The sun on my door is so bright you can see it through the door.

Are you seriously suggesting that a cassowary — whatever that is — would be a better security guard than the majestic goose? Geese are the best security guards, because they’re loyal, smart, brave, sturdy, smart, and vigilant. Indeed, you may notice that three countries that have never been successfully invaded — Canada, the United States, and Great Britain — are also three countries that value the noblest of water fowl, the amazing goose. This is not a coincidence. It was the valiant goose that kept these countries safe. And for the low price of all your currency, valuable goods, and any crackers you might have, you, too, can have the security of living with the majesty of a goose.