Emotional Terror Geese
Enthusiastic Cobra Chicken
Yeah, geese are pure sadists.
I kept a laser pointer on me while at Uni. Little fuckers hated it
i know this isn't the place or time for this but can we appreciate the fact our usernames are sorta aligned
Oh shit... I hope you're a bottom, because we all know where this is going.
i'll take my chances with the geese
I'm faster than geese ( ͥ° ÍĘ ÍĄÂ°)
ill put myself in a pond infested with geese
I'll fuck them too
i'm going to ask the factory to put me out of my misery.
I'll fuck the factory too
LOL
What, really? Like they would chase after it? Or would they fly away? Iâve never heard of this.
They were jealous of his sweet ass laser toy
Geese hate lazer pointers
Run away
I once went on a one month camping trip and a couple of geese barged in a couple of weeks into my trip. Surprisingly, they were very nice. I befriended them and they let me give them pets and hung around camp. They got scared during a storm one night, wandered off, and fell off a little cliff into a river. When I saw them struggling to climb the cliff face, I decided to help them out, so I climbed my way down, hopped into the river, and hoisted them up onto land. They stuck around until the end of my little camping trip before I went back home and had to say goodbye.
Coincidentally, I never understand where geese get their poor reputation from.
They are territorial when they are nesting, they probably weren't doing so during your fanciful story
Yeah OP and his load of Geese crap.
surely they'll stress less about exams and more about the geese
sweats in Times New Roman
Comic Sams
Goose down for midterms
IT'S A GOOSE DANCE!
That better be font size 14
Clearly you don't remember the bs the "educational" system is on. Font is always 12.
Only if they let the geese into the exam rooms.
fair point
It's the old, "oh you crying? I'll give you something to cry about... " but with stress.
So they will stress less about exams then. ;) r/TechnicallyTheTruth
âCause youâll enjoy the exams when attacked by geese is the other optionâ
How is this r/TIHI? I laughed so hard at this. Geese are such shitty animals. I've had my fair share of geese hunting me down because they were really ganging up in the neighbourhood where I prrviously lived
Don't let them push you around because they can't really hurt you. Try just standing there. Ball up your fists so they can't yank on your fingers, and the most they can do is scuff up your skin a little. They're all bluster.
I've never had a goose come at me, but I've heard plenty of stories... I've always wondered, why don't people just lightly hit them?
When I was a younger kid the geese at the lake used to attack me, I would kick them as hard as I could, with boots on, and they'd still be attacking me.
Didnât help your case that you didnât have any legs
I think itâs mostly that when they start running at you, itâs a very dynamic, intimidating situation. And Canada geese they have little teeth in their beaks, which is pretty freaky-looking when theyâre running at you, open-mouthed.
But people do kick them. Iâve never seen it happen myself, but every year, the military base near me sends out multiple emails to all its staff, reminding them that the geese are a protected species, and that they are LEGALLY PROHIBITED FROM KICKING THE GEESE.
Staff use the tunnels to get around in the warm months, because even though itâs less direct, itâs safer.
You're certainly asking the right question. Of course please don't hit or harass geese or any wildlife really.
I used to catch them during their molt when I was a kid, they calm down once you pick them up.
You can swing em around by the neck a coupla times too, you get a pretty good dinner out of it
Just so you know the geese and ducks at the pond are free you can just take em. No one will stop you...
The cheap and legal thrill!
Good ol' Mitch Hedberg
Ooo is that his joke. I forgot where I heard that from
That seems to kind of encourage them. If you hit them or push them they come back faster and louder.
Still can't do much
The 9nly real way to deal with them is to pick them up by the neck and hold them for a few moments before tossing them away. Give the adrenaline a little time to wear off. Won't hurt them on bit unless you try to.
EXCUSE ME?! CLEARLY YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ATTACKED BY A GAGGLE OF GEESE AND IT SHOWS.
Ganked by a gaggle of galloping geese.
He was goosed
This is the thing! I used to do laps in a park that was all islands connected by bridges and boardwalks. The geese thought they owned the place because they nested their, so they bullied everyone.
If you get scared and cower and run away they will chase you and try to attack. They thrive on your weakness.
But I learned if I presented a full on aggressive stance and went through them mirroring the same aggressive energy they gave me, they'd hiss and flap, but never try to rush me.
Make yourself look big, strong, and assertive with mean eye contact and be deeply vocal and they back down. Even if you're scared, pretend like you're the baddest motherfucker in town and no goose will physically fuck with you (as long as you don't fuck with them or their babies. What happens after that is on YOU).
Unfortunately, I only run into geese while cycling. Taking a mouth open, arms wide stance while rushing at the bird is a bit more difficult on a bike.
I have heard that an 'ultrasonic dog trainer' can be useful to at least distract a charging goose, and I'm seriously considering trying one.
Don't let them push you around because they can't really hurt you.
As a child, my uncle's leg was actually broken by a goose. Those wings can sure hurt.
I don't believe you
I don't care. It happened though. What do you want? A hospital form from the 1940s? You can think whatever you want.
Geese bodies are larger than footballs and their wings are able to keep them in the air for over a thousand miles a day. Wings and wing muscles that strong sure can break a kid's bones.
Wings and wing muscles that strong sure can break a kid's bones.
Source?
In order for them to fly so well their bones are a flimsy matrix that's almost entirely air and very little mass. I've been struck by large birds and it doesn't hurt a bit. It's the flightless birds you have to watch out for.
If you have an uncle that believes what you say he says, then he probably hurt himself trying to get away like the person in this post. I'll be happy to stand up to any goose or swan and let them try their best, and you should be more skeptical.
Source?
My uncle's broken leg and my degree in biology.
Their bones are as light as they can be strong. If they are as flimsy as you say, then try biting into a chicken leg bone and see how well that works out for you.
A goose can be 12 - 14 lbs. Their muscles and wings need to keep that aloft when flying and can fly up to 1,500 miles a day. If you don't think that's powerful enough to break a small kid's leg, then you sure need some thought adjustment.
Chickens are nearly flightless birds, though I'm not afraid of them either. Ostriches and such are a completely different story. Anyway, try the experiment and let a goose have at you. If you're too chicken, then you are the one that needs some thought adjustment.
Me neither. Maybe uncle stumbled because of the goose and broke his leg this way.
Uncle probably stumbled because the geese assigned to him were throughly trained in ambush ops with pincer movements and flanking honks.
My clear memory:
Every. Freaking. Morning.
Geese will hunker down, utterly still, with subsonic hawmhawmhawms reflecting their anticipation and bloodthirsty glee.
âTarget sighted-target sighted-target sighted-target appears to be carrying approximately 3.5 lbs of extra booksâthis will slow targetâwhoaâhold on to my honkerâplease be advisedâtarget is wearing skirtâleg skin is directly availableâGET SOME!
I can't look at this picture without imagining Jacksepticeye screaming "HJĂNK HJĂNK AM GOOOOOSE"
Source?
3 parts, Jack playing the Untitled Goose Game. Lots of fun. If you've ever wanted to hear Markiplier sing, he sings a goosey version of "A Whole New World" at the start of his livestream of the same game, found here:
Can we get timestamp for the "AM GOOSE"?
He says it a lot, and he starts off both parts 2 and 3 with it. They're worth watching in their entirety, I assure you
I saved it to watch later. It took me weeks to get to Markipliers duck videos too. I've only recently been watching Jack a lot. I just wanted to understand the joke quickly thank you đ
Yo my campus has those too
Same here at UW đŠ
ââŚI do not like the Cobra Chickens.â
I feel like I've heard this somewhere before
Apocryphally, it was a landscaper, a gentleman of Hispanic/Latino origin, who uttered it regarding geese and was overheard.
MIT scientists have replaced the wellness geese honks with a frequency that broadcasts the sum total of their student debt directly into their frontal cortex.
Sounds about right
That's what gets you through med school and residency.
Stress is never an option
fear is always an option
I grew up with a swamp on the property (it was actually big enough to be classified as a lake. Barely. But it was full of fuckin beavers and dead trees. Deadass got bullied for âliving in the swampâ smh).
But we had so many geese there. My mom used to have to go out every morning and hose goose shit off the driveway. And someone had to chase those mfs away when they came back because nobody wanted to deal with the Carnage they left in their wake.
I remember being like six and my mom sending me out to shoo them out of the driveway. I thought they would scatter like any birds. Nah. In case youâve never been up close and personal with a goose or flock of geese, Imma let you know that they can grow up to 4ft tall from beak to feet and can weigh as much as 24lbs. That height is comparable to a six year old child.
Geese live purely on rage. They feed off of the fear of society and use their malice to turn it into their life-force. They donât understand logic, they donât understand reason. They were made in the image of chaos and live only to enact violence.
Oh, I was telling a story. Right. Anyway, I went out and ran towards them and waved my arms around thinking they would scatter. Some ran away, but three turned around and started chasing after me. Mfs were running at me honking the dreaded Honk Honk Honk that translates into, âIâll destroy your soul long before your corporeal body decays so you will have to witness the end of time in desperate agony, unable to die.â
They were pecking at my legs and back, I was horrified and running as fast as my little legs could carry me. They chased me clear up to the front porch and I slammed the door before they came in lol. Turns out my mother had been watching me out the window and laughing so hard she nearly pissed herself.
0/10 would not recommend.
Câest la vĂŠritĂŠ!!!
I've not checked, but based on the name alone, I'm betting this is a satire/joke page.
You are correct. This is a well-known parody account that parodies higher education in the UK.
Sources:
"Covering our Arse section" đ
However, there was a campus that had students get attacked by geese due to nesting. That part did happen
honestly probably a real solution to exam anxiety. what better way to remember that a silly test is just a silly test than to have a wild animal remind you of the fight for life?
There could never be peace. For violence isn't the answer. Violence is a question, and the answer is "yes."Â
There could never be peace. Not for violence isn't the answer, but violence is a question, and the answer is "yes."Â
FTFY ig idk the og quote
my college campus has a lake right outside my dormitory and because of it there are tons of geese all over campus year round.
Honk!!!!
You can tell the student is not stressing about exams right now
Geese are assholes. We got 2 along with ducks and chickens. We definitely domesticated them. you could pet them and everything. The problem was that when you stopped petting them, it would cause them to attack you.
can't worry about grades, when you're running for your life.
So not stressed he fell asleep. Good goose.
The system works!
Lol maybe thatâs what happened with our campus too! But they attack people and even steal lunches here đ
More like Concussion inflicting geese
Why would you choose one of the most evil animals for that??
Iâm down with this.
You got a problem with Canada gooses, you got a problem with me.
Yeahhh if one of those attacked me on a bad day it would get The Lighthouse treatment.
What's The Lighthouse treatment?
In the film âThe Lighthouseâ a big deal is made by one character about how itâs bad luck to kill a sea bird, but that doesnât stop the other character from slaughtering a seagull that was annoying him
I'm just happy to be here taking this test instead of out there with the cobra ducks
Tha goose is loose
The irony is strong with this one
đ
Fastest way to forget what you studied last night
Cheese what a Geese.
Who made that mad cap decision? Maybe a grizzly next.
Maybe the wellness comes from the dopamine rush that results from the sprint that cancels out the cortisol residue left over from the adrenaline that's released when being terrorized by a goose.
Canada, you can have your geese back, but can we borrow your loon?
The stress from the exams will be easy after the stress of getting beaked by a goose.
Geese are mean! What stupid idiot decided they are wellness geese?!?
Should've been "to help students distress during exam periods"
is this the mental version of "if your stomach aches, hit your thumb with a hammer and you'll hardly feel the stomachache anymore"?
Yes
Bantshire University?
more like BatShit University
College would be 100% better if this was a thing. I would always seek the comforting bites of the wellness goose.
They will help students stay in shape and ward of the dreaded freshman 15.
When society collapses and you can outrun all the zombies, you will thank us
Geese will choose violence 110% of the time
110%? I thought it was just on sight.
Peace was never an option
That's where all of Canada's rage and hate went.
Best comment
âWe have introduced psychopathic serial killers in our neighbourhood to help residents destress during the nightâ
wellness geese? really?
my ex was a farmers daughter. her dad used to keep guard geese.
yes, guard geese.
apparently a flock of screaming geese are scarier, more effective, cheaper and easier to keep than his old german shepherd.
Lmao at Brits poking fun.
More like exercise geese
|Re-Stress *after the exam season
Add.some goats, always see them head butting
Reducing stress isn't always minimizing effort.
Great stress releavers require as much, if not more, effort than the thing that's stressing you.
In my TED talk, I will...
Gerry Goose: Campus Linebacker
"No running on the campus, Phil!"
Looks like our campus at www.sillygooseuniversity.com
Thanks, I love Silly Goose University
We Love you too!
GO AWAY ZEUS!!!!!
My campus has those. Who thought a stressed out student would think â damn some geese would help here â lol
It is for the guy that's face-planting. It's for all the schadenfreude for everyone else.
No luck catching those geese then?
Clearly the âbrainsâ behind this have not had a life-threatening, asshole goose situation⌠of all the animals to provide comfortâŚdefinitely gonna be low on the totem poll
I think we can all agree that the goose was the innocent party here, and that the only reason he was forced to respond was that this hooman represented a clear and present danger to the noble water fowlâs home and family. Entirely justified.
Geese are extremely territorial so great idea
After our trial run of Wellness Geese this year, here are our findings.
Cons:
Stress and beak related injuries are at an all time high
Pros:
Our coaches have reported improves cardio accross the board, and our track team placed in top 3 in every event.
Feel like they would make great law enforcements
I love this idea and encourage all other schools to introduce wellness geese as well.
HEY MAN, YOU STRESSED OUT? DONâT FUCKING RUN FROM ME
Putting the Bants in Bantshire.
Can't you just break it's neck easily?
I would have just went with kicking it..
I saw people trying to kick it, you'll miss, and it's just going to come back to attack again
Clearly that kid had drugs on em. Canada gooses are saints. Where would we be without em?
Well I mean you less stressed about the test, and regretting skipping gym class.
I got assaulted by a Canada goose today. Itâs nesting season. My 65lb pitbull did nothing and was just as terrified as I was.
complains about geese
owns a pitbull
My buddy's GSD used to bring home dead geese during the molt
Hate those little fuckers...sooo nasty...
You're right, it's r/hilarious
Tell me you hate your student body without telling me you hate your student body.
Geese are the evidence of the devil as are roosters. You donât know fear til youâve been chased by an angry rooster. .-.
I have a feeling this photo is older than you are, OP. Havenât seen this since I was in college
I'm 29
When I'm having a bad day. I watch geese attacking people compilations on YouTube. I'm looking forward to the new content!
Geese arenât so hard to boot like a football
the geese donât help the people being attacked, they help the people getting to enjoy the show
It helps students de-stress by watching others being terrorised by geese
2 missing replies
OP needs help. Also, they hate it because...
Do you hate it as well? Do you think their hate is reasonable? (I don't think so tbh) Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
Look at my source code on Github