User deleted post
Man left work looking for a sex worker and found the woman was his wife
and getting caught in the rain?
If you’re not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like makin' love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape
I didn’t think about my lady
I know that sounds kinda mean
In a blue Ford Escape
Damn! I have a blue Ford Escape! Finally!! Sex!!!
Nah. You just get chundering drunk on a sickly-sweet cocktail.
With a dude in a cape
We can offer a rebate
And my axe!
Are you into that guy's dead wife?
*OUR dead wife
Are both your arms in a cast?
Here's your coconut!
It's a jolly rancher
I blast this song regularly as part of a cooking playlist and only realized this year that the song was about two bored, married people attempting to escape each other. When I tell people about it many also hadn't paid enough attention to notice either. It's just a fun song about pina coladas!
Could easily be worse. My dad was playing “Brown Sugar” on the radio outside and I said, that’s probably not a good song to play where neighbors can hear and he wouldn’t believe me that it was about the slave trade until I showed him the lyrics.
At least they changed it from the original name for that song... which had no euphemism.
The guy who wrote the pina colada song also wrote the song Timothy, which is about … eating Timothy (who’s totally, definitely a donkey and not a human man).
...how?
Most folks just sing along with the "If you like piña colada's? And gettin' caught in the rain" part then zone out until it comes back and they sing it again.
The amount of people who don't listen to the lyrics is crazy. I can't think of the song, but there is one at weddings that people shouldn't play, but they do.
I had an ex play a song and didn't know it was about having a guy over just to use him for his body. Which is funny. She was super religious.
The song "Lola" is about a young being away from his life just to end up in a bar and hooks up with a trans.
I remember the girls in my 6th or 7th grade class singing "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi" from Lady Marmalade at a talent show in front of parents. Literally no one at the time knew the translation.
Macarena used to be a big hit at weddings and I think that's about a girl who has a threesome with her boyfriend s friends. Granted that song is in a foreign language for most Americans
You’re probably thinking of ‘I Will Always Love You’ by Dolly Parton and covered by Whitney Houston. It’s a breakup song often played at weddings.
Jokers beat me to it!!
Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
lol same, came here just for this
I am so glad this was the top comment.
This is a little bit like the pina colada song but way more romantic.
Do you like penis coladas?
And being run on as a train?
And that cum is a health food
That sprays out like champagne
penis colossus
Penis colonics.
And we laughed for a moment...
top comment does not disappoint
I think you meant penis alada.
Sticking your cock in a drain?
damn you, I came here only to write that...
User deleted comment
17d
I knew as soon as I clicked this would be the top comment.
Did he have to pay?
Family discount surely
I hope so. Otherwise it would be a point of contention between them later.
You never paid for sex…not once!
More like a bone of contention……
I was going to ask the same thing… guess I’m not as uniquely funny as I thought.
We're all uniquely funny. I came here to make sure somebody asked if he had to pay!
Oh he pays
Yes, it was his wife’s twin sister.
"Sheila? What are you doing here?"
"Bob? Um, I'm not Sheila, I'm Shiela's twin sister, Marie!"
"Ah yes, and, uh, I'm Bob's twin brother, Brian!"
Depends if their wedding rings are off.
We all pay, the only question is what is used as currency.
She’s out here working hard in these streets for money and he’s over there spending it faster than she can make it
Hand over fist
Fisting cost extra
Mouth over fist only costs $20 more.
This guy knows the streets.
Actually it turns out he’s spending it EXACTLY as quickly as she can make it.
Presumably there's someone else taking a cut, so... no.
She works hard for the money.
So hard for it, honey
That's exactly what I thought too lol .
These hoes out here giving away kisses for free when they could be making some real fucking money.
Do you know what I am saying?
“Aww, it’s you.”
“It’s always been you.”
“You had me at ‘Wanna date?’”
Come with me and escape
After what happened, the man reacted with anger and began to physically and verbally attack the woman , since he never "imagined that his wife was involved in this type of activities,"
"we got hookers at the house" The hooker at the house:
It's one thing to repost the joke but another to live it
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/s/0jfau3vtX4
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.
They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”
It's... still not legal to fuck your wife outside.
That almost certainly depends on what country you're in.
Like, I'm sure there are caveats and local variance, but Google tells me that Germany allows public sex as long as you're covered by at least a towel
Damn!
Y’all are some freaks out in Germany!
Unionized prostitutes
I had no idea we could choose between ionized and unionized.
I was once going at it in my car with my girlfriend, it hadn’t gone that far and a cop shined a flashlight and knocked on my foggy windows. I said “can I help you officer?” He was bewildered and like “what are you up to” and I’m like “what does it look like?” And he’s like “oh no problem, I patrol around here because this is a bad area for drugs, carry on.” And dude walked away. This was in Canada btw lol
Another point in favor of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
User deleted comment
17d
Guy comes home and finds his wife performing oral on a stranger.
The stranger runs out and the guy asks what the hell is going on!
Wife points at $60.25 on the night stand and says, "I've been giving head for money, we have bills to pay"
Guy thinks for a minute and says "ok, but who the hell gave you a quarter?"
Wife says, "they all did!"
She is what we call a quarter pounder
They’re lovin’ it
Stop it
nah nah nah nah nahhh
Now what do you call her in france?
Le Royale Squeeze
A guy calls in to work. His boss answers and the guy asks his boss, "What's the difference between your daughter and today?"
The boss, confused, says, "I don't know, what?"
The guy answers, "I'm not coming in today."
Norm telling this joke is a classic.
I heard it from an old electrician in 94. But norm is master of dry ass jokes.
Her salivary glands stopped working?
Guy thinks for a minute and says “so that’s what it takes?”
(I am not nor have I ever been married or even in a committed long-term relationship)
So, did she run out and change $60 worth of quarters into a couple of bills during her lunch break?
Yeah, it makes more sense if he's told how much she made instead of "seeing" it.
Yup, very simple fix. Makes the joke 100% better.
So 241 bj’s? Is my math right?
What happens then
Go home pretend like nothing happened.
“Anything fun happen at work today?!”
I hate my job only got 20 min for lunch and couldn't finish other than that pretty ordinary .
The way reddit works is that these posts are actually links to articles. If you press on the picture you'll be taken to a new page where it tells you the story.
Ha, almost fell for that one.
How gullible does OP think we are??
He beat her up. What a piece of shit.
He got violent with her. He was angry that his wife would ever be there. Clearly he's a fantastic person
The article said the husband got mad because he could never imagine his wife was involved in such a thing. All the while being involved in such a thing.
Hypocrisy is rarely noticed in regard to oneself
She only became a hooker because he spent all their money on hookers. I have an idea for them
It would be pretty rude not to patronize your wife's business.
Family discount, duh
He attacked her, beating her to the point where the police were called.
So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady
And she said, "Oh, it's you"
He had a twin brother and his wife had a twin sister. They met in a strip club. Story ends!
The man then beats his wife because only he's allowed to cheat.
A discussion about income taxes and write offs for business expenses if filing jointly. I’m sure the first thing that came to mind was, is this really a transaction for services rendered or an on the job training expenditure of a family ran small business.
Upon listening to the woman, the subject realized that the voice of the person who had spoken was the same as that of his wife, so when he entered he found a heartbreaking scene, since the romantic couple was there. of the.
Huh?
Edit: how tf did they seriously decide to call it a heartbreaking scene? He was going to cheat on her only to find out she was earning money doing the same thing.
It's AI written.
Edit: my mistake, AI translated (might still be AI written but I won't be able to tell)
And probably AI fabricated BS...
Well that is what I was implying
“…his wife was at home waiting for him as was normal. usual.”
Ok, now pretend you’re my sister.
He thinks his paying another woman to fuck him is fine, but his wife being paid to fuck someone else is bad.
IF YOU LIKE PIÑA COLADAS
Beat me to it lmao
what is this pina coladas joke about? lol it's top comment and I don't get it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escape_(The_Piña_Colada_Song)
The song speaks, in three verses and three choruses, of a man who is bored with his current relationship because it has become routine and he desires some variety. One day, he reads the personal advertisements in the newspaper and spots an ad that catches his attention: a woman seeking a man who, among other little things, must like piña coladas (hence it being known as "the piña colada song"). Intrigued, he takes out an ad in reply and arranges to meet the woman "at a bar called O'Malley's", only to find upon the meeting that the woman is actually his current partner. The song ends on an upbeat note, showing the two lovers realized they have more in common than they had suspected and that they do not have to look any further than each other for what they seek in a relationship.
Thanks! I think I’ve learned and forgotten that song a few times.
So this is the back story to the song. I knew the song but only the chorus... somehow a wife in a brothel doesn't compare. lol I would never have made the connection.
Well if he'd stop spending all the money on prostitutes, she wouldn't have to hook for extra cash!
- Borat voice*. My wife!
My ex wife!
Fated. Even when seeking others, they are drawn together. Truest love. Meant for each other.
That is so romantic.
Wasn't there an Israeli businessman who booked an escort while on a business trip, only to have his daughter arrive at his hotel door?
Of course he was upset and attacked his wife for being the kind of woman he wanted.
Does she like piña coladas?
Yes, and getting caught in the rain, actually.
I don't get no respect. Yesterday I asked the cab driver, "Where can I get some action?" He took me to my house!
I called my girlfriend she said “come over there’s nobody home” I went to her house. There was nobody home!!!
With cigarettes, my wife and I, we made a deal. We only smoke after sex. I've got the same pack now since 1975. What bothers me is my wife. She's up to three packs a day!
Dude hires a prostitute, finds out the prostitute is his wife, and reacts with violence and anger.
What a fucking pussy. You were both caught with your fucking pants down and the first thing you decide to do is attack your wife.
Shit like this is why men are seen we viewing women like property. Like he wasn't about to do anything wrong.
🎶If you like pinacoladas! And getting caught in the rain!!🎶
a slightly darker version of the pina colada song
Mom: No we have sex work at home
did he get a family discount?
If you're good at something, never do it for free.
Did they like pina coladas?
So the husband starts to beat his wife, since he never could have imagined she was involved in that sort of activity.
... You mean, having sex at a brothel? The one you just went to, sir?
Maybe if he would stay at work she wouldn't have to be a sex worker. Dude needs to pull his weight.
She's not much into health food.
Sounds like Ray Bloody Purchase...
I haven't read this O. Henry story
You can tell absolutely no one clicked the article by the lack of complaining about the site or discussing the facts of the case…
Man cheats on wife for profit side piece, finds out wife is her own for profit side piece. Domestic violence ensues.
Moral of story: don't cheat on your SOs you fucking dumb shits. Or they might cheat too ... and make it a lot more profitable.
If you like Pina Clamidia......
So how much did she charge him?
I guess he found out why she was always too tired.
That is so freakin hot, im gonna try it with my wife tmrw. Thnx!
If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
If you like Pina Coladas. . .
If you like pina coladas,....
If you like penis coladas.
The modern day piña colada song
It's like the gift of the Madji
This was a family guy episode lol
Reads like the Spanish version of a Jimmy Buffett song.
“Well this is awkward”
He wrote a song about it.
That trope had been around for years and years. Heard in Basic Training about a Drill Sergeant (in the min 70s), and saw it in copies of jokes/pics that used to get handed atound in offices from the 20/30s when they were typed out (before there was internet or computers). Very old
This story has been around since at least 1979
Did the article end at the start? Got as far as "he attacked her" and the article ends. Lousy site. Also he's hypocritical as fuck if he's going to cheat on his wife with a hooker (how can you prove they are doing that of their own free will and not slaves or hostages?) and actually get mad when she's doing the same thing, especially because people tend to marry people who can understand each other/share some kind of lifestyle or worldview
They take role play to a new level
Fate
He beat her up. Hypocritical ahole
Aww true love
Did she still charge him ??
And...has no grounds to complain, because...
There's an episode of married with children like this where Peg is an erotic belly dancer
Fake news
Worst O'Henry story ever
Did he get a discount?
Is this just a story about money laundering?
From the article: „After what happened, the man reacted with anger and began to physically and verbally attack the woman , since he never "imagined that his wife was involved in this type of activities““
What an ass.
How I met your mother.
Thats a convenient way of finding out their sex life sux
Do you like pina coladas?