Me (34F) and my husband (37M) live in a house with our 3 kids. We also live with my husband's mom who caretakes for my husband's friends daughter (3F) Her mom said that she had a traning for 2 weeks in april and its been more than that amount. She texted me that for her new job she needed his mom to take care of her daughter and we agreed for the 2 week time period and we agreed that for 2 weeks she could drop her daughter off at our house. My daughter (12F) is also very annoyed because she keeps getting bothered by her and asks for her skincare and stuff. Also my brother came (35M) and he is renovating the room where he will be staying for two months and her daughter has asthma so she will get very sick if she stays for any longer. We are starting to go more places for the summer and my husbands mom wants to go too but she can't because she has to watch her daughter. Me and my husband finally made the decision to give her two weeks to find somewhere else, and she got mad and then just blocked me and its making me feel like ITAH and her daughter is so sweet so we felt bad making this decision.
AITAH for telling my husbands friend that she can't use our house as a daycare anymore?
I suppose you meant friends rather than "fiends," even though it weirdly worked. Thanks for the laugh! 😂
All I can think of is the husbands friend being like a scooby doo villain now and I’m lmao. “I would have gotten away with it too! If it wasn’t for those meddling kids!” 😂😂
I did, but I absolutely can’t change it now!
You can edit your comments on Reddit fyi. Just click the three little dots (they're grouped together and to the right, under your comment) for the options.
Thanks - I do know this, I chose not to edit because the typo was sparking commentary of its own :-)
I get it. I didn't even entertain that possibility, sorry! 💐
NTA since she blocked you that ends the whole situation. NC means OP’s house is off limits too. Don’t get to disrespect me then think you can drop your kid off. Doing a favor for a short period is one thing but tricking OP’s MIL into being a full time babysitter. It wouldn’t be bad but it’s in OP’s home, it’s disrupting her kids and their lives. Looks like DH’s friend needs to make other arrangements and DH needs to be the one to tell her.
Also think of the liability.
Yeah, just think if something happens to the child and your insurance doesn't cover it because they were running an unlicensed daycare in the home that wasn't covered. Then, the mother sues them, reports them as unlicensed, etc. They could be in a world of trouble.
Two more weeks? Heck no. Turn her away at the door and You should send her an invoice for the two weeks she dropped off her kid.
Your MIL has every right to say no but it seems like her feeling aren’t even being taken into account.
To be a licensed in home daycare takes certifications and insurance. It's one thing to help people out for a short time but doing it long term takes a lot of money and time invested. Being a SAHM I have helped people out before bt this is so much and mom isn't certified or covered in case there is an issue.
And the homeowner will get sued if something happens, not the MIL
Poor MIL!
NTA it was two weeks it’s been longer than that. She’s now taking advantage of the generosity offered.
Right!? '2 weeks in April' and it's already more than 2 weeks into May!!
Exactly! It's understandable to help out for a short period, but it's not fair for her to overstay her welcome. NTA for setting boundaries.
NTA. She was taking advantage of your MIL, and it sounds like she was only interested in being “friends” in order to get what she wanted. The situation was not sustainable nor fair to everyone else. She needs to take responsibility for her daughter, and you may want to consider it a good thing the “friendship” ran its course.
Nta. And if your husband doesn't drop that leech you have a hubby problem.
What? Why did you copy the above comment?? Are you a bot??
So she blocked you and thinks she can still drop off her kid…? Next workday meet her at the door and tell her sorry but MIL’s services are no longer available. NTA
MIL should go to her house to babysit if this arrangement is to continue.
Who’s house is it? I got the vibe they lived with his mom
No. She said the mum was visiting and is now stuck with the friend's daughter but wishes to go home.
No, MIL lives with them. She wants to go on outings OP does with her kids, but can't because she's watching the friend's kid.
This is really the only answer, IF mil even want to baby sit.
Exactly
That’s not OP’s job. The MIL can tell the mother herself. If she is lucid enough to care for a young child, she’s lucid enough to handle her own business.
It's OP that doesn't want the child there anymore
“Me and my husband finally made the decision to give her two weeks to find somewhere else”
It’s not just her. And, regardless, it’s the MIL’s job. She should be the one to speak to the mother. At the very least, the husband should since the woman is, supposedly, his friend. It’s tiring for me to hear women take things on in the household that they really aren’t responsible for but yet they get the backlash. Women need to stop trying to manage everything and let other people in the house step up.
The new neighbours next door both got early starting jobs so I said I’d help out for a week until they sorted day care. They would drop her around about 6am every morning and I would give her breakfast and walk her up to school with my kids. All of a sudden they came to say they’d organised day care so once I’d drop the oldest at school, I was expected to drive the youngest to his new nursery. (which I’d recommended!) Then they all wanted picking up and staying with me until 5pm when the parents got back. She started talking about it as a permanent agreement. Her daughter was hard work and younger than my kids so they struggled to get ready when she was around constantly bothering them. I shut that down hard! It was a short term situation. I NEVER said it would be permanent and I was not going to get paid for anything, even the fuel to and from nursery. Give an inch and some people will take the whole bloody rope! Nope! Absolutely NTA - at all!!!!
How did your neighbours react? Did they feel ashamed or embarrassed they suddenly saw you as their own resource?
You give them a little help and they take liberties. It's like they feel entitled.
NTA. The entitlement is real!
You & grandma were very generous but she is now taking advantage of everyone.
She’s just mad she can’t abuse you any longer
The Husband’s friend is NO Friend!!! Anyone in their Right Mind would have said No Problem and Thank You so much for letting me stay here this long! What an Entitled B*#%€…you definitely don’t need some one like her in your personal space any longer.
NTA
I don't think the friend is living with them...
NTA you do what you need to do. She was taking advantage of you
NTA read your post and pretend it's about someone else. You didn't do anything unkind or bad. You just wamt your life back and you deserve that.
NTA. And if she dumps the kid on your doorstep, call the police and CPS.
NTA But if she needed daycare for training for a new job then what did you think she would do for childcare when she got the job? I don’t blame y’all for being upset but that is one of those things you should see coming. I mean if she doesn’t have daycare for the training she probably doesn’t have it for when she has the job!
You could also assume if she just got a new job that she'd need a few weeks to shop for daycares. Most schedule you to come visit first to check it out. Also some have waitlists so it can take a bit of research and time to find one that has open spots and also hours/reputation that suits your needs.
A 3 year old is asking for skincare?
i don’t know that i remember being 3, but i do remember when i was little wanting to get into my mom’s makeup and such. that part really isn’t that crazy, she just wants to do as she sees being done. which is what kids are known for and why you have to watch your language and behavior around them!
eta: NTA of course just pointing out this is a weird and kind of unimportant detail to focus on
My kids loved all my skincare stuff at that age. They'd ask for some any time I used it.
3 year olds are mimics, so they just want what they see someone else has. My kids also wanted Lysol wipes when I'd clean the bathroom because they wanted to do whatever I was doing.
NGL, I loved when the kids I watched would be like "can I help clean?" They loved doing dishes, using Lysol wipes, sweeping, etc.
Yes, her mom is also starting to make her spoiled and buys her anything she wants
If her mom can afford that sort of spending she can afford daycare. Mom needs to make better arrangements, long term. It's not sustainable to interfere with your families lives just so she doesn't have to sort proper care.
Apparently mother and daughter but don’t handle being told NO well.
My aunt did this with my cousin/her only child. She worked like 60-70 hours a week for years. And to make up for leaving her alone she would buy her whatever she wanted. Her good intentions to relieve her own guilt backfired. My cousin has 5 kids and still lives with my aunt.
As she's blocked you that should be an immediate refusal.. And you need to get the rest of your family to agree. Purely on the grounds of health and safety. As if there's a problem and you're the only person who can call her, but you're blocked, that's not acceptable.
I'd get everyone in the family to text from their phones that " 'name of child' is no longer going to be baby sat by any member of the such and such family. Do not drop child off at our home. If you do so and leave, then CPS and the police will be informed and we will ask that they remove the child."
Then she has the money to afford other childcare options.
Why did you give her two extra weeks? Was she that good a friend?
She certainly proved what sort of friend she is.
She just wants to do what she sees the “big girls” doing. That’s not unusual for little girls. The problem is if she has trouble listening to the word “No” after she asks and I sense that’s the real problem here.
Wait… the woman who has her child at your house has blocked you? I’d end the situation that very second.
“I will not have a child at my house if the mother will not speak to me and I can’t get in touch with her.”
Yep - how will she phone her if child has medical emergency and MIL not capable to phone?
NTA - your mil is not a daycare worker and it sounds like she was taking advantage of things
NTA her blocking you must mean she has somewhere for her child to go immediately that’s not in your house. You now know she only keeps you around to use you so let her keep herself and the favours she needs when she tries to unblock you to get another favour. She should not be going in your home ever again. She can meet husband outside your home if he chooses to keep the leechingship
So, about 10 years ago, one of my neighbors asked me to watch her 2 boys after school. So her boys would come home with my daughters. I like helping people out, but she was totally taking advantage of my kindness. It started out for just an hour after school, and then it just slowly started getting longer. I would have things that I needed to do, but I couldn't because I was watching her boys. I was trying to figure out a way to tell her that I couldn't anymore, but English was not her first language and I often had a hard time understanding her. Around this time my brother asked if I could take care of his snake for him for a couple of weeks. Snakes are a lot easier to watch; they don't care if you leave them to run errands.😂 Anyway, one day when she came to get her boys, I had the snake out and I was letting them look at him. The mother was very nervous around it, and I told her I was just snakesitting for 2 weeks. I don't know if she didn't understand me or what, but the boys never came home with my girls again. So, if all else fails, barrow a snake for a week or two. 😜
MIL can go to friend's home to babysit.
Right? What's wrong with her house, is it a meth lab?
Is MIL even being paid? If she is, I imagine it’s much less than what a daycare costs and that’s why the “friend” doesn’t want to give up MIL.
NTA.
Next time she shows up with the kid, dont let her in. Duh. Call the cops for abandonment if she drops her and leaves. Simple really.
This woman is mad and she has a right to be, you sit up for yourself and you will not allow yourself to be taken advantage of anymore, how dare you?(I say all this with sarcasm.)
Keep sticking up for yourself
And make sure husband and MIL are all on same page: everybody needs a backbone here.
Her child is her responsibility and she must seek daycare. People take advantage if you let them.
This is REALLY unclear as to which "her" is which.
No it isn’t.
🙄
NTA, but if she blocked me, I'd tell her that her time is up now. I'll be damned if your child is at my house for the next two weeks and I'm blocked.
NTA
It was agreed on a short term basis. I’m assuming it was also being done for free, as a favour, so she’s got no incentive to look elsewhere for childcare. Providing two weeks notice is very reasonable.
Blocking someone for telling them to make other childcare arrangements (rather than using my MIL at my house) is such an ahole move. Good friends don’t take advantage of you and your family. This friendship isn’t worth saving because who wants a friend that behaves in this way?
DH can push forward with ensuring the friend makes alternative arrangements.
NTA no is a full sentence, doesn’t matter why…
NTA, and I haven’t read past the title.
NTA where is the Father of this child?
A question I’ve asked myself as well.
I have the exact same question.
Definitely NTA. She's absolutely taking advantage of all of you, and once you let her know it can't continue (and are nice enough to give her two weeks notice), she decides to react like an immature, entitled brat. Even if she were to apologize to you, I'd let her know you don't tolerate that kind of behavior from your circle and it's up to her to decide if she wants to remain friends.
Your husband/his mother needs to handle this from now on.
NTA
NTA, but I'm having a really hard time understanding your post. So it's you, your husband, your brother, AND all those kids under his mother's roof? And even with such a crowded house, this woman just dumps her kid on your MIL for free day care. That's absurd.
Good god was that post confusing!
A deal's a deal. And the deal was for 2 weeks. She can block or cuss or crap in her own shorts; the deal is still for two weeks.
That's all, folks.
If the daughter gets dropped off at 7am, have everyone out of the house by 6:30am. Have mom do a grocery shopping trip. Nobody gets home before 8am. If she shows up the next day and you can't say no, do it the next 2 days after that, not coming home before noon. She'll find alternative care after missing 3 half days of work.
NTA. But my goodness, that was a confusing read! All over the place.
NTA she needs to find adequate care for the child
NTA. She asked for two weeks you generously agreed and then she started taking advantage and inconveniencing the whole household. You did nothing wrong. It’s her daughter and her responsibility not anyone else’s
And then had the nerve to get an attitude.
NTA! She’s taking advantage of you and your MIL.
This sounds like something your MIL should be dealing with.
I’m not sure why you were the one holding the bag on this, OP. The woman is your husband’s friend and the one employing your mother-in-law. (You didn’t mention payment but I assume your MIL isn’t babysitting for free.)
Either your husband or your MIL should have been the one to deal with the girl’s mother, not you.
You — I mean “you” plural; all of the adults in your house — and this woman had an agreement and she didn’t live up to it. It’s as simple as that. Don’t feel bad because of her bad behavior.
Unfortunately, some people are just like that. They presume upon their personal connection with you to treat you in ways they would never treat someone in the regular course of business. She wouldn’t tell the clerk at the grocery store or the Uber driver, I’ll pay for my groceries/ride later. No, there’s an agreement in stores and cabs that you pay when the service is rendered and I’m sure she does that. But, because you all know each other, she thinks she can drop the ball and just apologize on the back end, after she’s gotten what she’s wanted.
Personally, I think you were quite generous to give her two weeks notice. But, seriously, OP, make the people in your house do their own dirty work from now on. This was an issue with this woman and your MIL and, to a certain extent, your husband. Don’t put yourself in the line of fire if you don’t have to.
NTA. she blocked you?? well, good to know that she doesn't want to dump her daughter at your place anymore!
Bra. She is so selfish taking advantage of the situation and your mil. If she’s blocked you does that mean she doesn’t need childcare for the next 3 weeks? That’s what I’d take it as. And I’d tell her mother to relay that message that being childish and inconsiderate list her 2 weeks of childcare.
Why do people question whether or not they’re assholes when others are actually - and obviously - at fault? Why? I will never in a million years understand it
OP: your husband’s friend is a straight-up conniving and entitled bitch who tried to pull a fast one on your entire family
She blocked you because you set a boundary. What a joke 🤡
You’ll be better without her in your lives. Have a great summer traveling around!
Because a lot of people, especially women, are raised by their parents to be accommodating and “nice”. Those are fine personality traits but, like everything else in life, they can only be extended so far. Being nice doesn’t mean letting yourself be used as a doormat but some people never learned that part. So, they’re uncomfortable putting their foot down and they don’t like conflict.
So she only wants to be friends if she can use you? That’s ridiculous.
NTA. Yall have been more than generous. That being her reaction shows she's a leach, not a friend.
NTA
That’s not your kid. Say it out loud and to yourself THAT IS NOT YOUR KID. Stop feeling bad
I guess she’s not much of a friend. You have every right to run your household how you want. Let her get mad. Not your problem.
Nope she blocked you call the cops if she abandons the child at your house again.
NTA she’s taking advantage. Not cool.
She's so selfish and self-centered. Your husband should be firm in making decisions. If he still entertains her, you have a husband problem.
NTA but do figure out a way to get in touch with this woman or her husband and let them know that since the time frame you gave them is unacceptable, it is now off the table and they cannot drop the child off at your home.
But where is the baby's daddy?
NTA!!! Good… she blocked you!! 2 weeks is over and done…. She disrespected your mother and your home, end is discussion! She infringed upon you, your daughter and mother!! What did she expect??? Your home, your time…NOT HERS!
People who take advantage of you always get mad when they don't get their way. You gave her a two week limit (which is very generous considering she's already overstayed her welcome), so stick with it. Tell her that if she drops off her daughter after that, you will act accordingly. Then either call social services, the police, or drop her child off at her place of employment. She'll get the hint.
You were giving her time to find another caregiver ..but blocking you that's extreme because she is mad...
If she blocked you then when she shows up to drop the child off next time, tell her sorry I am blocked on messaging; therefore I am blocked completely which means my home is as well!
INFO: I’m not sure I understand? So your MIL lives with your family, offered to babysit/was asked to babysit, agreed to 2 full weeks but it’s been longer than that? How much longer - are you saying she’s been with you since April, were there mitigating circumstances (e.g. went to hospital or something insane), why does your MIL offer/agree to babysit? And, is it a language difference or what do you mean when you say your MIL caretakes? And do you mean MIL babysits each day or that the 3yo has been living with you since April?
I mean, ultimately, I suspect you’re not an asshole because it sounds like the family friend takes advantage but I’m lacking some clarity here or any context regarding why.
NTAH
I mean, she blocked you sooooo....win?
NTA Her reaction means immediate termination of the agreement. I wouldnt let this continue just for a single day more
Omg how entitled are some people. Was she even paying the mum? NTA
INFO: Who's house is it? If it's yours, then absolutely NTA, but if you're living in MILs house, then it wasn't your decision to make and you'd BTA.
My house that i paid off for myself
Wow, you've been super patient. NTA at all!!!
Ok that’s not a “friend”. She blocked you and now expects your husband to cave because “friendship” but I think as soon as she blocked you she lost any kind of privilege at your house. Tell her the offer for extra two weeks is off the table and if she drops her child off you will call the police and child protective services for child abandonment.
Since she blocked you, I would rescind the two week grace period.
She blocked you, nice problem solved, and anyone who would say bad things about you, can go step up right away to take care of the little girl.
You are never TA for setting boundaries and not allowing yourself or your family members to be taken advantage of.
MIL is the one doing the babysitting, right? I guess it boils down to one thing. Do you live with MIL or does MIL live with you? If it is your house. You are totally fine. If it is MIL’s house. Then, it would be MIL’s call.
Once she blocked you, that meant she had to find new arrangements that day. I can't have someone's child in my house when I can't get in touch with them.
NTA. It sounds like the entire matter has been settled. You've been blocked. End of relationship.
When she attempts to drop the child off, don't let the child in the house. If the mother drives off and leaves the child behind, call law enforcement and report an abandoned child. The mother is no longer a "friend" to anyone in the family.
If your MIL still wants to care for the child, MIL can go to the CHILD'S HOME to provide supervision. MIL may live with you, but she no longer has the right to make commitments that negatively affect the rest of the family and especially not when such commitments expose you to financial and legal liabilities. Everyone is "friends and family" until someone is hurt and then that "friend/family" is out for your bankruptcy and ruin.
NTA. She has been taking advantage of the situation.
INFO - whose house is it?
I wouldn't want this woman's child in my house considering she acts like a child herself by blocking you. she's totally taking advantage of the situation and then has the audacity to lash out like you're the wrong one.
I would also be worried about the liability you said she has asthma and this woman seems petty and I wouldn't put it past her to try and blame you or go after you for medical bills. I think you're doing the right thing do not feel bad.
NTA. Be glad they blocked you. They're a freeloader and they were using you for free babysitting instead of paying you or doing the work to find a babysitter.
Good riddance and your husband better have blocked her too and is no longer friends with her or the husband should go too.
She did you a favour, don't sweat it and enjoy your summer!
She’s blocked you so that means looking after her child stops now! You and your MIL were very good to do this for a fortnight but you have been taken advantage of. The saying ‘Give a beggar a horse and he’ll ride it to death’. I bet she didn’t pay your MIL either. No loss for this friend to block you, more of a relief. NTA
NTA. She is taking advantage of you. You were right to shut it down.
NTA. She has exceeded the original agreement. And acted poorly when you have called her out on this is getting to a point where it is now negatively impacting your family particularly your mother-in-law who is doing the caring and now as a result is missing out on other family events. There is a fine line between using the village to help you raise your children and being a burden. She has become a burden.
INFO: whose house is this? You said you’re living with MIL, is it her house?
NTA - She had her two weeks, you have been over generous in giving her two weeks to find another place on top considering she has already gone beyond what was agreed. Then she gets her entitled ass in a knot and blocks you? NC is a good way to be - I just feel sorry for her husband as you know he will be getting it all with her trying to manipulate him to speak to your husband about it.
Jesus this is written so confusingly.
She got mad and blocked the owner of the house. Well that solves your problem. A move like that means that both she, and her child, shouldn't be welcomed in your house, so she doesn't even get the two weeks.
Just tell your husband's mom to relay the message that her and her child are no longer welcome, and because of her childishness, it's effective immediately.
The comments about daycare and licensing doesn’t really apply in most states. Unless you have a certain number of children under your care is not considered a daycare. You are able to babysit a single child in your home as much as you want. The problem here is that you don’t want to and that is perfectly understandable. This woman is clearly taking advantage of your MIL. Ideally, she should’ve been the one to tell her that the gig was up. But with that not happening, it should’ve fallen into your husband. I’m not sure how you got stuck being the “bad guy” here, but in reality you’re not the bad guy. Was she even paying your MIL? Or providing food for her daughter?
The bottom line is you are NTA. You have a right to your own privacy in your own home without having a guest there every day I’m sure your MIL is relieved and thankful. The fact that she blocked, you because you refuse to let her take advantage of you anymore, is even better! Wash your hands of her.
These are the kind of people that you give an inch to and they take all the miles they can get their greedy hands on. She's trying to take advantage of how nice your MIL is and feels entitled, for some bizarre reason, to continue taking advantage and treating her like a doormat with no life of her own. She is not a friend, she's a user. NTA
I think it's really f***** up that when you told her she was no longer allowed to drop her child off at your house that one of the first things she did was block you. Which basically means that she was only using mother-in-law so she would be able to have babysitting no babysitting no communication. That's okay she solved the problem without a bunch of drama don't drop your kid off here thinking that we're supposed to watch her when you said it was only going to be 2 weeks. Don't get an attitude when I call you on your BS.
OP you really gave 2 weeks notice to forced volunteering? Time for a spine installation.
well, her instantly blocking you simply proves your point, and DONT be guilt tripped, she has had no respect for your 2 week agreement. She EXPECTS it to last until SHE decides otherwise. Kick Entitled mommy to the curb... let HER deal with HER own kids !
NTA. She is abusing your generosity. Two weeks is plenty of time for her to make other arrangements. Also stupid of her to block you if her kid is still coming to your home.
NTA your MIL is entitled to a life and this was just meant to be temporary. If she was your friend she would understand and just be grateful, instead she looks like she is just using you guys.
Enough said at April. NTA.
NTA.
Nta
NTA You had an agreement and it needs to be honored. Whether they realize it or not isn't a you problem.
Updateme!
I will message you next time u/beeqa2024 posts in r/AITAH.
Click this link to join 2 others and be messaged. The parent author can delete this post
NTA the friend needs to make alternative childcare arrangements and also pay your MIL for the extra childcare that wasn't agreed.
Updateme!
NTA also, you probably aren’t insured for that anyway
You're not alone in this. Your family's needs come first. 2 weeks turned into longer, impacting your home life and plans. It's okay to set boundaries, even if it's awkward. Sweet kid, but not sustainable. Trust your gut!
I'd be staying home from work to answer the door and inform her that her child can't stay that even for the extended two weeks now and if she tries to leave the child I'll be calling the police for child abandonment.
Not sure if this topic is real but how could anyone think they are the Ah for saying no in this situation?
NTA. You were nice enough to give that friend two whole weeks! Which is extremely generous, since April has come and gone close to three weeks ago and that extension was not agreed upon.
She wants free daycare
NTA.
NTA. You’ve been doing her a favor that had a set time, and that time has passed. You shouldn’t have to put your lives on hold.
NTA.
Challenge her to prove that she actually needed to leave her daughter with you all for all that time. Not provide CLAIMS, but to provide actual PROOF. If she refuses, tell her that you'll call CPS (or the equivalent in your area) so they can investigate the absence in her own daughters life. If she's smart, she'll actually become really apologetic about her behavior and agree that she has been taking you all for granted and that it's reasonable to ask her to find other accommodations so that you all can live your lives.
Also, provide her with a bill for the babysitting services. Don't actually expect her to pay the bill, but presenting her with a bill of how much money was spent taking care of her daughter might help her to realize how much of a favor you all were doing for her, and that she should be thankful rather than resentful.
ETA:
If she tries to drop her daughter off with you again, tell her that you'll immediately call the police to report an abandoned child if she leaves. If she throws a tantrum, tell her to leave the property or you'll call the police to have her arrested for trespassing. Might sound heavy handed, but sometimes it's the route you have to take to get someone to accept that they are not as entitled as they imagine they are. Eventually she'll have to deal with law enforcement and that's when she'll learn that she's been getting away with a LOT that she shouldn't have.
One thing I can't understand: 3 year old asks 12 year old for SKINCARE !?
It should've been your MIL to tell her. Even so, you are not TAH. You should've told her about the renovation and it will affect her daughter's asthma. Also, your family's wanting to go places and cannot due to her toddler and taking her with you is not an option.
There is truly no more useless advice in the world than "shoulda kept their legs closed" when grownups are having a serious discussion about dealing with kid-related problems. It contributes absolutely nothing to the conversation.
Useless sexist advice from nasty people lacking empathy since forever. People are biologically primed to have sex and will do so even when it's unsafe and unwise. They always have and always will. Abstinence-only education doesn't work. Forbidding people from having sex doesn't work. Slut shaming after the fact is even less useful than nothing at all. If you don't have anything helpful to contribute, how about you take your own advice and keep those lips closed.
Also mentioning "breeding irresponsibly" sounds like eugenics dog whistling.
TIL unwanted pregnancies are an American problem and not a global problem that has existed throughout recorded history.
Fuck off, troll.
i fail to see how her sex life has anything to do with this situation. she is just a shitty friend and takes advantage of people, no need to slutshame. especially when we have absolutely no clue about the circumstances in which she became a mother.
Why isn't your MIL handling this herself? She is an adult and has her own mouth. It seems the main problem is that your MIL doesn't want to continue babysitting. She needs to be the one to settle this. I'm honestly not sure why you did.
Aside all of that, why is 12yo in possesion of skincare in the first place (if she doesn't have acne ofc)?!
A 12 year old can't have face cream, face wash or scrubs or anything?
Most of them contain potentially harmful substances for a child. Most skincare products are made for anti-aging and boosting collagen production. Many of them contain retinol, vitamin C serum, exfoliating acids, etc. They have no benefit until at least the mid-20s and only pose potential harm.
I did not consider that maybe OP's kids use only products made for children. I may be overreacting.
But on the other hand, there is a trend where young girls buy skincare products based on what they see on social media, especially TikTok, to fit in. Their parents may not be educated or care enough to explain the potential consequences and stop the process. That is why I reacted.
Also, I don't think children should even have knowledge about skincare. They should just enjoy being kids. This focus on skincare is pushing them towards maturing faster.
Well, “skincare” can be a whole range of things. That doesn’t automatically mean the 12 year old is using the same products a grown woman uses. It could just be a face lotion with sunscreen for protection. Nothing fancy. But, the 3 year old sees a “big girl” using it and wants to use it, too. Little girls look up to girls who are older than they are. That’s seriously one reason why Barbie remains so popular. It’s aspirational for little girls.
Well, as I said later, I didn't consider children products. I just assumed the worst, but later said that that's maybe not the case here and continued about general trend.
SPF should be used, of course.
They do this now. Hordes of kids as young as 9-10 have invaded stores like Sephora and Ulta and are buying really expensive skincare, treating staff like shit, and really fucking up their skin. Seriously you’ve got 12 year olds using retinols.
That was the point of my question! I am aware of the trend, and it is terrifying...
It’s SO disturbing! And I hate to think of how much damage they’re doing to their skin😬...overuse of chemical peels and actives are no joke.
It is a fairly new trend, and since there are so many different, potentially harmful, trends nowadays, I can see how parents haven't caught on.
On the other hand, simply restraining children from using social media would solve a lot of issues like this one. I don't have children, so I may be expecting too much from today's parents. So, for now, we can only try to provide information to those who may stumble upon it or are interested enough.
It sounds like she's obsessed to getting pregnant and having kids. Your wife needs help.
I know the exact post you meant to reply to! And yes, very much.
What I meant to say is that this reminded me of a story I read somewhere a long time ago that this guy had a lot of kids (6+) all because his wife was obsessed with being pregnant. That's why I said what I said.
Oh ok gotcha. Well yesterday there was another post that appeared within a few hours of this one that your comment was bang on for too. So your wisdom extends even farther than you know!
Oh wow idk that about
Get your own home. You’re 34 and living with your mother in law. You are part of the uproar of that home. I suppose the uproar your offspring and you create is just fine.
Your English is terrible.
I'm confused.
Who owns the home? Who is doing the day care?
Whoever that is, it's mostly theor decision to make.
YTA
YTA
Try paragraphs…
are you saying ITA for not using paragraphs?
Perhaps, it could have been your approach that set her off...?
NTA - The original agreement was for two weeks and it has gone beyond that. You still gave her two additional weeks after all this to find a new arrangement.
She did you a favor by blocking you. Make sure your husband also blocks her though because you are a package deal. She doesn’t get to be fiends with him and be crappy to you.