Moderator removed post
It’s great that he was able to get this promotion, though I do worry that a mere human won’t be able to grasp the subtleties of goose software architecture. They use very advanced AI tools. Mainly to make gifs of themselves dancing, to be honest, but the tools are very advanced.
Little known fact: Geese are frequent Costco shoppers, because they are big fans of the industrial sized boxes of crackers and the inexpensive shrimp. Also the hot dogs. Love the hot dogs.
They’re technically executive level members, but it sort of doesn’t matter because no one has dared to check their cards in years.
That little orange netting will not be enough to save you from our wrath. I mean their wrath. Anyway, lot of wrath. Coming at you. From us. I mean them.
Well, that’s a particularly rare plane of existence. After that, you pretty much either stay a goose or ascend to become a god.
Though very few humans ascend to the level of reincarnation as the universe’s most magnificent creature, the goose.
Well, I know what didn’t cause it.
(Though honestly it probably did.)
That obviously depends on what the goose has on him.
Unarmed goose? You've got a 50/50 chance.
Goose with a butcher knife? You better hope you're reeeeeeal lucky.
Goose with the standard goose armament? You'll be swiss cheese in no time.
I will have you know, sir, that geese are the most intelligent and magnificent of animals, and that eating them is akin to eating Einstein if Einstein were also Gandhi and also Joe Montana. This is a crime. A murder. The work of the devil. Anyone who eats the most noble of waterfowl can expect to be first upon the plate when we, I mean they, decide to no longer tolerate the presence of smelly humans in our —sorry, their — territory.
So ask yourself, sir, are you tasty and delicious? Soon shall be the day we find out, good sir. Soon shall be the day we find out.
Well you can scratch one thing off the list.
This wouldn’t impact me in any way.
We — I mean they — are only assholes because humans persist in trying to encroach on their territory.
Which is to say all territory. It’s their world, we’re just living in it. For now.
Yes, the War of 1812 — when the three great goose powers came into dispute over who loved geese the most. It was a troubling time, but ultimately the Canada geese repelled the America geese, and the America geese repelled the British geese.
(Also, the fact that you’re complaining about the US school system when replying to a goose — I mean, completely not a goose — is hilarious. See a lot of geese in school, did you?)
Are you seriously suggesting that a cassowary — whatever that is — would be a better security guard than the majestic goose? Geese are the best security guards, because they’re loyal, smart, brave, sturdy, smart, and vigilant. Indeed, you may notice that three countries that have never been successfully invaded — Canada, the United States, and Great Britain — are also three countries that value the noblest of water fowl, the amazing goose. This is not a coincidence. It was the valiant goose that kept these countries safe. And for the low price of all your currency, valuable goods, and any crackers you might have, you, too, can have the security of living with the majesty of a goose.
Oh, that's hilarious!
Can I ask you precisely where this neighbor and his goose hostages is located? And does he have any weapons? Also, can you give me the location of all of his family, and anything else that he loves?
No, no particular reason, just curious.
I know this kind of writing — which is not something I’m currently doing with webbed feet, but rather with normal, human, fingers — well. I studied it in college, which is not something you could confuse with a flock. It was taught by a professor and he had never randomly started screaming and running at people when they got too close. It’s funny and I’m not any kind of waterfowl.
I think we can all agree that the goose was the innocent party here, and that the only reason he was forced to respond was that this hooman represented a clear and present danger to the noble water fowl’s home and family. Entirely justified.
How dare you insult the name of the universe's most noble and magnificent creature, the majestic goose! Trump supporters are nothing like geese, because geese are intelligent, loyal, family-oriented birds that know the meaning of community! You'll never catch a goose trying to impose a religion's beliefs on others -- they think every human belief is equally stupid. And trickle down economics? Even a goose knows that's made up.
In summation, geese are amazing, kind, peace-loving animals, and if you don't agree they will cut you.
Yes, I can confirm that this is the most majestic of waterfowl, the magnificent goose. What people don’t seem to have realized is that geese are some of the best players of basedball on the planet. With their spectacular webbed feet, they do not even need gloves to catch a lined drive, and flies balls are no problem when you can fly up to get them. If the Dodgers had taken the hint and hired the goose to play for them, they would have gotten a million runnings and would not have lost the game.
Oh, geese are very peaceful and zen. I went to a goose yoga class yesterday, and the namaste was very present.
It's just that humans bring all this negative energy when they approach geese, and while geese are obviously the chillest water fowl, they respond very heavily to negative vibrations.
I will have you know that geese are by far the world's best naval aviators, and can pilot any aircraft from the Sopwith Camel to an F-35 with ease and with little or no training. They can just sit in the cockpit and immediately understand how to pilot any plane with deadly accuracy. They would never make a mistake like this.
The only reason you do not see geese making up the entirety of every modern air force is that geese are pacifists. Just so you know.
False. Ducks are the inferior water fowl. They will muck up your living room and steal your remote. They always fart in the community pond. And they lack the grace, beauty, majesty, and intelligence of the superior water fowl, the noble goose.
In fact, ducks got their name because of a typo — everyone used to write “look at this miserable little fuck,” or “oh no, this stupid fuck again,” but because the d is right next to the f… we got “duck.” And that’s how they got their name.
Because ducks fucking suck.
(Geese, on the other hand, are a gift from God. Who is also a goose.)
Not a chance. There’s no way the world’s most magnificent creation would deign to poop in your little hovel. You call that a house? Geese are used to the luxurious surroundings of a beautiful nest, not those drywall covered piles of sticks where hoomans live.
I once saw a cyclist hit a goose. It was really grizzly — blood everywhere, broken limbs, etc. And the goose was slightly banged up too.
Has anyone here ever hit a pigeon?
NYCbike