Sometimes, people don’t understand how hard it is. I often don’t even know how hard it is. Being newly diagnosed with PTSD, everything makes sense as to why I am the way I am, and why I react the way I do, but I don’t know what to do to change it.
In my mind, the purpose of knowing these kinds of mental illnesses is so that awareness can bring about change. I fully believe this, but I don’t know where to start. When I am in conflict, I shut down and/or react. In the moment, it doesn’t feel like I have other options because those options feel so far removed from my grasp in those times. So I know the right answer is to practice how I know I should behave, but it legitimately feels impossible.
This drives me crazy, but it also drives my wife crazy because she doesn’t know how to talk to me.
I’m just really down about all of this. :(