I really appreciate that!

I have some in my butt crack. I do think I might have pilondial cysts as well, but they are not infected, thank goodness. But these boils in my butt crack have been bothering me for a month. It’s such an awkward place because I have to be sure I am keeping the area clean and not trapping any bacteria inside my boils and/or bandaids after using the restroom. I feel at a loss and I am really trying to avoid having to go to the doctor.

I feel that too… trying to reverse generational trauma… And yet, I feel like I am getting rid of some trauma and adding on a different set of traumas. I really don’t want my kids to resent me when they get older.

I appreciate this answer. It’s very healthy.

For me, it’s about stability. Like so many in this subreddit, I had an unstable life, and so when my peace is threatened and I feel unstable, I scramble to maintain the status quo. This CPTSD has gifted me with a mind that processes slowly, and it’s exacerbated when I am anxious. And so I end up making poor decisions that hurts my family in the long run. It’s been very hard. I don’t want to be the loser who ruins his family because of my mental health issues.

She definitely does have some attachment issues. We were high school sweethearts. And unfortunately, she had to take on a motherly role for me in too many ways.

And yeah, I hate rejection.

Thank you. Yes, I do see a therapist. She’s helped me some, but I still have a way to go.

Well, the world won't end, but I have my concerns about what's going on between Ukraine and Russia. I don't think his presidency will bode well for the Ukrainians, unfortunately.

I'm honestly not excited about Biden or Trump 2.0. How is it that the majority don't like these people, and still, these are the people we end up with?

I don't necessarily believe that YATA here. But, full disclosure, I'm an ordained pastor. I think of what I offer my church... My time, my prayers, my devotion. I visit people in the hospital, I marry them, I bury them. I provide spiritual counseling. I deliver what I consider to be the Good News. I set up ministries to help the impoverished... And this is just a small taste of what I do... The church is another thing altogether.

But then there are people out there that think that people like me are grifters, simply looking for more money. I know that many people have had bad experiences with the church, and honestly, too many of them truly are money hungry. But it's not the case for the vast majority of churches. But it really bothers me when people have trouble with others giving to churches because of the minority of churches that make others look bad. I think of all the good I do for people as a pastor, and knowing that my livelihood is based on the generosity of the people I help is an extremely humbling thing.

This 10% your wife wants to contribute is a tithe. It's a concept in the Old Testament, and it teaches that we ought to give 10% of everything we have to the community. This has been a helpful system for many churches, but I don't believe this is what the church ought to do. Christians who give ought to out of the love and generosity of their hearts, not out of obligation. 10% for many people is a good place to start. Many can afford much more. Some can't even afford 1%. But the Lord loves a cheerful giver. Whatever a person can give cheerfully is good enough. It doesn't have to be about sacrifice.

I would say that because you and your wife are one, and you are not religious, then if she'd like to give 10%, then let her give 10%. But that 10% would have to be her 10%, so it would really make it 5%. That sounds like a decent compromise to me.

But you are not the asshole. Far from it. You just have differing priorities.

In short, yes.

That's not to say you don't have good points. If your daughter is old enough to start a family, she's old enough to take care of herself. Your daughter has options. There's plenty of government assistance. There are many charities that will help. But she has to be willing to look for them and do the work to get what she needs. I do think there is a time for tough love, but my firm conviction is that it shouldn't include a possible abortion.

It's concerning that she doesn't know the father of her baby. In my opinion, she should find out who it is so he can step up and help. I do agree that it's unneeded pressure on you.

First, I am so so so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine losing any of my children. I don't think I would handle it well either. I'm guessing that your husband, at some level, probably feels guilty for the accident that caused your daughter's death. From everything you've shared, it's clear to me that he is going through a depression, and is attempting, probably on a subconscious level, to self-isolate. That would explain his pain at the suggestion of counseling, as well as his understanding of the ultimatum you've given him to be a sign of you trying to ditch him. He's becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. He sees everyone he loves leaving him, and so he's (in a strange way) trying to make it happen faster.

I want to say that you should stay in your marriage. Admittedly, I truly, deeply believe in the institution of marriage, and so I'm a bit biased. But I also think you should stand by him. However, I do think that it might do you both some good to give each other a little space for the time being. I don't know what that would look like, but he clearly needs to see that he needs some help, and he doesn't want to hear it from you.

Really, he's being unfair to you. You're hurting too. I'm just so sorry that this is what you are dealing with on top of losing your daughter.

For my part, I decided to focus on myself. I started a prayer journal and have been relatively consistent in my prayer life. I also started eating healthier and exercising. Additionally, I am going to counseling. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety. I had no idea about these things, but it's made a difference to finally know what's happening. Of course, I never stopped doing the things I would normally do in the marriage. I serve my wife in the little and big things. If I need to hire someone to make needed repairs in our house, despite my own hesitancy, I do it. If she wants me to make her some tea when I'm already in bed and ready to go to sleep, I do it. I'm always asking her if there's anything she needs. Even when we were separated, I did these things because I wasn't going to change who I am at my core. I'm also attempting to communicate more, which for me, is harder than it sounds.

On her part, she's being more intentional in expressing gratitude for the things I do for her. She's also in counseling, has been more affectionate, which is something I've needed for a long time. It's still far from perfect, but I'm settling for better because I know she's trying.

Well, belief is not something you can simply choose. You either believe something or you don't. I can't choose to believe that the sky is green, when it's clearly blue, and I know it to be blue. Belief isn't really a choice. However, I do believe in this prayer that's helped me. It's from scripture. "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief."

I am a pastor. I truly believe in God. I believe in heaven, and I believe in hell. I believe that there are those who are so apart from God, they choose hell for themselves. I also believe when Jesus says that he is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one gets to the Father, but through him. Having said that, I also can't pretend to know what God knows. I don't see what God sees. At the end of the day, your fate is in your own hands, but God knows your heart.

Having said all that, if I can make any unsolicited recommendation, it would be to practice the means of grace: pray, fast, search the scriptures, give to the needy, serve others, and allow yourself to love your neighbor as yourself. These are ways we communicate with God, and through these means of grace, God communicates back to you. I have no doubt that if you invest yourself in things like this, you'll discover your belief.

Hi, friend. I think that turning to God is the most important thing you can do right now. And as hard as it is, better yourself, but do it for you, and not for her.

I am a firm believer in the institution of marriage. A couple months ago, my wife and I separated. She was pushing for it, while I was fighting for the marriage. During our separation, my wife and I lived in the same house and slept in different bedrooms. We split our time with the kids. It was hard, but I decided that my best way to fight was to forget about her and focus on me. I started a prayer journal. I began to eat right and exercise. I sought out personal counseling. I received advice from older mentors who have been in similar positions. I also spoke with pastors. In the end, my wife came back.

I'm not saying this will happen for you. But if you really believe in your marriage, don't relent. If she wants a divorce, don't fight her. Just let her know that you aren't going to be the one taking any steps toward that end.

I know how difficult all of this is. And things will never be perfect. I especially resonate with your thought that you wish that you'd known then what you know now. This happens to a lot of men. We don't know how serious things are until we are "blindsided" by what comes later. But no matter what happens, you'll get through it. I'll be praying for you.

I’m sorry about what you have to deal with as well.

Thank you. Sorry you are having a hard time too…

Thank you :)