be a prop.

So that's the update still gonna continue with my therapists or may need to find a new one. 

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 - rareddit  Oct 11, 2021

Just wanted to give an update and thank you for all the comments, I decided to switch therapists and the new one is better than my old one.

Still dealing with anxiety and feel very lonely sometimes, but trying to get through the day.

Had a long talk with mom who actually decided to stop by my place, she and I talked for almost three hours.

I decided not to berate her and instead just being honest and explain how my life has been and how I am dealing with a bunch of things.

It was as honest as it could get with me basiclly just sharing how I was doing, mom did not realize how bad it was and she just gave me a hug I don't know why but that helped, she was not sure what to say about everything and I don't really blame her.

She said come home for awhile especially at christmas you don't have to sit in your apartment alone, told her I would think about it.

Mom looks like she finally realized that I had been in pain for quite some time and her recognizing that is I guess what I really wanted like she finally got it.

So yeah progress I guess still not sure what the future holds, still feel very apathethic and my anxiety can get the best of me sometimes and have had days I feel very low like nothing matters anymore.

But I guess it's a step in the right direction

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