Vaginismus

We recently updated the rules and guidelines for r/Vaginismus. The new guidelines are also pinned on the subreddit for review.

Please help the mod team by flagging any posts that break the new rules. Be kind to the posters, this is a new adjustment for all. Goal is gentle corrections and encouragement for course corrections.

To help boost the growth of the partners subreddit, r/VaginismusFriends, posts from partners will now only be allowed on Mondays. These posts must also have a "Partner Post" flair attached.

Comments from partners in existing threads throughout the week are not limited to Mondays.

To limit the feeling of "spam", promotional posts will only be allowed on Thursdays. These posts must have a "Promotional Post" flair and include a non-Reddit link to a site mentioning this community (r/vaginismus).

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Our community rules and guidelines have been updated. Please review below.

Subreddit rules & guidelines:

1. Be Kind. Compassion over passion. What does "Compassion over Passion" mean? Vaginismus is a sensitive medical condition that impacts everyone in different ways. If someone is asking a question to learn more (or sharing a personal experience), we encourage compassionate responses to reach a better understanding. Argumentative posts and comments will be removed at the discretion of the mod team. Bans based on this rule will be at the discretion of the mod team.

2. Photos of body parts & fluids are not allowed. Please see a medical professional if you have questions about a physical aspect or concern with your body. Photos of bodies asking for medical advice are not permitted.

3. This is an LGBTQ friendly subreddit. Vaginismus impacts more than just cis-women. This community includes (and is not limited to) nonbinary, trans, and ace members. We do not allow hate or discrimination against our LGBTQ members.

4. Soliciting and Fundraising is not allowed. Soliciting for money or items from the subreddit is not allowed. Attempting to "flirt" is NOT allowed. No one wants to be hit on while discussing a medical condition.

5. Posts from partners/friends are only allowed on MONDAYS. This subreddit is a community first and foremost for those suffering with vaginismus. Posts from partners/friends will only be allowed on MONDAYS and require the proper flair. This rule does not limit comments from partners/friends. The subreddit /r/VaginismusFriends accepts partner/friend posts 24/7.

6. Promotional posts are only allowed on THURSDAYS. There must be a reference to the subreddit on your official promotional site. If you are promoting a product, course, book, medical study, personal website, etc. you may only do so on Thursdays. We now require all promotional posts to validate their promotion by referencing this subreddit on a non-Reddit site or social media account. If you are linking to a site about your promotional item, that site link should mention r/Vaginismus somewhere. Please be sure to attach a Promotional Post flair to your post. If you are a user posting a review on behalf of a company, you may do so on Thursdays with the Promotional Flair and must use the "Brand Affiliate" distinguisher.

7. Do not request DMs. This is a support community. Share the support with all. If a comment or post requests direct messages or private chats, the comment will be removed and the account will be banned. You are NOT prohibited from directly messaging users on Reddit. Mods cannot & will not moderate private messages - this will be left up to the users to handle at their own discretion. If you have received inappropriate direct messages, please report to Reddit Admins.

8. Posts now require a flair. Attach a flair to help the community quickly search through relevant posts.

Why the new rules for Promotional Posts?: 

Reddit users cannot confirm the validity of Reddit accounts. To lower the risk of bad faith accounts, we have set these new rules in place so each user can perform their own research to confirm the Reddit account is run by the same person/company being referenced in a post. Users have reported annoyance at the high volume of accounts acting as "ads". To mitigate this pain point, we are limiting such posts to only once a week.

Please note that the rules have recently been updated. Be sure to review the rules in the sidebar or in the pinned post on the subreddit.

If you see a post violate a rule, please report it to the mods.

Promotional posts are only allowed on THURSDAYS. User account must be verified and there must be a reference to the subreddit on your official promotional site. If you are promoting a product, course, book, medical study, personal website, etc. you may do so on Thursdays if:

• We now require all promotional posts to validate their promotion by referencing this subreddit (r/vaginismus) on the non-Reddit site or social media account you have linked to your post. If a reference is missing or cannot be found, your post will be REMOVED. If it happens a second time, your account will be BANNED.
  

Do not request DMs.

This is a support community. Share the support with all. If a comment or post requests direct messages or private chats, the comment will be removed and the account will be banned.

You are NOT prohibited from directly messaging users on Reddit. Mods cannot & will not moderate private messages - this will be left up to the users to handle at their own discretion. Users can decide if they want to block incoming messages. If you have received inappropriate direct messages, please report to Reddit Admins.

Posts from partners/friends are still only allowed on MONDAYS. 

This subreddit is a community first and foremost for those suffering with vaginismus. Posts from partners/friends will only be allowed on MONDAYS and require the proper flair. This rule does not limit comments from partners/friends throughout the week.

The subreddit r/VaginismusFriends accepts partner/friend posts 24/7. If you have concerns on the traffic of this other subreddit: that is how communities grow. Go use it. Be the change and support you want to see.

Have other suggestions on improvements within your community? Please add a comment below! Thread will remain open until end of June.

I FUCKING DID IT!!! I got the XS dilator all the way in with only a little pain at the start!! i’m so happy and proud of myself i never thought id really get to this point if im honest but i did it!!!

For the first time in years i was able to get a pap smear and pelvic exam without the feeling of passing out and im so fucking proud of myself!!! Never thought I would get here! Breathwork and a new lady doctor who LISTENED to my concerns helped so much! It’s not the same when they bark at you to relax. If you go through this you’re not alone! And a reminder to celebrate the “small” things.

Okay hey so I’m 16, and the last 5 months I’ve been masturbating and stuff for the first time ever a 2 months ago I put a finger in for the first time.

It didn’t hurt, it didn’t feel good for me though- like I was nervous I’d brush against my hymen for one and I don’t like the gummy feeling.

I tried again this past few days and it feels like there’s an invisible wall, the pain isn’t bad but I haven’t tried and forced it- I know more bad will probably come from that, at first I thought it was my hymen and just leave it but it wasn’t there a few months ago.

I was wet and I was kinda relaxed? Is this it or what.. if it is I’m really nervous- as I can’t go to a gyno and it supposedly takes years to fix 😭.

Hey everyone!

I (29F) recently started seeing someone new. Despite having vaginismus, I really do love intimacy once I’m comfortable. That being said, I definitely struggle with being sexually open as I feel inexperienced and carry shame around my condition.

I know sex can be so many things, so my question is: what do you do in the bedroom that does not involve penetration?

I’m holding off on BJs as I feel right now that it’s the best I can offer, and I don’t want it to get old fast.

Thank you

So I'm going to have a pap smear under general anesthesia in a few days, and I'm terrified. First of all i am SO embarrassed that i'm in my mid 20s and I need general anesthesia to do this (it was so bad when we tried that they don't even want to try again). I'm also scared of the pain after since they told me it will most likely be painful when I wake up. I feel like throwing up just thinking about it :( Also feel so lonely none of my friends know about it :( Has anyone done this before?

hello, 20F here and trying to figure out if it’s possible I have vaginismus. I first suspected I had it about 3 years ago when I saw a tiktok about it and googled it to see what it was, and thought it seemed like my situation.

I’ve never been able to do PIV sex (have tried many times with multiple guys in multiple positions), or insert a tampon because the pain is just unbearable. I have been able to insert a finger but only a few times when I was really wet. I also read that it could be brought on by sexual abuse or trauma, which I did experience when I was younger but not everyone who has experienced that ends up having the disorder.

I’ve spoke with other female friends & my PCP about my inability to put stuff up there, but it’s always “are you sure were actually aroused?” and it’s like yes I’m sure… maybe not the same level of arousal everytime but I know when I’m in the mood and not lol. I feel like the guys I’ve tried with think I’m faking too bc they’ll get like a centimeter in before I start expressing pain 😭

even a while back when I first told my PCP that I struggle with putting a tampon in she said it’s because I was a virgin. then fast forward about a year I opened up about not being able to do PIV she just suggested trying to “manually open up first” (basically suggesting that my partner finger me before putting it in, which I have). like even getting fingered hurts. I honestly feel like I’ve tried everything, lube, going slower, all that but it doesn’t work. I’m not straight up expecting a diagnosis but for those of you who ARE diagnosed, does this sound similar to your situation or am I overreacting?

***EDIT: ok I read through some posts on here and realize basically everyone has gone through what I have and that I most likely have this condition. what’s the best way to go about getting a formal diagnosis?

I went to the OBGYN today and I don't ever want to go back. I told her all my problems and she just stared at me. Wasn't mean or anything but didn't offer any empathy or anything. Like their only job is to do impersonal tests but I don't feel safe going there for that. I'm progressing with dilators but I don't know when I'd ever be comfortable with an exam; they might just make things worse.

Plus I'm fat and autistic and my boobs haven't developed right. I can't have sex because of vaginismus and even if I could no guy would ever want me. I feel so worthless and dehumanized. I'm not a woman, I never have been, and I don't want to be nor will I ever be one because I can't relate to women. I'm so sick of everything and don't want to deal with it anymore.

I have had vaginismus as long as I can remember. It hurts so badly, any penetration is almost unbearable even with a finger or tampon. I have seen 3-4 different doctors for the issue and two different physical therapists and nothing seems to get better. I've even tried some sort of EMG stimulation but nothing seems to work. Every time I first bring it up I am confronted with questions from the doctors like "well maybe you're just not aroused enough" or "did you try using lube?" Maybe it's just protocol to ask these questions but it makes me feel so unseen. I just feel so angry with myself because why can't my body react like everyone else? Why do I have to do through all of these tears and pain over something that is a normal bodily function that most women don't have to think about? I have spent so much money and time and it hasn't gotten any better. I just want to be able to have kids and enjoy intimate moments with my boyfriend in the future. He is so supportive through all of this but I'm scared I'll never be able to give him what he deserves.

I am a lesbian, so I've never had to worry too too much about vaginismus and sex. But I cannot get a pap smear or a transvaginal ultrasound because of my vaginismus, and I'm wondering if pregnancy/childbirth will ever be a possibility for me. I really have no idea what kinds of tests/procedures are necessary for IVF and throughout the pregnancy.

Can anyone please describe the types of tests/procedures that may be impacted by vaginismus when going through IVF and pregnancy? Thank you very much.

Hello everyone! I wanted to share my journey of dealing with vaginismus in hopes that it might help others who are struggling with this condition. After months of therapy, using dilators, and working with a supportive partner, I've made significant progress. If anyone has questions or needs advice on how to start their journey, I'm here to help.

I have been dilating religiously for the past few months, progressed from dilator 2 to dilator 5 now. However my routine is get the dilator in, leave it for few mins and slowly pull it out( this part is still hard) I am wondering what should I do next before piv, make dilator size upgrades or focus on in and out movement with the current size. Is it okay to stop at size 6(I seem to have lost size 7 and 8)

Hi all, I've been using Intimate Rose Dilators for a few months and I'm currently on number 5. I've always been a pretty sexual person- high sex drive, very open and positive about it, etc. A year and a half ago I entered a sort of "situationship" with a guy online (and I know how that sounds, believe me). It lasted for a little over a year. I used to feel this insane burning desire for him constantly even though he lived 3000km/1500 miles away. Though in early March, he basically abandoned me. It's a long story. Anyway, I've been reading a lot of posts on here about how much easier it is to dilate when you're aroused, and it's been making me feel really discouraged. I've been unable to feel any arousal or desire for anyone or anything ever since he left and I don't know what to do about it. I don't really believe in soulmates, but sometimes I'm afraid he was mine. We'd have the most insane phone sex ever and do everything explicit that we could because we were so attracted to each other, but now I can't feel anything for anyone and it terrifies me. My main goal with dilation is PIV and I'm just feeling like... what's the point of even continuing if I'll never be able to be fully relaxed and in the mood? I read something on here about how dilation will take forever if you can't get aroused, and well... I can't. I desperately, DESPERATELY want to but it looks like that's not an option for me anymore. I don't know what to do to fix it. Should I even bother with dilating anymore until I'm capable of desire again? Am I just making it worse if I can't teach myself to associate penetration with pleasure?

I feel like over the last 6 months I hit the “this is ridiculous and kind of funny phase” of Vaginismus. Just wanted to share that I love reading others’ humor about it! We call it the Angry Beaver Problem (ABS) in our home to lighten the mood and make it less weird to say in public spaces.

hey everyone! i am trying to find as many ways to cure myself as possible that wouldn’t involve seeing a PT as i am currently unemployed and visits add up quickly. i’m aware that there’s at home exercises i could try but what do i search for? also any other tips on things i can do to help at home would be greatly appreciated!

What otc numbing creams do you use that are available in canada and don’t burn

So I’m in this relationship and I have vaginismus. Everytime we hangout I feel like I HAVE to give him. A bj because I can’t have vaginal sex. I know I don’t have to but I feel bad if I don’t because when I say I hurt I think he thinks I’m making it up to not do it you know .. idk . IITS a new relationship things are supposed to be fun and spicy idk. I just don’t feel like it sometimes though. Like idk if anyone has experienced this? I don’t wanna give a bj or I don’t wanna have sex. I just wanna watch tv together or even play a game or something or just cuddle but it’s always like I have to give him oral atleast. We only are able to hangout at my house cus of our parents .

Hi everyone! I originally started using dilators on my own but the tearing and burning issues was just not getting any better.

I’m in a long distance relationship so very infrequent chances of PiV opportunities to see if I’m progressing in that capacity.

I coincidentally had a gyno appt (follow up for ovarian cysts) two weeks after I had sex (I did have a smaller tear than usual but still a tear. It healed within a day as far as I was concerned). My gyno said that the bottom area of my opening was still red which surprised me bc it had been two weeks at that point. It shouldn’t have been red.

He said to start using estrogen cream to help make that area stronger/more elastic. If that doesn’t take the burning and tearing situation away by month 3, then he will refer me to PT. Now, honestly, I genuinely thought cream alone was not going to do anything and that I would need to go to PT regardless (especially since I wasn’t progressing with the dilators on my own already).

I’ve been using the cream every night since Saturday and I looked at the area this morning (out of curiosity lol), the redness is completely gone!! Now, I have not tried to penetrate anything yet BUT has anyone had success with estrogen cream alone? Honestly, it is far better (for me, time wise and mental capacity wise) than needing to dilate every night. I know some people might not want the extra hormones but I do have a Mirena that I’m planning to keep.

My next chance at having PiV is mid August so I was planning to not dilate until after that to see if the cream alone fixed the problem.

Would love to hear other stories, if any!!

okay I am 20F and I discovered that I have vaginismus. I just want to know why does my body have vaginismus when I haven't gone through sexual trauma or abuse?

i tried a somewhat new position today (slightly more reclined) and when i pulled out my dilator i didn't start to get lightheaded like i usually do! i've been working through it with my pt and the "exposure therapy" (as i think of it) seems to be working. i'm so happy i can finally make some physical progress now that i've made it mentally! when i pulled it out i did clench up though and it started to hurt more. i'm proud of myself because i did a pretty good job of breathing through it :)

Ok several weeks ago I made a post about how I had my first experience with the kiwi to aid in my dilation practice. And how I was able to go up a dilator size just after one use of the kiwi. For context, I have been dilating for 3 years with up and down progress. Wasn’t able to move past the second to last dilator for over a year. I added pelvic floor stretching (Flower Empowered on YouTube) several times a week in the last 5 months. Tonight I was able to have about 70% painless sex! I used the kiwi during intercourse as well. I’m not even sore afterwards either. I’m honestly a little in shock as I have not been able to even try penetration at all for the pain in at least 10 months. I know that this doesn’t necessarily mean I’m cured or that I won’t have fails. Although I think everything in combination is what led to this, I feel like the kiwi has took me to a new point. I never thought I would be making a success post in this group. I was so defeated. I hope you all find the products and practices that work for you.

Hi all! New here.

As the title says, I'm wondering if anyone's had any kind of vaginismus/vaginal pain that happens unrelated to penetration or arousal?

For some reference, I had an appointment a few weeks ago where we attempted a transvaginal scan. The doctor was lovely about it, but it ended up being a no-go because of the pain that happened there and when he tried examining the area with a finger. He named the exact muscles that were acting up though I can't recall them, and has referred me to pelvic floor therapy - apparently the reaction was far beyond nerves, and I even asked how far the probe got in because I was curious and the answer was 'barely'. I've had a similar experience when trying to insert a finger even when much more relaxed and wet, so I don't think I'm off base posting here since obviously penetration IS an issue (I'm not sexually active, and to give you an idea I'm waiting to be seen about ADHD, so I've never used tampons because I just don't trust myself to not leave one in way too long by accident and cause issues because it almost would inevitably happen with me at some point).

But the thing is I've had really bad spasms that have had me whimpering in a ball that came out of nowhere or just sitting down (and I pretty much never make noise when I'm in pain)? I get it while walking or sitting. Sometimes accidentally brushing against the opening while wiping on the toilet has me limping afterwards. I haven't had too many fetal-position level spasms since thank God, but it still happens frequently enough (often when I'm not even thinking about anything sexual or exciting at all) that it's why I brought up those concerns to the doctor going into the scan in the first place (don't regret giving it a try, but I'm not that surprised I guess).

And (given I don't really poke around there often for obvious reasons), the pain from the exam made me realise I recognised it elsewhere. I used to get weird stabbing vaginal pains that I thought was like, I don't know, being stabbed by a hair going in by mistake or something? Like what happens with eyelashes and nose hairs sometimes, so I never paid much attention to it as a pattern. But I've had this pain since my teens, I think fairly early, and it really hit me how long this has been a problem.

I don't want to take away from people approaching how it relates to their sex life, because that IS something that understandably needs focus, discussion and care. But so many resources and discussions I've looked for are primarily about sex and penetration. I still have kind of a bunch of confused feelings about it even if I'm not thinking about how it would relate to a relationship or sex life. I just want to sit down without wincing.

That ended up being longer than I meant it to! But has anyone else had similar experiences, sexually active or not? I don't think I need solid advice though I wouldn't mind it; I think it'd just be nice to hear other people's perspectives on this right now.

When having sex, I do feel my body immediately tightening. I am not sure if this is related but I will begin to burn and sting down there. I’ve never had sex without him having a condom on so I am wondering if I could be allergic to the condom? It is aggravating and discouraging for us both. We just want to be able to enjoy without pain.

I’ve had sex three times now, and it really feels uncomfortable. Its like something is inside me that isn’t supposed to be there.

I just started using dilators and hoping to hear any succes stories because i’m quite pessimistic about all this.. Was anyone able to have intercourse AND feel good? If so how long did it take you? And did you use any stretch excersices or just dilators?

Hi guys... I've been away for a bit but I'm back again with another installation of "Cat lady K, the girl trying to become comfortable with her vajajay"

I officially started pelvic floor therapy as of yesterday and I'm already discouraged.

I had my intake session about a month ago, and my PT gave me some stretches to do at home until I saw her again, but officially started doing the work with her one on one yesterday. She asked me if I wanted to attempt an internal exam, just to see where I was and I agreed, because I was curious. She was okay with us just focusing on external things for the session, and she wasn't pushy about an internal exam, but it was truly sheer curiosity for me, We attempted and she could barely get her finger in before I tensed up and it started stinging so we immediately stopped.

We spent the remainder of the session focused on stretches to open up my pelvic floor (which is hypertonic. lovely) and she did some work on my psoas, which are tight as FUCK it hurt so bad. She told me that instead of forcing myself to insert something like my smallest dilator (which feels daunting) attempt a q-tip. A q-tip seemed feasible so tonight, after doing my little stretches (that I've been doing daily for the past few weeks), I decided to lube up a q-tip, get a mirror and go for it.

and now I'm sitting here, typing this and crying because I couldn't even insert a q-tip. I couldn't even see my OPENING to insert a q-tip. it didn't hurt or burn, which is a start but I couldn't get it in. and I'm so discouraged because if I can't even insert a q-tip, how the fuck am I supposed to progress to anything larger like a finger or a dilator? Maybe I'm being dramatic, because I did only have one PT session, but I have been stretching for weeks, and started to feel more bodily awareness, which is HUGE for me , so this is a crushing blow . I keep telling myself I'll recover and make progress, but something like this feels devastating yet again. It's like my pelvic floor is permanently clenched and will never relax. I'm going to stop attempting for tonight because I'm too worked up to be positive or productive with it, but damn. Has anyone else struggled with a freaking q-tip or am I THAT far gone here?