Damn, amazing job getting away from all that. That couldn’t have been easy. Honestly what’s more human than fighting to get away from danger. Glad the comments have helped u!
The thing is there’s no secret there’s this baddest dog in the pack competition with men. With women there’s competition, but they don’t have competition with you.
It’s not a bad thing that there’s competition though, it’s natural in a way. While all those dudes are doing their silent competition you’re progressing as a human. You are in therapy, reflecting, thinking about what ways you’re constricting yourself.
But also, there are other men out there like you who ain’t buying this show off macho bullshit. I think you should look for other male artists. If you can, maybe go to an art museum, take some kind of art class, go to a community event where you think you’d meet nicer dudes. Maybe even move to a more inclusive area if you can?
However there might be another dude in your circle who’s sick of the competition too and just not showing it?
I work doing community habilitation. I’m studying a lot of different social sciences in college, like four different ones. I’m an overachiever though, it’s how I cope. I love to share this job tho bc not a lot of ppl know of it and it’s in very high demand at least here in NY.
First off in case someone doesn’t know: what’s community habilitation (com hab)? It’s taking a cognitively disabled person(a client) out into the community and working on goals with them. You get hired through an agency then paired with a client after asking your preferences (like I said I prefer to work with women). Examples of goals are community involvement, safety awareness, fitness, independence, conversation, manners, etc. You make ur own hours, sometimes ur pay rate is made by the guardians of the client other times it’s the agency. It’s not a minimum wage job and has benefits for full time workers but benefits depend on the agency.
It’s a great job for anyone looking to connect with others and wanting to work on their social skills. I was petrified when I first started cause I’m a total introvert and have a codependent personality (a giver to point of fault, I’m sure many of us are…), but the thing about this job is it trains the hell out of you. Like before I even started I had a ton of trainings, probably like 30 hrs worth, and it was paid. The trainings were first aid, cpr, etc but also social trainings. Like how to have compassion in hard situations, how to be an active listener, how to handle a client saying no to something important, and so so much more. I’ve taken those trainings into my life.
Also companies tend to pair ppl up by interest. For example I said I like drawing, reading, being active, and cooking. I got paired with someone who likes to work out and read and then a girl who likes to draw and cook.
Of course it has draw backs. You need to stay positive and upbeat with clients. Also you need to document everything u do in the day with the client. You also need a car for most agencies to hire u. Some provide cars tho. Also the difficulty can depend on the day, you never know what ur getting into with some clients. Like one day im with a client at the zoo, the next I’m at the gym, the next helping in a police investigation, and the next chilling at home cooking. You have to be prepared to meet traumatized ppl as well and talk about it if they’re comfortable. Many disabled people (of all genders) have been sa’d and abused, like stg I have had half a dozen clients and they all have had stories of abuse. It’s sad, sometimes I’ve had to report things (hence the investigation part, you can get in huge trouble for not reporting abuse). But I get to share my story with people and say they aren’t alone. That leads me to the uniqueness of the job, I can confidently say I have helped people. I often get gifts, letters, drawings, etc. they often tell me I’m their best friend and they love me. Which of course is nice unless it gets possessive, then the company and guardians step in and they handle it. Most of the time it’s totally platonic love tho.
Man I wrote a lot… I just think this is a nice job despite its drawbacks. There’s a ton of different disability service jobs here in NY if this one isn’t ur jam but like the idea of helping people.
Irony or not, I hope ur doing ok man. Thanks for the previous discussion, I genuinely enjoy hearing others takes on this. But u shouldn’t call ppl names.
U want the last word? U can have it if you’d like to save yourself from realizing u can’t handle speaking with someone educated in a topic.
But again (bc I really love the topic) femcel is historically inaccurate bc incel is a gender neutral term as it was coined by a woman who created the first incel forum. That’s in short ofc tho. Putting fem in front of a word that is gender neutral suggests there was an emergence of women in the community. It denies the history of it in my opinion. I do understand that connotations are powerful and don’t always line up with history though. As does generalizations…
It seems you have nothing left to say. I’ll assume that means no more names. Femcel in of itself is a problematic and not historically accurate word regardless.
It seems you know the answer. I do hope you try EMDR when you’re ready and find a therapist who understands. Wish u the best, try to treat yourself well!
Dude again u put urself in this situation. U call someone a name and don’t expect them to say something back? Like come on isn’t that kinda weird? Name calling typically comes from emotion as well. You can say you don’t care, but here you are still speaking with me.
In all honesty I would trust ur gut. Do you think a bad interpretation of character will affect ur EMDR enough that u want to skip it for now and wait to get a new therapist? It’s genuinely a hard question that could go either way. Maybe consider if EMDR is an emergency? That would also be hard to figure out though. I genuinely hope u the best, this is a tough situation.
Ok then don’t call ppl names? U put urself in this situation.
Like it’s kinda weird u call someone a name then get upset that they responded
EMDR needs to happen in a good headspace coming from someone who has been doing it for a few months now. The pet dying is enough of a reason to not do it yet. That’s why it’s taking months, if I’m not in a good spot then we don’t do EMDR. It still works even if it’s prolonged, EMDR has really helped me personally. Ofc I’m no professional therapist although I work in the therapy field so take of this what u will!
One you can’t back up. I mean u can’t expect to name call and get no response man
Ok I’d love to make an argument against that too. Can’t call ppl names without expecting a defense right?
First off: Incels did actually start as a gender neutral term. The term was coined by a women who identified as a women who couldn’t find love or physical connection. She made the first incel forum and coined the term. This forum was full of both men and women. It was mainly for advice and companionship. A pair actually got married through the site crazy enough! I forget where she’s from but I think it’s Canada? Regardless she has come out in recent years to denounce the modern usage of the word incel. Hence incel (at least historically) is a gender neutral term.
Ok so what makes an incel? I’m sure you know it’s an involuntary celibate. Just in case u weren’t aware I thought I’d throw that in.
I would have to give extra details on my life to really denounce that argument in detail but obviously I can’t do that. But according to much of the previous argument that others have made (although I disagree), ALL women get love and attention from men. Alas, I am a woman. Hence in the narrative that women all play games and men are the victims, there are no “femcels” (or female incels). This is the narrative you are defending isn’t it?
Haha ok, no more femcel?
But also I appreciate the conversation beyond that
No of course not, it’s the bigger picture. It’s that generalizing women as cheats is being normalized and his comment is an example of that. Pointing it out and having conversations about it helps. Individuals aren’t the problem, it’s collective. It’s that people look at this comment and start to internalize women as the villain. Which, of course, ends in misogyny. Extreme forms of misogyny can be seen in incel terror attacks.
Also just because something isn’t full of anger doesn’t mean it can’t be full of hate. That comment again is saying all women are shitty and men are always the victims. That is literally what this comment is saying. Although the commenter likely didn’t mean it to be hateful, it is, this is the narrative incels use(not calling him an incel but his comment is very problematic). Also you never know, the internet can’t be traced in that way. So we have to be careful in what we say online.
Also incels are a terror group. They are a terrorist as they do have political aims and have taken multiple lives. I just looked up incel terrorism and a shit ton of news stories are popping up as well as academic sources. Canada just sentenced a man who murdered a woman and hurt another. The judge claimed it to be an incel terror attack. Dude used a sword wtf… This was just three weeks ago. There’s a famous one that killed I think 5 women, not sure?? The dude used a bus. Alek Minassian I think did it? But I think there was a second bus attack that killed even more I gotta find it tho it was a few years back. All incel terrorism tho, it’s really an issue.
In NY there is a MASSIVE demand for disability services so there’s a lot of jobs with that. Community habilitation and home workers get paid above minimum, but not a ton. However it doesn’t take long to work ur way up in that field as there is a deficit of experienced employees. Having a soc degree would help immensely with that kind of work. These jobs are easy to work up in too. Better paying jobs include self hires (same as community habilitation but you get chosen by a client and their guardian makes up ur pay based on the client’s budget), home managers, case managers, and most of the people who make up a “team” (group of people who assist the same person with disability).
If a lot of this makes zero sense I’m sorry it’s a bit jargony. But if u look up community habilitation, home workers, or disability service jobs in a state like NY, u will find people desperate to hire and wanting to give higher positions fast. Many of the higher positions can make about 30 an hour. I’ve only been in the field for 2 years and make nearly 30 an hour doing self hire community habilitation for a relative and work another job doing general community habilitation that makes about 17.50 an hour. The hours per week are between u and the client for community habilitation, u can work everyday or once a week. You could even not have a schedule and go week by week. As for just how desperate places are for disability service workers, I literally don’t even have my degree yet, they are really desperate. Ofc social work and therapy work is draining, but tbh it’s nothing u probably haven’t already experienced.
Also I realized I mentioned my job a lot in this and not everyone may know what it is. So community habilitation is generally going out in the community with people who have disabilities and working on goals with them, but it’s different depending on the needs of the client. So it could also be working with them at home, it could also literally just be sitting and talking with them for an hour or two about their interests, or just doing a specific club with them. Community habilitation can be very fun but can also be very hard depending on the client or even just the clients mood. All around tho it’s a rewarding and generally decent paying job that u can work up in with experience and connections.
I have some advice for the money issue:
Some states have much better help than others. In NY you’re more likely to get help. I’ve worked in the disability/therapy field in NY before and it’s no joke. Of course it’s still no where near perfect (in fact it sucks in some aspects), but it’s better than other states. I was working giving a type of therapy to people and the service was free to people (with a state recognized diagnosis and a shit ton of paper work).
My point is u might want to try a super left leaning state (assuming ur not already in one). This is of course is only if u have the funds to try and move, that’s a massive thing and would require a lot of resources. But if you can I would suggest that. Many towns here in NY have great resources for necessities. I think I’ve even seen programs that help with doing medical paperwork just recently.
Heres maybe a reason to keep going:
It’s not fair, you are totally right. But if you can hold out for a bit longer, please do. Be outspoken about this experience, (I know that is genuinely hard to do) try to tell people this. Post even more about it on different platforms, or if u can tell ur town about this, look for protests that you could go to, start petitions. You aren’t obligated to protest, but you deserve more, and people in power don’t listen unless there’s a lot of people saying the same thing.
I had a lot of my services in high school years ripped from my hands by the school. I wanted to die, like attempting and shit. I nearly didn’t graduate high school. Now I’m studying this with sociology among some other social sciences (quick side note: the state is paying for my college tuition through a program that gives tuition to those with low income and disabilities. I live in a very left leaning state. I think it’s a good example of the help out there in different states.) I’ve written papers on my experiences, and more people are listening. I’m looking into law as well. So if people don’t listen then they gotta pay up lol.
Sometimes people are literally just unaware of our experiences. I remember the first time I heard people had to pay for insulin, then hearing the price, I couldn’t even imagine it was that way. I learned this through a class presentation project from the sibling of a diabetic.
So if u can, live for us. We need more voices to be heard.
That’s ok if he want to vent! But the thing is he is saying all men and it’s a game they all play. It’s implying women always play games and dudes are always the victims. I get this is rooted in emotion, but it doesn’t justify generalizing women as evil like that even if it may be unintentional. Generalizing women as evil and all cheaters gives ground to incels groups. Incel groups have literally done terrorist attacks (I could list a few if u wanted but it was all over the news a few years back) and encourage each other to actively hurt women.
I also want to stress it’s ok to vent, but we don’t want to put down half the population in the process.
A healthier way of wording it would say it’s his experiences rather than saying it’s everyone.
If you don’t want to talk about this, don’t respond in the first place. I want to have conversations about this. Also I want to stress that what you see on popular media are popular women. Of course women use social media, but they don’t always post. You can’t assume we all trying to post and get this “affection”. Of course not all men are dating insta models, but those are the ones who are getting showered with this affection. Women who don’t fit the mold don’t get this attention you’re speaking of. Maybe in your head all women do get showered with attention but I’m assuming ur not a woman. I’m assuming ur not friends with a lot of women (this isn’t an insult). So you can’t speak for our experiences. I’m telling you how women experience the world from my perspective and you’re telling me you know more about it than me, a woman. Which would be fine if the topic wasn’t about women’s experiences.
Like an attorney can’t speak for the experiences of an engineer. Or a white man can’t say he knows how black men experience the world. It wouldn’t be reliable or true. We are all biologically very similar but society treats us all differently. I’m saying women don’t experience this the way ur saying it is.
Also the study you linked was about general usage of the internet and not the dating app study. If you have the dating app study I would like to see it.
In a way this is right, although in meme format a bit cringy. Women (although marginalized, I very much do recognize that) are at least able to express sadness and be heard by the general public. Boys are taught they can’t cry and called pussys for having human emotions. If you look at male suicide rates and violent crime rates they are clearly higher, this has often been explained by the narrative that men can’t be emotional. They have outbursts like that because theyre told they don’t need a safe emotional outlet. They’re embarrassed to get help and therapy because it doesn’t fit the male gender norms. Of course, this narrative is changing (which is good) and male privilege is still a very real thing (not good). We should normalize male emotions. Men, women, people in general are all emotional messes.
Totally agree. Therapy has changed me but I know I’m one of the lucky ones. This can’t go on forever, something’s gotta change.
Yes that gets popular in some circles, but the same goes for hating on women. Misandry is prevalent and not good, but so is misogyny.
We gotta stop looking at this like only one gender experiences hate. Feminism isn’t about putting women on a pedestal, it’s about equality. If we stop pointing figures and think wait why are dudes told they can’t cry? Why are women told to cover up? Why are women told they need to have kids or they aren’t fulfilling their purpose? Why are men’s worth often equated to income? Even on a micro scale we can question this stuff like why are people judging dudes for liking frappes? Why do women get called pick mes for liking black coffee? Gender roles plauge us all everywhere. We gotta recognize gender roles suck for both sides so we can talk about it and collectively not buy into this bull. Saying all men get treated like shit by women isn’t gonna help facilitate conversions and movements.
Nah man ur looking at social media. Really think about who is getting popular on social media, it’s not ur average woman. We don’t get “showered” with love from men, unless u mean cat calls in certain situations, but those suck. They feel and are very unsafe. Also ur examples were all things online.
But also think about the criteria for getting popular on social media or being an insta model. Or think about the standards of a pretty woman. You see what I mean?
Another thing is how general society brings boys and girls up. Look at some of my other comments for that. To sum up i said women are the pretty asset and men are supposed to be the tough unemotional ones, both of these are fuckig stupid. Like we all have emotions and ambitions but we’re taught those are gendered things.
Growing up I was taught I need to serve men. Not fun, I totally bought this until it damn near killed me (of course not all men are like that).
We can’t be generalizing ppl like this.
Also dating apps are used like hook up sites for many people. I would like to look at it though. I’m in the research field among some others. So if u don’t mind pull up that study, I’ve heard it but never looked at it.
Dude this comment is like half a year old??? Also I’m definitely over 18… kinda glad I am hearing ur comment…
Also Ive been working in the therapy field for a few years now. I see the consequences of people beating their kids. It’s not pretty. I can sit here and type out story after story about client after client, but there’s plenty stories already out there (also HIPPA…). If you actually did any research in this shit you’d reconsider.
Edit: Actually, I’ll redirect you. Look at the sub r/cptsd. That sub is the consequences of beating kids. The posts there are indescribably sad and heavy.
Kids In 2023 Starterpack
starterpacks