Some “empaths” who experienced “narc abuse” are the most unempathetic, mean, and vile people you can ever met.

Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

When did "narc" become short hand for narcissist? Back in my day, a narc was someone who ratted you or others out to save their own skin. Example, you buy drugs from someone, they get busted and identify you as the buyer to decrease the severity of their punishment.

To your opinion, anyone can be a jerk. Including empaths. All of these labels seem to confuse us and distract from the fact that we're all imperfect.

Most of the alleged “empaths”, themselves, display behaviors associated with covert narcissism.

I thought this was talking about ex drug abusers lol

Empathy is a thing, empaths are not. It's just a way to aggrandize sensitivity and victimhood imho.

I'm sick of people deciding on the basis of something on TikTok or an online quiz that people they don't like are narcissists. I was married for way too long to someone who was professionally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, and no, Emily, your boss isn't a narcissist just because she wouldn't let you bring your yappy dog to work. The hell of living with a real narcissist is so much worse than they'll ever know.

Narcissists are notoriously hard to treat because they can't admit they have a problem; it HAS to be someone else's fault. I suspect some of the people complaining about narcissists are narcissists, themselves.

As for empaths, I hate that trend, too. Someone who decides they're an empath (Ugh! That term!) based on a 7-question online quiz probably isn't all that empathetic. I say this as someone who's empathetic to a fault. If the self-described "empaths" are so empathetic, how do they not recognize that all the eye-rolling means people aren't impressed?

Yes, a self-described "empath" have called me narcissist for just dismissing his ridiculous conspiracy theories, and sometimes even for having a different opinion.

I see complaining a lot about or fixating on narcissists as a huge red flag.

I always assume the person who calls themselves openly an empath within the first hour of meeting them the problem. I avoid them from then on.

Oftentimes these "empaths" just project thier emotions onto other people without realizing it.

A big factor of narcissism is trauma. Super empathetic people often lack self identity and boundaries, often because they were raised in a way where even as a baby they needed to predict the needs of their parents, rather than the other way around. These super empathetic people are at high risk for being taken advantage of, particularly by people with narcissistic traits. This often results in trauma, which forces the empathetic person to close themselves off and find their own center, since they realize that the mechanism of being super empathetic doesn’t serve as well when you’re an adult as it does as a baby/ child. Then this empathetic person often has years of catching up on developing their own identity and boundaries, as well as processing the trauma of abuse. It takes time for both things to regulate and for the person to have the capacity and ability to open themselves up to being empathetic again. Sometimes they never do and become narcissists themselves. It’s all a cycle. Not that’s that’s how every person with narcissistic traits is made. They often have their own cycle of dysfunction.

People think they understand what NPD is till they actually deal with abuse. Just cause someone doesn’t agree with you or doesn’t do what you want doesn’t mean they are narcissists. But dealing with a real Narcissistic abuser is something I wish on no one. They can be physically, mentally, financially, emotionally abusive all in one.

As someone who has dealt with and narrowly escaped this situation, I am NOT an “empath”. And I am fully responsible for how I treat others and how I manage a “triggering” situation. And I hope other people never have to suffer abuse from a real narcissist.

No one that calls themselves an Empath is one.

Nobody mentally stable unironically uses “empath” about themselves.

Empathy is not a trait like introverted or extroverted. Empathy is a set of choices limited partially by mental traits and health.

Plus anyone that was truly highly empathetic wouldn’t have an agenda or need to tell anyone.

It’s the equivalent of saying I’m good looking or I have integrity unprompted every time you meet someone 😂

If you are you don’t need to tell anyone they get it immediately

means those type of folks could be right at the precipice of the 'aha' moment when we realize we aren't the main character in life. resentment is a natural part of the learning process and the wise move past that stage.

I’ve observed that sometimes it comes from narcissists themselves. When people get tired of hearing them talk about themselves and attempt to set healthy boundaries, they’re labeled as a narcissist by the narcissist.

None of those buzzwords they use mean anything. Ignore people who use them, entirely.

Empaths don’t exist

If somebody accuses everyone else of being a narcissist maybe everyone else isn’t the problem.

When someone says “narc abuse”, I instantly have red flags go up.

“Narc abuse” isn’t real. It’s just abuse. Narcissists (people with NPD) don’t have unique abuse patterns. Abusers all follow the same patterns regardless of diagnosis. “Narc abuse” is a money grab by online coaches and arm chair psychologists use the terminology to label their abuse special and uniquely damaging. Someone who is constantly experiencing “narc abuse” is more likely to ACTUALLY meet the criteria for NPD because they’re already displaying that need for grandeur and high levels of “unique victimization”.

on a side note: NPD isn’t a death sentence. Therapy works, but you need a specialist.

Empaths don't exist. It's either hypervigilence or it's new age spirituality thing. Either way, they are tedious to deal with. They have little respect for other people's emotional boundaries, they project their feelings onto others and take everyone else's emotions and make it all about themselves only to them expect everyone else to comfort them. Between that and the constant need for validation that their empathy makes them more moral than everyone else and their tears when they are called out on any of their bullshit, empaths are exhausting to deal with.

When someone labels another person a narcissist, it becomes free reign to completely stop empathising with them. It allows you to treat everything they do as mean spirited. Absolves you of all responsibility for the way you treat them, because they are narcissists and their feeling don't mean anything.

I worked with kids, and there was one girl who had been addicted to meth at the age of 13, was a drug mule until 16 before going to rehab and crossing paths with me. She had major issues, and struggled with empathy etc. the principle decided she was a narcissist and instructed me to stop helping her out. I was disgusted, honestly.

This kid did definitely do some shitty things and take advantage sometimes, but I was like that as a troubled teen too. This fucked up business of declaring someone a narcissist and then not empathising with them to "protect yourself" is utterly contemptible.

Not to say there aren't narcissists out there. Just that it's a genuinely big deal to label someone as such. You gotta be careful

Is being an empath a thing? I don't think it's a thing because for most people, picking up on what other people are feeling, is just being mildly observant.

I've never known anyone who called themselves an empath who wasn't a little emotionally unstable, I'm fairly certain it's not a disability or otherwise a condition requiring special accommodation.

Most people who call themselves "empaths" mistake having very strong feelings about themselves with being compassionate. No, wanting to manipulate everyone in your life with fake kindness isn't being a people-pleaser, it is just straight up manipulation.

There's no such thing as an empath

100%

I don't even know what any of those words mean but whoever those people are sound like all around pieces of shit

My mother in law is a vile woman who treats everyone around her like garbage. It was normal to come home to see my wife in tears because of her. Her excuse when you call her out on it is "hurt people hurt people:. It's like WTF? That is the most bs excuse you can say.

personally my first thought whenever i see someone accuse anyone of being a narcisist i take it as a red flag

narcisists will commonly project their own tendencies onto others & attack them over problems they are actually causing - AKA "you spot it, you got it"

Those are what we call covert narcissist. Guilt trips and emotional blackmail are their weapons of choice. They are passive aggressive and use backhanded compliments to tear you down over a long period of time.

Oh, the infamous "everyone else is sooooo toxic but me" bunch...

‘I’m an empath’.

TRANSLATION: ‘I’m so narcissistic that I think most other people are less empathic than me.’

I find it alarming how practically everyone feels qualified to diagnose and label others with narcissism.

Actions are all that count anyways, not the labels one uses, or the words one says.

Omg this reminds me of my poor ex boyfriend who definitely had some anxiety attachment and bipolar tendencies. His ex had told him he was a narcissist and he would constantly ask me if he was or if his actions spoke to that. I had to explain to him that him caring about not being a narcissist so much is a sign he was not one. He was a normal maybe slightly clingy guy who was in the military for years. Poor guy needed therapy but instead he had a random girlfriend convince him something was wrong with him. People need to be careful before they throw around mental illness as a punishment for a fight.

I’ve been abused by narcotics officers. I’m not an empath though. Just someone with a criminal record.

Hurt people hurt people, but it’s no excuse.

I don't believe in empaths at all. I do believe in conventional psychology but empaths are a bunch of horse shit

My cousins an RA and one of her residents was “empath” and requested they changed rooms bc there roommate was having family trouble and trouble in school and it was too much for them

eats popcorn and shrugs

Yup. I had a friend like this. She abandoned me during the lowest point in my life and recently tried adding me on social again, touting herself as an "energy healer" and an "alignment coach." 🤮

I think classifying yourself as an empath instead of it being something people say about you is a pretty big hint

Honestly, at this point in my life, telling me you're an "empath" is just a red flag. Anyone says that shit to me, all I hear is "I love the smell of my own farts."

You're either capable of empathy or you're a sociopath. Those are the two settings on that. Telling me you're an empath is code for "I'm kind of a narcissist", not "I'm super in touch with other peoples' feelings."

Totally agree. People use the term "narcissist" way too freely, and label normal circumstances that the majority of people go through "trauma". I guess it's trendy to misuse mental illnesses that absolutely need more awareness, simultaneously diminishing the awareness around them.

“Empaths” are already full of themselves.

Most people don’t understand the severity necessary to actually be diagnosed with mental disorders.

I have no fucking idea what that blue ball emoji is supposed to signify.

Everyone I’ve ever met who has ranted or even spoken about someone treating them in a narcissistic way exudes the most utterly hypocritical attitude with the same obliviousness to their behavior. It’s a bit strange but don’t dare call them out, else they’ll say “no I’m not, I know a narcissist and I’m just (x,y,z)”

Calling yourself an "empath" is like calling yourself extremely humble or modest. It doesn't work if you brag about it.

This is what I think of when people self describe as empaths https://ifunny.co/picture/how-those-little-boys-on-xbox-parties-always-know-what-91lK0bIp8

They’re also ableist

Empaths arent even real. Idk why people call themselves that stupid shit. 😂 Seems pretty narcissistic to me.

Well for starters, "empath" isn't a thing so those people are already walking red flags. To me it feels like self-aggrandizing.

What does that emoji mean?

I have no idea what any of this means

Some become emotional blackmailers 

Sounds like my mother

Related: people who call themselves a "people person" are often terrible at relating to people but just attribute the failures to the other person not being a people person.

“Empath” doesn’t mean anything. It’s a bullshit term normal people use to make themselves sound more interesting

I’ve never met a person who referred to themselves as an “empath” that wasn’t an absolute narcissist. Though that goes for most forms of boastful identity.

Completely true. The irony is entirely lost on them. Self-obsessed, perpetual "victims."

The other person is always the narcissist, always.

The "empath" label, imo is a super-harmful one. Once we super-humanize a basic human emotion, then it's pretty easy to dismiss. The fact that these people don't simply describe themselves as empathetic raises huge narcissist flags for me.

Agree plus unpopular so upvoted. I see too many people here who have been SA’d or R’d think it’s the worst thing that can ever happen in the world, that they totally dismiss and downplay the trauma of victims being falsely accused, which can also be the worst thing in the world for those who suffered from it. But because they’re a demographic that is unlikely to be falsely accused, they think it’s not important to acknowledge their suffering and they don’t have to be empathetic towards them.

I’m a supporter of both sides, and I’ll be empathetic towards both sides, but they’ll attack me saying I’m unempathetic because they think if I support victims of false accusation, I can’t support SA or R victims. Excuse me… no they’re the one who’s unempathetic!

Anyone who describes themselves as an “empath” - red flag.

I generally avoid people that self-describe as "empaths". If it comes up in conversation naturally, that's one thing. If they like to go out of their way to tell people how empathetic they are, that's a huge crimson red flag.

No one who claims to be an “empath” is truly an overly empathetic person. Empathetic people don’t parade it around

This is not an unpopular opinion. There's so much hate and misinformation regarding the word empath. I get that it comes off hypocritical if someone says they are magic and special if they're actually sociopaths claiming to be empaths.

But there is a biologic explanation to said ability.

There's 3 kinda of empathic abilities. Affective, Cognitive and Compassionate empathy.
98% of people in this world has 2/3 of these abilities. An empath (2% of the world population) has 3/3. That's the difference.

If you compare someone with autism to someone without, the person with autism only have 1 type of empathy, that's why they struggle with certain social codes. If you compare a normal person to an empath, the normal person can't reach as much info about people's emotions as empaths do, especially not the subconscious ones.

People who has seen me in action says I'm an empath, it's not my own descriptive. I rarely mention it unless in these discussions or if someone notice my ability. My partner loves to mock me for it so he calls me "you witch!" when I read him in ways he think I can't. As younger, I did a couple readings for strangers to see how bullet proof it was. I doubted my abilities a lot at first. But my readings were all 10/10 and people who hated empaths before and claimed it's all hypocrisy got to reconsider.

I will always remember the one man who absolutely hated my reading. He got so mad at me that he called me liar etc. A year later he contacted me again: "Hey, it's me, I'm sorry I blocked you I was not prepared for, that. You saw through me, in a way no one have ever been able to, I don't know how? We don't know eachother? It scared the hell out of me. Get out of my head! I thought. But you told me things I know no one else ever would. It was painful. I hated you for it. But you were completely right. About every single thing. Once I embraced the truth, I could finally change my life for the better, and that would never have happened if you hadn't told me what you did. So I am thankful. Keep doing what you do, I never believed in such whimsical nonsense but you have made me question my own beliefs after this. Sincerely M

I was happy to see that he turned his life around. We all deserve a happy life. That made my day and I will always treasure his message. Since I exist and I know I'm not bullshitting around, I know I'm not alone. I know there are others too. I've met them and heard of them.

So when I see someone say they're an empath. I notice quite fast if it's someone just claiming it to manipulate , or if it's genuinely an empath.

I know a lady in my village who's a known empath too, she walks up to you and just tells you what she sees and it's always spooky accurate! I haven't met her myself but someone I know has. If I met her I would be so psyched! My mother also called an empath when my big sister was lost. Mom never believed in such things but she was desperate for help and someone said they knew a woman who can read people. My mom was suprised how she could describe explicit details where my sister were and how far from home it was. After that my mom believed that some people can read others.

I later heard that the woman had to switch number and go off radar cause everyone called her and it was exhausting. Now she only helps her family and friends and that's usually how it goes. I remember the few readings I did, it was so extremely exhausting. If you think somebody's drama is draining it's nothing compared to readings for an empath. I almost felt sick afterwards. Like I was sucked in to the bodies and mind of others. And saw and felt everything so strong that it felt real.

It's not some hobby fun thing it's heavy shit. And most empaths just tries to live their lives and don't want to be the popular reader person because it is so excruciatingly draining. Sometimes I wish I could walk in to a strange crowd and feel nothing from anyone else.

Fascinating thought. So far all empaths I know are women. It makes me wonder if female hormones are involved in it or if I just need to meet an empath man.

If you read this far, I appreciate it. Please don't assume all empaths are liars. We didn't choose this and we just try to cope.

Almost everyone I’ve met personally or seen on social media that describes themselves as being an “empath” is either toxic or full-on abusive. I dated one. She proceeded to manipulate me, isolate me, tried to get me to quit my job, and then she hit me.

I have no idea why people who describe themselves as “empaths” tend to be like this.

Covert narcissists are the most annoying people ever. I’d bitch slap that fool and drop kick them out of my life

There is no such thing as "Bad person disorder," LOL. Not to mention these people constantly use their own trauma as excuses but fail to mention that NPD/being a "narc" is typically caused by being abused/trauma??

I believe that this empath thing is a way for toxic people to make themselves sound better and hide their toxicity

Most people I have met who called themselves empaths were some of the least empathetic individuals I have ever met in my life.

The usage of the word narcissist is far too pedestrian these days that majority don’t even use NPD correctly.

There’s a level of selfishness to a lot of these so called “empaths” who feel a need to seperate themselves from the pack to let you know how much more deeply caring they are than others, and that tells me all I usually need to know about them!

They almost all have borderline personality disorder I would gamble

People who use terminology like that in real life to describe themselves are usually young teenagers or.. Not normal people. Which is why you have so many comments from angry teenagers in the comments telling you how empathetic they are.

Well, not all so-called empaths are actually empaths. I think the first warning sign is if someone is trying really hard to sell themselves as an empath. Usually they try to use this as showing themselves better than "other people."

Really empathetic people usually do not call themselves empathetic or advertise on their own behalf.

I’m pretty sure the entire population has narcissistic tendencies, at the very least, if we’re not all just full blown narcissists, especially when it comes to Americans. As an American myself, I think our culture breeds and rewards shitty behavior. I also think social media has stunted our emotional growth and made people addicted to the attention they get which is why so many people post absolutely ridiculous shit that should be private for attention with no regard on how it affects anyone else (family bloggers being the worst of them all). But, people just like to throw the term narcissist around because it gets people’s attention and everyone wants to claim they’re a victim of “narcissistic abuse” which is ironic because narcissists apparently love to play the victim lol

I automatically roll my eyes at anyone who calls themselves an 'empath'

Calling yourself an empath is a red flag ngl. It’s always the most unsympathetic, self centered pricks imaginable calling themselves that because they took a quiz on the internet 

people who are both kind and have real empathy don't tell other people that they have empathy. instead they put themselves in other people's shoes and realize that saying that adds nothing to the conversation

If you actually do have higher than average empathy/EQ, calling yourself an "empath" unironically seems like one of the last things you'd do. Seems like anyone who would call themselves a sheep out loud is a wolf feigning disguise.

All of these words you’re saying are gen z nonsense that hold no actual value in the real world

If you tell people you’re an empath, you’re probably not lmao. If you are, you just are. You don’t flaunt it, you just go about life and do your thing when people you care about need you

There're people who claim "narcissist abuse" as a trauma? That's a thing? Jesus. We ain't making it.

Or to put it another way seeing as you’re so fond of “excuses”.

Other peoples neurological disorders aren’t an excuse for you or others to witch hunt and antagonise them so you can play the ignorant victim.

Empaths = unaware borderlines who think they have some sort of magical power when they are just unable to handle their own emotions. (Having empathy =/= calling yourself "an empath")

"Narc abuse" doesnt mean shit and people using that expression have zero knowledge about personality disorders and especially NPD.

And I agree with you, the ones who claim to be in a relationship with "a narcissist" are usually the most selfish ones and sometimes the abusive ones. Lots of them even use "my narc" like they're talking about some pet or object. Honestly those people get the relationships they deserve.

Narcissism is a spectrum, we all are self centered, some more than others.

You can be an abusive asshole without the trendy words.