I don't know why you're getting down voted. This entire post rubs me the wrong way, and feels like it's attacking the wrong people for the wrong things.

Good parents make mistakes. Shitty parents make mistakes. Books might help with kids who fit the mold but I'll bet they're the exception rather than the rule.

Abuse is abuse, just call it what it is.

Literally me.

This is the correct answer.

YES.

I hear you and I see you and I relate to everything you said. You are very much not alone, and you are definitely not crazy. I believe you.

I don't have any. I've considered trying to ask my parent for a few, but I feel like they would turn it into a guilt trip somehow. It does make me feel pretty sad.

Oh man, I relate so much to this. Wow.

I'm sorry for your loss. <3

Yes. The tree thing is 90% of my internal experience, too. Communicating things is incredibly hard.

I don't have many spoons right now or much advice to offer, but I couldn't leave this and scroll past.

This person sounds like someone with his own unhealed issues and shame that he's trying to push on to you because he can't bear to hold it. I know it's easy to accept this piece of shit gift, because it's what we think we're supposed to do.

But don't do it. Throw it away. It's not yours to accept.

With all due respect, ODD isn't really a thing. What you're describing is a presentation of autism that's becoming known as PDA. It very commonly occurs with ADHD.

I'm in shock at some of these comments, and genuinely concerned for your nephew. Autism or not, behaviour like this is a red flag for potential trauma.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

This has happened to me, too.

My feeling is that if your autistic traits impact your functioning significantly enough to be disabling them they aren't subclinical.

I like the ctad clinic man. I hope he sticks around.

This this this is the correct answer.

This isn't the study, but the findings are similar: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0891422213003296#:~:text=Conclusion,and%20no%20additional%20ADHD%20symptoms.

And another one here: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-26350-4

I'll keep looking for the original study, it was super interesting.

I'll see if I can dig it up!

I read an excellent study once that explained quite well how autism + ADHD combined are what's responsible for the constellation of disabling symptoms most of us experience. And that autism on its own without ADHD doesn't actually present as clinically disabling; ADHD without autism does, but in a different way. And the combination also looks different depending on which one is more 'dominant'.

It's a fascinating study, if you're ready to have some assumptions about how this particular intersectionality works, challenged.

ETA: forgot to mention the most important tldr; that ADHD is supposedly the determining factor for severity of symptoms, not autism.

Big same. :|

Can I ask what is helpful to you in the moment and out of it?

I'm sorry your post seems to have attracted a bunch of ableist nonsense. I do see where some of the comments are coming from, but it's still largely unhelpful and unkind. Having ADHD as a female presenting person in tech can be really, really, really rough. Don't let anyone gaslight you otherwise.

I think this is it right here. I think this is the crux of the problem many of you in this content thread have:

I think you genuinely feel that the kid is being bad and needs to be punished.

I think she's simply having a really hard time and needs support and accomodation. Learning can happen later, once her nervous system is settled.

Nobody is blaming mom for anything. But mom needs to model managing her own emotions and her own boundaries, and not taking something personally that isn't actually about her at all - as hard as it is.